The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

^^^^^^ That really make me laugh ^^^^^

A very quiet and innocent young priest was visiting a convent in a very bad and seedy part of town. As he got of out of taxi, a working girl shouted out, "Hey fadder, 25 quid for a blowjob!". He was both mortified and confused. He had no idea what a blowjob was. He ignored the girl and walked on towards the convent. As he approached the door, another young woman shouted "fadder, 25 quid for a blowjob". Were these women offering him work or something? He ignored her and knocked on the convent door.

As he was answered and greeted by the mother superior, he asked sheepishly, "Mother, can you tell me please, what is a blowjob?".
"25 quid, same as outside" she replied.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

:P

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of
coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?"
he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her
husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my
daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

This story takes place on a Native American reservation. One night, it was very, very cold; so cold that people had to bundle together to stay warm.

Coincidently, nine months later, at the reservation hospital, there were so many women in labor on the same day that every bed in the maternity ward was full. When another woman came in, the staff found a deer skin and stretched it out on top of some pillows to provide for her a comfortable place to deliver. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Another woman came in, so the staff found a buffalo skin and stretched it out on top of some pillows to give her a comfortable place to deliver. She gave birth to healthy twin baby boys....

Finally, yet another woman came in. The staff scrambled around, and found the skin of a hippopotamus (a traveling circus had been passing through the area earlier that year and their hippo had died...). They stretched it out on top of some pillows to give her a comfortable place to deliver. She gave birth to triplets - three healthy baby boys.

The story is just another validation of a well-known truism:
:pac:

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.