Compulsive liar "friend"

Colemania

Hi all,

So a friend of mine for the last 9 years or so is a major compulsive liar. Now i've been reading different threads and its amazing how much people know a compulsive liar but I think this case might be a tiny bit different, or maybe not.

Now this guy is a fairly sound guy in person, not the most talkative but a nice guy. He wouldn't lie to you in person unless it was to back up a precious lie. That's where the difference ends...... But when he texts me he comes out with the biggest bull**** i've ever seen. This guy has been on the dole for the last 5 years or so and claims to have turned down loads of jobs because they weren't good enough. He now says he has a job where he's getting 500 a week for 2 or 3 days work and he'll be getting 1000 a day for Christmas eve and/or Christmas day if he works. Bare in mind his dad works for this company too, works night shifts and very long hours and comes out with a fairly average wage.....

He's also one of those ones who will try better everything you say. Even the most STUPID things. Me: "Oh my girlfriend cooked me dinner tonight." Him: "Oh my new girlfriend bought me KFC and new clothes today. What a legend"

Ha he tells me things that I couldn't give a flying **** about but the old me would argue back about his lies and there'd be all sorts of pointless drama but now when i sense a lie, i don't reply.

So ya, the reasoning behind this is why do people do this? A few people i've told reckon he's very insecure so has to talk up everything but wouldn't you hate to be a girlfriend of his and from what he's saying expect her to be this supermodel, genrous, nice person. In reality you meet them and they're an absolute **** :P

Red Crow

You two sound like a barrel of laughs.

wazky

If you know he is a compulsive liar, why get worked up about it?, let him spout his shit and take no notice.

Lollipops23

This drives me around the bend- I used to work with a guy who did this contantly and I never understood why people would never call him out on it when we all knew full well he was lying through his teeth.

The times I did turn around and say "That's BS, no way that happened" he denied down to the ground. As you said, it's always over ridiculous stuff and it was never even just exaggeration, but outright fairytale stuff.

Now I just think he a) had a very sad little life and b)had some mental issues.

Artful_Badger

You're just jealous of his new job, hot GF and KFC. Stop bitching about the guy behind his back and get back to eating whatever slop your pretend GF made for ya.

Colemania

Red Crow wrote: »

You two sound like a barrel of laughs.

Never said we were but thanks..... :pac:

wazky wrote: »

If you know he is a compulsive liar, why get worked up about it?, let him spout his shit and take no notice.

Ah it hasn't worked me up about it in a while but he just pi**ed me off over the weekend when he cancelled plans over another lie and I'm just sick of it happening.

Lollipops23 wrote: »

This drives me around the bend- I used to work with a guy who did this contantly and I never understood why people would never call him out on it when we all knew full well he was lying through his teeth.

The times I did turn around and say "That's BS, no way that happened" he denied down to the ground. As you said, it's always over ridiculous stuff and it was never even just exaggeration, but outright fairytale stuff.

Now I just think he a) had a very sad little life and b)had some mental issues.

I seem to think that now too actually. Nothing better to do but make up something to make their life seem a bit more interesting.

Colemania

Artful_Badger wrote: »

You're just jealous of his new job, hot GF and KFC. Stop bitching about the guy behind his back and get back to eating whatever slop your pretend GF made for ya.

Haha nice one sound. I'm always jealous of KFC. Who wouldn't be!

ardle1

Well maybe(seeing as your suppose to be his friend) when you know he has nothing, stop winding him up!

.Henry Sellers.

I love people like that, you just have to laugh about what they say and don't take it seriously. I know a fella when on the subject of holidays pipes up and said he was in South Africa, when he was quizzed about whereabouts in South Africa he was he says "actually no I wasn't there".

Another guy when I was doing my apprenticeship tells everybody how he doesn't eat pork, think its rotten, is sitting in the canteen a few days later with the biggest plate of sausages and rashers you've ever seen, it was nothing but a plate of pork. When someone pointed out what he said earlier he starts getting thick. Liars are great fun even more so when they're caught out.

Artful_Badger

Colemania wrote: »

Haha nice one sound. I'm always jealous of KFC. Who wouldn't be!

Not me, I never eat it. I could if I wanted though because I know the guy who owns it and he gave me like a lifetime all you can eat pass but I dont use it...

Colemania

.Henry Sellers. wrote: »

I love people like that, you just have to laugh about what they say and don't take it seriously. I know a fella when on the subject of holidays pipes up and said he was in South Africa, when he was quizzed about whereabouts in South Africa he was he says "actually no I wasn't there".

Another guy when I was doing my apprenticeship tells everybody how he doesn't eat pork, think its rotten, is sitting in the canteen a few days later with the biggest plate of sausages and rashers you've ever seen, it was nothing but a plate of pork. When someone pointed out what he said earlier he starts getting thick. Liars are great fun even more so when they're caught out.

Ha ya when he gets caught out he goes ape and denies it. He hacked my facebook account twice directly after an argument and it was blatantly obvious he did it an he denied it. Very childish stuff altogether but very annoying when it's done to you

jimgoose

He's a head-case. Avoid him.

The KFC as a means of making you (or ANYONE) jealous is the funniest thing I've read all week.

There's just no way you can top a bucket of greasy chicken.

hardCopy

I think everyone has a friend like that. That's why Jay's character in The InBetweeners works so well.

AnonoBoy

Bet you don't even have a friend..... now who's the liar???

CarMe

Ugh one of my really good friends has started this crap and it makes me so uncomfortable!
I feel too bad to pull her up on it so I just go along with it like a big eejit, cringing from the depths of my soul!!
I understand it's probably low self esteem but it's no excuse to waste a friends time talking utter sh!te, if it continues I'll have to distance myself from her which would be a real shame cos otherwise she's a great person but lying really is my all time hate!!

Czarcasm

OP your friend is a fantasist, common sense and logic mean nothing to them, best just let them wallow in their world of self-delusion and get on with your own life. The only reason they can make such boasts is because you listen to them - you stop listening, they find someone else, but at least they're not your problem any more.

SparkySpitfire

Ah stop, I DESPISE these people. I went to school with one, here's just one of her fairytales...

Mary: Yeah I was up in Enniskerry doing x and y this weekend, was fun.
Jane: Oh yeah! I've been in Enniskerry before, my grandad's funeral was there
Mary: Really?
Jane: Yeah, I'll always remember it, the priest walked down the aisle and the entire ROOM filled with incense so we were all coughing, but then at the end, two "budgies from the bird sanctuary" nearby flew in and flapped around the altar. And I knew in my soul it was my granny and grandad together again. :')
Me: Why would budgies be in a bird sanctuary?
Mary: Which church was it?
Jane: Oh you know the one up by the river?
Mary: No, I live in Enniskerry, do you know the name?
Jane: Oh St. John's or something, I have to go now
Us: Okay, byeeee
Mary: (to me) There is no St. John's in Enniskerry. And there's no bird sanctuary either.

hardCopy

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP your friend is a fantasist, common sense and logic mean nothing to them, best just let them wallow in their world of self-delusion and get on with your own life. The only reason they can make such boasts is because you listen to them - you stop listening, they find someone else, but at least they're not your problem any more.

Just be prepared for the stories they will tell about you when they find a new group to put up with them.

Czarcasm

hardCopy wrote: »

Just be prepared for the stories they will tell about you when they find a new group to put up with them.

I prefer when people talk behind my back, means I don't have to listen to them

codie

Reminds me of my friend Jim in America.I stayed with him one time in Cali and I swear he is the worse ever.This guy was so bad they even made a film about him.They called it Liar Liar .I keep telling him he has to change his ways.He was over last year on hols and he is as bad as ever.Honestly he tells lies no-one would believe.

thegreatgonzo

A girl I knew a while back started seeing this guy for a few months. He told her he was from Scotland. It turned out he was from Leitrim. She was really embarrassed but he did a good Scottish accent apparently.

Bandana boy

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

A girl I knew a while back started seeing this guy for a few months. He told her he was from Scotland. It turned out he was from Leitrim. She was really embarrassed but he did a good Scottish accent apparently.

That is awesome

Back when i was a kid I had a mate who never stopped.

I walked in on him telling the story of how he broke his arm. It involved three guys trying to rob his leather jacket on O'Connel bridge and how they broke his arm but he still managed to fight them off.
Now the thing was several people were actually with him when he fell of the back of a sofa and broke the arm.
When I pointed this out he tried to say that while he had broke his arm a week earlier falling of the sofa ,it had healed and then it got rebroken by the muggars.

anncoates

This would be great as one of those photo-stories in the teenage girl magazines my sister used to read in the 80s.

They were always called something like SHOULD I GO ALL THE WAY or THE COW KISSED MY BOYFRIEND

conor2469

I used to work with a guy like this. It's hilarious watching them trip over the previous lies they had forgotten about and then argue themselves back into the corner. They will never admit to the lie. Ridiculous bare faced lies with big ****ing bells hanging off them.

spankysue

I've known a couple of these people and I think they're hilarious and their lies are hilarious. You just can't take anything they say seriously.

My OH and I knew a guy who claimed he was in an accident and broke his back but defied all the doctors when they said he'd never walk again by going on to become a Kung Fu champion in the Olympics.

We were in his house one night and he opened a bottle of Sangria, then swore blind that it was African Sambuca, even though it said Sangria on the bottle, it was the colour of Sangria and just was Sangria.

Another time, he told me he was going to Switzerland the next day and sure enough, the next day I was walking through our local shopping centre and met him, asked him what happened with Switzerland, to which he sheepishly replied that he missed his flight.

Muise...

anncoates wrote: »

This would be great as one of those photo-stories in the teenage girl magazines my sister used to read in the 80s.

They were always called something like SHOULD I GO ALL THE WAY or THE COW KISSED MY BOYFRIEND

http://www.viz.co.uk/photostories.html

:pac:

anncoates

Muise... wrote: »

http://www.viz.co.uk/photostories.html

:pac:

TOO YOUNG TO LOVE

The Backwards Man

The worst I ever encountered was a fellow pilot on the space shuttle. Once when we were on an icebreaker in Churchill, Manitoba, researching possible emergency landing sites, he told me he had a pet giraffe called George. I knew he was lying from the way he ruffled his hair as he spoke.

I don't think I have any friends like that - or else they're just very good at it :P

I've seen it on here though, people posting stories that don't add up, and they just trip themselves up when they tell their next story. It's kind of amusing when you see it happening, but meh - they're people off the internet - it's not like they're real anyway

Captain Farrell

This http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=83081879#post83081879 is a good post I read on a similar issue

I used to be one of said bullshítters, many moons ago.

It all came down to low self-esteem, lack of approval and attention from an alcoholic parent, really wanting to just be something more than what i saw myself as at the time.

I was from a single parent family, in the 70s when there weren't many around and used to say my father had been killed by being trampled on by an elephant while on safari in africa. It was easier than the truth at the time, and bizarrely more believable to some people than the actual truth.

Years later I'd be telling my mates about the women I'd shagged over the weekend, always "picked her up at the taxi rank" or other shít, of course after my friends had gone home.

And as for the lies I told women, I worked in the Secret Service,I was a successful entrepreneur, I wrote screenplays for major movies etc

it was all a way of escaping from a life that i wasn't really happy in much of the time, partly due to depression but mainly due to my upbringing and a lack of worth it gave me. All i wanted was an escape, and those stories, along with gambling a lot, gave me that escape.



And that sort of behaviour continued for about 30 years until I finally did something about it and sought help. Now, a few years later, my life is very different. I like who I am, i love my wife, my children, my home, my job.

And I don't need to bullshít anymore.





believe me, not every bullshítter is doing it to impress you, they are doing it to live the life they wish they had, sometimes at least.

Of course though, some of them are just bullshítters.

Colemania

I have to agree with the last paragraph on the last post. There are those who will try to seem cool and impress people but there are definitely people who aren't happy in life and need to lie to fabricate a different life that would make them proud to live. I just think it's a low point when you have to lie about your girlfriend/boyfriend to other people to impress them. That just shows you're either ashamed of them, embarrassed by them or just not happy with them.

I for one can say I am very proud to have someone like Mila in my life....

Oink

I had a mate like that. We were mates for years. One day I just didn't call him back. Life is too short.

Colemania wrote: »

I for one can say I am very proud to have someone like Mila in my life....

:eek: You too?

Mila, you two-timing &*%$ !:mad:

Mint Aero

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

check_six

Lollipops23 wrote: »

This drives me around the bend- I used to work with a guy who did this contantly and I never understood why people would never call him out on it when we all knew full well he was lying through his teeth.

The times I did turn around and say "That's BS, no way that happened" he denied down to the ground. As you said, it's always over ridiculous stuff and it was never even just exaggeration, but outright fairytale stuff.

Now I just think he a) had a very sad little life and b)had some mental issues.

It is one thing having one of these guys as a friend or acquaintance, but when you are working with them it can cause pretty big problems. I knew a fellow who managed to lie his way into a well paid contractor job in a technical role. He was a complete disaster as he couldn't actually do any of the things he said he could. He spoofed his way through his first few weeks, shifting work to others, etc., but slowly and surely everyone began to realise he didn't have a clue. One of the other techie guys who had helped in the interview process, and had okayed this lad, was mortified that he had been caught out. We didn't let him forget it either. The managers took a bit longer to spot it, but even they realised their mistake and did not renew his contract when it was expiring.

While this guy was not doing what he was supposed to do, he would spend his time spinning outrageous lies about his life away from the office. There were fancy new cars, international sports competitions (that he was competing in!), an ability to get a cheap deal on all kinds of stuff. The guy was very annoying and it took a while to really extract any entertainment out of his fantasies. He was fairly consistent in the crazy stuff he told us, and we all assumed that it was completely baseless, so imagine our surprise when one day he did show up with a fancy new car, perhaps the only true thing he had ever told us, although maybe he had borrowed it from a friend or relative for the day. That is some committment to some made up nonsense.

We belatedly came around to the approach of just replying to any story he told us by saying "Wow, that's unbelievable" in an interested and engaged tone of voice. Whoever could say the line in the most earnest manner would get a giggle from the other onlookers, which became preferable to picking the bus sized holes in all of this guy's stories.

Colemania

Mint Aero wrote: »

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

Ha are you being serious? I don't belittle anyone for being unemployed. Now if you sit on your arse all day and won't go looking for jobs, well that's your own fault but i'd never slag someone for being unemployed or anything. We always talk about football too but he told me this year alone that Bale and Ronaldo were joining United and Suarez was leaving Liverpool. Who's laughing now?

(Liverpool fan by the way...)

EDIT: yes I know Suarez was linked with leaving all summer but I was told countless times he had actually been sold while I was at work. I think he just seriously dislikes him..... :P

SparkySpitfire

Mint Aero wrote: »

Leave him alone ffs Op. What do you do? Constantly back him into a corner for being unemployed and berate him for anything he does. He probably lies because he feels **** that you're obviously do much better than him. Ask him about the football game next time you see him instead of prying into his personal life so you can have a go at him on AH.

Sorry, do you compulsively lie? I can't see why you're defending these people unless you're saying they should get help because if their lies are that bad and frequent, they probably should as it indicates an underlying problem.

Like the above poster said, there's a difference between people who bull**** for the sheer thrill and sake of it, and those who do it because of an emotional need perpetuated by an underlying problem. You don't know the OP's friend, so you can't make a call on which one he is.

I know many unemployed people, and they feel like absolute ****, but they don't need to make up fairytales to drive away their friends and make them feel better (for the few moments they spend telling them anyway)

Mint Aero

SparkySpitfire wrote: »

Sorry, do you compulsively lie? I can't see why you're defending these people unless you're saying they should get help because if their lies are that bad and frequent, they probably should as it indicates an underlying problem.

You don't know the OP's friend, so you can't make a call on which one he is.

All it says in the OP is that the guy is sound and quiet. He doesn't sound like an obnoxious bullsh*tter. He's unemployed and made up he earns more than he does or would. And he one ups his friends in texts, hardly unforgivable. One upping is very common, a lot of people do it and it's harmless and unintentional mostly, most lads are sh*te at communication with one another particularly texts so he's not great at being social but is sound in person. Give him a break I say.

kowloon

I'd make sweet love to anyone who would give me a bucket of fried chicken.

old hippy

I guess he's insecure. You see it here all the time, posters (in all seriousness) detailing how enormous their wang is etc.

Is it harming anyone, though? That's the question.

SparkySpitfire

Mint Aero wrote: »

All it says in the OP is that the guy is sound and quiet. He doesn't sound like an obnoxious bullsh*tter. He's unemployed and made up he earns more than he does or would. And he one ups his friends in texts, hardly unforgivable. One upping is very common, a lot of people do it and it's harmless and unintentional mostly, most lads are sh*te at communication with one another particularly texts so he's not great at being social but is sound in person. Give him a break I say.

One upping is common, that doesn't mean it's acceptable. I think he should give the OP a break from his fantasies but I suppose we've reached an impasse there.

homeless student

I once met a guy in a pub, a friend of a friend, he asked me what I did, a student I said, he said of what? Law. I was accepted to do law twice in Trinity he said but I turned it down to be a plasterer. then he said when he was 17 he was on a site with his uncle who handed him a plastering trowel and said plaster that wall, he said he did this mad design and his uncle said wow how did you do that, he pointed to his head and said "its all up there" lol

ardle1

Colemania wrote: »

Hi all,

So a friend of mine for the last 9 years or so is a major compulsive liar. Now i've been reading different threads and its amazing how much people know a compulsive liar but I think this case might be a tiny bit different, or maybe not.

Now this guy is a fairly sound guy in person, not the most talkative but a nice guy. He wouldn't lie to you in person unless it was to back up a precious lie. That's where the difference ends...... But when he texts me he comes out with the biggest bull**** i've ever seen. This guy has been on the dole for the last 5 years or so and claims to have turned down loads of jobs because they weren't good enough. He now says he has a job where he's getting 500 a week for 2 or 3 days work and he'll be getting 1000 a day for Christmas eve and/or Christmas day if he works. Bare in mind his dad works for this company too, works night shifts and very long hours and comes out with a fairly average wage.....

He's also one of those ones who will try better everything you say. Even the most STUPID things. Me: "Oh my girlfriend cooked me dinner tonight." Him: "Oh my new girlfriend bought me KFC and new clothes today. What a legend"

Ha he tells me things that I couldn't give a flying **** about but the old me would argue back about his lies and there'd be all sorts of pointless drama but now when i sense a lie, i don't reply.

So ya, the reasoning behind this is why do people do this? A few people i've told reckon he's very insecure so has to talk up everything but wouldn't you hate to be a girlfriend of his and from what he's saying expect her to be this supermodel, genrous, nice person. In reality you meet them and they're an absolute **** :P

He tells you things you couldn't give a flying fcuk about! but yet you tell him, 'my girlfriend cooked me dinner tonight'!! Do you think he gives a flying fcuk about that?

beks101

Don't encourage his lies, just an incredulous "oh right" and move on will suffice.

People like this can change too. One of my best friends was a compulsive liar as a child / teenager. She got bullied in school and had lots of family issues which resulted in poor self esteem and depression, and that influenced her weird behaviour.

She's now one of the most insightful and copped on people I know, just grew out of the lies and matured I guess. It might happen with your friend too.

keithclancy

I have a friend like that, he was making up stories for years and we just kind of ignored them.

He came home one night saying he'd been jumped by a gang of lads and he beat the shít out of all of them, there was 2 guys which later turned into 5 guys.
Turned out he'd fallen into a drain on the way home while texting and a mutual friend stopped to help and he started shouting
"GET OFF ME .. I'M GRAND ... JESUS"

He's not as bad now, but for some reason he's starting to fake wisdom as well.
All of a sudden one day he started saying things like.

A bird in the bush is worth two in the envelope
How are you doing me old flower
A listened to women is a bad cook

The "me old flower" thing only happened since he moved to Dublin, also he's picked up some other rather strange phrases i've never heard of.

December2012

A friend of mine made up some serious whoppers involving real life and fake people. It was a symptom / precursor to a more serious mental health issue, suicide attempts stemming from childhood abuse.

Nobody knew about that though (the abuse) until most people had stopped being mates with her.

Why don't you call him out on his BS?

Colemania

December2012 wrote: »

A friend of mine made up some serious whoppers involving real life and fake people. It was a symptom / precursor to a more serious mental health issue, suicide attempts stemming from childhood abuse.

Nobody knew about that though (the abuse) until most people had stopped being mates with her.

Why don't you call him out on his BS?

Oh I have and he will keep insisting what he said was true and then there'll be a big argument over it. I've just learned to live with it and not take what he says seriously.

My main question from my post is why people bull**** and i was just giving the example of what my friend does. As i said, he's a nice guy in person and I've found it a bit easier to tackle by just not replying to a text containing bulls**t and try to talk to him in person then, bulls**t free.

From what i've read, there's much worse cases out there so i'll survive :P

Irishcrx

Yeah I know a good few of these. To be honest there is reasons behind every one of them and they are all differant. Some have massive Ego's and even though they are sound enough, it's just not enough to have what they have and be happy with who they are it always has to be more so the bull**** starts, some I can't listen to, others I actually break down laughing at them and some I feel sorry for.

Life is too short though nobodys perfect and I just get on with it, they know their bull****ting, they must know that we know but we often just play along and take it as a laugh.

Dangerous liars is another thing altogether, if they started taking the bull**** seriously and trying to impress it on you I wouldn't be having that.

Smart phones have cut down on this a lot actually, because the answer to a lot of their nonsence is at the touch of a button.

RiverOfLove

I dated someone briefly who turned out to be a liar in the early days. I don't know what kind of a liar he was and whether he was a compulsive liar or what but a liar he was. During one of our dates he told me of a story where he dated a set of twins at the same time and neither of them knew of each others boyfriend or some such thing. I don't know of his past but that seemed like a tall tale.

Anyways he started to issue little promises creating expectations which got me all giddy with excitement but in time they all turned flat. I pulled him on the disappointments and he was vague. Time told me that it was lies from him.

I didn't stay around long enough for him to dish out more lies. Even though our time together was only short, the afters for me was a mess. My mind was sore, weighed down with confusion and doubt trying to make sense of what was there and the pure vaguness that he left me in. It looked like lies from him and I couldn't figure out why someone would lie like the way he did. So much possibilities went around in my head as to why he would have lied.