Your most embarrassing sex story

Strada wrote: »

Why are there some many prudes here. Life is for living and Im having the craic

I'd say we all are prudes cause cheating on the wife is a pretty **** thing to do.
Wonder how you'd act if you knew the wife got it nice and good behind your back.
Have the craic before your married. Or failing that and your married... just shag the wife :rolleyes:

My ex and I went to Oxegen a few years ago with another couple and only when the two of us returned back to our tent later that night did we realise that we had the key to the other couple's tent too. So basically we went into our tent and did the sex, while I had my phone close by to answer it when the other couple came back and needed their key. In the middle of the sex my phone rings and I answer it without looking at the number, while inside my ex's vajay, and hear the voice of my mother on the other end . She wanted to give me a call to see how I was getting on. Goodbye, boner.

Post the tape or it didn't happen

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

Hahaha, I didn't have access to the tape! I just hope nobody was actually watching and as a result it's long since been taped over. :eek:

You need to start searching the relevant "adult" websites me thinks
Probably in the amateur section

youtheman wrote: »

Had a (slightly) similar condom-story. Washing Machine broke down at home. Fancy machine that diagnosed the problem itself (“pump or hose blocked”). Had several attempts myself to solve it myself, but was unsuccessful and had to ring the repair man. Wife was at home when he arrived. He arrived into the kitchen when he was finished. Could hardly contain his laughter “well I found the problem, it was a balloon…” and he proceeded to put the offending article on the bench. Wife looked at it and said “that’s not a balloon, it’s a condom”.
She rang me at work and it dawned on me that I would have to have a ‘difficult conversation’ with my oldest son (19 years old). When I collared him he denied all knowledge. I said to him “this can be a short conversation, and in fact I would respect you for having the cop-on to have protection”. But he still denied it. Then the reality hit me, I would have to have the same conversation with the second lad (16 years old). But he denied it also. Anyway, I eventually got to the bottom of it. The eldest son had been given a ‘packet’ of Jonnies at rag-week in College. Slipped out of his jeans in the wash (well that’s my conclusion anyway, and I’m not even to countenance any other explanation. Head firmly in the sand on this one).

Someone's lying to you. One of them has to have had and open condom in their pocket, otherwise it would have been sealed in its little square pack.

kylith wrote: »

Someone's lying to you. One of them has to have had and open condom in their pocket, otherwise it would have been sealed in its little square pack.

Or maybe the 2 boys ARE telling the truth and the other (adult) member of the family needs to be quizzed :eek:

About 3 or 4 years ago I was out with the lads and we were in the Porterhouse having a few brews. We got chatting to these girls and they were pretty well on. I made a quiet exit with one of the girls back to her apartment and we were having a bit of fun and frolicks which took us to the bedroom.

I was going down on her (and from what I good tell doing a really good job of it) she threw her legs over my shoulders as she lay on her back with me at the end of her bed doing the do. Anyway started to arch her back moan. At one stage she arched up pretty high and had her feet on me back. When she dropped back down to the bed she farted right in my face. Not a queef or a bed squeak, a full blown fart. I had me mouth open and me tongue out so I got it in the mouth and between the smell and the taste I nearly puked into her snatch. It was awful.

I lost all will to continue on bar her requests for me to stay and her apologies. I got dressed all the while dry heaving and gagging and left. I went back down to the lads in the porterhouse who where still with the rest of her mates. Needless to say she never came back to the pub and it took every fibre of my being to not to tell them all what happened in case it spoiled the lads chances with any of the other girls. We ended up leaving the pub just the lads and I told them on the way home. It turned out me mate got one of the girls numbers during the night and texted her to tell her what happened me.

Bogwoppit wrote: »

When I was in uni in England one of my housemates pulled a bird and went back to her place where she was still living with her parents.
He was a fairly big lad and the 2 of them were pretty hammered when I saw them leave the club.

He told me next day that he woke up in the bed with her the next morning and their energetics had caused a structural failure in the bed frame resulting in the mattress now resting on the floor.

This was bad enough and he couldn't decide whether to wake his conquest or to try sneak out unnoticed. Unfortunately his dilemma was answered for him when her father came into the room and woke her up asking whether she had seen the dog when she came in last night (completely ignoring my mate in the bed).

Frantic searching around the house and garden for the dog (small miniature thing) yielded no results until my mate tried to see if he could fix the bed.

Lo and behold, there was the dog, now slightly flatter and a lot quieter than before.

I met her in a pub a few weeks later and she confirmed it was true.

Poor dog

An urban legend surely

suicide_circus wrote: »

An urban legend surely

Definitely not made up, the guy was traumatised for months after.

The embarrassing moment was with the unfortunate lady I was with one night we both fancied trying the 'jacksie' entrance. It was a first time for both of us. The first entrance was only mind blowing and created a total orgasmic experience for both of us. Well temptation was too much and after the equipment gt blood back into it again we went at it again. There I was banking away nicely lubed when a sudden 'whiff' started to rise. I looked down and the poor woman had dirtied herself and of course my equipment. She was Morto but I didn't mind and felt for her. I treatec her to dinner after and told her to forget it, those things happen.

Once upon a time was ridin' away, all the doors open in the house no one else there but the dog, she got wound up with the excitement and just at the very worst possible moment ran into my room & jumped up on the bed between us. Yes, my dog ended up covered in cells. Embarrassing for him and the dog, more hilarious for myself. :pac: