Advertisement
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.
Hi all, please see this major site announcement: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058427594/boards-ie-2026

How to fight an Alsatian?

  • 03-01-2014 09:32PM
    #1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 120 ✭✭


    If you were cornered with no escape and a vicious Alsatian attacked you, how would you defend yourself?

    Inspired by my uncle's Alsatian scaring the sh1t out of me, was convinced he could jump the fence. Nearly had a heart attack.

    I don't think kicks and punches would have much effect, so I'd probably attempt to mount it from behind and strangle it. Don't think it would work though.I'd be incapacited from multiple bites.


«13456

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,516 ✭✭✭wazky


    Make sure to have a friend with you who you can outrun.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    Choke it out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,516 ✭✭✭wazky


    Choke it out.

    Danger ****?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,605 ✭✭✭✭kneemos


    Turn your back on him...seriously.
    Confuses the fcuk out of them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,570 ✭✭✭Mint Aero


    Boxing, Queensbury rules. Or a duel, pistols at dawn.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 433 ✭✭e.r


    Kick in the ball bag and run


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    Chefrio wrote: »
    If you were cornered with no escape and a vicious Alsatian attacked you, how would you defend yourself?

    Inspired by my uncle's Alsatian scaring the sh1t out of me, was convinced he could jump the fence. Nearly had a heart attack.

    I don't think kicks and punches would have much effect, so I'd probably attempt to mount it from behind and strangle it. Don't think it would work though.I'd be incapacited from multiple bites.

    That's illegal.

    You do know that. Right?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Put your elbow / forearm into the dogs mouth while trying to jam fingers into the dogs eyes with the other hand.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,479 ✭✭✭Hootanany


    Grab it 2 front legs and pull them apart les something to it heart so I'm told


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,381 ✭✭✭Doom


    Head butt it to death


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,820 ✭✭✭Sir Osis of Liver.


    Alsation,human,shark,crocodile.
    All the above are stunned with a punch in the nose.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,219 ✭✭✭woodoo


    Finger up the ass.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭downonthefarm


    This would have been helpful in Auschwitz


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,953 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    Guillotine choke


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,598 ✭✭✭Duff


    Spine-buster followed by a leg drop.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,344 ✭✭✭Skill Magill


    Embiggen yourself


  • Posts: 5,334 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,075 ✭✭✭Wattle


    Become a dog whisperer.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,442 ✭✭✭shamrock55


    Id catch him by the tail and swing him over my head like a helicopter blade


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 927 ✭✭✭Icaras


    Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

    What if he pee'd on OP's fancy new shoes? Hurt feelings can take twice as long to heal


  • Advertisement
  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 120 ✭✭Chefrio


    Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

    :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,147 ✭✭✭PizzamanIRL


    Bit of peanut butter. Bit of quick belt loosening. Sorted.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    How to fight an Alsatian?

    The people of the Alsace region like good food so the best approach would be to distract the Alsatian with a nice bottle of merlot and an impressive cheeseboard while you make your move


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Sports Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 12,673 Mod ✭✭✭✭artanevilla


    Fingers in the eyes/arse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,219 ✭✭✭woodoo


    Since Alsations are a controlled breed, it won't be a problem as they have to be muzzled when in public. It's not going to hurt you with a muzzle on.

    :D

    You must be joking, no dogs are ever muzzled where i'm from. Rotties, Alsatians, Staffies etc all walked near my house and never muzzled. Its a farce.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 385 ✭✭VONSHIRACH


    Deftly remove a pen from your inner suit pocket and do one of the following;

    1/ plunge pen str8 into one of the dogs eyes
    2/ do the same to the remaining eye of the dog
    3/ embed the pen deeply in the dog's neck
    4/ embed the pen deeply in one of the dog's ears


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,669 ✭✭✭Riddle101


    Alsatians have bad hips, so maybe a kick to the hip will take one down.

    That being said, I imaging wrestling it will do the trick. "Hey Wolfie! Put down that hors d'oeuvre, it's time for the main"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,750 ✭✭✭john the one


    If yoy have an accomplice you could try this:
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BRS3h9hbsxM

    If not god speed


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 678 ✭✭✭kevovek




  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    He's got teeth and powerful jaws, but you have arms and hands and knees and brains and you're gonna be rocking a fair few stones in weight advantage. So long as your defence is full on attack, with no quarter given, there are few enough domestic dog breeds as a single animal that would take down a determined adult man(or indeed woman). Beardogs and the like, yea. An Irish wolfhound with the blood up and you'd be in serious trouble, but luckily they're all big softies. Which is a Very Good Thing*. I'm no strongman by any measure, but few dog breeds would worry me if it was an actual fight to the end. Well... no, I'd be shítting myself, but a lot less than if I was up against another human. It would be similar to a knife fight though, you'll have to accept you're gonna get injured.

    Where you would be screwed is if you try running away, that's when the dog has the upper hand/paw. Never run from a dog that has gone to def con one. It triggers prey instinct and aggression. Stand your ground and attack. Sensitive areas would be the chest and abdomen and dogs are likely to expose that as they tend to jump and go for the upper body arms and throat area. Wild dogs and wolves tend to go for the hamstrings and legs aiming to cause massive trauma and bleed you out. Plus they've got way higher strength and bite force, are practiced and are in a group so in that case you're utterly boned without a weapon.




    *they're one of the very few Wolfhound breeds bred to take on an adult wolf one on one. Most others are designed to work as a pack.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



Advertisement
Advertisement