How to fight an Alsatian?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 05-01-2014 05:01AM

Can you imagine the horror of being attacked by an unmuzzled 88lb German Shepard, I remember watching an episode of one of those American police shows where two would be robbers in a haulage yard were mauled by two German sheps which was picked up by the CCTV, one managed to get back over the wall while the other later died from his injuries. The security guards of the place ended up being prosecuted for their inaction.

wandatowell · 05-01-2014 05:16AM

get it in a sharpshooter.

He'll tap out. They always do.

Donaldio · 05-01-2014 05:46AM

Make freinds with the dog or let the dog know you are your uncles freind as opposed to a strange intruder.

feargale · 05-01-2014 06:55AM

All dogs are afraid of two things, fire and water. If I had to frequently encounter a vicious dog I would equip myself with one or the other, say a lighter with some old newspaper or a water pistol, assuming a bucket of water would be impractical.

Angry_Mammarys · 05-01-2014 10:37PM

A swift thumb up the bum never fails.

anncoates · 05-01-2014 10:51PM

Billy86 wrote: »

I knew a few people from around Mombasa years ago, and between the big cats, crocs, hyenas and hippos (quite possibly the scariest of the lot of them) Kenya seems fecking petrifying to be honest!

African hunting dogs are scary as fcuk as well.

feargale · 05-01-2014 11:36PM

Donaldio wrote: »

Make freinds with the dog or let the dog know you are your uncles freind as opposed to a strange intruder.

Yes. Give him your calling card.

IvySlayer · 05-01-2014 11:42PM

Wibbs wrote: »

".
Oh yea a hyena would well have the upper hand. The advantage wolves have is that they're rarely alone. That's why Inuit husky dog sled teams don't sweat too much if they cross the tracks of a polar bear, but have a major shítfit if they cross a wolf track, cos they know the wolf isn't on his own. They're very similar to people really. On our own we're not much cop, but as a group? You are goin down.Wolves and humans are among the very small group of animals who routinely take down prey much bigger than themselves.

I was watching a documentary about Siberian Tigers in Russia. There's hunting ranges with deer, boars, all sorts of animals, and the owners allow tigers to live there in peace, for one reason only, to keep wolf packs away. Tigers don't tolerate wolves in their territories which suits the hunters as wolves will rip the animals in the area to shreds.

celica00 · 05-01-2014 11:43PM

Can someone please tell me how such a thread (and the worrisome answers in here) is okay on boards??????:eek:

:mad:

mfceiling · 05-01-2014 11:44PM

The amount of people on here who seem to think that shoving their finger/thumb up a dog's arse will stop them attacking you.....

Where did you sick fucks learn this??

annascott · 05-01-2014 11:45PM

Stay calm. Talk to it and tell it to sit down. If you show no fear, it should do as it is told.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 05-01-2014 11:52PM

i was out walking my dog when i was a heavier man (boy, long time ago now) and I wasnt paying attention to where i was going. put the full force of my leg onto one of his back paws, he let out an almighty yelp and instantly turned to jump at my throat.

luckily enough its the throat he went for as I was able to jam my right arm into his mouth and use my left to grip his throat push him back/choke him. he calmed down quickly enough, let go and we continued on our walk. left me with a serious bruise and a desire to never piss off a german shepard again

Angry_Mammarys · 06-01-2014 12:02AM

mfceiling wrote: »

The amount of people on here who seem to think that shoving their finger/thumb up a dog's arse will stop them attacking you.....

Where did you sick fucks learn this??

It's in jest

Haven't you seen South Park

AgileMyth · 06-01-2014 12:49AM

Wibbs wrote: »

He's got teeth and powerful jaws, but you have arms and hands and knees and brains and you're gonna be rocking a fair few stones in weight advantage. So long as your defence is full on attack, with no quarter given, there are few enough domestic dog breeds as a single animal that would take down a determined adult man(or indeed woman). Beardogs and the like, yea. An Irish wolfhound with the blood up and you'd be in serious trouble, but luckily they're all big softies. Which is a Very Good Thing*. I'm no strongman by any measure, but few dog breeds would worry me if it was an actual fight to the end. Well... no, I'd be shítting myself, but a lot less than if I was up against another human. It would be similar to a knife fight though, you'll have to accept you're gonna get injured.

We used to have a Boerboel. No human could take her on. Just pure strength and power. She'd take out a lion if she wanted to. Even armed you'd be up against it as they don't have any concept of pain.

She was a fantastic pet though. Lovely character. No badness whatsoever in her.

AgileMyth · 06-01-2014 12:51AM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

i was out walking my dog when i was a heavier man (boy, long time ago now) and I wasnt paying attention to where i was going. put the full force of my leg onto one of his back paws, he let out an almighty yelp and instantly turned to jump at my throat.

luckily enough its the throat he went for as I was able to jam my right arm into his mouth and use my left to grip his throat push him back/choke him. he calmed down quickly enough, let go and we continued on our walk. left me with a serious bruise and a desire to never piss off a german shepard again

I'd be seriously concerned about that. You could never trust a dog like that.

bazarakus · 06-01-2014 02:10AM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

i was out walking my dog when i was a heavier man (boy, long time ago now) and I wasnt paying attention to where i was going. put the full force of my leg onto one of his back paws, he let out an almighty yelp and instantly turned to jump at my throat.

luckily enough its the throat he went for as I was able to jam my right arm into his mouth and use my left to grip his throat push him back/choke him. he calmed down quickly enough, let go and we continued on our walk. left me with a serious bruise and a desire to never piss off a german shepard again

Do you know the way if it's a big dog and it's in your way sometimes you have to step around it? Like it gives you that "don't even tink about shooing me" look? I lived in Germany years ago in this small sleep village. One of the locals would go to the supermarket (which only opened 4 1/2 days a week) and leave his GIANT old German Shepherd outside waiting for him. I swear it looked the size of a lion. It had one ear cocked and one floppy. Anyway it would sit on the road sort of near the pavement. Cars would approach needing to pass. It would just carry on panting and maybe give them the "don't even tink about it glance" and the cars would manoeuvre around it. Never seen the like of it. The size of a lion it was!

amandstu · 06-01-2014 02:13AM

I was out walking in the countryside outside Cork and had to cross fields which had a deepish ditch as a boundary.As I put up my head to go into the field I noticed a pack of dogs heading my way.

I don't know when I realized that I was in the middle of a drag hunt and I can't remember if I ducked down or not but all the dogs flew over me and I don't know if they even saw me.

I did occur to me at the time though that I had no plan to cope with the possibility of them all rounding on me.

jamesdiver · 06-01-2014 02:55AM

http://youtu.be/zOjUXsee-3I

Gonna need a whole lot of thumbs to get outta this one..

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 06-01-2014 09:06AM

AgileMyth wrote: »

I'd be seriously concerned about that. You could never trust a dog like that.

he was a pet, gentlest dog around. just when you have a 15 stone hamplanet stand full force on one of your hind legs.. you're going to lose your temper.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 06-01-2014 09:14AM

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/s720x720/396149_4464478854263_337242568_n.jpg
https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/250331_2283004838776_3152511_n.jpg
https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/250331_2283004878777_3713743_n.jpg

different dog but cmon.. lookit that face. GSD best dog.

periodictable · 06-01-2014 02:30PM

Shove your hand into their mouth, open the fingers and ram it down the throat.

Billy86 · 06-01-2014 04:19PM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/s720x720/396149_4464478854263_337242568_n.jpg
https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/250331_2283004838776_3152511_n.jpg
https://scontent-b-ams.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/250331_2283004878777_3713743_n.jpg

different dog but cmon.. lookit that face. GSD best dog.

Newfoundland dog says no... if I ever got a dog, it would have to be one of these.

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/images9/LANDSEERBillyv2Braunshorn.jpg
http://owninganewfoundlanddog.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/newfdogpuppy.jpg
http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/cynoclub/cynoclub0704/cynoclub070400087/883331-newfoundland-dog.jpg

Alf Veedersane · 06-01-2014 04:21PM

Chefrio wrote: »

If you were cornered with no escape and a vicious Alsatian attacked you, how would you defend yourself?

Inspired by my uncle's Alsatian scaring the sh1t out of me, was convinced he could jump the fence. Nearly had a heart attack.

I don't think kicks and punches would have much effect, so I'd probably attempt to mount it from behind and strangle it. Don't think it would work though.I'd be incapacited from multiple bites.

Kill it with kindness.

Well, distract it with kindness and then slit its throat. Make sure to cut the windpipe.

How to fight an Alsatian?

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