Joey Essex-isms

yerwanthere123 · 22-11-2013 06:23PM

A friend of mine once tried insisting to me that Australia is a part of Britain.

We don't speak much now.

wretcheddomain · 22-11-2013 06:39PM

silly wrote: »

Do you watch The Only Way is Essex?

I know someone who thinks that driving at 50km an hour doesnt mean that you will travel 50 km in an hour..

Are you so credulous that you'll believe absolutely everything you see?

Essex apparently wears a €70,000 Rolex - with a clock face - and you expect me to believe a grown adult would purchase something this expensive that they can't even use?

Moreover, there's absolutely no way on this Earth that somebody in his twenties cannot tell the time, or blow their nose for that matter.

Acting stupid is a lucrative business these days.

He knows perfectly well that the extremities he's pronouncing will get air time and, as such, will gain him lucrative contracts after the program.

AnonoBoy · 22-11-2013 06:40PM

Il Trap wrote: »

A friend of mine once mused, as we walked down O'Connell Street one evening, 'God they're working late in the Spire tonight!'.

It took me a few minutes to realize she was looking at the white lights at the top of it.

I shit you not.

That sounds like a joke. Was it a joke? She was telling a joke, right?

mitosis wrote: »

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

This isn't stupidity - your wife obviously works for the NSA (they get access to the live pictures!)

I once convinced a friend of mine that the way to check if an orange is ripe is to shake it and listen for the juice sloshing around inside. Cue her standing in Super Valu shaking oranges beside her ear for 2 minutes before realising I was taking the p*ss.

seosamh1980 · 22-11-2013 06:42PM

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

A friend of mine once tried insisting to me that Australia is a part of Britain.

We don't speak much now.

Australia was a British colony.

yerwanthere123 · 22-11-2013 06:44PM

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Australia was a British colony.

Was being the important word.

seosamh1980 · 22-11-2013 06:50PM

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

Was being the important word.

What I mean is there is some bit of understanding to that mix up, like I can see where someone might get that idea from, if they were of a confused nature!

Maire2009 · 22-11-2013 06:51PM

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

Was being the important word.

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

yerwanthere123 · 22-11-2013 07:01PM

Maire2009 wrote: »

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

That may be so, but I certainly think it's pretty stupid of someone to think Australia is a part of Britain. I would have thought it's common sense that it is not.

wretcheddomain · 22-11-2013 07:02PM

Maire2009 wrote: »

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

I didn't expect to hear somebody espouse a Joey-ism on this thread, but here's an example right here.

Thanks Maire2009

Maire2009 · 22-11-2013 07:06PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

I didn't expect to hear somebody espouse a Joey-ism on this thread, but here's an example right here.

Thanks Maire2009

The level of stupidity I work with daily, someone thinking Australia is part of Britain isn't at all stupid, believe me. Given there are links, no matter how weak.

Edit: I feel the need to clarify, I don't believe it myself, lived in Oz for a few months, just not the stupidest thing I've heard. Would rank very low.

wretcheddomain · 22-11-2013 07:19PM

Maire2009 wrote: »

The level of stupidity I work with daily

Looks like it has rubbed off if you still maintain some legitimate misunderstanding.

There is no misunderstanding, it's just a daft thing to say.

12gauge dave · 22-11-2013 07:25PM

When I was about 12 way back in 1998 or so I was out playing football with a few friends one of my friends said did u see ronaldos new bird she is well fit I was like what kind of bird is it and how is it so fit?

In my mind I seen a parrot doing marathons not some blonde bombshell

ha

TafLeece · 05-12-2013 04:57PM

My friend once asked which part of a cow does Parma ham come from?

TafLeece · 05-12-2013 04:58PM

He also asked whilst on a lads holiday "is it warmer on the beach because your closer to the sun?"

Warper · 05-12-2013 05:13PM

krudler wrote: »

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

No just ignorant :P

missierex · 05-12-2013 05:21PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Acting stupid is a lucrative business these days.

He knows perfectly well that the extremities he's pronouncing will get air time and, as such, will gain him lucrative contracts after the program.

Jedward being the prime example!

dubsgirl · 05-12-2013 05:25PM

My husband worked on a cruise ship for a while and was asked by an American tourist "Do these stairs go up or down?"

hawkeyethenoo · 05-12-2013 05:36PM

i just found out that his name is joey essex, i thought they just called him that because he was in that show. i guess that counts.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 05-12-2013 05:36PM

krudler wrote: »

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

SV wrote: »

God love someone not having any interest or knowledge of sport, I mean..really?
Hardly the same thing as not being able to read a clock...or temporarily thinking that a lampost was the spire

I would expect its the type of thing anybody would pick up by osmosis. I think it would actually take a concious effort to avoid knowing that a football match is divided into halves, it's something that you would continually hear referenced throughout your life.

MadsL · 05-12-2013 07:38PM

Looking at a river flowing East my wife (a very smart woman with an MBA) asked in all seriousness "Don't all rivers eventually flow South" - it took her a full five minutes to understand why I fell about laughing.

Physical Geography and physics not her strong point.

kowloon · 05-12-2013 07:58PM

I met someone who didn't know eggs came out of chickens. Lived in a city their whole life and had no idea.

05-12-2013 10:20PM

I asked my ex if carbon was the primary element in most living organisms, started going on like "The soil, is that carbon? Trees, are they carbon?" Could tell he was getting a bit annoyed. Then I asked "What about aluminium?"

"That'd be made of aluminium..."

*facepalm*

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 06-12-2013 04:22AM

MadsL wrote: »

Looking at a river flowing East my wife (a very smart woman with an MBA) asked in all seriousness "Don't all rivers eventually flow South" - it took her a full five minutes to understand why I fell about laughing.

Physical Geography and physics not her strong point.

I don't get it?

larchielads · 06-12-2013 05:14AM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Are you so credulous that you'll believe absolutely everything you see?

Essex apparently wears a €70,000 Rolex - with a clock face - and you expect me to believe a grown adult would purchase something this expensive that they can't even use?

Moreover, there's absolutely no way on this Earth that somebody in his twenties cannot tell the time, or blow their nose for that matter.

Acting stupid is a lucrative business these days.

He knows perfectly well that the extremities he's pronouncing will get air time and, as such, will gain him lucrative contracts after the program.

i think its a digital rolex:rolleyes:

NBTD · 06-12-2013 06:25AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't get it?

I think the point is the confusion of 'South' with 'down', as if all rivers eventually flow South because of gravity...

endacl · 06-12-2013 06:48AM

Sleepy wrote: »

Ah come on but surely you'd have picked up by osmosis that field games have two halves and that rugby was scored differently than football from having grown up in this country? You'd have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sports results on the TV/radio/ in the paper or even just having heard it spoken of wherever more than 2 Irish guys are present?

If I was one of the Irish guys present it'd be a loooooonngggg wait to hear sport spoken about. Conversation might run something like...

Other Irish guy: So, sport! What do you think about sport, then?

Me: sport? That's the one with balls and running around and stuff?

Sunglasses Ron · 06-12-2013 09:54AM

I thankfully have no proper idea who Joey Essex is beyond knowing he is on reality tv, by the theme of the thread it should have been called Jason McAteerisms if you wanted to attach it to someone who actually had some talent.

The funniest I get is from people who are genuinely intelligent but have somehow missed the boat on one or two things. Me and the ex (accountant, and not just one of these ten a penny halfwits who have a degree, an actual intelligent girl) were watching that film Breakfast on Pluto, quirky enough stuff set chiefly in the 60's and 70's. When I mentioned that the black girl actress in it was in Love Hate (which I had just started watching and had been telling her about, but which she had never seen) she says "I thought this film was made in the 70's?"

Despite the fact one of her favourite actors, Liam Neeson, is on it at the start (which is why on channel hopping she asked that we watch it) and is quite clearly in his fifties in his scenes

:pac:

Other best ofs: my mates again usually v intelligent g/f reaching the age of 22 without knowing that water and electricity are a lethal mix

A bird I knew saying "I thought he was from Holland" after I told her Van Persie was Dutch :pac:

In fairness I am one to talk, I can say some utterly stupid things on the Monday and Tuesday after a particularly awful session, and even after a particularly tiresome work week.

dodzy · 06-12-2013 10:00AM

Joey will have the last laugh. Of that, I have absolutely no doubt.

Joey Essex-isms

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