sneaky male snip

hedgehog2 · 15-12-2013 10:41PM #1

I was out with a friend of mine the other night and he casually says ohh I had a vascetomy last week.
His missus and himself have a young child and he absolutely hates being a parent.He never wanted children and it was always a bone between them.
There are many reasons lack of sleep,financials and he wants to emigrate in a yr with his job to the states.
She is keen to move but wants 2 more kids,he did not want to split with her so said he was away with work down the country,took some hols he had and had the snip.
He aint telling her either,I kind of see his point in it but feel she will rumble him.
Would you do this or just be open with the missus.

Ihatecuddles · 15-12-2013 10:44PM

I would be absolutely heartbroken to find out my partner did that. Thankfully we've discussed children and came to a compromise that we are both happy with. I would be so upset that he lied to me.

Do you think she'll find out? If she thinks she's having 2 more kids, I'm sure he'll be rumbled when she wants him to go for expensive tests or maybe IVF when it isn't working out and she wants to know why.

Spring Onion · 15-12-2013 10:45PM

hedgehog2 wrote: »

I was out with a friend of mine the other night and he casually says ohh I had a vascetomy last week.
His missus and himself have a young child and he absolutely hates being a parent.He never wanted children and it was always a bone between them.
There are many reasons lack of sleep,financials and he wants to emigrate in a yr with his job to the states.
She is keen to move but wants 2 more kids,he did not want to split with her so said he was away with work down the country,took some hols he had and had the snip.
He aint telling her either,I kind of see his point in it but feel she will rumble him.
Would you do this or just be open with the missus.

Teyla Emmagan · 15-12-2013 10:45PM

She will go ape**** when she finds out. And that's a really dishonest thing to do to someone you're supposedly in a relationship with, if it's true. Wait till she's discussing IVF by the end of the year and he has to come clean.

SV · 15-12-2013 10:46PM

Divorce/Break up in 3..2..1..

mloc123 · 15-12-2013 10:48PM

Jesus... this sounds like a relationship that is really going to last.

Mrmoe · 15-12-2013 10:50PM

It will be awkward when she does become pregnant

highgiant1985 · 15-12-2013 10:52PM

hedgehog2 wrote: »

He aint telling her either,

I can't wait till she announces shes pregnant again... my moneys on the best mate

:D

Mince Pie · 15-12-2013 10:52PM

How can people not discuss this topic before committing and getting married! Its such a huge part of any relationship the wanting/not wanting children.
I broke up with my previous partner because of it. I didn't want kids and he knew from the off that that's how I felt then changed his mind a few years down the line.
Horrible situation.

highgiant1985 · 15-12-2013 10:52PM

Mrmoe wrote: »

It will be awkward when she does become pregnant

ah damn it you beat me to it

meoklmrk91 · 15-12-2013 10:53PM

I think it's a scumbag move, it's akin to a woman coming off their pill to get preggers without telling her partner. It's just bad form. Kids is just one of those things you can't compromise on, if he didn't want kids and she did then they are incompatible and that's the end of the road really. She is entitled to have more kids if she wants to just as he is entitled not to. It's trickery and its bad form.

MurdyWurdy · 15-12-2013 10:54PM

God, the poor woman. She'll be hoping to get pregnant every month and then will be disappointed when her period arrives, and then she'll start to worry what is wrong with her, and will probably subject herself to some pretty nasty and invasive tests.

What an inconceivably cruel thing to do to someone you are supposed to love

hedgehog2 · 15-12-2013 10:54PM

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

She will go ape**** when she finds out. And that's a really dishonest thing to do to someone you're supposedly in a relationship with, if it's true. Wait till she's discussing IVF by the end of the year and he has to come clean.

Thing is he is so laid back about it thst he reckons she wont know and it wont hurt her.
The child was a pure fluke,she had thought no way she cud have kids as her sister has something wrong with her repo organs app its genetic.
Anyway they were not going down ivf route for expense and mainly disappointment.
This how he thinks he is in the clear and sees him bonding better or handling their only child in the with less frustration.
I still see him getting caught but he is remarkably good at avoiding these things

Sunnyisland · 15-12-2013 10:57PM

Well this relationship will end in kids tears...

Pen.Island · 15-12-2013 10:57PM

mauzo! wrote: »

I would be absolutely heartbroken to find out my partner did that. Thankfully we've discussed children and came to a compromise that we are both happy with. I would be so upset that he lied to me.

Do you think she'll find out? If she thinks she's having 2 more kids, I'm sure he'll be rumbled when she wants him to go for expensive tests or maybe IVF when it isn't working out and she wants to know why.

Not long ago you were single? Now you've been discussing kids with a "partner"?

SV · 15-12-2013 10:58PM

hedgehog2 wrote: »

Thing is he is so laid back about it thst he reckons she wont know and it wont hurt her.
The child was a pure fluke,she had thought no way she cud have kids as her sister has something wrong with her repo organs app its genetic.
Anyway they were not going down ivf route for expense and mainly disappointment.
This how he thinks he is in the clear and sees him bonding better or handling their only child in the with less frustration.
I still see him getting caught but he is remarkably good at avoiding these things

The only way a secret that big stays a secret is if only the person involved is in the know about it.
That isn't the case and it will come out, without a shadow of a doubt.

Foxhound38 · 15-12-2013 11:01PM

She will go absolutely mad when she finds out (I say when because she will inevitably find out), and if she doesn't immediately de-bollock him at that time, she'll probably make him get it reversed.

Far better for him to just come clean about it and discuss the whole issue with her. It might be something they may well not be able to get passed. It's sort of a make or break issue unfortunately, there isn't much room for compromise when it comes to kids...

michellie · 15-12-2013 11:02PM

I also feel sorry for the child he has since he hates being a parent. Your friend doesn't come across as being a nice person

Mince Pie · 15-12-2013 11:04PM

Pen.Island wrote: »

Not long ago you were single? Now you've been discussing kids with a "partner"?

She's pregnant so shes obviously discussed it with her other half. I'm hoping this is right cos I believe I made her sick in the sandwich thread.
Its hardly the point anyway, this is about being deceitful in a heinous way to a partner.

Mince Pie · 15-12-2013 11:05PM

Foxhound38 wrote: »

She will go absolutely mad when she finds out (I say when because she will inevitably find out), and if she doesn't immediately de-bollock him at that time, she'll probably make him get it reversed.

Far better for him to just come clean about it and discuss the whole issue with her. It might be something they may well not be able to get passed. It's sort of a make or break issue unfortunately, there isn't much room for compromise when it comes to kids...

You can't "make" someone have a procedure.

Teyla Emmagan · 15-12-2013 11:08PM

hedgehog2 wrote: »

Thing is he is so laid back about it thst he reckons she wont know and it wont hurt her.
The child was a pure fluke,she had thought no way she cud have kids as her sister has something wrong with her repo organs app its genetic.
Anyway they were not going down ivf route for expense and mainly disappointment.
This how he thinks he is in the clear and sees him bonding better or handling their only child in the with less frustration.
I still see him getting caught but he is remarkably good at avoiding these things

That's terrible. Poor woman

.

Pen.Island · 15-12-2013 11:10PM

Mince Pie wrote: »

She's pregnant so shes obviously discussed it with her other half. I'm hoping this is right cos I believe I made her sick in the sandwich thread.
Its hardly the point anyway, this is about being deceitful in a heinous way to a partner.

Porkies.

Fr_Dougal · 15-12-2013 11:13PM

Interesting to see the opinions voiced in this thread.

His body, his choice IMO.

15-12-2013 11:13PM

hedgehog2 wrote: »

I was out with a friend of mine the other night and he casually says ohh I had a vascetomy last week.
His missus and himself have a young child and he absolutely hates being a parent.He never wanted children and it was always a bone between them.
There are many reasons lack of sleep,financials and he wants to emigrate in a yr with his job to the states.
She is keen to move but wants 2 more kids,he did not want to split with her so said he was away with work down the country,took some hols he had and had the snip.
He aint telling her either,I kind of see his point in it but feel she will rumble him.
Would you do this or just be open with the missus.

Are they actually married?

He's a sociopath. He's going to put her through an emotionally devastating cycle of hope and disappointment, anxiety and upset, for as long as he can get away with it, rather than tell her what he's done. He's very likely going to ruin her life if he keeps it up long enough.

He's an absolute **** and he doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself if he's willing to put anybody through that.

liliq · 15-12-2013 11:13PM

Pen.Island wrote: »

Porkies.

Relevant?!

I'd go fu(king mental if my husband did that, it would be a potential deal breaker situation.
It's definitely something that should be discussed before marriage/ commitment. Then again, maybe they did discuss it and the kiddo they have changed the game. Sad, but possible.

electrobanana · 15-12-2013 11:13PM

I taught this thread was going to be about some kind of ninja circumcision story

hedgehog2 · 15-12-2013 11:14PM

SV wrote: »

The only way a secret that big stays a secret is if only the person involved is in the know about it.
That isn't the case and it will come out, without a shadow of a doubt.

Ive been friends with him.for yrs and as far as I know the only one who knows the secret.
Why i had to post anonymous here as its been on my mind for a few days half amused at his cloak and dagger tactics but also a bit shocked.
Dare not mention it to my missus,he is under tremendous stress with work as he is corp lawyer and the baby at present is causing him to miss deadlines from the lack of sleep and he never operates like this.

15-12-2013 11:14PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Interesting to see the opinions voiced in this thread.

His body, his choice IMO.

He's morally obligated to tell his partner. She's living under the assumption that they have mutual plans. He's perfectly entitled to do what he wants with his body. He's morally compelled to let his wife in on it though.

Mince Pie · 15-12-2013 11:15PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Interesting to see the opinions voiced in this thread.

His body, his choice IMO.

That's very true but don't make a commitment and have a child with someone if you don't want children. Unfair on the partner and the child.

goose2005 · 15-12-2013 11:15PM

"a friend of mine"

sure

liliq · 15-12-2013 11:15PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

His body, his choice IMO.

If he did want kids, and she had had an abortion, would the same apply?

For what it's worth, I agree his body god choice, to an extent.
But *their* relationship, their family... His choice?

sneaky male snip

Comments