Domestic Violence

RiverOfLove · 30-10-2013 09:53PM #1

Fair City did a domestic violence story line recently with the on screen family the Bishops.

Me and my mom were talking of DV and I remember when I was small my dad coming home drunk and being a thug towards my mam.
We were yapping away and she told me of neighbour that used to suffer DV from her husband and story went in the pub that she used to hind under the kitchen table and other places around her house from the husband who came home drunk and shouting his head off. He went so far as killing a dog she loved right in front of her.

A few months ago another neighbour fell and ended up in hospital with a split head. Me and mom though have our doubts though about that and reckon there was something else more at play there and perhaps her husband did something to her. He's pig anyways so we wouldn't be far off on our speculating.

Do others here have any experiences of domestic violence?

Frosty McSnowballs · 30-10-2013 09:55PM

Vigo had a history of violence.

Nothing funny about DV though.

harryr711 · 30-10-2013 09:56PM

You can beat the wife but you can't beat the craic!

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-10-2013 09:57PM

Domestic violence, unfortunately yes. The physical part is bearable, the impact it has on your mental health is devastating.

Probably say the same about Fair City!

hfallada · 30-10-2013 09:59PM

I dont watch fair city( its a pile of Sh1t). But I imagine of course the husband was beating the wife, as only men can be violent. I know more guys who are getting abused by their GFs, than girls getting abused by their BFs. But the Irish media like to ignore that, as it doesnt fit the norm. You never hear of the guy getting verbal and physically abused by his wife as it isnt a good story.

mikom · 30-10-2013 10:02PM

RiverOfLove wrote: »

Me and my mom were talking of DV

That's funny, my mom and I were just talking about DVDA.

phasers · 30-10-2013 10:03PM

My Ma bet the ****e out of my Dad one time because he drove home from work drunk

He deserved it though, the eejit. He never did it again

wazky · 30-10-2013 10:04PM

phasers wrote: »

My Ma bet the ****e out of my Dad one time because he drove home from work drunk

He deserved it though, the eejit. He never did it again

Where does he work?, product quality at a brewery?

Maire2009 · 30-10-2013 10:05PM

hfallada wrote: »

I dont watch fair city( its a pile of Sh1t). But I imagine of course the husband was beating the wife, as only men can be violent. I know more guys who are getting abused by their GFs, than girls getting abused by their BFs. But the Irish media like to ignore that, as it doesnt fit the norm. You never hear of the guy getting verbal and physically abused by his wife as it isnt a good story.

Fair City already ran a storyline where the wife was being abusive to the husband and the husband was ashamed to admit it.

canadianwoman · 30-10-2013 10:06PM

Divorced my husband in 1986 because of being beaten up every weekend.

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-10-2013 10:07PM

Maire2009 wrote: »

Fair City already ran a storyline where the wife was being abusive to the husband and the husband was ashamed to admit it.

On the ball so they are.

mikom · 30-10-2013 10:12PM

RiverOfLove wrote: »

Fair City did a domestic violence story line recently with the on screen family the Bishops.

Was this the episode titled "bashing the bishop"?

Femme_Fatale · 30-10-2013 10:12PM

Maire2009 wrote: »

Fair City already ran a storyline where the wife was being abusive to the husband and the husband was ashamed to admit it.

And it was a storyline in Coronation Street quite recently.

Chucken · 30-10-2013 10:18PM

When I saw the thread title, it gave me a shiver.
I was a victim of domestic violence for years until I finally asked for help.
It was the best thing I ever did, so can I just say to anyone out there suffering in silence, please ask for help.
There are people out there who will help you!!

Coincidentally Nov 25th is the start of " 16 Days Of Action"
http://www.womensaid.ie/campaigns/16days/201016days.html

Femme_Fatale · 30-10-2013 10:22PM

canadianwoman wrote: »

Divorced my husband in 1986 because of being beaten up every weekend.

Chucken wrote: »

When I saw the thread title, it gave me a shiver.
I was a victim of domestic violence for years until I finally asked for help.
It was the best thing I ever did

I've huge admiration for the way ye came through it - it was no doubt terrifying. Domestic abuse doesn't just bring the obvious abuse/intimidation element, it can bring loneliness, loss of self worth, loss of self respect... to the point where the abused becomes pretty much reliant on their abuser, and feels it's all they deserve.

loveBBhate · 30-10-2013 10:27PM

My Dad used to be domestically violent towards both my Mum and me, not to my younger brother or sister though which to this day I don't understand. Happened regularly as I was growing up, more so when he was drunk. That was until I was older and was able to defend myself. Once he realised that I was able to stand up for both myself and my Mother he stopped, defining exactly what he was in that sense, a bully! Thankfully we no longer have any contact at all with him. There's a lot more to it than just DV but he really is a horrible person.

Long story short it would have continued had I not stood up to him, also my sister told my Mum's side of the family what was going on and they helped us through everything. No one outside the 5 of us had known much about it until then. Court procedures, restriction orders, etc... It was a tough time. Glad to be free of it now and Mum is happier now than she ever was with her boyfriend, never seen her truly happy until then.

Femme_Fatale · 30-10-2013 10:30PM

phasers wrote: »

My Ma bet the ****e out of my Dad one time because he drove home from work drunk

He deserved it though, the eejit. He never did it again

But imagine if your dad beat the **** out of your mam - I don't think many would say she deserved it, no matter what for.

There really is no justification for resorting to violence, unless self defence.

Chucken · 30-10-2013 10:31PM

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

I've huge admiration for the way ye came through it - it was no doubt terrifying. Domestic abuse doesn't just bring the obvious abuse/intimidation element, it can bring loneliness, loss of self worth, loss of self respect... to the point where the abused becomes pretty much reliant on their abuser, and feels it's all they deserve.

You have it in a nutshell.

My situation was in the 80s, but what I've noticed now with technology,is that it nearly makes it easier to start the controlling.

Constant texts, checking emails, stalking on facebook etc.
Its so easy for a 14 year old to think her fella loves her because he wants her all to himself...I'd recommend running the other way if they start that.

myshirt · 30-10-2013 10:33PM

As the old proverb goes, you should never raise your hand to a woman if you have a good boot on your foot.

loveBBhate · 30-10-2013 10:35PM

Expected banter on this thread given it is 'AH' and I have laughed at a few posts to be fair despite most of my childhood having a lot to do with DV as mentioned in a post above but I'm sure everyone on here is against it so let ye not get offended guys and gals

myshirt · 30-10-2013 10:37PM

loveBBhate wrote: »

Expected banter on this thread given it is 'AH' and I have laughed at a few posts to be fair despite most of my childhood having a lot to do with DV as mentioned in a post above but I'm sure everyone on here is against it so let ye not get offended guys and gals

True statement.

Thank god for places like http://www.adaptservices.ie/ where women who step out of line can go and get rehabilitated.

Witchie · 30-10-2013 10:43PM

My ex was abusive. Whilst he never hit me directly, he did punch holes in the walls beside my head while screaming in my face and he punched a door which hit me in the head.

While I will never excuse what he did, I kinda understand why. We were both very young and with a small kid and he had to grow up suddenly. He wasn't mentally ready for it and I put him under pressure to get his act together. I think he felt like a caged animal. Still no excuse for making my life hell but I probably didn't make his much better!

I still have some issues from this time and not sure I ever will fully leave them behind but hey, life goes on.

sonny jim bob jones · 30-10-2013 10:43PM

hfallada wrote: »

I dont watch fair city( its a pile of Sh1t). But I imagine of course the husband was beating the wife, as only men can be violent. I know more guys who are getting abused by their GFs, than girls getting abused by their BFs. But the Irish media like to ignore that, as it doesnt fit the norm. You never hear of the guy getting verbal and physically abused by his wife as it isnt a good story.

Busted.

maringo · 30-10-2013 10:45PM

Unfortunately dv seems to be a fact of life in some relationships. Both mental and physical. Never encountered it myself but it certainly goes on as Women's Aid refuges always seem to be full of women and kids in fear of their safety. I remember as a kid hearing people talk about a woman and her kids who left their house late every Friday and Saturday nights when the husband arrived back from the pub. Think the father was drunk and violent and they either ran out or were thrown out. I think some neighbours took them in regularly. As a kid I didn't think too much about it. There was no divorce then and a woman without an independent income would have had to stay in the abusive home. Of course, men too are sometimes victims of bullying and violence but I think they are often afraid to seek help. At least these days dv is acknowledged and talked about and support can be got to help people get out of their desperate situation.

Chucken · 30-10-2013 10:49PM

myshirt wrote: »

True statement.

Thank god for places like http://www.adaptservices.ie/ where women who step out of line can go and get rehabilitated.

I know you're being lighthearted so I'll just let you off with that one

What about this http://www.clarehaven.ie/index.php?page=7&lang=EN

Muise... · 30-10-2013 10:51PM

I slept on the floor of the sitting room one night after a row. He came in and kicked me in the stomach. His feet were bare and he stubbed his toes on my ribcage (which nearly made me laugh) and I kicked him out and never ever looked kindly at him again.

myshirt · 30-10-2013 10:52PM

Seems to be some heavy criticism here..

It's as simple as this, you can say what you like about guys who beat their women but don't they get a cup of tea and sandwich when they ask for one.

30-10-2013 10:57PM

Lived with a man who beat the ****e out of me quite a few times. So one night I poured lighter fluid all around the bed as he sleep in it. Doused him

Myself and a cigarette lighter kept a vigil on him,. When he finally woke up to the sounds of the lighter being lit up repeatedley, I explained to him that Id had quite enough, and If he ever laid a finger on me again, I would burn him to death as he slept.

The look of terror on his face was priceless.

myshirt · 30-10-2013 11:01PM

Chucken wrote: »

I know you're being lighthearted so I'll just let you off with that one
What about this http://www.clarehaven.ie/index.php?page=7&lang=EN

Good to see.

In reality, domestic violence is no joke. I think a previous poster highlighted the impact on your mental well being - I can only imagine. Shocks to the conscience.

The strength and courage of some women is unreal. Now, I do realise that men are the subject of abuse, of course, but nevertheless, there is weight to the point that women bear the unproportionate share of domestic violence in Ireland. To pick yourself up from this.... I dunno... the strength of character... could a man do it if he was on the receiving end, I'm not sure if that resilience is as innate in Irish men as it is our women.

Chucken · 30-10-2013 11:18PM

Jake1 wrote: »

Lived with a man who beat the ****e out of me quite a few times. So one night I poured lighter fluid all around the bed as he sleep in it. Doused him

Myself and a cigarette lighter kept a vigil on him,. When he finally woke up to the sounds of the lighter being lit up repeatedley, I explained to him that Id had quite enough, and If he ever laid a finger on me again, I would burn him to death as he slept.

The look of terror on his face was priceless.

I dont know what to say to this.
I shouldnt laugh but........

Ya looper! I can totally understand being driven to doing that though.

Auldloon · 30-10-2013 11:44PM

Yes I'd a psycho ex who used fly at me fists boots and weapons flying. To my shame I eventually hit back which seemed to be what she wanted. She used tell me I was now an abuser and eventually I started to believe her. I'm glad to say in the 10 years since I left that nut job there's not been a single incident, not even close.

Domestic Violence

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