The Friend Zone

Its All Wright · 13-01-2014 04:51PM

Unforgettable _ Fire wrote: »

The friendzone is a load of bollocks. "Oh no, that girl won't sleep with me. What an evil bitch, putting me in the FRIENDZONE!!!" *dramatic music*

It was a concept dreamt up by morons who think they're entitled to sex because "they're a nice guy". You are *friends* with a girl. She didn't put you anywhere. She just didn't have the same level of interest.

Why do you assume its all about sleeping with each other & have endless hours of sex. Maybe he wants to have a meaningful relationship with her that doesnt just involve f*cking each others brains out.. That sounds like friends with benefits to me

FTA69 · 13-01-2014 04:53PM

Its All Wright wrote: »

In this situation my mate has not grabbed her & tried to shift her but he would have his arms around her, be cuddled up next to her or be all over her on the dancefloor but when things are going a bit too far she takes a step back

Well that's pretty clear cut then isn't it? He made a move, she knocked him back. That should be clear as day for him to move on and stop flogging a dead horse.

Potatoeman · 13-01-2014 05:07PM

Zubeneschamali wrote: »

Funnier, it's usually a rant about how they always end up in the friend zone, and all women are awful.

Everyone's out of step but me!

Always end up in the friendzone: unrealistic standards.

All men are bastards: bad taste in men.

Knex* · 13-01-2014 05:14PM

Its All Wright wrote: »

While i dont think hes said Im about you to her face, imo he has made his feelings clearly known in other ways and she is well aware of how he feels. If you seen then you would think there a couple, inseperable & constanly flirting. Another thing is during all of this, she has been with 2 other lads but she wouldnt tell him this, if they were best mates im sure she would share that with him. Id say she knows it would also crush him too

Sounds like you know the answer to this yourself.

You need to sit your friend down over a few cans and a bottle of Whiskey, tell him straight out that he needs to move past this girl, and drag his ass out on the pull.

More than likely because you've led the night with this scenario, he won't pull, but instead, he'll get fairly pissed and drunk text her, bringing it all out in the open.

This can only be a good thing.

If I'm wrong, and he doesn't text here, then even better! He's starting to cop on a bit and he's legitimately gone out on the pull.

I'm writing this from a college style perspective, which I think from your posts would be about right. Open to correction on that.

pickarooney · 13-01-2014 05:25PM

Wibbs wrote: »

I would. I even nicknamed it Bonkzone(tm)Wibbs

It's already called the Bone Zone, and that rhymes so keep your TM

Shrills · 13-01-2014 05:31PM

Unforgettable _ Fire wrote: »

The friendzone is a load of bollocks. "Oh no, that girl won't sleep with me. What an evil bitch, putting me in the FRIENDZONE!!!" *dramatic music*

It was a concept dreamt up by morons who think they're entitled to sex because "they're a nice guy". You are *friends* with a girl. She didn't put you anywhere. She just didn't have the same level of interest.

A friend zone does exist, you meet a girl, you miss the early windows of opportunity to move things forward sexually, then she gets turned off as it's whimpish behavour. From there on in the thought of you in a sexual manner gets an "ewww" response. You are in the friendzone, and deservedly so for lacking balls and generally being a little bitch.

Shrills · 13-01-2014 05:35PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

Always end up in the friendzone: unrealistic standards.

All men are bastards: bad taste in men.

So I take it that you think some men are incapable of attracing hot women, so your advice would be to settle for a woman who isn't that attractive?

Doctor Strange · 13-01-2014 05:47PM

Shrills wrote: »

A friend zone does exist, you meet a girl, you miss the early windows of opportunity to move things forward sexually, then she gets turned off as it's whimpish behavour. From there on in the thought of you in a sexual manner gets an "ewww" response. You are in the friendzone, and deservedly so for lacking balls and generally being a little bitch.

Tell me, do you frequent The Red Pill on reddit? Cause you're sounding like one of them now.

Its All Wright · 13-01-2014 05:55PM

The bone/bonk sounds interesting..sounds like a more filthy version of friends with benefits

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 06:15PM

It’s not totally the girl’s fault as the other party shoulders the blame for being used but the friendzone definitely exists. I’m sure some are oblivious to what they’re doing but I’ve seen many occasions where a guy is treated as a proxy boyfriend with none of the benefits, buying them all their drinks (unreciprocated), expected to mind their bag, getting taxis home early with them if they want to leave and constantly offering/being expected to offer to do things above and beyond what a normal friend would. I don’t know how someone could not question such a one sided friendship even if overtures weren’t made (though in most cases I believe they would be).
I’ve seen two guys who were deep in the friendzone (in both cases they’d scored the girl at least one point during their ‘friendship’ but when asked at the time she didn’t want to go out with them at that moment) and though I was very happy for them it gives guys like the OP’s friend hope that they’re going to be that guy that ends up with the girl.

kylith · 13-01-2014 06:20PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

It’s not totally the girl’s fault as the other party shoulders the blame for being used but the friendzone definitely exists. I’m sure some are oblivious to what they’re doing but I’ve seen many occasions where a guy is treated as a proxy boyfriend with none of the benefits, buying them all their drinks (unreciprocated), expected to mind their bag, getting taxis home early with them if they want to leave and constantly offering/being expected to offer to do things above and beyond what a normal friend would. I don’t know how someone could not question such a one sided friendship even if overtures weren’t made (though in most cases I believe they would be).

That's guys letting themselves get used. If anyone, male or female, treats you like that and you don't walk away you have no self respect. And it's not just girls who do it, there are plenty of examples in the Stingey thread of guys dictating nights out and ducking out of rounds.

Wibbs · 13-01-2014 06:38PM

Unforgettable _ Fire wrote: »

Tell me, do you frequent The Red Pill on reddit? Cause you're sounding like one of them now.

I'm not on reddit(dunno how to read it TBH. It confuses me *Old*), but he has something of a point in some situations. I've certainly known men who have missed out on potential girlfriends/bit of horizontal tango because they held back and the woman was clearly interested in them. Because of the guys reticence, lack of social spine, the woman went off them in a sexual way and switched them from the "oh I so would" pile to the "Nice guy but not my type" pile.

Its All Wright wrote: »

The bone/bonk sounds interesting..sounds like a more filthy version of friends with benefits

Not for the woman. It's kinda the mirror image of the classic perception of the Friendzone. In the latter the guy tries to connect emotionally and with support hoping for romance(sex). In the Bonkzone, the woman tries to connect sexually with the guy hoping for the emotional and support part of a relationship. Both will tend to be disappointed in the long run. Why? Because neither have any real say in the relationship. It's unbalanced and in favour of the object of their attentions. The object of their intentions gets what they want without the hassle of something more equal and will often try to string the zoner along. It generally falls along gender lines, but I've certainly known of friendzoned women and bonkzoned men.

If you want a romantic relationship with all that entails then accept no substitutes.

Lou.m · 13-01-2014 07:10PM

Its All Wright wrote: »

I know a girl, shes a fairly good looking & gets a lot of attention from the lads. She is single but would have no problems getting a boyfriend & i know she has had numerous offers or advances recently. Anyway long story short one of my mates is really interested in her and in fairness they get on great, i think they would make a great couple cause they share a lot of similar interests & have a great laugh together. She get quite flirty with him, ive heard her say to him stuff like "you would make a great boyfriend" & "why cant all lads be as nice as you". He would literally do anything for her & he does..he goes the bar for her on nights out, holds her jacket or even walks her home but nothing ever happens!

Hes a cool lad, such a gent but hes too blind to see whats going on. Ive tried to suggest to him that hes in the friend zone & nothing will ever happen, he plays it down but hes like a dog chasing a bone. Shes tried these things with me when i first met her & i knew what she was trying to do so i didnt fall into it, im mates with her but i dont give her any attention, i think that bothers her a bit cause shes used to every lad falling over her. I do think shes gorgeous but i pretend i have no interest & she probably respects that more than lads falling over her.

Anyway..have you ever been a victim of the friend zone & girls why do you torture lads with this?? Fair enough be good mates with a lad but dont pretend you like him & give him hope!

If you do 'friend things' with a girl it creates a 'friend feeling'.

Set the scene set the tone. You need to create an atmosphere of greater intimacy or romance.

Doing friend things and having a laugh creates a friendship. Candlelight, music and warm blankets create something else.

Not giving someone attention is going nowhere. You need to give it the RIGHT sort of attention. Be like the Italians and French create atmosphere.

Bonkzone /friendzone whatever ....you set the scene for what you want.

I am female and I have NEVER allowed even a boyfriend to buy the stuff all the time.

Infact if you are even thinking about that as an issue you have it all wrong. Let yourself go forget about roles and **** there is no perfect love except the perfect love between you and yours. You define your relationship and everyone is unique to the two individuals in it.

Love conquers reddit and feminazis it rapes those bitches with it's lovesomeness. I love when love does it's stuff in a cynics face :P

Suck loves balls nonbelievers!

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 07:30PM

kylith wrote: »

That's guys letting themselves get used. If anyone, male or female, treats you like that and you don't walk away you have no self respect. And it's not just girls who do it, there are plenty of examples in the Stingey thread of guys dictating nights out and ducking out of rounds.

The friendzone to me is 100% allowing/offering themselves to be used and it’s why I find it so hard to believe the claims that those doing the ‘using’ don’t realise it’s happening. Just like those examples you gave, I don’t know how far up themselves someone needs to be to not realise they’re doing this on a consistent basis.

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 07:36PM

FunLover18 · 13-01-2014 07:46PM

Next time you're out with the two of them make a really awkward joke about the friend-zoning, someone needs to break the tension the they're not going to do it.

entropi · 13-01-2014 08:29PM

Unforgettable _ Fire wrote: »

The friendzone is a load of bollocks. "Oh no, that girl won't sleep with me. What an evil bitch, putting me in the FRIENDZONE!!!" *dramatic music*

It was a concept dreamt up by morons who think they're entitled to sex because "they're a nice guy". You are *friends* with a girl. She didn't put you anywhere. She just didn't have the same level of interest.

I would thank this twice if possible. This "friend zone" bollocks is just that, bollocks. Too many American TV shows and films influencing the sheep masses.

In relation to the OP and their mate: she's playing him for attention, he's too dumb or ignorant to realise it and should just ask her out, or forget about her. Either one will give a final answer and he can actually get on with his life.

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 08:32PM

Unforgettable _ Fire wrote: »

The friendzone is a load of bollocks. "Oh no, that girl won't sleep with me. What an evil bitch, putting me in the FRIENDZONE!!!" *dramatic music*

It was a concept dreamt up by morons who think they're entitled to sex because "they're a nice guy". You are *friends* with a girl. She didn't put you anywhere. She just didn't have the same level of interest.

Yes. I hate that, sorry I'm blocking your access to my pants by taking you at face value and treating you as a friend like. If you're being a "Nice Guy" on the expectation of sex, you're not a friend, it isn't the friendzone.

And on the other hand, if she is really just leading him on and using him, she's not his friend so it can't be the friendzone.

Its All Wright · 13-01-2014 08:54PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

Yes. I hate that, sorry I'm blocking your access to my pants by taking you at face value and treating you as a friend like. If you're being a "Nice Guy" on the expectation of sex, you're not a friend, it isn't the friendzone.

And on the other hand, if she is really just leading him on and using him, she's not his friend so it can't be the friendzone.

I really dont think its all about sex for him, im sure he could get the ride elsewhere. From what i see he doesnt want to just dip the wick in this chick. Why do girls always assume thats all lads are after. Thats all fine & well with a girl you meet on a Saturday night & you know its nothing more but when you really like a girl, it becomes a little more than than dunken the doughnut.

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 08:58PM

Its All Wright wrote: »

I really dont think its all about sex for him, im sure he could get the ride elsewhere. From what i see he doesnt want to just dip the wick in this chick. Why do girls always assume thats all lads are after. Thats all fine & well with a girl you meet on a Saturday night & you know its nothing more but when you really like a girl, it becomes a little more than than dunken the doughnut.

Na from what I've read there it does look he's just being led on, I was talking about the friendzone in a more general way, and when you see comments like "she won't sleep with me/be my girlfriend even though I'm such a nice guy, the bitch". Still and all he can't be in the friendzone if she's just leading him on and using him, because that's not what friends do. She's in the bitch zone and he's in the sap zone.

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 09:10PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

Yes. I hate that, sorry I'm blocking your access to my pants by taking you at face value and treating you as a friend like. If you're being a "Nice Guy" on the expectation of sex, you're not a friend, it isn't the friendzone.

And on the other hand, if she is really just leading him on and using him, she's not his friend so it can't be the friendzone.

Would you be as frank about a guy who repeatedly has sex with a girl, that she shouldn’t have any expectations of relationship? Would you paint her as being the ‘bad guy’ for having ulterior motives in what she’s doing? (This goes both ways, I know girls who use guys for sex and guys who friendzone girls but generally it goes the other way).

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 09:13PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

Would you be as frank about a guy who repeatedly has sex with a girl, that she shouldn’t have any expectations of relationship? Would you paint her as being the ‘bad guy’ for having ulterior motives in what she’s doing? (This goes both ways, I know girls who use guys for sex and guys who friendzone girls but generally it goes the other way).

I'd say she should open her eyes and realise she's not going to get what she wants. And if she's saying to him "here's some casual sex" and then turning around and saying "all that bastard wants from me is casual sex, the bastard" then that would be out of line, yes.

I only paint the "friendzoned" guys as the "bad guys" if they're giving out about the girl for not seeing them romantically when they've presented themselves as her friend.

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 09:15PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

Na from what I've read there it does look he's just being led on, I was talking about the friendzone in a more general way, and when you see comments like "she won't sleep with me/be my girlfriend even though I'm such a nice guy, the bitch". Still and all he can't be in the friendzone if she's just leading him on and using him, because that's not what friends do. She's in the bitch zone and he's in the sap zone.

Friendzone is just the general term used for the situation; I wouldn’t get too hung up on it. It’s like most of the made up buzz words, it’s catchy but the words contained in it have very little relationship to what they’re describing.

Shrills · 13-01-2014 09:19PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

Yes. I hate that, sorry I'm blocking your access to my pants by taking you at face value and treating you as a friend like. If you're being a "Nice Guy" on the expectation of sex, you're not a friend, it isn't the friendzone.

And on the other hand, if she is really just leading him on and using him, she's not his friend so it can't be the friendzone.

Semantics :rolleyes:

The general jist of the friend zone is you aren't getting sex and you missed the window of opportunity by being cowardly.

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 09:23PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

Friendzone is just the general term used for the situation; I wouldn’t get too hung up on it. It’s like most of the made up buzz words, it’s catchy but the words contained in it have very little relationship to what they’re describing.

Shrills wrote: »

Semantics :rolleyes:

The general jist of the friend zone is you aren't getting sex and you missed the window of opportunity by being cowardly.

Jesus christ. It's a silly term, but I don't really care about it. If you look at my first post, I said what I dislike is the attitude SOME men have of feeling like behaving like a nice guy entitles them to a sexual or romantic with a girl, and that she is a bitch for treating them like a friend. That attitude is usually expressed with the words "The Friend Zone", if it was expressed with the words "flippity floppity floop" I'd still dislike it.

And I'm not accusing the OP's friend of that attitude, I think that girl is probably being a bitch.

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 09:33PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

I'd say she should open her eyes and realise she's not going to get what she wants. And if she's saying to him "here's some casual sex" and then turning around and saying "all that bastard wants from me is casual sex, the bastard" then that would be out of line, yes.

I only paint the "friendzoned" guys as the "bad guys" if they're giving out about the girl for not seeing them romantically when they've presented themselves as her friend.

What if he’s leading her on, saying ‘I wish I could find a girlfriend like you’ or if she says that she wants a relationship he says ‘not right now’ rather than ‘it’s not going to happen’?

If it was solely down to the guy trying to be friends to end up in a relationship there’d be no blame on the girl but I just think the ‘taking them at face value’ excuse is a total cop out when it would take someone extremely self-absorbed to not realise what they were doing, especially the girls who totally take advantage of the situation.

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 09:40PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

What if he’s leading her on, saying ‘I wish I could find a girlfriend like you’ or if she says that she wants a relationship he says ‘not right now’ rather than ‘it’s not going to happen’?

If it was solely down to the guy trying to be friends to end up in a relationship there’d be no blame on the girl but I just think the ‘taking them at face value’ excuse is a total cop out when it would take someone extremely self-absorbed to not realise what they were doing, especially the girls who totally take advantage of the situation.

Oh some girls definitely take advantage, and that leading poor guys on thing is downright cruel.

But if they're not behaving like that and just enjoying the guy's company, and if he's not actually giving any indication that he's interested, you still will get the "but I'm such a nice guy why won't she be my girlfriend" line. Not all the time, not most of the time, but often enough.

The other thing is, and it's happened to me in the past a couple of times, that you might suspect that a male friend thinks of you romantically, but you start over thinking the situation. You think maybe you're being a big-headed bitch, and you don't want to ruin a friendship by saying explicitly "By the way, I'm not interested in you" if it's for no reason.

A lot of it stems from the social expectation that it should be the guy to make the move, which is a stupid thing and very unfair on guys. But in situations like I described above, you think "well if he liked me he'd do/say something, so I'll wait til the situation comes up in case I'm wrong"

Foxtrol · 13-01-2014 10:09PM

poundapunnet wrote: »

Oh some girls definitely take advantage, and that leading poor guys on thing is downright cruel.

But if they're not behaving like that and just enjoying the guy's company, and if he's not actually giving any indication that he's interested, you still will get the "but I'm such a nice guy why won't she be my girlfriend" line. Not all the time, not most of the time, but often enough.

The other thing is, and it's happened to me in the past a couple of times, that you might suspect that a male friend thinks of you romantically, but you start over thinking the situation. You think maybe you're being a big-headed bitch, and you don't want to ruin a friendship by saying explicitly "By the way, I'm not interested in you" if it's for no reason.

A lot of it stems from the social expectation that it should be the guy to make the move, which is a stupid thing and very unfair on guys. But in situations like I described above, you think "well if he liked me he'd do/say something, so I'll wait til the situation comes up in case I'm wrong"

In the situation were a guy is just being nice and a normal friend to a girl and it doesn’t turn into a relationship I’ve never heard a guy be angry about it though, it’s usually one where it’s blatantly obvious to everyone around them that a guy is interested and he’ll offer to do things far beyond what their regular friends would do and she’s more than happy to accept without a care that she doesn’t like him in that way. The term friendzone may be bandied about but that’s just in a ‘she doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend’, not in a way that has negative connotations.

I don’t think you have to go out and say ‘I’m not interested’ but at the same time if someone is going well beyond what you’d expect from a friend and is moving into boyfriend/girlfriend areas it would be time to turn down the free drinks, drunken lifts home etc so you don’t get to the stage where you’re taking advantage and the guy.

poundapunnet · 13-01-2014 10:12PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

In the situation were a guy is just being nice and a normal friend to a girl and it doesn’t turn into a relationship I’ve never heard a guy be angry about it though, it’s usually one where it’s blatantly obvious to everyone around them that a guy is interested and he’ll offer to do things far beyond what their regular friends would do and she’s more than happy to accept without a care that she doesn’t like him in that way. The term friendzone may be bandied about but that’s just in a ‘she doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend’, not in a way that has negative connotations.

Don't agree with this based on my experience.

if someone is going well beyond what you’d expect from a friend and is moving into boyfriend/girlfriend areas it would be time to turn down the free drinks, drunken lifts home etc so you don’t get to the stage where you’re taking advantage and the guy.

Totally agree with you there.

Lou.m · 13-01-2014 10:37PM

To be honest I also think that a lot of this is in a guy's head.

Guy's buy each other drinks offer emotional support etc. I am a girl I have often bought my girlfriends drinks , cleaned their houses and paid their taxis etc. It is stuff friends do. I am their shoulder to cry on their confident. I send them little cute emails etc. Girls do this for other girls who are friends. Infact I would do waaaay more stuff for them than guys who 'think' they are in the friendzone. I say think because well friends do a lot for each other certainly women do. I don't know what guys do for each other but well I have even paid for a friend to come on holiday with me because she could not afford to go.

I never expect anything for any of this and my friends do a lot for me too. That is what friendship is.

Girls do not take advantage it is just that maybe what guys see as friendship and girls do is not the same thing. My girl friends give me lifts everywhere .... we have huge fights about me giving money for petrol...as in I want to and they don't ..they usually find Euro notes flung in the back of the car :-P

I have also had guy friends whom I have felt take advantage. It is not so much that i mind them accepting drinks all the time it is that they do not offer to reciprocate ( I would say no but the offer is important).

The truth is whenever someone male or female has feelings for someone that are unrequited that situation will NEVER seem fair to the person who is emotionally involved.

You always have to be careful with peoples feelings but to be honest that can make you seem distant and guarded as a girl.

The Friend Zone

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