How to fight an Alsatian?

Chefrio

If you were cornered with no escape and a vicious Alsatian attacked you, how would you defend yourself?

Inspired by my uncle's Alsatian scaring the sh1t out of me, was convinced he could jump the fence. Nearly had a heart attack.

I don't think kicks and punches would have much effect, so I'd probably attempt to mount it from behind and strangle it. Don't think it would work though.I'd be incapacited from multiple bites.

wazky

Make sure to have a friend with you who you can outrun.

Frosty McSnowballs

Choke it out.

wazky

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Choke it out.

Danger ****?

kneemos

Turn your back on him...seriously.
Confuses the fcuk out of them.

Mint Aero

Boxing, Queensbury rules. Or a duel, pistols at dawn.

e.r

Kick in the ball bag and run

Banjo String

Chefrio wrote: »

If you were cornered with no escape and a vicious Alsatian attacked you, how would you defend yourself?

Inspired by my uncle's Alsatian scaring the sh1t out of me, was convinced he could jump the fence. Nearly had a heart attack.

I don't think kicks and punches would have much effect, so I'd probably attempt to mount it from behind and strangle it. Don't think it would work though.I'd be incapacited from multiple bites.

That's illegal.

You do know that. Right?

smurgen

Put your elbow / forearm into the dogs mouth while trying to jam fingers into the dogs eyes with the other hand.

Hootanany

Grab it 2 front legs and pull them apart les something to it heart so I'm told

Doom

Head butt it to death

Sir Osis of Liver.

Alsation,human,shark,crocodile.
All the above are stunned with a punch in the nose.

woodoo

Finger up the ass.

downonthefarm

This would have been helpful in Auschwitz

Dtp1979

Guillotine choke

Duff

Spine-buster followed by a leg drop.

Skill Magill

Embiggen yourself

Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

Wattle

Become a dog whisperer.

shamrock55

Id catch him by the tail and swing him over my head like a helicopter blade

Icaras

Deleted User wrote: »

Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

What if he pee'd on OP's fancy new shoes? Hurt feelings can take twice as long to heal

Chefrio

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

:rolleyes:

PizzamanIRL

Bit of peanut butter. Bit of quick belt loosening. Sorted.

Sky King

How to fight an Alsatian?

The people of the Alsace region like good food so the best approach would be to distract the Alsatian with a nice bottle of merlot and an impressive cheeseboard while you make your move

artanevilla

Fingers in the eyes/arse.

woodoo

Deleted User wrote: »

Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

You must be joking, no dogs are ever muzzled where i'm from. Rotties, Alsatians, Staffies etc all walked near my house and never muzzled. Its a farce.

VONSHIRACH

Deftly remove a pen from your inner suit pocket and do one of the following;

1/ plunge pen str8 into one of the dogs eyes
2/ do the same to the remaining eye of the dog
3/ embed the pen deeply in the dog's neck
4/ embed the pen deeply in one of the dog's ears

Riddle101

Alsatians have bad hips, so maybe a kick to the hip will take one down.

That being said, I imaging wrestling it will do the trick. "Hey Wolfie! Put down that hors d'oeuvre, it's time for the main"

john the one

If yoy have an accomplice you could try this:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BRS3h9hbsxM

If not god speed

kevovek

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/151048/the-crocodile-hunter

Wibbs

He's got teeth and powerful jaws, but you have arms and hands and knees and brains and you're gonna be rocking a fair few stones in weight advantage. So long as your defence is full on attack, with no quarter given, there are few enough domestic dog breeds as a single animal that would take down a determined adult man(or indeed woman). Beardogs and the like, yea. An Irish wolfhound with the blood up and you'd be in serious trouble, but luckily they're all big softies. Which is a Very Good Thing*. I'm no strongman by any measure, but few dog breeds would worry me if it was an actual fight to the end. Well... no, I'd be shítting myself, but a lot less than if I was up against another human. It would be similar to a knife fight though, you'll have to accept you're gonna get injured.

Where you would be screwed is if you try running away, that's when the dog has the upper hand/paw. Never run from a dog that has gone to def con one. It triggers prey instinct and aggression. Stand your ground and attack. Sensitive areas would be the chest and abdomen and dogs are likely to expose that as they tend to jump and go for the upper body arms and throat area. Wild dogs and wolves tend to go for the hamstrings and legs aiming to cause massive trauma and bleed you out. Plus they've got way higher strength and bite force, are practiced and are in a group so in that case you're utterly boned without a weapon.




*they're one of the very few Wolfhound breeds bred to take on an adult wolf one on one. Most others are designed to work as a pack.

john the one

Wibbs wrote: »

He's got teeth and powerful jaws, but you have arms and hands and knees and brains and you're gonna be rocking a fair few stones in weight advantage. So long as your defence is full on attack, with no quarter given, there are few enough domestic dog breeds as a single animal that would take down a determined adult man(or indeed woman). Beardogs and the like, yea. An Irish wolfhound with the blood up and you'd be in serious trouble, but luckily they're all big softies. Which is a Very Good Thing*. I'm no strongman by any measure, but few dog breeds would worry me if it was an actual fight to the end. Well... no, I'd be shítting myself, but a lot less than if I was up against another human. It would be similar to a knife fight though, you'll have to accept you're gonna get injured.

Where you would be screwed is if you try running away, that's when the dog has the upper hand/paw. Never run from a dog that has gone to def con one. It triggers prey instinct and aggression. Stand your ground and attack. Sensitive areas would be the chest and abdomen and dogs are likely to expose that as they tend to jump and go for the upper body arms and throat area. Wild dogs and wolves tend to go for the hamstrings and legs aiming to cause massive trauma and bleed you out. Plus they've got way higher strength and bite force, are practiced and are in a group so in that case you're utterly boned without a weapon.




*they're one of the very few Wolfhound breeds bred to take on an adult wolf one on one. Most others are designed to work as a pack.

Close the thread. Your not gonna get a better answer than this and everone else is now in wibbs' shadow and debt

Mr.Crinklewood

woodoo wrote: »

Finger up the ass.

Woof.

randomperson12

kick it and jup on your side and flatten it

randomperson12

hit and run

quickbeam

Love Alsatians. I'd try to make friends.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

tacofries

i wonder if you stick your hand far enough down their throat when they bite you would it choke them? Like literally try to insert your hand into their mouth far enough down until it reaches their stomach? Id also try and poke the **** into their eyes :P

Chefrio

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

I'm happy to learn a kick can be effective. It needs to be strong and accurate though because if you miss you'll be off balance and fukced.

smurgen

Apparently two men have killed bears with just there bare hands before and one of those was a grizzly bear!so an alsatian should be a piece of cake.

Chefrio

smurgen wrote: »

Apparently two men have killed bears with just their bare hands before and one of those was a grizzly bear!so an alsatian should be a piece of cake.

Must have been retarded bears.

biko

Roll your jacket around your left hand and keep that between you and the dog.
Once it attacks the hand it will hold onto it by instinct.
Now use your weight and fall on top of the dog forcing it to the ground.
Pin it down.

Use raygun to vaporise it.

The Glass Key

If you've got no where to escape to run at it waving your arms in the air and yelling your head off!

Well I tried that on our 50kg GSD the other night when he started barking at me when he didn't recognise me coming across the field back into our garden at night. Result, he ran off as fast as he could with his tail between his legs - some guard dog

Wibbs

john the one wrote: »

Close the thread. Your not gonna get a better answer than this and everone else is now in wibbs' shadow and debt

*PayPal sent* Again.

quickbeam wrote:

Love Alsatians. I'd try to make friends.

Woodoo has this covered...

woodoo wrote: »

Finger up the ass.

though if you find a non kinky Aller and He's just not into you, then back to square one.

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

:eek: Bloody hell S, I'll bet that was scary. Jesus. No man, fair play, you did what you had to do when they were trying to do what they were trying to do. *doffs hat*.

TBH I'd much rather bump into a pack of wolves than a group of domestic dogs gone feral. With wolves, unless you're being a real dickhead they'll leave you well alone, as they're naturally cautious of people and 9 times outa 10 would bugger off and look for easier pickings, but feral dogs have no such qualms as they have little fear of people. They're often less predictable too. Even in areas where people live cheek by jowl with wolves and wild domestic dogs, they fear the dogs way more.

MadsL

Get it to bite your arm, flip it on its back and use your full weight to crush it's chest. You will break ribs, if the dog persists hopefully you will break enough enough to even puncture a lung. Once this happens dog is done.

cerastes

Hootanany wrote: »

Grab it 2 front legs and pull them apart les something to it heart so I'm told

And your face is awfully close to their jaws, dont think I'd be trying this one.

downonthefarm wrote: »

This would have been helpful in Auschwitz

The ranks of the totenkopf werent made up completely of alsations, there was also some guards, with guns, and the barbed wire etc, sticking your finger up the guard dogs bum probably wouldnt do you any favours

rolliepoley

I seen a person kill a dog with one kick to the ribs, also as one poster said, grab both front legs and pull apart.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Wibbs wrote: »

:eek: Bloody hell S, I'll bet that was scary. Jesus. No man, fair play, you did what you had to do when they were trying to do what they were trying to do. *doffs hat*.

TBH I'd much rather bump into a pack of wolves than a group of domestic dogs gone feral. With wolves, unless you're being a real dickhead they'll leave you well alone, as they're naturally cautious of people and 9 times outa 10 would bugger off and look for easier pickings, but feral dogs have no such qualms as they have little fear of people. They're often less predictable too. Even in areas where people live cheek by jowl with wolves and wild domestic dogs, they fear the dogs way more.

Thanks Wibbs,yes it was scary as hell and there was nobody else on the beach to assist.We had just left a nightclub and were heading back to the hotel.I often wonder what would have happened if they got the better of us.

Ruu

One sickening karate chop but only if your name is Trent. Haha!

kjl

I have this mad friend who spends his life reading things on the internet (bit like me). We were on holidays in Portugal and there was this rottweiler yapping away madly. He goes up to it and based on something he read kisses it on the nose and the next thing the dog turns to mush and start putting his head in and being very affectionate with my friend.

Now, if I read the same article I still don't think I would have done it, but it was an amazing site to behold.

woodoo

On the finger up the ass method. I once seen something on TV where a guy was explaining how to get Pitt bulls to stop an attack. One method was to cover their nose so they run out of breath and release their grip or the other method they respond to is a finger up their arse.