Whats the hardest situation you've gone through in life

BabyGorilla · 08-10-2013 10:33PM

ahh I wont go into details, but if you've ever been to the point where you're so stressed and troubled by something that you can feel your heart palpitating you'll understand.

I put my head down and closed my eyes for like 30 seconds - out like a light - but it was a public place and I was woken after about 5 minutes.

Strong stressful emotions will really tire you.

Kablamo! · 08-10-2013 10:35PM

I lost two uncles and my father in the space of six months. That was in 2009 and jesus it's still a tough one.

Sounds stupid, but the pleasure I found in little things got me through- saying "F*ck it, I'm in a bad mood, what'll cheer me up?". Sometimes it was new pyjamas, other times it could be playing with the cats, eating a meal deal for three from dominos to myself, whatever.
Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face.
I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Femme_Fatale · 08-10-2013 10:37PM

Kablamo! wrote: »

Sounds stupid, but the pleasure I found in little things got me through- saying "F*ck it, I'm in a bad mood, what'll cheer me up?". Sometimes it was new pyjamas, other times it could be playing with the cats, eating a meal deal from three from dominos to myself, whatever.
Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face.
I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Fuk, no. Taking pleasure in little things, treating yourself - these can be great comforts.
It's great that these helped you get through such an awful time.

wexie · 08-10-2013 10:37PM

My better half (and I do really mean that) works in a job where she deals with people on the worst days of their lives, invariably they've lost a family member, a lot of times in an unexpected and horrible way.

I talk to her sometimes and ask her how she does it, dealing with death (sometimes in all it's gruesome reality) and grieving people all the time.
She tells me that just knowing she can show people some kindness in a time of need, help them get some closure, or somehow make things easier on them makes it all worth while.

Sometimes her job can really put a dampener on our evening but when I read some of these stories I love that's she there to help people.

(and sometimes, very quietly, I'm a little proud I can help her cope with her job by having dinner ready and a fire lit when she comes home and making sure she's looked after as well)

wexie · 08-10-2013 10:39PM

Kablamo! wrote: »

Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face. I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Nonsense, if you can find pleasure in the little things in life you're a rich man no matter your bank balance

(I hang my socks over the fireguard)

Wibbs · 08-10-2013 10:40PM

wexie wrote: »

My better half (and I do really mean that) works in a job where she deals with people on the worst days of their lives, invariably they've lost a family member, a lot of times in an unexpected and horrible way.

I talk to her sometimes and ask her how she does it, dealing with death (sometimes in all it's gruesome reality) and grieving people all the time.
She tells me that just knowing she can show people some kindness in a time of need, help them get some closure, or somehow make things easier on them makes it all worth while.

Sometimes her job can really put a dampener on our evening but when I read some of these stories I love that's she there to help people.

(and sometimes, very quietly, I'm a little proud I can help her cope with her job by having dinner ready and a fire lit when she comes home and making sure she's looked after as well)

TBH I think I fancy her myself, though your post has me questioning my sexuality you big mad roide ya.

Dead right you should be proud.

loubeelou · 08-10-2013 10:41PM

Kablamo! wrote: »

I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

You're not a simpleton. Just someone who has developed coping skills!

DoozerT6 · 08-10-2013 10:45PM

Realising that someone whom I had thought was a very close friend of many years, was in fact a complete Walter Mitty. Their lies directly affected me and my professional life, and I only realised how much after I broke contact with them. I still sometimes kick myself that I could believe them for so long, but when you've been such good friends with someone for years, you really don't think you have any reason to doubt what they say, no matter how silly it seems. And enough time had passed to make it not worthwhile emotionally to go back and confront them.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if we had drifted apart many years earlier.

It's not as devastating as some other's stories, but it has negatively affected my life for the past 15 years.

Wibbs · 08-10-2013 10:49PM

Deleted User wrote: »

It could always be worse. Always.

Dead right Whoops.

That said, for me in a very simplistic sense I'd judge needing help in this way; if you walk through a graveyard and start to realise that those in the ground, even the "greatest" of them, if they could speak would give anything for even a minute of your life, bad though it may seem at your moment, to live and breath and see and hear the sights and sounds of what you can see and hear then you're probably OK. However if after considering all that you would still wish to join them in oblivion then you need the help that is there, help that is there more than ever with incredible life vests for those who need them. If you take those hands that are reaching out, you will one day see the gift we should all appreciate. Even though that journey may have its ups and downs.

wexie · 08-10-2013 10:59PM

You're a wise man Wibbs, but stay away from my missus and stop looking at me like that

(you're welcome for dinner though, slow roast pork belly in apple sauce and roast spuddies okay for ya?)

Karl Stein · 08-10-2013 11:01PM

Really, it's not helpful to ever say 'it could be worse' to someone who's feeling emotionally distraught. It's basically saying 'ah c'mon, look at Jimmy down the road with cancer' the message is 'you're not that bad - get over yourself'.

The best thing to do is just listen and let the person talk. If you don't know what to say just let them speak.

Wibbs · 08-10-2013 11:09PM

wexie wrote: »

(you're welcome for dinner though, slow roast pork belly in apple sauce and roast spuddies okay for ya?)

Now it's official, I love ye both.

If you had said a lovely salad, I would still have loved ye both, but I'd have had to work at it.

nbar12 · 08-10-2013 11:10PM

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

I think I'm having it tough and then I read this and others, which is literally at this moment making me snap out of this little depressing state i've got myself in and just makes me want to live my life without worrying and everything will eventually work out.

from the bottom of my heart SidneyKidney, I hope it's third time lucky for you!

CarefulNow! · 08-10-2013 11:16PM

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

freakishly similar to me !!!

Czarcasm · 08-10-2013 11:16PM

I've always found that different methods are going to work with varying degrees of success for different people. It's really down to the individual to find what works best for them to help them manage and cope with difficult periods in their lives.

For me I've, well, "experimented" with numerous different methods at different times in my life when I would be going through difficult periods. Sometimes the "solutions" made things worse (from both a perspective point of view and a physical point of view), but for me I've found that being there for other people and helping them to overcome their difficulties helps me to put my own issues in perspective.

Being able to find something to make you smile in the most adverse circumstances also helps, but sometimes the joke is best kept to yourself. For example when my brother died, at the funeral my cousin hugged me and remarked that I gave great hugs. I responded with "Yeah, some of my best friends are in wheelchairs...".

She looked at me horrified, and I realised that it should've stayed in my head. But for some of my friends that actually are in wheelchairs, they would've understood I meant no malice. Surrounding yourself with people that understand you is one of the most important lessons I learned in life.

I should probably at this point take the opportunity to mention that this week is Mental Health Week and there are events and seminars being organised up and down the country, so it might be helpful for everybody to check out some of what's happening in their local area.

Knine · 08-10-2013 11:21PM

Sitting in a maternity hospital having just had a baby who was obviously disabled & very unwell. For almost one week I watched other mothers cooing over their lovely newborn's while all I wanted to do was cry.

But

Now she is 6 years old and is the light of our lives. She finds joy in the smallest of things. She has brought a new perspective into my life and brightens up the day of everyone she meets. I am blessed.

Karl Stein · 08-10-2013 11:26PM

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

Smidge · 08-10-2013 11:28PM

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

I have to say, given what you have gone through you certainly seem to have kept your sense of humour with your chosen username!

Good for you:)

Femme_Fatale · 08-10-2013 11:28PM

Charlie Rock wrote: »

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

There have also been people who were suicidal, whom anti-depressants helped greatly - I'd bet the lay advice that they work is coming from people who went through this experience.
The lay advice from the friend was completely uninformed - can't see anything wrong with condemning it.

wexie · 08-10-2013 11:31PM

Charlie Rock wrote: »

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

Also plenty of advice to not just rely on lay advice and go talk to a professional

bizmark · 08-10-2013 11:33PM

Being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis after suffering somewhat severe depression that kept me more or less house bound for 7 years was tough to deal with i have to say but i decided to take it as a sign that things needed to change before i completely lost the ability to experience anything good in life anyway that was a couple of years ago now i still have weeks when i dont leave the house much that i need to actively catch myself in and force myself to get out and do things but iv seen parts of the world have had a daughter (beautiful 6 month old) and dealt rather well with the illness i think i wouldn't consider myself a overly productive member of society yet so i still have much to improve on but that upsets me and i badly want to change that and be a good father this stuff iv discovered is a slow long process perhaps life long but life long sounds rather good to me now every time i see my little girls bright smile.

Also admitting it is pretty important if only for yourself

RobbingBandit · 08-10-2013 11:37PM

Complete family communication breakdown, I have many personal and health issues that have not made anything easy,I have tried to hurt myself and done lots of stupid things, I am trying to claw my way out but with absolutely no support from my mother or siblings it is very difficult, my GP has been a great source of help she put me in touch with some supports and other services I found myself have helped to no end.

Karl Stein · 08-10-2013 11:44PM

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

There have also been people who were suicidal, whom anti-depressants helped greatly

That's personal experience.

I'd bet the lay advice that they work is coming from people who went through this experience.

Yes but it's still experience based lay advice which doesn't really amount to a hill of beans when it come down to brass tacks.

The lay advice from the friend was completely uninformed

Lay advice usually is uninformed by its very nature but let's apply that principle equally I would suggest. Also, there are problems of dependency associated with AD's.

can't see anything wrong with condemning it.

What I was pointing out was how any lay criticism of AD's is met with howls of derision and how lay advice advocating their efficacy (in spite of the evidence) was not.

smurgen · 08-10-2013 11:49PM

My aunt took her own life mid summer.four young kids left behind.totally,totally unexpected and no explanation left.had a happy marriage and everything seemed fine.never drank,smoke or done anything wrong in her life,just a little shy.extremely violent and unusual method for a woman.
I will never,ever forget the moment I was told,nor will I forget shouldering the coffin.
Gave me a lot of perspective but it has left me with a lot of anger and an extremely short fuse.somedays when I think of what her family is going through I get angry when I hear other people moaning,bitching and whining about minor things.

Czarcasm · 09-10-2013 12:13AM

Charlie Rock wrote: »

What I was pointing out was how any lay criticism of AD's is met with howls of derision and how lay advice advocating their efficacy (in spite of the evidence) was not.

I think what other posters were pointing out Charlie is that the friend's advice to the OP regarding ADs was pure dumb, simply because the OP shouldn't be discouraged from investigating and informing themselves about the different methods, treatments, and coping mechanisms that are out there to assist people to find a way to take back control of their lives and their mental health.

For instance my wife has suffered from depression and anxiety for a number of years now, but over the last year or so, she has made great strides with the help of a great relationship with her GP, a great relationship with her counsellor, and weekly GROW meetings. She has also found meditation to be very helpful. This has enabled her to reduce her prescription of ADs to the point where she feels she doesn't need them, but has been advised by her GP and her counsellor that she's not quite out of the woods yet.

This is opposed to some random clown that spun her some bullshìt story about how GPs and psychiatrists are given paid holidays by the big pharmas to prescribe their particular brand of meds over another competitor. I've no doubt that it happens, of course it does, but I've seen the improvement in my wife's quality of life and I've seen the improvements ADs have made to other people's lives, so for me at least the benefits by far outweigh the bullshìt scaremongering. ADs aren't for everybody, and sure, there are some who may experience the placebo effect, but what's more important to me is that at least if they believe they're getting better with AD treatment, it's much easier to help them cope with coming off the medication.

What I believe though isn't really all that important; it's what the person who is suffering believes, that matters.

Ace Attorney · 09-10-2013 12:14AM

Charlie Rock wrote: »

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

I can speak from a personal experience of a family member that was suicidal, i seen the person with help from AD's and interaction with others go from hospital bed to back out into the world in three months, currently said member is still on AD's and im not really sure if said member is coming off them. But they definatly had a part to play in helping, Now im not claiming to know that AD's actually work or not, but even if it was a placecbo effect like you say, surely thats a plus?

Karl Stein · 09-10-2013 12:17AM

Maybe this thread/AH isn't the best place for this discussion. Some other time no doubt.

SimonQuinlank · 09-10-2013 12:17AM

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for about 10 years now,nothing (meds,CBT) seems to work in relieving either for more then a month or two.

Anxiety and confidence is pretty terrible at the moment,its a struggle to walk down the street somedays.Had to get off the bus this evening and walk home because I could feel an attack coming on.

biko · 09-10-2013 12:20AM

My hand is too fat to fit in the Pringles can

;-;

bizmark · 09-10-2013 12:22AM

biko wrote: »

My hand is too fat to fit in the Pringles can

;-;

Much like a frown just turn that can upside down all your problems go away !

Whats the hardest situation you've gone through in life

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