Compulsive liar "friend"

Colemania · 30-10-2013 04:46PM

I have to agree with the last paragraph on the last post. There are those who will try to seem cool and impress people but there are definitely people who aren't happy in life and need to lie to fabricate a different life that would make them proud to live. I just think it's a low point when you have to lie about your girlfriend/boyfriend to other people to impress them. That just shows you're either ashamed of them, embarrassed by them or just not happy with them.

I for one can say I am very proud to have someone like Mila in my life....

Oink · 30-10-2013 04:52PM

I had a mate like that. We were mates for years. One day I just didn't call him back. Life is too short.

Colemania wrote: »

I for one can say I am very proud to have someone like Mila in my life....

:eek: You too?

Mila, you two-timing &*%$ !:mad:

Mint Aero · 30-10-2013 04:53PM

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

check_six · 30-10-2013 04:59PM

Lollipops23 wrote: »

This drives me around the bend- I used to work with a guy who did this contantly and I never understood why people would never call him out on it when we all knew full well he was lying through his teeth.

The times I did turn around and say "That's BS, no way that happened" he denied down to the ground. As you said, it's always over ridiculous stuff and it was never even just exaggeration, but outright fairytale stuff.

Now I just think he a) had a very sad little life and b)had some mental issues.

It is one thing having one of these guys as a friend or acquaintance, but when you are working with them it can cause pretty big problems. I knew a fellow who managed to lie his way into a well paid contractor job in a technical role. He was a complete disaster as he couldn't actually do any of the things he said he could. He spoofed his way through his first few weeks, shifting work to others, etc., but slowly and surely everyone began to realise he didn't have a clue. One of the other techie guys who had helped in the interview process, and had okayed this lad, was mortified that he had been caught out. We didn't let him forget it either. The managers took a bit longer to spot it, but even they realised their mistake and did not renew his contract when it was expiring.

While this guy was not doing what he was supposed to do, he would spend his time spinning outrageous lies about his life away from the office. There were fancy new cars, international sports competitions (that he was competing in!), an ability to get a cheap deal on all kinds of stuff. The guy was very annoying and it took a while to really extract any entertainment out of his fantasies. He was fairly consistent in the crazy stuff he told us, and we all assumed that it was completely baseless, so imagine our surprise when one day he did show up with a fancy new car, perhaps the only true thing he had ever told us, although maybe he had borrowed it from a friend or relative for the day. That is some committment to some made up nonsense.

We belatedly came around to the approach of just replying to any story he told us by saying "Wow, that's unbelievable" in an interested and engaged tone of voice. Whoever could say the line in the most earnest manner would get a giggle from the other onlookers, which became preferable to picking the bus sized holes in all of this guy's stories.

Colemania · 30-10-2013 05:51PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

Ha are you being serious? I don't belittle anyone for being unemployed. Now if you sit on your arse all day and won't go looking for jobs, well that's your own fault but i'd never slag someone for being unemployed or anything. We always talk about football too but he told me this year alone that Bale and Ronaldo were joining United and Suarez was leaving Liverpool. Who's laughing now?

(Liverpool fan by the way...)

EDIT: yes I know Suarez was linked with leaving all summer but I was told countless times he had actually been sold while I was at work. I think he just seriously dislikes him..... :P

SparkySpitfire · 30-10-2013 06:00PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

Sorry, do you compulsively lie? I can't see why you're defending these people unless you're saying they should get help because if their lies are that bad and frequent, they probably should as it indicates an underlying problem.

Like the above poster said, there's a difference between people who bull**** for the sheer thrill and sake of it, and those who do it because of an emotional need perpetuated by an underlying problem. You don't know the OP's friend, so you can't make a call on which one he is.

I know many unemployed people, and they feel like absolute ****, but they don't need to make up fairytales to drive away their friends and make them feel better (for the few moments they spend telling them anyway)

Mint Aero · 30-10-2013 06:12PM

SparkySpitfire wrote: »

Sorry, do you compulsively lie? I can't see why you're defending these people unless you're saying they should get help because if their lies are that bad and frequent, they probably should as it indicates an underlying problem.

You don't know the OP's friend, so you can't make a call on which one he is.

All it says in the OP is that the guy is sound and quiet. He doesn't sound like an obnoxious bullsh*tter. He's unemployed and made up he earns more than he does or would. And he one ups his friends in texts, hardly unforgivable. One upping is very common, a lot of people do it and it's harmless and unintentional mostly, most lads are sh*te at communication with one another particularly texts so he's not great at being social but is sound in person. Give him a break I say.

kowloon · 30-10-2013 06:14PM

I'd make sweet love to anyone who would give me a bucket of fried chicken.

old hippy · 30-10-2013 06:14PM

I guess he's insecure. You see it here all the time, posters (in all seriousness) detailing how enormous their wang is etc.

Is it harming anyone, though? That's the question.

SparkySpitfire · 30-10-2013 06:31PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

All it says in the OP is that the guy is sound and quiet. He doesn't sound like an obnoxious bullsh*tter. He's unemployed and made up he earns more than he does or would. And he one ups his friends in texts, hardly unforgivable. One upping is very common, a lot of people do it and it's harmless and unintentional mostly, most lads are sh*te at communication with one another particularly texts so he's not great at being social but is sound in person. Give him a break I say.

One upping is common, that doesn't mean it's acceptable. I think he should give the OP a break from his fantasies but I suppose we've reached an impasse there.

homeless student · 30-10-2013 06:35PM

I once met a guy in a pub, a friend of a friend, he asked me what I did, a student I said, he said of what? Law. I was accepted to do law twice in Trinity he said but I turned it down to be a plasterer. then he said when he was 17 he was on a site with his uncle who handed him a plastering trowel and said plaster that wall, he said he did this mad design and his uncle said wow how did you do that, he pointed to his head and said "its all up there" lol

ardle1 · 31-10-2013 02:20AM

Colemania wrote: »

Hi all,

So a friend of mine for the last 9 years or so is a major compulsive liar. Now i've been reading different threads and its amazing how much people know a compulsive liar but I think this case might be a tiny bit different, or maybe not.

Now this guy is a fairly sound guy in person, not the most talkative but a nice guy. He wouldn't lie to you in person unless it was to back up a precious lie. That's where the difference ends...... But when he texts me he comes out with the biggest bull**** i've ever seen. This guy has been on the dole for the last 5 years or so and claims to have turned down loads of jobs because they weren't good enough. He now says he has a job where he's getting 500 a week for 2 or 3 days work and he'll be getting 1000 a day for Christmas eve and/or Christmas day if he works. Bare in mind his dad works for this company too, works night shifts and very long hours and comes out with a fairly average wage.....

He's also one of those ones who will try better everything you say. Even the most STUPID things. Me: "Oh my girlfriend cooked me dinner tonight." Him: "Oh my new girlfriend bought me KFC and new clothes today. What a legend"

Ha he tells me things that I couldn't give a flying **** about but the old me would argue back about his lies and there'd be all sorts of pointless drama but now when i sense a lie, i don't reply.

So ya, the reasoning behind this is why do people do this? A few people i've told reckon he's very insecure so has to talk up everything but wouldn't you hate to be a girlfriend of his and from what he's saying expect her to be this supermodel, genrous, nice person. In reality you meet them and they're an absolute **** :P

He tells you things you couldn't give a flying fcuk about! but yet you tell him, 'my girlfriend cooked me dinner tonight'!! Do you think he gives a flying fcuk about that?

beks101 · 31-10-2013 03:47AM

Don't encourage his lies, just an incredulous "oh right" and move on will suffice.

People like this can change too. One of my best friends was a compulsive liar as a child / teenager. She got bullied in school and had lots of family issues which resulted in poor self esteem and depression, and that influenced her weird behaviour.

She's now one of the most insightful and copped on people I know, just grew out of the lies and matured I guess. It might happen with your friend too.

keithclancy · 31-10-2013 09:43AM

I have a friend like that, he was making up stories for years and we just kind of ignored them.

He came home one night saying he'd been jumped by a gang of lads and he beat the shít out of all of them, there was 2 guys which later turned into 5 guys.
Turned out he'd fallen into a drain on the way home while texting and a mutual friend stopped to help and he started shouting
"GET OFF ME .. I'M GRAND ... JESUS"

He's not as bad now, but for some reason he's starting to fake wisdom as well.
All of a sudden one day he started saying things like.

A bird in the bush is worth two in the envelope
How are you doing me old flower
A listened to women is a bad cook

The "me old flower" thing only happened since he moved to Dublin, also he's picked up some other rather strange phrases i've never heard of.

December2012 · 31-10-2013 09:54AM

A friend of mine made up some serious whoppers involving real life and fake people. It was a symptom / precursor to a more serious mental health issue, suicide attempts stemming from childhood abuse.

Nobody knew about that though (the abuse) until most people had stopped being mates with her.

Why don't you call him out on his BS?

Colemania · 31-10-2013 10:32AM

December2012 wrote: »

A friend of mine made up some serious whoppers involving real life and fake people. It was a symptom / precursor to a more serious mental health issue, suicide attempts stemming from childhood abuse.

Nobody knew about that though (the abuse) until most people had stopped being mates with her.

Why don't you call him out on his BS?

Oh I have and he will keep insisting what he said was true and then there'll be a big argument over it. I've just learned to live with it and not take what he says seriously.

My main question from my post is why people bull**** and i was just giving the example of what my friend does. As i said, he's a nice guy in person and I've found it a bit easier to tackle by just not replying to a text containing bulls**t and try to talk to him in person then, bulls**t free.

From what i've read, there's much worse cases out there so i'll survive :P

Irishcrx · 31-10-2013 11:12AM

Yeah I know a good few of these. To be honest there is reasons behind every one of them and they are all differant. Some have massive Ego's and even though they are sound enough, it's just not enough to have what they have and be happy with who they are it always has to be more so the bull**** starts, some I can't listen to, others I actually break down laughing at them and some I feel sorry for.

Life is too short though nobodys perfect and I just get on with it, they know their bull****ting, they must know that we know but we often just play along and take it as a laugh.

Dangerous liars is another thing altogether, if they started taking the bull**** seriously and trying to impress it on you I wouldn't be having that.

Smart phones have cut down on this a lot actually, because the answer to a lot of their nonsence is at the touch of a button.

RiverOfLove · 31-10-2013 04:59PM

I dated someone briefly who turned out to be a liar in the early days. I don't know what kind of a liar he was and whether he was a compulsive liar or what but a liar he was. During one of our dates he told me of a story where he dated a set of twins at the same time and neither of them knew of each others boyfriend or some such thing. I don't know of his past but that seemed like a tall tale.

Anyways he started to issue little promises creating expectations which got me all giddy with excitement but in time they all turned flat. I pulled him on the disappointments and he was vague. Time told me that it was lies from him.

I didn't stay around long enough for him to dish out more lies. Even though our time together was only short, the afters for me was a mess. My mind was sore, weighed down with confusion and doubt trying to make sense of what was there and the pure vaguness that he left me in. It looked like lies from him and I couldn't figure out why someone would lie like the way he did. So much possibilities went around in my head as to why he would have lied.

Compulsive liar "friend"

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