Joey Essex-isms

mitosis · 22-11-2013 01:16PM #1

(You know, the bloke who never learned to read a clock.)

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

What are yours?

0ph0rce0 · 22-11-2013 01:17PM

mitosis wrote: »

(You know, the bloke who never learned to read a clock.)

My wife, when I was going to Rome for the weekend, asked me to wave when I got there, as she would be watching the hotel on Google Earth.

What are yours?

No chance of sneaking out for the ride then, Stupid google earth :rolleyes:

D1stant · 22-11-2013 01:20PM

Google what?

I never learned how to use the Internet properly

keano_afc · 22-11-2013 01:24PM

When Mick Lally died, I text my wife and said "Miley died this morning". She replied "Hannah Montana??"

ButtersSuki · 22-11-2013 01:27PM

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:

Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

Soft Falling Rain · 22-11-2013 01:39PM

Recently had a conversation with a colleague about a well known restaurant she attended in Dublin City.

Thinking I knew the one she was talking about as I was there before too, I said "What? The one with the big see through windows?"

Had a work night out the same day, which made the above even more fun for me!

The_Gatsby · 22-11-2013 01:42PM

Ex girlfriend of mine was stood in front of a lamp post on Henry Street and suddenly exclaimed "Oh my god I'm so stupid". When I asked why she said for a minute she though the lamp post was the Spire and couldn't figure out why it was so small...

SV · 22-11-2013 01:51PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:

Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

God love someone not having any interest or knowledge of sport, I mean..really?
Hardly the same thing as not being able to read a clock...or temporarily thinking that a lampost was the spire

krudler · 22-11-2013 02:39PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:

Another time with a different GF when I was in college she called over about 10 minutes into an Ireland - England Rugby Match by which time England were leading 8-0. She (in full view of the tv, i.e. she knew it was rugby, not soccer) comes out with - "how could they have scored 8 goals already?"

Not knowing the scoring setup of rugby or the length of a GAA match (I couldn't tell you either) doesn't make someone stupid though.

Sleepy · 22-11-2013 02:46PM

Ah come on but surely you'd have picked up by osmosis that field games have two halves and that rugby was scored differently than football from having grown up in this country? You'd have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sports results on the TV/radio/ in the paper or even just having heard it spoken of wherever more than 2 Irish guys are present?

syklops · 22-11-2013 02:52PM

Sleepy wrote: »

Ah come on but surely you'd have picked up by osmosis that field games have two halves and that rugby was scored differently than football from having grown up in this country? You'd have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sports results on the TV/radio/ in the paper or even just having heard it spoken of wherever more than 2 Irish guys are present?

So basically you are surprised that people don't know stuff about stuff they are not interested in?

Pedro K · 22-11-2013 02:55PM

My ex girlfriend once asked me how many quarters are in a basketball match...

elefant · 22-11-2013 03:01PM

To know that field games involve at least 2 periods of play is surely not knowledge reserved only for sports fans!

syklops · 22-11-2013 03:23PM

elefant wrote: »

To know that field games involve at least 2 periods of play is surely not knowledge reserved only for sports fans!

Im sure there is stuff you don't know about stuff you don't care about.

BOHtox · 22-11-2013 03:25PM

There's the... I mean the... y'know when you... no I don't know how to do this!

stefan idiot jones · 22-11-2013 03:34PM

My ex seriously couldn't get her head around thirds or fifths. Halves and quarters only.

Oh, and the water in my fish tank was 'out of level'. The water not the tank.

Paramite Pie · 22-11-2013 04:02PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:

I've often wonder why some girls insist on coming along to a match if their not interested and complain throughout the entire match.

I've dragged to many movies I wasn't interested in but I never complained during the Sex & the City movie for example. Obviously not all girls do this, but if you want to spend time with us at least try to feign interest.

Agueroooo · 22-11-2013 04:07PM

Once when a Hotel manager in Kerry kindly suggested we go see Daniel O Connells house when driving the Ring Of Kerry. I asked....

Does he still get bus loads of fans for that tea party he hosts?

To this day I don't know how I asked that stupid question !?!?!

pickarooney · 22-11-2013 04:08PM

Paramite Pie wrote: »

I've often wonder why some girls insist on coming along to a match if their not interested and complain throughout the entire match.

I've dragged to many movies I wasn't interested in but I never complained during the Sex & the City movie for example. Obviously not all girls do this, but if you want to spend time with us at least try to feign interest.

Why on earth would you go to a film you had no interest in? What do either of you get out of that experience?

elefant · 22-11-2013 04:11PM

syklops wrote: »

Im sure there is stuff you don't know about stuff you don't care about.

I'm trying to think of something that is as ubiquitous as sport that I know absolutely nothing at all about. I'm struggling.

A game of two halves is as basic as it gets.

Rasheed · 22-11-2013 04:16PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Was at an All Ireland Semi Final (Football) with my then GF when Croke Park was being redeveloped. Now admittedly she wasn't a sports fan of any description and looked decidedly unimpressed when we were seated in Row 2,500 ZZZZZ when rain started to bucket down just before the match kicked-off. So we sat through the first half soaked through and freezing cold from the altitude we were at despite the fact that it was August. Anyway the half-time whistle goes and she says "Oh thank God it's over"……….:roll eyes:"

Reminds me of when I was training an underage football team. One of the girls parents was beside me on the sideline, I'd say it was one of the first matches she ever stood at. About 20 mins in, one of our girls put the ball wide and the ref blew the whistle and signalled it so.

'Oh it's all over, that was quick' said the mother. I couldn't help but laugh.

BillyMitchel · 22-11-2013 04:31PM

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

SV · 22-11-2013 04:32PM

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

It's hilarious watching him tbh.

byronbay2 · 22-11-2013 04:41PM

keano_afc wrote: »

When Mick Lally died, I text my wife and said "Miley died this morning". She replied "Hannah Montana??"

Not stupid on her part, just thought you were referring to someone else - crossed wires.

Agueroooo wrote: »

Once when a Hotel manager in Kerry kindly suggested we go see Daniel O Connells house when driving the Ring Of Kerry. I asked....

Does he still get bus loads of fans for that tea party he hosts?

To this day I don't know how I asked that stupid question !?!?!

You temporarily mistook Daniel O'Connell for Daniel O'Donnell - easy mistake to make since their names are so similar.

Il Trap · 22-11-2013 04:52PM

The_Gatsby wrote: »

Ex girlfriend of mine was stood in front of a lamp post on Henry Street and suddenly exclaimed "Oh my god I'm so stupid". When I asked why she said for a minute she though the lamp post was the Spire and couldn't figure out why it was so small...

A friend of mine once mused, as we walked down O'Connell Street one evening, 'God they're working late in the Spire tonight!'.

It took me a few minutes to realize she was looking at the white lights at the top of it.

I shit you not.

BBDBB · 22-11-2013 05:08PM

I was working upstairs when the smoke alarm went off (it was a large tea urn that had released a loud of steam as the admin assistant had over filled it and set off the smoke detector)

ran downstairs, admin assistant is panicking asking what we should do,

I said phone the fire brigade whilst I get everyone out of the building and do a head count

"I cant!" she wailed

why???

"I don't know the number!"

facepalm:rolleyes:

wretcheddomain · 22-11-2013 05:09PM

SV wrote: »

It's hilarious watching him tbh.

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

silly · 22-11-2013 05:27PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

Do you watch The Only Way is Essex?

I know someone who thinks that driving at 50km an hour doesnt mean that you will travel 50 km in an hour..

Pen.Island · 22-11-2013 05:33PM

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Joey Essex? Really?

I find it hard to type his name never mind watch the moron with another bunch of morons on TV.

The real brainless idiots are the ones thinking he's genuine.

It's all an act people.

pookiesboo · 22-11-2013 06:01PM

When I was at a Radiohead concert a few years back, after the supporting band had finished these men dressed all in the same black outfits started climbing up ropes up to the top of the ceiling over the stage. We all started cheering thinking it was part of the act and thought it was some sort of acrobatic group but they were only there to fix the lights over the stage.

pookiesboo · 22-11-2013 06:03PM

wretcheddomain wrote: »

The fact that people actually believe he's portraying himself is quite shocking. It's quite clearly an act as stupidity is now seen in the media as the cool way to get publicity. Rosie Webster did exactly the same stunt last year and Essex' team gave him the right advice to increase his profile. The people who actually believe he can't tell the time etc. are the real fools.

He can't tell the time, makes sense he hasn't realised his 15 minutes was up years ago.

Joey Essex-isms

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