My wife is dying

Play To Kill

I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.

taytobreath

Play To Kill wrote: »

I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.

Oh my god I am so sorry . my heart goes out to you i hope you have positive news soon, you are posting in the wrong forum , but god bless you and your wife

weiland79

This is definatly not the right place for your thread.

I'm very sorry for your troubles

taytobreath

Play To Kill wrote: »

I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127

If you can get home at all then do. Your need to be there for your wife but you need people to be there for you.

Stinicker

weiland79 wrote: »

This is definatly not the right place for your thread.

I'm very sorry for your troubles

Hopefully a Mod will move this to personal issues.

Sauve

I'm so sorry to hear that OP.
It'll take you both a bit of time to get your heads around this, allow yourself that.

Apart from the practicalities, you really don't have to 'do' anything except be there. Your presence and support will be a huge comfort to your wife.

Do you have anyone back home that might take a trip out to you? Or even that you can call and have a good chat with?

You're in my thoughts, good vibes going your way tonight.

Kikin

I know AH can be a playground at times but I genuinely don't think anyone is low enough to troll on this one.

I'm sorry to hear your news OP and hope you and your wife's situation improves if that is at all possible. Is there no option at all now for you guys to move home ?

Boombastic

That's rough.

Make the most of the time you have together. Find something, however small to laugh at together each day. Say what you would normally say, Hard as it is, try not to let the illness consume the precious time you have together. Eat well, try to sleep well , get family and friends support, even if over the phone/Skype - you need to be strong for her but don't neglect yourself.

Play To Kill

Stinicker wrote: »

Hopefully a Mod will move this to personal issues.

I'm old enough to have the ability to brush off the inevitable bad taste jokes that come with after hours. I just felt that this forum would most likely have the most users and therefor most likely to have someone who can give me some practical advice.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I hope the other AH'ers give this thread the respect it deserves.

I am so sorry to hear your very sad news. I hope you have the strength and wherewithal to get through it.

I Lost my father to cancer and if I had the time again I would do things so differently. One thing I will say is that don't think of yourself (within reason) and devote your time to your wife and making her time as easy and as happy as possible.

I wish you every blessing and good luck.

Iwasfrozen

Play To Kill wrote: »

I didn't know where to post this, it's not really a personal issue and it's not berevement but I wanted to post this somewhere. Mods please move if there is a more appropriate forum.

We are a middle aged couple who emigrated earlier this year, I had a business that that didn't survive the recession and my wife was made redundant from her job. At the time I thought having to emigrate and leave family and friends behind was the toughest thing I would ever have to do but yesterday we recieved the news that my wife has a terminal illness. At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm sure there must be many others who have had to go through similar circumstances, if you have can please give me some advice and support. I don't even know what to say to my wife and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and a long way from home.

You have my deepest sympathies op. My advice is to go to the hospital and be with your wife. Saver every moment with her while you can.

taytobreath

Play To Kill wrote: »

I'm old enough to have the ability to brush off the inevitable bad taste jokes that come with after hours. I just felt that this forum would most likely have the most users and therefor most likely to have someone who can give me some practical advice.

ok.
give some details where you are from and where your wife is from and see if anyone can do to help

Killer Wench

I am sorry about your news. I did a quick google search to find out if there are support groups for individuals dealing with terminally ill relatives.

I found this website, but maybe there are local groups that can provide support?

http://www.carers.ie/homepage.aspx

Dempsey

My deepest sympathies

youll both need the support of your families and closest friends so coming home should be considered.

up for anything

Sorry to hear of your awful news and the isolation you feel.

Are you feeling lost because you haven't been there that long and haven't a solid friend base?

What country did you emigrate to? I am sure where ever you are that people here know people there and can put you in contact with some of them. It's always good to have people around you in circumstances like that.

Play To Kill

taytobreath wrote: »

ok.
give some details where you are from and where your wife is from and see if anyone can do to help

I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.

petrolcan

Make the best of what you have.

Life is **** and screws you over.

petrolcan

Play To Kill wrote: »

I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.

I'm in Watford and happy to lend an ear if needed right now.

AlanS181824

I'm so sorry to hear that, terrible news especially at this time of year.
Thoughts are with you both.

My name is URL

If you're in the UK then go to the hospital and talk to someone there. They'll usually have a person who is tasked with talking to and informing family members and people in your position and help you to make arrangements etc. And as others have said, you really need some family or friends around you at this time.

I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, and wish the best for you and your wife.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Sorry for your trouble. I really hope you find a solution to benefit you and your wife, this is a tough time of year to be dealing with it.

Wish you all the best.

Ruu

Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

Edit: will leave here for a while longer

Lapin

Thats the most heartbreaking post I've ever read here OP.

PM sent.

Sauve

Play To Kill wrote: »

I'm not that far away, I'm only in the Uk but right now it feels like I'm a million miles away because I I don't know anybody here, I don't even know how to pick up the phone to tell my wifes family. I went to work today as normal, I didn't even know whether to say anything or not, I'm just completely lost right now.

Call someone.
On your side first, for your own sake, and let them help you talk to hers.

As soon as your family and friends know they'll rally around, you need that.

taytobreath

you will get some fantastic advice over in the personal issues forum, but maybe you might strike it lucky here as you are hoping, as along with all the posters here i hope you have a positive outcome regarding your wife, good luck. and im very sorry for your troubles even though they are empty words right now

Play To Kill

Ruubot2 wrote: »

Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

Anything that anyone would say would be the least of my worries, I know what after hours is. I would prefer for the thread to be left open because of the traffic after hours has and the likelyhood of finding others who have been in this situation who can give me a bit of support and guidance.

petrolcan

Ruubot2 wrote: »

Hi OP, I am just not comfortable with the thread placed here. Will leave a redirect so others can follow. My sympathies to you, try and be happy with each other, get your friends and family involved. You will need a good support structure when times get really tough.

Edit: will leave here for a while longer

I think you are underestimating AH tbh.

Meirleach

Whoever said to talk to the hospital was spot on. Quite often they have counselors on staff, they'd at least be able to point you in the right direction for further help.

Hang in there.

Lapin

The UK Forum might be another good place, especially the London thread if you're in the South East.

At least people on that side of the Irish Sea can be of more immediate support the we can here.

It might be worth talking to your GP too. He or she will have seen people in your situation many times before and will dut you in touch with any of the support services that are there to help.

Janedoe10

I'm sorry that u had to post here but in a way it's good. you are just finding a way to gather your thoughts and thank you for that ..

You will be fine . U know that yourself but u need to talk to your wife .. It may be silly questions butte have to have the "talk"

Thoie

Terrible thing to be facing, and I feel for you. From a purely practical perspective, call the hospital first thing in the morning and ask them if they have details of supports for relatives. Most hospitals will have details on both state and volunteer agencies that can provide both practical and emotional support at this time (for example in the UK the Macmillan group provide support for cancer patients and their families). If you google the illness, the country and "support" you'll most likely find something.

At this time all your thoughts and concern will be for your wife, but, as clichéd as it may sound, you need to take care of yourself as well. When a loved one is ill it's very easy to wear yourself out looking after them at the start. Try to get proper sleep (easier said than done) and a proper meal every day. Consider services like grocery delivery to save you the effort of shopping. Ask friends/family at home for suggestions of decent meals that are healthy and easy to cook, to help save some of your brain power.

Learn to delegate. People will ask "is there anything I can do?". Make notes of things that need doing, but don't have to be done by you. Examples would be things like buying extra PJs/nighties/dressing gown/slippers. Friends and family at home could order those online for express delivery straight to the hospital/house. Keep a notebook and pen with you, and by your wife's bedside for keeping notes - notes of things you want to ask doctors, notes of things to buy/bring (toothbrush, toothpaste, phone charger, newspaper...). Your brain has a lot to deal with at the moment - let paper do the remembering of trivial things for you.

If you really need a shoulder tonight, most countries have an equivalent of the Samaritans, and they will be happy to listen to you, or just chat to you at any hour of the day or night.

petrolcan

Play To Kill wrote: »

Anything that anyone would say would be the least of my worries, I know what after hours is. I would prefer for the thread to be left open because of the traffic after hours has and the likelyhood of finding others who have been in this situation who can give me a bit of support and guidance.

I've PM'd you my number. I'm only up for a short while tonight but if I can help just call.

taytobreath

petrolcan wrote: »

I've PM'd you my number. I'm only up for a short while tonight but if I can help just call.

arent people very good

good on you.

Birneybau

I'm sorry to hear it o.p, I truly am.

I hope the posts remain respectful, AH can be alright sometimes.

Play To Kill

Meirleach wrote: »

Whoever said to talk to the hospital was spot on.

I'm going to give a typical after hours hours answer to this, hospital my ****ing hole!

For 9 months they have been sending my wife home even after being brought there by ambulance on 3 occasions. They have diagnosed her several times as having something other than what she actually has. It turns out that she has liver and Kidney failure and it has progressed past a point where they can treat her. I don't want to speak to anybody in any ****ing hospital ever again. Thanks for your suggestion and sorry for my typical after hours answer.

petrolcan

Play To Kill wrote: »

I'm going to give a typical after hours hours answer to this, hospital my ****ing hole!

For 9 months they have been sending my wife home even after being brought there by ambulance on 3 occasions. They have diagnosed her several times as having something other than what she actually has. It turns out that she has liver and Kidney failure and it has progressed past a point where they can treat her. I don't want to speak to anybody in any ****ing hospital ever again. Thanks for your suggestion and sorry for my typical after hours answer.

Anger is perfectly understandable. Use it to channel your direction in making sure things are done right.

If the worst happens, sue the feckers for all they are worth.

Offer of a chat still open.

Stained Class

Sorry to hear that OP.

My Wife had a brush with cancer this year (thankfully not serious) & I can feel the situation you're in right now.

My thoughts are with you.

Turtwig

Play To Kill wrote: »

I'm going to give a typical after hours hours answer to this, hospital my ****ing hole!

For 9 months they have been sending my wife home even after being brought there by ambulance on 3 occasions. They have diagnosed her several times as having something other than what she actually has. It turns out that she has liver and Kidney failure and it has progressed past a point where they can treat her. I don't want to speak to anybody in any ****ing hospital ever again. Thanks for your suggestion and sorry for my typical after hours answer.

I cannot empathise enough with your situation but I must strongly emphasize that you regain dialogue with the hospital. They hold all the various supports and contact info that you need.

Karl Stein

Play To Kill wrote: »

my wife has a terminal illness

+

At the moment she is alone in hospital and I am at home alone.

=

be with her.

petrolcan

Jernal wrote: »

I cannot empathise enough with your situation but I must strongly emphasize that you regain dialogue with the hospital. They hold all the various supports and contact info that you need.

Allow the anger.

flynnlives

Have you sought a second opinion?
have you researched online the condition and any possible avenues for treatment.

I was in this situation not so long ago with my niece. She has a terminal illness and the next day everyone in the family was on the phone to anyone they know who could but us in touch with consultants and specialists.

Managed to get numbers pretty quickly of consultants in Dublin, london, Chicago and Houston.

They're are experimental treatments and trials ongoing all over the world for various diseases.

I would get onto her GP she had here and ask is there anyone they know and start from there.
I would also speak to the hospital consultant and ask what options no matter how faint you can explore.

campo

Sorry to hear your news OP and I am not ashamed to say I shed a tear for you, my gran ( who brought me up so is more like my mom ) is in hospital dying at the moment so I know how tough it can be, the only advice I can give is be strong for her as she will need you now but don't be afriad to have a cry or talk to someone when you need to.

I wish you all the best

Play To Kill

Carlos Roca wrote: »

+



=

be with her.

Not allowed believe it or not, security eventually persuaded me to leave tonight, good old NHS.

Smidge

Play To Kill wrote: »

Not allowed believe it or not, security eventually persuaded me to leave tonight, good old NHS.

Even given your situation?
Thats a bit tough alright. I get the reason why you have posted here as you really just want to talk and as you rightly say AH has the most traffic.

So talk away there's always someone here

taytobreath

Play To Kill wrote: »

Not allowed believe it or not, security eventually persuaded me to leave tonight, good old NHS.

they wouldnt leave you with your wife in the hospital!! is that the way the hse have gone

Play To Kill

flynnlives wrote: »

Have you sought a second opinion?

I have, I didn't believe the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh opinion. I eventually forced an eight opinion because everytime my wife was sent home from the GP or hospital she just kept getting more and more sick. The seventh opinion was that she had something minor, the eight opinion was more severe and it was confirmed by the ninth and tenth opinion to be terminal.

Smidge

taytobreath wrote: »

they wouldnt leave you with your wife in the hospital!! is that the way the hse have gone

Its the nhs, he is in the UK(would have given the NHS more credit but there you go )

taytobreath

Smidge wrote: »

Its the nhs, he is in the UK(would have given the NHS more credit but there you go )

sorry i got it wrong

DesperateDan

She must be very scared and lost too I'm so very sorry for the both of you.

Spend as much time as you can enjoying eachother's company, after time the shock will pass but you've gotta be the strong one and keep up both of your spirits. You should inform your work, people will hopefully bend over backwards to help you out - life is too fleeting to be working right now.

Smidge

taytobreath wrote: »

sorry i got it wrong

I wasn't being smart