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My wife is dying

  • 30-11-2013 02:26AM
    #1
    Play To Kill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭


    I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

    We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.


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Comments

  • #2
    taytobreath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭taytobreath


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

    We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.
    Oh my god I am so sorry . my heart goes out to you i hope you have positive news soon, you are posting in the wrong forum , but god bless you and your wife


  • #3
    weiland79
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,320 ✭✭✭weiland79


    This is definatly not the right place for your thread.

    I'm very sorry for your troubles


  • #4
    taytobreath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭taytobreath


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

    We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127


  • #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,909 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    If you can get home at all then do. Your need to be there for your wife but you need people to be there for you.


  • #6
    Stinicker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,098 ✭✭✭Stinicker


    weiland79 wrote: »
    This is definatly not the right place for your thread.

    I'm very sorry for your troubles

    Hopefully a Mod will move this to personal issues.


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  • #7
    Sauve
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,646 ✭✭✭✭Sauve


    I'm so sorry to hear that OP.
    It'll take you both a bit of time to get your heads around this, allow yourself that.

    Apart from the practicalities, you really don't have to 'do' anything except be there. Your presence and support will be a huge comfort to your wife.

    Do you have anyone back home that might take a trip out to you? Or even that you can call and have a good chat with?

    You're in my thoughts, good vibes going your way tonight.


  • #8
    Kikin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 127 ✭✭Kikin


    I know AH can be a playground at times but I genuinely don't think anyone is low enough to troll on this one.

    I'm sorry to hear your news OP and hope you and your wife's situation improves if that is at all possible. Is there no option at all now for you guys to move home ?


  • #9
    Boombastic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    That's rough. :(

    Make the most of the time you have together. Find something, however small to laugh at together each day. Say what you would normally say, Hard as it is, try not to let the illness consume the precious time you have together. Eat well, try to sleep well , get family and friends support, even if over the phone/Skype - you need to be strong for her but don't neglect yourself.


  • #10
    Play To Kill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭Play To Kill


    Stinicker wrote: »
    Hopefully a Mod will move this to personal issues.

    I'm old enough to have the ability to brush off the inevitable bad taste jokes that come with after hours. I just felt that this forum would most likely have the most users and therefor most likely to have someone who can give me some practical advice.


  • #11
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,234 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    I hope the other AH'ers give this thread the respect it deserves.

    I am so sorry to hear your very sad news. I hope you have the strength and wherewithal to get through it.

    I Lost my father to cancer and if I had the time again I would do things so differently. One thing I will say is that don't think of yourself (within reason) and devote your time to your wife and making her time as easy and as happy as possible.

    I wish you every blessing and good luck.


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  • #12
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

    We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.
    You have my deepest sympathies op. My advice is to go to the hospital and be with your wife. Saver every moment with her while you can.


  • #13
    taytobreath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭taytobreath


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I'm old enough to have the ability to brush off the inevitable bad taste jokes that come with after hours. I just felt that this forum would most likely have the most users and therefor most likely to have someone who can give me some practical advice.

    ok.
    give some details where you are from and where your wife is from and see if anyone can do to help


  • #14
    Killer Wench
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,386 ✭✭✭Killer Wench


    I am sorry about your news. I did a quick google search to find out if there are support groups for individuals dealing with terminally ill relatives.

    I found this website, but maybe there are local groups that can provide support?

    http://www.carers.ie/homepage.aspx


  • #15
    Dempsey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,529 ✭✭✭✭Dempsey


    My deepest sympathies

    youll both need the support of your families and closest friends so coming home should be considered.


  • #16
    up for anything
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,791 ✭✭✭up for anything


    Sorry to hear of your awful news and the isolation you feel.

    Are you feeling lost because you haven't been there that long and haven't a solid friend base?

    What country did you emigrate to? I am sure where ever you are that people here know people there and can put you in contact with some of them. It's always good to have people around you in circumstances like that.


  • #17
    Play To Kill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭Play To Kill


    taytobreath wrote: »
    ok.
    give some details where you are from and where your wife is from and see if anyone can do to help

    I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.


  • #18
    petrolcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 898 ✭✭✭petrolcan


    Make the best of what you have.

    Life is **** and screws you over.


  • #19
    petrolcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 898 ✭✭✭petrolcan


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.

    I'm in Watford and happy to lend an ear if needed right now.


  • #20
    AlanS181824
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,575 ✭✭✭AlanS181824


    I'm so sorry to hear that, terrible news especially at this time of year.
    Thoughts are with you both.


  • #21
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,626 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    If you're in the UK then go to the hospital and talk to someone there. They'll usually have a person who is tasked with talking to and informing family members and people in your position and help you to make arrangements etc. And as others have said, you really need some family or friends around you at this time.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, and wish the best for you and your wife.


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  • #22
    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,634 ✭✭✭Aint Eazy Being Cheezy


    Sorry for your trouble. I really hope you find a solution to benefit you and your wife, this is a tough time of year to be dealing with it.

    Wish you all the best.


  • #23
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

    Edit: will leave here for a while longer


  • #24
    Lapin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,183 ✭✭✭✭Lapin


    Thats the most heartbreaking post I've ever read here OP.

    PM sent.


  • #25
    Sauve
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,646 ✭✭✭✭Sauve


    Play To Kill wrote: »
    I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.

    Call someone.
    On your side first, for your own sake, and let them help you talk to hers.

    As soon as your family and friends know they'll rally around, you need that.


  • #26
    taytobreath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭taytobreath


    you will get some fantastic advice over in the personal issues forum, but maybe you might strike it lucky here as you are hoping, as along with all the posters here i hope you have a positive outcome regarding your wife, good luck. and im very sorry for your troubles even though they are empty words right now


  • #27
    Play To Kill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 485 ✭✭Play To Kill


    Ruubot2 wrote: »
    Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

    Anything that anyone would say would be the least of my worries, I know what after hours is. I would prefer for the thread to be left open because of the traffic after hours has and the likelyhood of finding others who have been in this situation who can give me a bit of support and guidance.


  • #28
    petrolcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 898 ✭✭✭petrolcan


    Ruubot2 wrote: »
    Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

    Edit: will leave here for a while longer

    I think you are underestimating AH tbh.


  • #29
    Meirleach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 253 ✭✭Meirleach


    Whoever said to talk to the hospital was spot on. Quite often they have counselors on staff, they'd at least be able to point you in the right direction for further help.

    Hang in there.


  • #30
    Lapin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,183 ✭✭✭✭Lapin


    The UK Forum might be another good place, especially the London thread if you're in the South East.

    At least people on that side of the Irish Sea can be of more immediate support the we can here.

    It might be worth talking to your GP too. He or she will have seen people in your situation many times before and will dut you in touch with any of the support services that are there to help.


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  • #31
    Janedoe10
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 479 ✭✭Janedoe10


    I'm sorry that u had to post here but in a way it's good. you are just finding a way to gather your thoughts and thank you for that ..

    You will be fine . U know that yourself but u need to talk to your wife .. It may be silly questions butte have to have the "talk"


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