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How to fight an Alsatian?

1246

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 52 ✭✭DB83


    Compliment it....kill it with kindness. If that fails offer it some chocolate. If that fails thumb in the arse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 972 ✭✭✭bazarakus


    This thread is so Gay Rascist. Half way thru before someone refers to the breed by its real name. There is no such ting as an Alsatian. It's a ****ing German Shepard. 115 years. Boom. Don't Believe The Hype.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,928 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    Oh yeah. Trained security/ police dog? Forget it! No chance. Anyone would be down! Those things in motion are something else..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    fenris wrote: »
    Your a bit late for the GSD and he would have only played with you, try a walk around an embassy or sensitive foreign military establishment after hours and let us know how you get on.

    I'd be having embassy stew.

    Dogs are over-rated. Bit like 'martial arts'. Mostly only good against untrained or staionary targets.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,442 ✭✭✭shamrock55


    smurgen wrote: »
    Apparently two men have killed bears with just there bare hands before and one of those was a grizzly bear!so an alsatian should be a piece of cake.

    I doubt that unless they were 2month old bears or something


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    shamrock55 wrote: »
    I doubt that unless they were 2month old bears or something
    More like teddy bears :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,442 ✭✭✭shamrock55


    I just thought, didnt will smith choke the **** out of his alsation in i am legend!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,075 ✭✭✭fenris


    lostdisk wrote: »
    I'd be having embassy stew.

    Dogs are over-rated. Bit like 'martial arts'. Mostly only good against untrained or staionary targets.

    Of course you would, smoke me a kipper while you are at it!

    I forgot that there is very little that can stand against the true power of a committed keyboard ninja warrior at stupid o'clock in the morning.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    shamrock55 wrote: »
    I just thought, didnt will smith choke the **** out of his alsation in i am legend!!
    Will Smith, I am legend more like I am full of shoit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    fenris wrote: »
    Of course you would, smoke me a kipper while you are at it!

    I forgot that there is very little that can stand against the true power of a committed keyboard ninja warrior at stupid o'clock in the morning.

    No, but seriously. Its a dog. Not a tiger or a bear. Do you honestly believe your dog could survive someone like me kicking the crap out of it? Now really. Bit of realism here.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,928 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    lostdisk wrote: »
    No, but seriously. Its a dog. Not a tiger or a bear. Do you honestly believe your dog could survive someone like me kicking the crap out of it? Now really. Bit of realism here.

    Jack Russell terrier? Is that what youre thinking of?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    Jack Russell terrier? Is that what youre thinking of?

    You know what I mean.

    I wouldn't get into a fight with another man the same size as me, I'm no Chuck Norris. Put a dog in a cage with me. I'd walk out, the dog would die. Thats the story.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,075 ✭✭✭fenris


    lostdisk wrote: »
    No, but seriously. Its a dog. Not a tiger or a bear. Do you honestly believe your dog could survive someone like me kicking the crap out of it? Now really. Bit of realism here.

    Not my dog, as it is a family pet which has been taught to not bite or confront humans.

    However if you really want to play the hero then you should seek out a diplomatic or military security dog without those inhibitions otherwise you are just talking about the equivalent of picking a fight with a kid with their arms tied behind their back.

    Different dogs, different jobs, it is all about the right tool for the job.

    For a slight clue, have a look at some Schutzhund training, and bear in mind that is just a fun game as far as the dog is concerned and is deliberately focused on just grabbing an arm at most, a bit like airsoft compared to live firing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    fenris wrote: »
    Not my dog, as it is a family pet which has been taught to not bite or confront humans.

    However if you really want to play the hero then you should seek out a diplomatic or military security dog without those inhibitions otherwise you are just talking about the equivalent of picking a fight with a kid with their arms tied behind their back.

    Different dogs, different jobs, it is all about the right tool for the job.

    For a slight clue, have a look at some Schutzhund training, and bear in mind that is just a fun game as far as the dog is concerned and is deliberately focused on just grabbing an arm at most, a bit like airsoft compared to live firing.

    Is the target fighting back?

    Bit like me saying I could beat a wild gorrilla. I could. I could also lose all my limbs in the process.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,075 ✭✭✭fenris


    Now we are getting places and/as the light dawns. :-)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 326 ✭✭mfergus


    lostdisk wrote: »
    You know what I mean.

    I wouldn't get into a fight with another man the same size as me, I'm no Chuck Norris. Put a dog in a cage with me. I'd walk out, the dog would die. Thats the story.

    I wish I was you


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    mfergus wrote: »
    I wish I was you

    Id imagine even an average scrote would beat me ina fight. And I'm deffo not fit enough to run from or to anything.


    But- seriously. A dog.

    Not a hope.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,194 ✭✭✭✭IvySlayer


    Protect neck, groin while kicking at his ribs, if he latches onto something, gouge his eyes

    Then finish him off with a stone cold stunner


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    IvySlayer wrote: »
    Protect neck, groin while kicking at his ribs, if he latches onto something, gouge his eyes

    Then finish him off with a stone cold stunner

    Won't work. These dogs know karate and are 100% kick proof.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    Saw a documentary a while ago about someone who was attacked by a chimp, she had her eyes ripped out and her fingers bitten off as well, and if they attack a man they will rip your ballsack off. A brutal but smart way to disable their opponent.

    Apparently they are 5 times stronger than a man as well.

    Give me an alsation any day rather than have to face something like that.

    I wonder could a wolf kill a man, they're around the same size as an alsation I would have thought.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    Saw a documentary a while ago about someone who was attacked by a chimp, she had her eyes ripped out and her fingers bitten off as well, and if they attack a man they will rip your ballsack off as well. A brutal but smart way to disable their opponent.

    Apparently they are 5 times stronger than a man as well.

    Give me an alsation any day rather than have to face something like that.

    I wonder could a wolf kill a man, they're around the same size as an alsation I would have thought.

    Wolf could bite your arm off. 1000lbs of pressure on that jaw.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    lostdisk wrote: »
    Wolf could bite your arm off. 1000lbs of pressure on that jaw.

    So thats a lot stronger than a dogs bite then?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,607 ✭✭✭stoneill


    You mean German Shepherd.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 117 ✭✭lostdisk


    So thats a lot stronger than a dogs bite then?

    I'd say so.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 120 ✭✭Chefrio


    So thats a lot stronger than a dogs bite then?

    Wibbs will fill you in.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,801 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Walls of Jericho.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,043 ✭✭✭Hooked


    ArtSmart wrote: »

    Broke from his lead and bolted across the road and leap into the air, directly for my head/chest.

    I stood my ground (presumably through abject fear), and my body went limp, ie I dropped my arms to my side, gave no outward sing of aggression.

    The dog more or less did the same. As it sailed through the air aiming for my head/chest, it suddenly veered to my side, hit the ground and became immediately docile.


    I LOVE YOU BOY... I love you boy... Love you boy

    BD17145A-8D2E-4667-8670-E4D542B77053_zpsjhhndscw.png


  • Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 11,397 Mod ✭✭✭✭MarkR


    Start debating the Franco Prussian border?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I wonder could a wolf kill a man,
    Pretty easily, though thankfully it's rare. There was a Russian nightclub bouncer killed in a wolf attack a few years ago and an Alaskan oil worker two years ago IIRC. They very rarely attack people unless rabid, or when they've become very habituated to people. The Alaskan case a good example. They were hanging around the town dump and were getting closer and closer and more used to humans. Historically it seems the various examples of individuals who did become maneaters were wolf dog hybrids. Even then they rarely went for full grown men, preferring children and women. Unlike dogs they're more likely to run a risk/benefit thought process in their heads and a full grown bloke is the riskiest target of all. That said I was watching Simon Schama's recent brilliant history of European Jews and in one episode he recalls his great grandfather(?) who lived in the forests of eastern Europe regaling people with tales of wolf attacks and this guy had the scars to prove it. Maybe it went on a lot more than we think in such areas?
    they're around the same size as an alsation I would have thought.
    Size wise they vary depending on subspecies, but generally yea around the same size as a German Shepherd, even their coat markings are similar(if you imagine an Aller in Black and white)though larger in head and squarer in the hip. They're a lot stronger than a German Shepherd though. More wiry in muscle. You can see the comparison here;



    In the very early days of the German Shepherd breeding programme some European wolf blood was in the mix. The originator of the breed a German lad whose name escapes, considered a lot of aspects of the wolf to be the ultimate dog shape, which I suppose it is as it's millions of years of natures breeding.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    tacofries wrote: »
    i wonder if you stick your hand far enough down their throat when they bite you would it choke them? Like literally try to insert your hand into their mouth far enough down until it reaches their stomach? Id also try and poke the **** into their eyes :P
    I can't find a link, but a Kenyan farmer in his 70s got attacked a few years back by a tiger (I think it was a tiger anyway?) and purposely did this as it was the only way he figured he wouldn't get killed. The crazy bas***d literally rammed his arm down the animal's mouth and ripped it's throat out. Lost the arm but kept his life.

    I firmly believe that man would beat the sh*t out of Chuck Norris with the bones of his missing arm.


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