What's your best taxi driver stories?

Doom · 25-01-2014 12:34AM #1

A friend of mine got into to a cab one morning dying of a hangover, after a few minutes she said 'oih! you robbing bastard what's the story with 7.50 on the meter I'm only in the cab 10 mins?
He said 'that's the time love'......embarrassing

Karl Stein · 25-01-2014 12:35AM

You talking to me?

The Backwards Man · 25-01-2014 12:37AM

Got into a cab once and the driver asked me 'Are ya busy?'. Confused the bejaysus outa me.

Stavros Murphy · 25-01-2014 12:39AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Got into a cab once and the driver asked me 'Are ya busy?'. Confused the bejaysus outa me.

Where to?

corkgsxr · 25-01-2014 12:39AM

After a muslim taxi driver told my uncle that mustaches were unclean.

My uncle sed "ya know what I'd do if I was world leader?"

Muslim "what"

Uncle " id shoot god"

The lad went nuts and tryed to throw him out.

fathead82 · 25-01-2014 12:40AM

90% of the taxis iv been in,the driver moaned about something the whole journey.

bmwguy · 25-01-2014 12:40AM

A taxi driver of African origins once told me as we were passing the Guinness factory that Guinness was actually Nigerian not Irish. He did concede that there was an Irish connection that an Irish priest "discovered" Guinness while in Nigeria. It's not oil, it's not in the ground! Very insistent that he was right, as insistent as I was that he was wrong

The Backwards Man · 25-01-2014 12:41AM

Stavros Murphy wrote: »

Where to?

The airport, I think.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 25-01-2014 12:44AM

Here goes..

Coming home from a night out on the town. Nearly home, realised I had no money on me whatsoever (I was fairly beered up). Didn't feel like explaining, so I told the driver I thought I was gonna be sick, could he pull over. He did, so I jumped out and legged it over a wall.

So that was grand, about two months later I was on my way home from another night out, this time my gf was with me.
"I have you now" the taxi driver goes.

"What, mate?" Says I

"You were in my car last July, and you left without paying me"

"No, no, no you must have the wrong guy.."

"I do not. We're going to (name's my estate) aren't we.."

Ar this point I hadn't told him the estate, only the road.

"Actually, I live in (adjacent estate)"

"Don't bother lying to me sunshine, I used to be your ice-cream man"

:eek:

I paid double fare

ElleEm · 25-01-2014 12:45AM

I got into a cab a couple of years ago, and the taxi driver had a handmade sign saying something along the lines of "no talking about the recession" hanging beside his rearview mirror. I had barely told him where I was going when he proceeded to point to the sign and tell me how he had to put it there cos everyone who got into the cab moaned about the recession. Then he began to moan about the fuc*king recession for the whole journey.

Like hairdressers, I will only tip taxidrivers if they don't talk to me!

Contessa Raven · 25-01-2014 12:47AM

The night of my Christmas party last month, I was getting into a taxi to head home. As I was getting in a woman came up behind me and dragged me out of the car by the hair and jumped in.
The taxi driver told her to get out, she refused. "I'm not going anywhere." Taxi driver replied with "That's fine by me, I'm not finished until 7. We can sit here all night."
She eventually got out of the car at which point the taxi driver said to me "Now, young lady, in ye get and I'll get you home safe."

Legend.

spiritcrusher · 25-01-2014 12:49AM

Left a club in Galway early one night, around 1.15 or so. Went to Eyre Square to get a taxi back to a friend's house, thought it would be grand because there was a queue of about 30 of them waiting. Didn't have a whole lot of money so I thought I'd bargain with the taxi driver at the head of the queue to drop to the house, which is about a 2 minute drive, for a fiver. It's worked a few times before later at the night when it was quiet, thought it might work early too. Taxi guy rolled down his window, I bargained, he said hop in.
Sat in the car, said "So a fiver back to the house?"
.
Silence.
.
"Get the **** outta my cab muthafúcka!"

I swear it was like that taxi scene out of The Big Lebowski with the Eagles. Confused the hell out of me.
Turns out no one would bring me home cos they were all waiting for the clubs to end and a one person fare wasn't worth their while.

rwg · 25-01-2014 12:50AM

jjpep · 25-01-2014 12:50AM

Hopped into a taxi and after five minutes the driver started complaining about the blacks and foreigners coming over and working as taxi drivers. In a big thick cockney accent. He got thick with me when I pointed out the irony...

murphydublin · 25-01-2014 12:52AM

coming out of town after an early dinner we asked our taxi driver to stop at the off license so we could grab some wine, he starts ranting about how muslims dont carry alcohol in there cars and sped off when we jumped out at the shop ! Feckin disgraceful carry on !

bnt · 25-01-2014 12:53AM

July 2005, and I had just landed at Düsseldorf Airport, on my first-ever visit to Germany. I was staying in a suburb called Ratingen, about 5km away. So: out of the terminal, in to a taxi - a Mercedes E-Class. I got in the back seat and fastened my seatbelt. I suspect that that this action - the seatbelt - led the driver to the erroneous conclusion that I was some sort of nervous traveller.

On the short stretch of Autobahn involved, we very quickly exceeded 200km/h, never spending more than a couple of seconds in any one lane. The sharply-curved offramp was sign-posted 50 km/h, but we took it at about 120 km/h, tires squealing all the way. After hurtling round various corners, we screeched to a halt, at the hotel, and I ... paid the fare and got out, leaving a nice tip. He looked disappointed that I hadn't decorated the back of his seat with vomit, or something like that.

punisher5112 · 25-01-2014 01:02AM

Called a taxi to the house so wanted to head into the city, taxi comes we all bundle in he then drives down wrong roads and ends up doing a handbrake turn and road was wet so was an easy task even with 5 incl driver. We were a bit surprised and just pretendd it didn't happen as he was a bit strange and didn't speak at all.

Another was where the old guy driving kept pulling up beside cyclists screaming out either passenger or driver window to buy some fu**ing lights you reta**s and this went on for every 1 we met for 20 mins.

Another was driving a beat up civic and he woulod pull up to groups and edge them on for a fight. I really believe he was on something because he was really weird bad driver and looking for a fight(or have I just explained what they are all like:pac:) no we were actually a bit freaked out as we were wrecked after a long week and then a long night. He goes to one guy do ya want a matching one for the other eye as he must have already been in a fight as he was showing a black eye. It was a very weird trip home I must say.

sammyjo90 · 25-01-2014 01:03AM

My old housemate came home drunk one night and woke the house up getting in..she proceeds to tell us that she has brought a lad home but has changed her mind and doesnt want him to come in anymore and we are to leave him outside and he'l get the hint..
so after about five/mins someone is banging on the door,assuming its the guy who was brought there expecting something,we open the door to find the biggest angriest taxi driver wanting to be paid for bringing her home! Poor girl was so drunk she'd convinced herself she had pulled and he was driving her home!

Paco Rodriguez · 25-01-2014 01:05AM

Do I believe in aliens?

Temptamperu · 25-01-2014 01:08AM

I got lost in Navan and had to get a taxi home to tallaght which i was having a hard time till i met a nigerian lad who said he take me for 60 so of we went and he let me roll a joint and the two of us got high and had a laugh all the way home.

PizzamanIRL · 25-01-2014 01:09AM

Last year around Christmas time I was out at a work party. My house is only about a 7-8 minute walk away but it was freezing outside so there was no way I was going to walk home. I headed to the nearest Taxi office, right across from the pub we were drinking at. Convenient, I know. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got into a taxi and the driver brought me home.

castletownman · 25-01-2014 01:10AM

I got into a taxi once and the driver was harping on about the perks of the job. "Yeah", he goes, "the best part of the job is that I'm my own boss and no-one tells me what to do".

I go: "Left here like a good man"

punisher5112 · 25-01-2014 01:11AM

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Last year around Christmas time I was out at a work party. My house is only about a 7-8 minute walk away but it was freezing outside so there was no way I was going to walk home. I headed to the nearest Taxi office, right across from the pub we were drinking at. Convenient, I know. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got into a taxi and the driver brought me home.

Were you okay after that shocking incident.

There ar plenty of people to talk to who can help with your situation:D

PizzamanIRL · 25-01-2014 01:14AM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Were you okay after that shocking incident.

There ar plenty of people to talk to who can help with your situation:D

I was grand after I got a hot cup of tea when I got home, thanks.

Mr.Frame · 25-01-2014 01:14AM

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

Here goes..

Coming home from a night out on the town. Nearly home, realised I had no money on me whatsoever (I was fairly beered up). Didn't feel like explaining, so I told the driver I thought I was gonna be sick, could he pull over. He did, so I jumped out and legged it over a wall.

So that was grand, about two months later I was on my way home from another night out, this time my gf was with me.
"I have you now" the taxi driver goes.

"What, mate?" Says I

"You were in my car last July, and you left without paying me"

"No, no, no you must have the wrong guy.."

"I do not. We're going to (name's my estate) aren't we.."

Ar this point I hadn't told him the estate, only the road.

"Actually, I live in (adjacent estate)"

"Don't bother lying to me sunshine, I used to be your ice-cream man"

:eek:

I paid double fare

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

Karl Stein · 25-01-2014 01:15AM

In Paris with a friend at the Thierry Henry hand-the-ball cheat match and I insisted on getting an illegal taxi back to the hotel. The dopey ****er driving the car didn't even know how to get to the Eiffel Tower. At one point I thought we were being set up for an ambush. Got there after about an hour of me figuring it out.

25-01-2014 01:15AM

castletownman wrote: »

I got into a taxi once and the driver was harping on about the perks of the job. "Yeah", he goes, "the best part of the job is that I'm my own boss and no-one tells me what to do".

I go: "Left here like a good man"

He's right though, but, every one gets to tell him where to go!

Doom · 25-01-2014 01:15AM

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

I was grand after I got a hot cup of tea when I got home, thanks.

Is that you grandad? Ya animal

Mint Aero · 25-01-2014 01:16AM

Ran up a bill of 83stg last time I was in taxi

only paid 40 FTW

Doom · 25-01-2014 01:17AM

Mr.Frame wrote: »

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

Shuuuurp...Ned flanders

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 25-01-2014 01:18AM

Mr.Frame wrote: »

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

What, paid him all of what I owed?

What's your best taxi driver stories?

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