The Friend Zone

Its All Wright

I know a girl, shes a fairly good looking & gets a lot of attention from the lads. She is single but would have no problems getting a boyfriend & i know she has had numerous offers or advances recently. Anyway long story short one of my mates is really interested in her and in fairness they get on great, i think they would make a great couple cause they share a lot of similar interests & have a great laugh together. She get quite flirty with him, ive heard her say to him stuff like "you would make a great boyfriend" & "why cant all lads be as nice as you". He would literally do anything for her & he does..he goes the bar for her on nights out, holds her jacket or even walks her home but nothing ever happens!

Hes a cool lad, such a gent but hes too blind to see whats going on. Ive tried to suggest to him that hes in the friend zone & nothing will ever happen, he plays it down but hes like a dog chasing a bone. Shes tried these things with me when i first met her & i knew what she was trying to do so i didnt fall into it, im mates with her but i dont give her any attention, i think that bothers her a bit cause shes used to every lad falling over her. I do think shes gorgeous but i pretend i have no interest & she probably respects that more than lads falling over her.

Anyway..have you ever been a victim of the friend zone & girls why do you torture lads with this?? Fair enough be good mates with a lad but dont pretend you like him & give him hope!

stefan idiot jones

I am so glad I'm forty two.

sadie06

So, your friend hasn't made a move on her, or asked her out, but it's all her fault?

anncoates

Its All Wright wrote: »

Anyway long story short one of my mates is really interested in her a!

Mo way?

Zubeneschamali

Its All Wright wrote: »

Fair enough be good mates with a lad but dont pretend you like him & give him hope!

How can you be good mates with someone if you don't like them?

biko

I've been friendzoned a few times but also friendzoned girls.

The Backwards Man

Is this a sexist thread? I'm dosed with the cold and my spidey senses are on the blink.

Potatoeman

Its All Wright wrote: »

I know a girl, shes a fairly good looking & gets a lot of attention from the lads. She is single but would have no problems getting a boyfriend & i know she has had numerous offers or advances recently. Anyway long story short one of my mates is really interested in her and in fairness they get on great, i think they would make a great couple cause they share a lot of similar interests & have a great laugh together. She get quite flirty with him, ive heard her say to him stuff like "you would make a great boyfriend" & "why cant all lads be as nice as you". He would literally do anything for her & he does..he goes the bar for her on nights out, holds her jacket or even walks her home but nothing ever happens!

Hes a cool lad, such a gent but hes too blind to see whats going on. Ive tried to suggest to him that hes in the friend zone & nothing will ever happen, he plays it down but hes like a dog chasing a bone. Shes tried these things with me when i first met her & i knew what she was trying to do so i didnt fall into it, im mates with her but i dont give her any attention, i think that bothers her a bit cause shes used to every lad falling over her. I do think shes gorgeous but i pretend i have no interest & she probably respects that more than lads falling over her.

Anyway..have you ever been a victim of the friend zone & girls why do you torture lads with this?? Fair enough be good mates with a lad but dont pretend you like him & give him hope!

If shes not attracted to him he should move on. She may be using him as a saftey guy. Stringing him along while looking for better offers.
I dont think its healthy being friends with someone you fancy if they are not into you.

Zubeneschamali

Potatoeman wrote: »

She may be using him as a saftey guy. Stringing him along while looking for better offers.

Or maybe she thinks they really are good mates, and that he's not just pretending so he can get his hole.

anncoates

Its All Wright wrote: »

but i pretend i have no interest & she probably respects that more than lads falling over her!

Maybe there are some people that respond to indifference - or they respond positively because they see a opportunity for friendship with no complications - but I think the whole player/bastard/indifference area is vastly exaggerated.

Most of the the time, people just fancy who they fancy and sometimes the person is a cunt and they just like them despite that (and hope they'll change) rather than because they are.

jimgoose

He needs to quit with this "being nice" shyte and start drinking 27 vodka-and-Red-bulls with no trousers on and then shoving an entire beer stein into his mouth while being cheered on by the lads singing "God Save Ireland". She'll be singing Avé Maria with her ladyparts in no time.

Its All Wright

To confirm, he has told me he liked her & i would be fairly positive that he has asked her out but hes never told me that he has. I personally do like this girl & she is really good looking..but i wouldnt go out with her cause we wouldnt last a month..not my type at alll

To balance things.. Lads why do you put yourself through this? Im not blaming this all on woman, a lad caught up in this could easily end it by walking away from the situation or changing there ways

glass_onion

Your friend is either very shy.or just an friend.or an idiot waiting and hoping for something to happen.I bet she's the sort that puts pics on fb with the tags like "oh i don't look great" followed by a million plus complimentary compliments.

Muise...

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Is this a sexist thread? I'm dosed with the cold and my spidey senses are on the blink.

it's a sticky web of misunderstanding and whinge that will catch lots of blue-arsed PUA-flies by teatime.

Its All Wright

glass_onion wrote: »

Your friend is either very shy.or just an friend.or an idiot waiting and hoping for something to happen.I bet she's the sort that puts pics on fb with the tags like "oh i don't look great" followed by a million plus complimentary compliments.

This! She does exactly this except when people comment & tell her she looks "fab" or "amazing" she replies with stuff like "would you stop, you look amazing hun" etc

My mate has passed up good opportunities with woman on nights out incase it ruins his chances with her, before he met her he wouldnt have taught twice about. I can tell its eating away at him

Legs.Eleven

My mate has passed up good opportunities with woman on nights out incase it ruins his chances with her, before he met her he wouldnt have taught twice about. I can tell its eating away at him

Your friend is a walkover. I have no sympathy for him.

Its All Wright

Muise... wrote: »

it's a sticky web of misunderstanding and whinge that will catch lots of blue-arsed PUA-flies by teatime.

How is it sexist? im aware it can work both ways. I should have stated that maybe in the original post but this story refers to a girl playing a lad for a fool. If woman have similar stories where they were friend zoned, please feel free to share

Banjo String

mickydoomsux

Its All Wright wrote: »

To balance things.. Lads why do you put yourself through this? Im not blaming this all on woman, a lad caught up in this could easily end it by walking away from the situation or changing there ways

Because the vast majority of men are never satisfied with what they can have so they chase things they can't have.

Muise...

Its All Wright wrote: »

How is it sexist? im aware it can work both ways. I should have stated that maybe in the original post but this story refers to a girl playing a lad for a fool. If woman have similar stories where they were friend zoned, please feel free to share

I didn't say it was sexist, just misunderstood and whingey.

I can't say I've been friendzoned, but that's because I don't see it in terms of zones or games; I have sometimes been barking up the wrong tree and ended up making a friend instead of a boyfriend. I also have a fair amount of male friends, none of whom tag along after me like an eejit, whatever their feelings for me were when we first met.

kidneyfan

He shouldn't see her for a while and get a real girlfriend. Is he giving her money?

Agricola

Friend zone me hole. Ireland is turning into an episode of Friends or whatever substitutes for it in 2013.
Man up. Drop the hand. You get the ride or a smack in the mouth. Everyone knows where they stand.

I should give talks......

Voodoomelon

Its All Wright wrote: »

My mate has passed up good opportunities with woman on nights out incase it ruins his chances with her, before he met her he wouldnt have taught twice about. I can tell its eating away at him

If he took up one of these opportunities when she was out the same night, I guarantee she'd be all over him.

Gongoozler

I'm guessing it's out of infatuation or lack of self esteem. Unless he genuinely thinks they're a perfect fit. He's at nothing by the sounds of it. He should just move on, such a waste of time and energy.

Muise...

Agricola wrote: »

Friend zone me hole. Ireland is turning into an episode of Friends or whatever substitutes for it in 2013.
Man up. Drop the hand. You get the ride or a smack in the mouth. Everyone knows where they stand.

I should give talks......

*purrs.

and that, gentlemen, is how you do it.

Its All Wright

Voodoomelon wrote: »

If he took up one of these opportunities when she was out the same night, I guarantee she'd be all over him.

Exactly, i think she enjoys the chase & likes that she has him on a string. Who doesnt like attention though? She knows she could have him anytime she wanted. If he went off with someone else i know she try get him back on side

Fishyfreak

To borrow a Northside phrase, your friend is a dzzzzzzzzzzope.

There is a girl that works in my place. Her nickname is Whitney Houston 'cos everywhere she goes she has her 2 bodyguards with her. Poor eejits.

czechlin

I've seen girls doing this and I personally can't stand it. I've been aware of the occasional friend developing a crush on me but if I didn't feel the same way I wouldn't let him act extra nice and totter around me like a fool. That's not what friends do. She enjoys the attention and will use him as long as he'll let her.
If it bothers him as much as you say he should man up, make a move on her and either things will work out the way he wants or at least he'd get a message and move on.

glass_onion

Its All Wright wrote: »

My mate has passed up good opportunities with woman on nights out incase it ruins his chances with her, before he met her he wouldnt have taught twice about. I can tell its eating away at him

He will learn the hard way eventually.

Wibbs

If he's into her he should tell her. Chances are she already knows but either a) hopes that it'll die off and they can be mates or b) enjoys the attention. If she turns him down, especially if she keeps the lets be friends stuff to the fore he should, in a nice way, delete her from his social circle until such times as his attraction dies down, or ever. The level she objects to this will tell you whether she's from above column a or column b. There's nothing "noble" or "mature" about unrequited love or acting like a simp.

Knex*

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Your friend is a walkover. I have no sympathy for him.

Yeah, spot on really.

Got in a similar scenario a few years back now where I was like the OP's mate in that regard. He'll wake the fuck up soon and realise what a plank he is not going off with anyone else and tip toeing around this girl.

Fella has literally put himself in a rut, by the sounds of it.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

Snako

In the naivety of youth, I blindly allowed myself to become viciously as you call it "friend zoned", falsely harboring hopes at romance, while also making a totally less than pathetic attempt to achieve this.

My sympathy for your friend would be dependent on his age, under the assumption that we become wiser with time.

But as the thread is going he needs to bite the bullet, walk away, or as he might and probably will do, wait, continue, and have a heart full of pain and regret.

Be a friend and give him a sharp jab in the balls and tell him to cop on.

He will thank you later

czechlin

draiochtanois wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Lol!! But... he actually got with Joey in the end :P

Friend Zone = Girl/Guy who doesn't know what they want so surround themselves with people with different qualities or options.

glass_onion

Its All Wright wrote: »

This! She does exactly this except when people comment & tell her she looks "fab" or "amazing" she replies with stuff like "would you stop, you look amazing hun" etc

Just to clarify my remark *before i get myself into trouble*.i know there's folk with real low self esteem and social media can give them positivity and build their esteem.Then there's plain vanity.

dgt

Its All Wright wrote: »

She get quite flirty with him, ive heard her say to him stuff like "you would make a great boyfriend" & "why cant all lads be as nice as you". He would literally do anything for her & he does..he goes the bar for her on nights out, holds her jacket or even walks her home but nothing ever happens!

Your friend is a total doormat. Tell him to get a pair. He'll just keep getting friendzoned....

stpaddy99

Its All Wright wrote: »

I know a girl, shes a fairly good looking & gets a lot of attention from the lads. She is single but would have no problems getting a boyfriend & i know she has had numerous offers or advances recently. Anyway long story short one of my mates is really interested in her and in fairness they get on great, i think they would make a great couple cause they share a lot of similar interests & have a great laugh together. She get quite flirty with him, ive heard her say to him stuff like "you would make a great boyfriend" & "why cant all lads be as nice as you". He would literally do anything for her & he does..he goes the bar for her on nights out, holds her jacket or even walks her home but nothing ever happens!

Hes a cool lad, such a gent but hes too blind to see whats going on. Ive tried to suggest to him that hes in the friend zone & nothing will ever happen, he plays it down but hes like a dog chasing a bone. Shes tried these things with me when i first met her & i knew what she was trying to do so i didnt fall into it, im mates with her but i dont give her any attention, i think that bothers her a bit cause shes used to every lad falling over her. I do think shes gorgeous but i pretend i have no interest & she probably respects that more than lads falling over her.

Anyway..have you ever been a victim of the friend zone & girls why do you torture lads with this?? Fair enough be good mates with a lad but dont pretend you like him & give him hope!

is this story about you?

kylith

I only realised recently that I 'friendzoned' a pile of lads back in the day. At first I felt kind of bad but, thinking on in further;
1) As far as I was concerned I had friends who were guys. I saw this as a good thing.
2) If they couldn't be arsed to ask me out that was THEIR problem.
3) What, so if I don't take my knickers off because you go for coffee with me I'm some kind of bitch? Like I owe you sex for being nice to me?
4) Girls get friendzoned too you know. You know how I handled it? I accepted that he wasn't interested, got the frack over it, and moved on with my life.

And did you ever stop to think that having non sexual relationships with the opposite sex is a good thing? You learn how to communicate better, and you get insights into the way men/women think that will help you dating in future.

Some of my best friends are guys. I enjoy hanging out with them more than I enjoy hanging out with most women.

kidneyfan

It is the boys responsibility to ask the girl out and to risk rejection by doing that.

Plazaman

Its All Wright wrote: »

My mate has passed up good opportunities with woman on nights out incase it ruins his chances with her, before he met her he wouldnt have taught twice about. I can tell its eating away at him

Well if he want's to sissify himself around her being Mr Nice and "hoping" something happens, then the status quo will prevail.

Otherwise, he should man up, break out the bad boy inside himself and he'll be eating away at her in no time.

Shrills

A lot of victim blaming going on in this thread, victim blaming I completely agree with, he's a plank.

As a man, hoping something happens with women is braindead, men need to take action and make things happen.

Its All Wright

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

I know I'm a bit late getting in here but for feck sake, not this again. This friend zone talk is a load of balls, and that's being kind about it. You don't even know if your friend made a move or not, you're just assuming and making this girl out to be something bad because of it. Its possible she just likes the attention, yeah. Its also possible she's genuinely insecure and doesn't realize this lad is interested in her. She could be waiting for him to make a move. Friend zone = lads whining because they're unable to be straight with their feelings about someone. Tell your friend to grow a pair and do something about this. If she returns his feelings, great, if not, and she continues to act the same around him, he needs to distance himself from her. Simple.

Who says its a bad thing? Yes she is playing with a persons emotions but some people just crave attention. I dont understand why someone would do it but the person who falls for it is equally to blame.

To clear a few things up:

My mate has told me he likes her.
Do i know that hes confessed his love to her? No
Ive seen him make little moves on her that are very suggestive.
She keeps giving that bit of hope that keeps him interested.
I dont think he wants to put all his cards on the table incase it backfires.
I started this thread to talk about the Freind Zone in general & was only giving the situation i know of an example.

Knex*

Its All Wright wrote: »

Who says its a bad thing? Yes she is playing with a persons emotions but some people just crave attention. I dont understand why someone would do it but the person who falls for it is equally to blame.

To clear a few things up:

My mate has told me he likes her.
Do i know that hes confessed his love to her? No
Ive seen him make little moves on her that are very suggestive.
She keeps giving that bit of hope that keeps him interested.
I dont think he wants to put all his cards on the table incase it backfires.
I started this thread to talk about the Freind Zone in general & was only giving the situation i know of an example.

There's the issue. Scrap all else on the table, and deal with this.

If he is already at the point where his feelings for her is having a negative effect on his life, such as passing on other women because he's so hopelessly invested in this one, then not actually telling her is fucking madness.

In his scenario he has two options; either make a move, or return his man card and be stuck with his torment for ever.

Wibbs

Its All Wright wrote: »

She keeps giving that bit of hope that keeps him interested.

Then if he has any sense he needs to drop her like a hot rock.

kidneyfan

Sounds like he doesn't have the guts to ask her out and is just waiting around hoping she'll get drunk enough that he can rub himself against her leg until he has an emission.

Tell him to ask her out on a 'date' and make his feelings clearl.

kylith

Wibbs wrote: »

Then if he has any sense he needs to drop her like a hot rock.

He could be completely misreading her. For all we know these 'bits of hope' could be accepting drinks he buys her or accepting his invitations to go places. The trips to the cinema, for example, that he sees as quasi-dates she might just see as two friends going to the cinema.

RDM_83 again

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Your friend is a walkover. I have no sympathy for him.

Would you be as harsh to a woman thats being sleeping with a guy that has no intention of having a serious relationship but she keeps doing it. This happens a lot too but people are much more sympathetic to it even though its just the otherside of the same coin

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

I know I'm a bit late getting in here but for feck sake, not this again. This friend zone talk is a load of balls, and that's being kind about it. You don't even know if your friend made a move or not, you're just assuming and making this girl out to be something bad because of it. Its possible she just likes the attention, yeah. Its also possible she's genuinely insecure and doesn't realize this lad is interested in her. She could be waiting for him to make a move. Friend zone = lads whining because they're unable to be straight with their feelings about someone. Tell your friend to grow a pair and do something about this. If she returns his feelings, great, if not, and she continues to act the same around him, he needs to distance himself from her. Simple.

Its not such an easy thing always though, one of my friends has been in and out of the friendzone for a years with the same girl.
He knew the situation he was in and a while back made his feelings really clear, and she said maybe but not now. So he kept hanging around with her. Recently he told her he can't hang around with her anymore because its not good for his head, I'm not blaming the girl either she's a nice person.
But what people sometimes don't seem to get is that as well as being in the friendzone he is/was actually good friends with her, so the cutting contact thing isn't the same as walking away from somebody you fancy, though its the best thing for him and thankfully he seems to be sticking to it.

ps Personally I don't think I have ever been in the friendzone, when I was a young guy in college I found the trick was to mentally focus on some flaw and that killed any attraction on my part while not getting in the way of actually being friends (this probably makes me sound like a psycho though )

Its All Wright

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

You say you think shes toying with him and using him for attention. How could that be anything but a bad thing? It's possible thats all shes doing. Its also possible that she just wants to be his friend and genuinely doesn't realise hes all that into her.

He told you he likes her, that means nothing though. Unless you went on and told her and even then, shes not exactly going to fall hopelessly in love with a man who can't even say this to her face himself.
Making little moves is something that could be taken as friendly behaviour as well though. I mean are we talking about hugs and little taps on the leg here, or are we talking about moving in for the shift? If its the latter, fair enough, but if its the former, its not really making a move.
Basically everything you say makes it sound like hes acting vaugely interested without actually going for it. Essentially the same thing as you're saying shes doing to him. Yet for some reason shes the bad one here. Why? I'm not saying this to put the guy down by the way, I'm speaking from experience, I've been that guy who was too afraid to just go for it and instead moaned about being in the friend zone, and put all the blame on the girl. You know what though? 9 times out of ten, I found out a few years down the line that she was very much interested but was just as bloody nervous about it as I was. Think about it. There are a lot of lads out there who will act interested in a girl only to completely mess her around. I'm sure your friend isn't one of those, but the key here is she doesn't know that.

As for the friend zone in general, its a toxic way to look at things. Most people I see talking about it make the girl out to be a target, and react to her befriending them as the worst thing in the world. I've had one serious relationship in my life, lasted about 5 years. Guess what? We were friends first. Unless your friend only wants this girl for a one night stand I see no reason why friendship should be viewed as a negative.

TLDR: It sounds like your friend and this girl are acting pretty much the same towards each other and thats not going to change unless he makes a move. Also, friendzone = BS.

The freiend zone does exist, i think your naive if you dont think it does. There is plenty of lads/girls chasing people who love the chase. Does this make them a bad person? No of course not. As i said some people enjoy the attention, its good for their self esteem & it makes them feel good. They dont see themselves being anything more than friends with that person but they like having the interest & attention so they give that person a glimmer of hope that something may happen. If you let someone take advantage of you like that then your at fault, but i also dont understand why people crave the attention either

In this situation my mate has not grabbed her & tried to shift her but he would have his arms around her, be cuddled up next to her or be all over her on the dancefloor but when things are going a bit too far she takes a step back

Its All Wright

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Would you be as harsh to a woman thats being sleeping with a guy that has no intention of having a serious relationship but she keeps doing it. This happens a lot too but people are much more sympathetic to it even though its just the otherside of the same coin



Its not such an easy thing always though, one of my friends has been in and out of the friendzone for a years with the same girl.
He knew the situation he was in and a while back made his feelings really clear, and she said maybe but not now. So he kept hanging around with her. Recently he told her he can't hang around with her anymore because its not good for his head, I'm not blaming the girl either she's a nice person.
But what people sometimes don't seem to get is that as well as being in the friendzone he is/was actually good friends with her, so the cutting contact thing isn't the same as walking away from somebody you fancy, though its the best thing for him and thankfully he seems to be sticking to it.

ps Personally I don't think I have ever been in the friendzone, when I was a young guy in college I found the trick was to mentally focus on some flaw and that killed any attraction on my part while not getting in the way of actually being friends (this probably makes me sound like a psycho though )

Agree with all that, there good mates & enjoy each others company & i think both would hate to throw that away but she knows what shes doing. You can be great mates with woman but dont lead people on to give them the impression they can be more than that

Muise...

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Would you be as harsh to a woman thats being sleeping with a guy that has no intention of having a serious relationship but she keeps doing it. This happens a lot too but people are much more sympathetic to it even though its just the otherside of the same coin

Yes, I would. Maybe foolish men see relationships as a game, and foolish women think of men as projects, but it amounts to the same folly and any friend of mine who can't cop on and comes wailing to me gets the bluntest of answers.