Bullying at school

timthumbni wrote: »

Dodderangler - what would you advise for people who aren't quite as hard as yourself to do? You do realise that a lot of those being bullied aren't fighters or hard men such as yourself. You might refer to them as nerds. This isn't fecking The Karate Kid you know.

Have you been bullied yourself? It's not about winning, it's about not sitting there and being an easy target

timthumbni wrote: »

I started the thread so in a very limited short time I can say I was bullied. Read the thread. I wasn't an easy target at all, at least not for my age. WhAts your point?

Did you do something to stop your bullying or just wait for the bully to get bored and move on?

Was bullied all the way up through primary school by a particular girl, it would get bad my mother would go in, the teacher would speak to her it would stop for a few weeks and then start up again. She isolated me from the others and would then get them to help her in her endeavours to crush me.

By the time I got up to 5th and 6th I had no confidence and was pretty broken, I just couldn't deal anymore. I was so quiet. If I had gone to an ordinary secondary school I would have definitely been a target and there is a very decent possibly that I wouldn't be here today. Thankfully I didn't, I learned to stand up for myself and much better today because of it.

While I would like to be the bigger person say it doesn't bother me anymore I would be lying, it doesn't effect my daily life so much as it changed to person I was and who I would become. If I ever got my chance I'd take a run at her.

Most of the posters mention physical bullying, but I think in schools verbal and emotional bullying is a more common problem.

My experience of bullying was definitely different to what's been posted here already. I was friends with some of the girls that went on to bully me and their attitude towards me changed dramatically after the Junior Cert. I didn't even identify it as bullying at the time.

I hadn't done anything to provoke this change of attitude, and I believe it was one girl who encouraged the others to ice me out of the group. It's a horrible feeling to be shunned from a group of friends who you'd shared many happy times with. I didn't really have anybody to confide in, and found it deeply embarrassing that I was dropped so quickly. I was bookish and wasn't into going out drinking much at that age, and I was an easy target for these girls who thought they were suddenly grown ups because they were in the senior uniforms. Teenage girls can make the most cutting remarks and my self esteem just plummeted. I had been relatively popular in my year until it all started, and yet nobody in my class ever stuck up for me or called the girls on their behaviour. For a few months, I spent the lunch times sitting by myself because I was literally turned away from people or laughed at for attempting to talk to them.

Eventually, I made the decision to switch schools because I was depressed and couldn't concentrate on my studies. Although I never gave a reason and just slipped away quietly in the middle of term, it was clear everybody knew why I was leaving. A few years ago I bumped into one of the bullies with some other girls from our year while in a pub in Dublin. They brought up the fact that I'd left in 5th year and said that everybody had thought it was so weird. I couldn't even bring myself to tell the other girls the real reason I'd left, because one of my past tormentors was sitting across from me.

The teenage years are hard enough without experiencing bullying. It's easy to tell people to "grow a pair of balls". Not everybody is able to stand up for themselves. I'm a very different person to how I was 12 years ago, even to 5 years ago when I met my bully in that pub in Dublin, yet if I was faced with that situation again I'm not sure what I could have done differently to stop it. God I hate bullies.

timthumbni wrote: »

Dodderangler - what would you advise for people who aren't quite as hard as yourself to do? You do realise that a lot of those being bullied aren't fighters or hard men such as yourself. You might refer to them as nerds. This isn't fecking The Karate Kid you know.

Just to make the point that you don't have to be a fighter or a hard man or even brave to stand up for yourself. I'm a small guy, I've probably lost most the fights I've been in and I've had my fair share of bruised egos but I think I'm better for it.

I don't know if "fight back" would be the advice I'd give to my future kid but there is worse advice out there.


In saying that I've no idea how someone would deal with the more psychological or emotional bullying, as far as I can see that's the one there's no straight forward solution to.

Arawn wrote: »

Have you been bullied yourself? It's not about winning, it's about not sitting there and being an easy target

think the point some are making is if sometimes people who fight back are still "easy targets" - so it isn't exactly a solution, and in some cases can just escalte the situation

bullying really is tragic though, kids can be very cruel
can only imagine how hopeless a parent must feel knowing their child is being bullied

timthumbni wrote: »

People who normally say "just stand up for yourself" are normally those who haven't been bullied or very little anyway.

Bullshit.

Just because you don't like the advice doesn't mean you can condescend other people's experiences with bullying.

I was bullied from about 1st class to 3rd class. It never physical, it was mainly a group of my classmates taking the píss out of me.

I was 3 starting school, didn't turn 4 until a couple of months later, and I was in a class with mainly 5 year olds, and a few 6 year olds. I was also particularly small and petite which didn't help either.

On top of being 18mos younger than most kids in my class, I was extremely innocent and naive for my age. I remember being the laughing stock of my class in 2nd class because I honestly had no idea where babies came from, they all thought it was hilarious and I was mocked endlessly over it. I just didn't have a clue.

A lot of it was because I was the "baby", and being so much younger, I was probably more immature too. I was smaller and younger than everyone else. No one wanted to play with me.I was mocked a lot, mainly over my short height but they took advantage of my innocence a lot because I definitely wasn't as street wise as some of the other kids in my class.

There was just too big an age gap and even now my mum says she wishes she'd waited until I was 5 to send me to school. The teachers tried to help where they could, all of my teachers adored me but that just made it worse because I was seen as a teachers pet. I used to spend my lunch break for the whole of 1st class holding the hand of whichever teacher was on yard duty, because it was preferable to the verbal abuse I was bound to get from my classmates.

I stayed back a year in 3rd class and it made such a difference. I didn't think it would make a difference but I was coming home from school every day crying and I just wasn't mature enough for what was going on. I was much happier with my new class and thankfully I haven't had any issues since then.

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

No doubt you think the bullies "had a pair".

For me personally my secondary school became a prison sentence ,
And I've read the grow a pair comments and stand up for your self comments on here ,
I fought back on several occasions ,but 3 broken ribs ,one fractured knee and a broken hand later I was still relentlessly bullied ,I come from a family of hard men mainly ex military and so on ,
I went to work on various doors in temple bar for 7/8 years after I finished school ,
I can look after myself ,
But when its a group of 5/6 individuals who systemically target you physically and mentally ,you do eventually break and its not short term thing either the scars last years ,
This generation its now 24/7 bullying online ,text,and various social networks it can only get worse ,
I understand why people choose to just give up and end it especially if you feel there no way out ,
If I had known about suicide back then chances are it well would have been an option for me ,back then it wasn't a common thing as it is now

So if one of your kids gots jumped by five lads and the teachers and tutors failed to act, what advice precisely would you give him?

If the school fails to act then obviously there is a problem with school policy on how to deal with bullying.

Diemos wrote: »

I was bullied during school, main bully was a teacher I had during primary school, constant put downs and snide remarks to a child who wants to do well and had massive respect for teachers left me in no mans land, very confused, very hurt.
I always got along with my classmates, never any issues there, still good friends with some of them but older kids were an issue, but they mainly left me alone as my dad gave a few of them a hiding if he knew they'd been hassling me. Other than that I think I would have had a much worse time.

If I could change anything I would fight back, sooner and harder. If I ever have kids I'll make sure they know how to fight and take no sh!t, but also respect other people.

While psychical bullying is nasty, I think psychological is much worse. So in that regard I think female bullying tends to be nastier. I feel for kids these days with 24/7 communications. Bullying in that sense would feel utterly helpless with no reprieve.


On a side note I bumped into that teacher a few years back, she was sweet as pie and asked how I was getting along, I held my tongue and just walked away, had I started at her I'm not sure how far I would have gone. Still think that was the right decision. Strange the way one person can cause so much trouble for another and not be aware or just plain not care about the results of their actions.

There is something really pathetic about a grown adult in a position of authority who bullies young children. I experienced the same from my primary school principal (5-6th class teacher). It was a constant campaign of snide remarks and picking up on faults in my work and announcing them to the class.
I was a bright kid and my previous teacher saw this and encouraged me in every way, she used to take my work into the more senior classes and have it read out, so in a way my reputation preceded me. I was disruptive when bored but if I was given some extra work to do I would be quiet.

What followed was two years of constant sniping which battered my confidence and made me a ripe target for successive bullies in secondary school. It's taken years to get the confidence back. On the plus side, since I left school I don't take shít from anyone - in my first job as a junior office grunt, I had the managing director of the company sit in on my bullying complaint!

Again this teacher (long retired) tries to be nice as pie on the rare occasions when I meet her; she held my hand a bit too long when sympathising with me at my uncle's funeral last year. I pulled it away and focused on the next person in line. I won't talk to her for long because if she starts to take credit for the foundation of my education (2 Master's degrees) I'd rip into her! (Especially since she focused more on religion than on maths; when I started secondary school I could barely add!)