Joey Essex-isms

mitosis

(You know, the bloke who never learned to read a clock.)

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

What are yours?

0ph0rce0

mitosis wrote: »

(You know, the bloke who never learned to read a clock.)

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

What are yours?

No chance of sneaking out for the ride then, Stupid google earth :rolleyes:

D1stant

Google what?

I never learned how to use the Internet properly

keano_afc

When Mick Lally died, I text my wife and said "Miley died this morning". She replied "Hannah Montana??"

ButtersSuki

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:


Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

Soft Falling Rain

Recently had a conversation with a colleague about a well known restaurant she attended in Dublin City.

Thinking I knew the one she was talking about as I was there before too, I said "What? The one with the big see through windows?"

Had a work night out the same day, which made the above even more fun for me!

The_Gatsby

Ex girlfriend of mine was stood in front of a lamp post on Henry Street and suddenly exclaimed "Oh my god I'm so stupid". When I asked why she said for a minute she though the lamp post was the Spire and couldn't figure out why it was so small...

SV

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:


Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

God love someone not having any interest or knowledge of sport, I mean..really?
Hardly the same thing as not being able to read a clock...or temporarily thinking that a lampost was the spire

krudler

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:


Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

Sleepy

Ah come on but surely you'd have picked up by osmosis that field games have two halves and that rugby was scored differently than football from having grown up in this country? You'd have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sports results on the TV/radio/ in the paper or even just having heard it spoken of wherever more than 2 Irish guys are present?

syklops

Sleepy wrote: »

Ah come on but surely you'd have picked up by osmosis that field games have two halves and that rugby was scored differently than football from having grown up in this country? You'd have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sports results on the TV/radio/ in the paper or even just having heard it spoken of wherever more than 2 Irish guys are present?

So basically you are surprised that people don't know stuff about stuff they are not interested in?

Pedro K

My ex girlfriend once asked me how many quarters are in a basketball match...

elefant

To know that field games involve at least 2 periods of play is surely not knowledge reserved only for sports fans!

syklops

elefant wrote: »

To know that field games involve at least 2 periods of play is surely not knowledge reserved only for sports fans!

Im sure there is stuff you don't know about stuff you don't care about.

BOHtox

There's the... I mean the... y'know when you... no I don't know how to do this!

stefan idiot jones

My ex seriously couldn't get her head around thirds or fifths. Halves and quarters only.

Oh, and the water in my fish tank was 'out of level'. The water not the tank.

Paramite Pie

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:

I've often wonder why some girls insist on coming along to a match if their not interested and complain throughout the entire match.

I've dragged to many movies I wasn't interested in but I never complained during the Sex & the City movie for example. Obviously not all girls do this, but if you want to spend time with us at least try to feign interest.

Agueroooo

Once when a Hotel manager in Kerry kindly suggested we go see Daniel O Connells house when driving the Ring Of Kerry. I asked....

Does he still get bus loads of fans for that tea party he hosts?

To this day I don't know how I asked that stupid question !?!?!

pickarooney

Paramite Pie wrote: »

I've often wonder why some girls insist on coming along to a match if their not interested and complain throughout the entire match.

I've dragged to many movies I wasn't interested in but I never complained during the Sex & the City movie for example. Obviously not all girls do this, but if you want to spend time with us at least try to feign interest.

Why on earth would you go to a film you had no interest in? What do either of you get out of that experience?

elefant

syklops wrote: »

Im sure there is stuff you don't know about stuff you don't care about.

I'm trying to think of something that is as ubiquitous as sport that I know absolutely nothing at all about. I'm struggling.

A game of two halves is as basic as it gets.

Rasheed

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:"

Reminds me of when I was training an underage football team. One of the girls parents was beside me on the sideline, I'd say it was one of the first matches she ever stood at. About 20 mins in, one of our girls put the ball wide and the ref blew the whistle and signalled it so.

'Oh it's all over, that was quick' said the mother. I couldn't help but laugh.

BillyMitchel

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

SV

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

It's hilarious watching him tbh.

byronbay2

keano_afc wrote: »

When Mick Lally died, I text my wife and said "Miley died this morning". She replied "Hannah Montana??"

Not stupid on her part, just thought you were referring to someone else - crossed wires.

Agueroooo wrote: »

Once when a Hotel manager in Kerry kindly suggested we go see Daniel O Connells house when driving the Ring Of Kerry. I asked....

Does he still get bus loads of fans for that tea party he hosts?

To this day I don't know how I asked that stupid question !?!?!

You temporarily mistook Daniel O'Connell for Daniel O'Donnell - easy mistake to make since their names are so similar.

Il Trap

The_Gatsby wrote: »

Ex girlfriend of mine was stood in front of a lamp post on Henry Street and suddenly exclaimed "Oh my god I'm so stupid". When I asked why she said for a minute she though the lamp post was the Spire and couldn't figure out why it was so small...

A friend of mine once mused, as we walked down O'Connell Street one evening, 'God they're working late in the Spire tonight!'.

It took me a few minutes to realize she was looking at the white lights at the top of it.

I shit you not.

BBDBB

I was working upstairs when the smoke alarm went off (it was a large tea urn that had released a loud of steam as the admin assistant had over filled it and set off the smoke detector)

ran downstairs, admin assistant is panicking asking what we should do,

I said phone the fire brigade whilst I get everyone out of the building and do a head count

"I cant!" she wailed

why???

"I don't know the number!"


facepalm:rolleyes:

wretcheddomain

SV wrote: »

It's hilarious watching him tbh.

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

silly

wretcheddomain wrote: »

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

Do you watch The Only Way is Essex?


I know someone who thinks that driving at 50km an hour doesnt mean that you will travel 50 km in an hour..

Pen.Island

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

The real brainless idiots are the ones thinking he's genuine.

It's all an act people.

pookiesboo

When I was at a Radiohead concert a few years back, after the supporting band had finished these men dressed all in the same black outfits started climbing up ropes up to the top of the ceiling over the stage. We all started cheering thinking it was part of the act and thought it was some sort of acrobatic group but they were only there to fix the lights over the stage.

pookiesboo

wretcheddomain wrote: »

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

He can't tell the time, makes sense he hasn't realised his 15 minutes was up years ago.

yerwanthere123

A friend of mine once tried insisting to me that Australia is a part of Britain.

We don't speak much now.

wretcheddomain

silly wrote: »

Do you watch The Only Way is Essex?

I know someone who thinks that driving at 50km an hour doesnt mean that you will travel 50 km in an hour..

Are you so credulous that you'll believe absolutely everything you see?

Essex apparently wears a €70,000 Rolex - with a clock face - and you expect me to believe a grown adult would purchase something this expensive that they can't even use?

Moreover, there's absolutely no way on this Earth that somebody in his twenties cannot tell the time, or blow their nose for that matter.

Acting stupid is a lucrative business these days.

He knows perfectly well that the extremities he's pronouncing will get air time and, as such, will gain him lucrative contracts after the program.

AnonoBoy

Il Trap wrote: »

A friend of mine once mused, as we walked down O'Connell Street one evening, 'God they're working late in the Spire tonight!'.

It took me a few minutes to realize she was looking at the white lights at the top of it.

I shit you not.

That sounds like a joke. Was it a joke? She was telling a joke, right?

mitosis wrote: »

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

This isn't stupidity - your wife obviously works for the NSA (they get access to the live pictures!)



I once convinced a friend of mine that the way to check if an orange is ripe is to shake it and listen for the juice sloshing around inside. Cue her standing in Super Valu shaking oranges beside her ear for 2 minutes before realising I was taking the p*ss.

seosamh1980

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

A friend of mine once tried insisting to me that Australia is a part of Britain.

We don't speak much now.

Australia was a British colony.

yerwanthere123

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Australia was a British colony.

Was being the important word.

seosamh1980

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

Was being the important word.

What I mean is there is some bit of understanding to that mix up, like I can see where someone might get that idea from, if they were of a confused nature!

Maire2009

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

Was being the important word.

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

yerwanthere123

Maire2009 wrote: »

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

That may be so, but I certainly think it's pretty stupid of someone to think Australia is a part of Britain. I would have thought it's common sense that it is not.

wretcheddomain

Maire2009 wrote: »

Still part of the Commonwealth and the Queen is still Monarch there, plus Union Jack proudly on the flag. How is it stupid to think Australia is an extension of Britain? Ties are still strong.

I didn't expect to hear somebody espouse a Joey-ism on this thread, but here's an example right here.

Thanks Maire2009

Maire2009

wretcheddomain wrote: »

I didn't expect to hear somebody espouse a Joey-ism on this thread, but here's an example right here.

Thanks Maire2009

The level of stupidity I work with daily, someone thinking Australia is part of Britain isn't at all stupid, believe me. Given there are links, no matter how weak.

Edit: I feel the need to clarify, I don't believe it myself, lived in Oz for a few months, just not the stupidest thing I've heard. Would rank very low.

wretcheddomain

Maire2009 wrote: »

The level of stupidity I work with daily

Looks like it has rubbed off if you still maintain some legitimate misunderstanding.

There is no misunderstanding, it's just a daft thing to say.

12gauge dave

When I was about 12 way back in 1998 or so I was out playing football with a few friends one of my friends said did u see ronaldos new bird she is well fit I was like what kind of bird is it and how is it so fit?

In my mind I seen a parrot doing marathons not some blonde bombshell ha

TafLeece

My friend once asked which part of a cow does Parma ham come from?

TafLeece

He also asked whilst on a lads holiday "is it warmer on the beach because your closer to the sun?"

Warper

krudler wrote: »

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

No just ignorant :P

missierex

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Acting stupid is a lucrative business these days.

He knows perfectly well that the extremities he's pronouncing will get air time and, as such, will gain him lucrative contracts after the program.

Jedward being the prime example!

dubsgirl

My husband worked on a cruise ship for a while and was asked by an American tourist "Do these stairs go up or down?"

hawkeyethenoo

i just found out that his name is joey essex, i thought they just called him that because he was in that show. i guess that counts.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

krudler wrote: »

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

SV wrote: »

God love someone not having any interest or knowledge of sport, I mean..really?
Hardly the same thing as not being able to read a clock...or temporarily thinking that a lampost was the spire

I would expect its the type of thing anybody would pick up by osmosis. I think it would actually take a concious effort to avoid knowing that a football match is divided into halves, it's something that you would continually hear referenced throughout your life.

MadsL

Looking at a river flowing East my wife (a very smart woman with an MBA) asked in all seriousness "Don't all rivers eventually flow South" - it took her a full five minutes to understand why I fell about laughing.

Physical Geography and physics not her strong point.