How to fight an Alsatian?

john the one · 03-01-2014 10:19PM

Wibbs wrote: »

He's got teeth and powerful jaws, but you have arms and hands and knees and brains and you're gonna be rocking a fair few stones in weight advantage. So long as your defence is full on attack, with no quarter given, there are few enough domestic dog breeds as a single animal that would take down a determined adult man(or indeed woman). Beardogs and the like, yea. An Irish wolfhound with the blood up and you'd be in serious trouble, but luckily they're all big softies. Which is a Very Good Thing*. I'm no strongman by any measure, but few dog breeds would worry me if it was an actual fight to the end. Well... no, I'd be shítting myself, but a lot less than if I was up against another human. It would be similar to a knife fight though, you'll have to accept you're gonna get injured.

Where you would be screwed is if you try running away, that's when the dog has the upper hand/paw. Never run from a dog that has gone to def con one. It triggers prey instinct and aggression. Stand your ground and attack. Sensitive areas would be the chest and abdomen and dogs are likely to expose that as they tend to jump and go for the upper body arms and throat area. Wild dogs and wolves tend to go for the hamstrings and legs aiming to cause massive trauma and bleed you out. Plus they've got way higher strength and bite force, are practiced and are in a group so in that case you're utterly boned without a weapon.

*they're one of the very few Wolfhound breeds bred to take on an adult wolf one on one. Most others are designed to work as a pack.

Close the thread. Your not gonna get a better answer than this and everone else is now in wibbs' shadow and debt

Mr.Crinklewood · 03-01-2014 10:20PM

woodoo wrote: »

Finger up the ass.

Woof.

randomperson12 · 03-01-2014 10:21PM

kick it and jup on your side and flatten it

randomperson12 · 03-01-2014 10:23PM

hit and run

quickbeam · 03-01-2014 10:24PM

Love Alsatians. I'd try to make friends.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 03-01-2014 10:34PM

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

tacofries · 03-01-2014 10:35PM

i wonder if you stick your hand far enough down their throat when they bite you would it choke them? Like literally try to insert your hand into their mouth far enough down until it reaches their stomach? Id also try and poke the **** into their eyes :P

Chefrio · 03-01-2014 10:37PM

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

I'm happy to learn a kick can be effective. It needs to be strong and accurate though because if you miss you'll be off balance and fukced.

smurgen · 03-01-2014 10:38PM

Apparently two men have killed bears with just there bare hands before and one of those was a grizzly bear!so an alsatian should be a piece of cake.

Chefrio · 03-01-2014 10:40PM

smurgen wrote: »

Apparently two men have killed bears with just their bare hands before and one of those was a grizzly bear!so an alsatian should be a piece of cake.

Must have been retarded bears.

biko · 03-01-2014 10:40PM

Roll your jacket around your left hand and keep that between you and the dog.
Once it attacks the hand it will hold onto it by instinct.
Now use your weight and fall on top of the dog forcing it to the ground.
Pin it down.

Use raygun to vaporise it.

The Glass Key · 03-01-2014 10:41PM

If you've got no where to escape to run at it waving your arms in the air and yelling your head off!

Well I tried that on our 50kg GSD the other night when he started barking at me when he didn't recognise me coming across the field back into our garden at night. Result, he ran off as fast as he could with his tail between his legs - some guard dog

Wibbs · 03-01-2014 10:48PM

john the one wrote: »

Close the thread. Your not gonna get a better answer than this and everone else is now in wibbs' shadow and debt

*PayPal sent* Again.

quickbeam wrote:

Love Alsatians. I'd try to make friends.

Woodoo has this covered...

woodoo wrote: »

Finger up the ass.

though if you find a non kinky Aller and He's just not into you, then back to square one.

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Myself and my girlfriend (now wife) were about to be attacked by a pack of feral dogs on a beach in Greece.
Not really knowing what to do I put myself in front to protect her and launched a couple of kicks in the chest as hard as I could at the packleader(an alsation cross).
He yelped with the pain and the others lost their nerve and fcuked off.
I almost felt sorry for him I kicked him so hard but it was looking like they wanted to tear us asunder.

:eek: Bloody hell S, I'll bet that was scary. Jesus. No man, fair play, you did what you had to do when they were trying to do what they were trying to do. *doffs hat*.

TBH I'd much rather bump into a pack of wolves than a group of domestic dogs gone feral. With wolves, unless you're being a real dickhead they'll leave you well alone, as they're naturally cautious of people and 9 times outa 10 would bugger off and look for easier pickings, but feral dogs have no such qualms as they have little fear of people. They're often less predictable too. Even in areas where people live cheek by jowl with wolves and wild domestic dogs, they fear the dogs way more.

MadsL · 03-01-2014 10:57PM

Get it to bite your arm, flip it on its back and use your full weight to crush it's chest. You will break ribs, if the dog persists hopefully you will break enough enough to even puncture a lung. Once this happens dog is done.

cerastes · 03-01-2014 11:04PM

Hootanany wrote: »

Grab it 2 front legs and pull them apart les something to it heart so I'm told

And your face is awfully close to their jaws, dont think I'd be trying this one.

downonthefarm wrote: »

This would have been helpful in Auschwitz

The ranks of the totenkopf werent made up completely of alsations, there was also some guards, with guns, and the barbed wire etc, sticking your finger up the guard dogs bum probably wouldnt do you any favours

rolliepoley · 03-01-2014 11:06PM

I seen a person kill a dog with one kick to the ribs, also as one poster said, grab both front legs and pull apart.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 03-01-2014 11:06PM

Wibbs wrote: »

:eek: Bloody hell S, I'll bet that was scary. Jesus. No man, fair play, you did what you had to do when they were trying to do what they were trying to do. *doffs hat*.

TBH I'd much rather bump into a pack of wolves than a group of domestic dogs gone feral. With wolves, unless you're being a real dickhead they'll leave you well alone, as they're naturally cautious of people and 9 times outa 10 would bugger off and look for easier pickings, but feral dogs have no such qualms as they have little fear of people. They're often less predictable too. Even in areas where people live cheek by jowl with wolves and wild domestic dogs, they fear the dogs way more.

Thanks Wibbs,yes it was scary as hell and there was nobody else on the beach to assist.We had just left a nightclub and were heading back to the hotel.I often wonder what would have happened if they got the better of us.

Ruu · 03-01-2014 11:07PM

One sickening karate chop but only if your name is Trent. Haha!

kjl · 03-01-2014 11:14PM

I have this mad friend who spends his life reading things on the internet (bit like me). We were on holidays in Portugal and there was this rottweiler yapping away madly. He goes up to it and based on something he read kisses it on the nose and the next thing the dog turns to mush and start putting his head in and being very affectionate with my friend.

Now, if I read the same article I still don't think I would have done it, but it was an amazing site to behold.

woodoo · 03-01-2014 11:28PM

On the finger up the ass method. I once seen something on TV where a guy was explaining how to get Pitt bulls to stop an attack. One method was to cover their nose so they run out of breath and release their grip or the other method they respond to is a finger up their arse.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 04-01-2014 01:20AM

A colleague of mine was at a houseparty when the hosts Staffordshire decided to lock on to one of the guests Jackrussell"s neck.
The only way they could get the Staff off the poor dogs neck was to hold a lighter to his arse.

Moral of the story,dont bring dogs to sessions lads.

Well the canine variety anyway.

WilyCoyote · 04-01-2014 01:24AM

Sky King wrote: »

The people of the Alsace region like good food so the best approach would be to distract the Alsatian with a nice bottle of merlot and an impressive cheeseboard while you make your move

That you Lorraine?

Munstermad · 04-01-2014 01:51AM

By far my favourite breed for a good reason.. Used to live in a v v rough neighbourhood as a kid. Had been bitten, chased by various dogs, and groups of dogs. All part of growing up.. Despite this still love 'em. Never really feared them, still don't.
This was 30 years ago when dogs were left roam estates freely..
One day I was running a stick along a back garden fence (which I had been doing daily over a period of 2 or 3 weeks) The very tormented yet beautiful specimen of an Alsatian inside decided enough was enough... And jumped the fence... In my mind it was about 10 feet.. but as a 10 year old girl was definitely higher than I was.. he barked at me, scared the bejaysus out of me!!!!! He jumped up, face to face, paws on my shoulders, and was easily as tall as I was, with eye to eye contact.. I was backed to a wall.. nose to nose he just looked at me and then walked off.. Pretty much telling me to cop the f**k on!! My family are bored rigid with that story so I though I'd share the love.. Honestly though, I respect those dogs so much...

Morph the Cat · 04-01-2014 01:53AM

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Guillotine choke

You've never done one have you?

tim3000 · 04-01-2014 01:57AM

If you have to the best way I have heard is to take off your jumper and wrap it around your weak hand. This acts as a something for the dog to grip onto and shake. With your dominant hand free to attack it. This also means you can kick and poke its eyes as well.

Aphex · 04-01-2014 01:59AM

Hootanany wrote: »

Grab it 2 front legs and pull them apart les something to it heart so I'm told

He wants to fight the dog, not dance with it and make it fall in love with him

mfergus · 04-01-2014 02:02AM

If your left with no other option, finger in the eye or ear. Shepherds have really sensitive ears with a wide canal...

gctest50 · 04-01-2014 02:16AM

tim3000 wrote: »

If you have to the best way I have heard is to take off your jumper and wrap it around your weak hand. This acts as a something for the dog to grip onto and shake. With your dominant hand free to attack it. This also means you can kick and poke its eyes as well.

Are you going to go " Hang on there a minute Shep until I take off my jumper"

Dyr · 04-01-2014 02:25AM

I used to own german shepherds, the hoors gets a bit of jump on ya then you're in trouble, If you can control their head from behind you might be able to hold it off, you can't really pick them up either usually

Sir Osis of Liver. · 04-01-2014 02:26AM

So,the only way to kill Alsation is to finger him in the ear,eye and arse and fist him down the gob.
Might just go straight for the anal myself just to be sure I finish him.

How to fight an Alsatian?

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