Whats the hardest situation you've gone through in life

Warm Dusk

Ive had a couple of hard cards dealt my way this year and Im sure, like others on here, Ive had some dark days. What was the toughest time in your life and how did you fight back?

I was contemplating using anti-depressants until a friend advised me that they'd set me down a road of always needing them. So Ive resisted them for now. Im using my own resolve, chatting to as many good friends as possible and trying to be spiritual again. It has been a hugely strenuous.

Please note that Id rather this not be moved to Personal Issues as I dont want to get into the specifics of my situation. Im looking for how and what people use in themselves to fight back from challenging moments in life.

Thank you.

MadsL

Warm Dusk wrote: »

Ive had a couple of hard cards dealt my way this year and Im sure, like others on here, Ive had some dark days. What was the toughest time in your life and how did you fight back?

I was contemplating using anti deppresents until a friend advised me that they'd set me down a road of always needing them. So Ive resisted them for now. Im using my own resolve, chatting to as many good friends as possible and trying to be spiritual again. It has been a hugely strenuous.

Please note that Id rather this not be moved to Personal Issues as I dont want to get into the specifics of my situation. Im looking for how and what people use in themselves to fight back from challenging moments in life.

Thank you.

Your friend is doing you no favours, get professional advice. S/he is talking bollocks.

galwayrush

Look for some positives and focus on them.:)

Sunnyisland

Not the best place for serious answers.

wazky

Deciding if I wanted the thermostat at medium high or just medium.

Warm Dusk

Warm Dusk wrote: »

I was contemplating using anti-depressants until a friend advised me that they'd set me down a road of always needing them.

That's just not true.

We can't give medical advice on boards, and for good reason. You shouldn't be taking your friend's advice unless they have some sort of qualification to be saying what they're saying.

Sometimes people need medication. Sometimes they don't. Your mate isn't qualified to be going around telling people stuff like that. Anti-depressants might not be for you, but that's not for your friend to decide.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Death of a parent. Getting through it by focussing on my career and with the help of my friends.

Menas

There is no straight answer. Everyone is different and that is why professional help is good, to help you find the way to cope that is best for you..

AH is not the right place.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

wazky wrote: »

Deciding if I wanted the thermostat at medium high or just medium.

Sometimes you should just know when to joke and when to stay quiet

Sunnyisland

I have gone through boards life with just 12 people looking at my profile ? It's hard.

Femme_Fatale

Warm Dusk wrote: »

I was contemplating using anti-depressants until a friend advised me that they'd set me down a road of always needing them.

Anti depressants are not addictive, and can be a huge help in setting someone on the path to happiness. Your friend, well-meaning as they may be, shouldn't tell you lies.
Only people who don't know what depression is like say such things about anti-depressants. Three months of them might be all a person needs. Some, hilariously, would happily shove a load of cocaine up their schnozes or rely on getting pissed to take the edge off their problems, yet "Anti depressants - oh noez!" (Three of my friends have this illogical point of view, and one of them seems like he really should be on anti-depressants, yet he won't even visit the doctor - and it's worrying).

Anyway, you can't just use them when you feel like it - they need to be prescribed. Organise a visit to your doctor, and best wishes to you.

Warm Dusk

Please note, as per forum rules, Im not looking for medical or counseling advice. Im interested in people's resolve and how they fight back from hard situations.

Ace Attorney

Go talk to a professional instead of listening to barstool medicine from a friend. Perhaps you may need them for a few months, perhaps maybe a little longer, you can always come off them anyway its up to you and your doctor. Just a sidenote exercise is a great natural antidepressant a good 2 mile walk can be very beneficial to clear the head and help you in the meantime

Wibbs

For me it was usually down to perspective, or at least my sense of it. Yes I've had tough times, some real shítty times, but I always at some point looked to those who had it worse, usually much worse and if they got through it, then I could get through it. I grew up knowing rellies of mine that had gone through WW2 and hearing their stories of seeing close friends of theirs being killed or horribly maimed kinda added to that. Guys, barely men snuffed out who would have given anything to feel even my worst times and they died so I might have such human times.

I may be going through a personal hell at various times, but other hells out there I can't begin to imagine and even the simple things like the fact I have food in my belly and a place where I can lay my head and call home, is something too many millions, nay close to billions of people can't say. That's the kinda thing that does it for me.

That said I have noticed that people who are afflicted with a clinical thing like depression, one of the first things that seems to be robbed by that terrible illness is this sense of perspective, which why it's such an insidious illness.

SimonLynch

realies wrote: »

I have gone through boards life with just 12 people looking at my profile ? It's hard.

I've had a look and it's very nice Hang on, what's hard?

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

For me it was usually down to perspective, or at least my sense of it. Yes I've had tough times, some real shítty times, but I always at some point looked to those who had it worse, usually much worse and if they got through it, then I could get through it.

Couldn't really put it any better than this tbh.

It could always be worse. Always.

Femme_Fatale

Yep, the sense of perspective thing is really, really good if you're simply feeling down. Any time I'm pissed off about something, that's what I do - and it works.
But if you're clinically depressed, it doesn't work - and can actually make you feel worse.

OP, try it though. And try the exercise thing if you have the energy for it. Keep yourself surrounded with people who care about you. Treat yourself. But if these don't help, then visit your doctor. There is no weakness in that.

Orim

Johnny Electricity wrote: »

Sometimes you should just know when to joke and when to stay quiet

Sometimes a joke is very much needed in a bad situation. Someone saying something silly that makes you smile, even for a moment, can help lift you out of your funk. Sometimes you need to be reminded that you can smile.

I've been through some hard times OP. Good friends being around is the thing that always helped me. Not necessarily talking about whatever it is. Just talking about whatever comes to mind and getting anything and everything off your chest.

sidneykidney

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

Femme_Fatale

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Yep, the sense of perspective thing is really, really good if you're simply feeling down.
But if you're clinically depressed, it doesn't work - and can actually make you feel worse.

OP, try it though. And try the exercise thing if you have the energy for it. Keep yourself surrounded with people who care about you. Treat yourself. But if these don't help, then visit your doctor. There is no weakness in that.

Indeed, if it's clinical depression then trying to force yourself to "snap out of it" will drive you nothing short of demented.

Sunnyisland

Warm Dusk wrote: »

Please note, as per forum rules, Im not looking for medical or counseling advice. Im interested in people's resolve and how they fight back from hard situations.

Reading some good positive uplifting books,

Look forward in your life and try not to live and dwell on the past,it's done and nothing can or will change it,

At the moment live for today,tomorrow is always tomorrow,just till you get stronger,

Put yourself around good positive people and if you want join some local groups in your area.

Good luck .

Esoteric_

Tbh I'm not going to say what the worst thing I've dealt with is, because it's not something I share, but I dealt with it with therapy, anti depressants and help from my friends. The issue still affects me every single day and to be honest I don't think it's something that will ever NOT affect me, but I get through it by knowing I have people on my side, fighting my corner.

Menas

Try and set goals, short , medium and long term. Celebrate yourself when you achieve them. Keep looking forward.

El Guapo!

Thinking in perspective does help. But you have to realise that life will sometimes shít on you, the same way it does to everyone else at one point or another.
The main thing to remember is you're never alone. There's always family, or friends, or even people on boards to talk to. Talking really does help. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone you barely know, rather than a close friend.

The early part of this year was the shíttiest time I've ever had. It was awful. A couple of close family members died a few weeks apart, another family member got diagnosed with cancer, I lost my job....
But talking really helped. I talked to some people on Boards and that helped. A couple of Boardsies know the full story of what happened behind the scenes in my life. And these are people I've never met. It just helps to get it off your chest, no matter who you're talking to. And remember, things will get better.

wexie

I've had to deal with the death of a parent recently which meant that a very distraught relationship will never be resolved/healed and a lot of things have been left unsaid.

What helps for me is that I live very close to a big forest on top of a hill, I bring my dogs for long walks and look out over the country side and the sea. Sit on top of a rock, have a cigarette, chat to my dogs and just get away from everything.

Then I walk home and go spoil the two most wonderful little girls in the world.
Never had such a bad day that can't be made better by my kids hugs and smiles, they don't even need to know why, I just tell them daddy wants a big squeezy hug!

PingO_O

On the whole perspective thing, boards can be great for that kind of stuff. Whenever I'm feeling down about something there's usually a thread or something being said about it or has been said, it's comforting to know people go through more or less the same sh** you do from time to time.

I've often completely changed how I felt from reading a thread on things that were bothering me, so it's kinda therapeutic in a way.

Mr Benevolent

I sharted yesterday. It was tough.

Wibbs

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Anti depressants are not addictive,

Well some consider that in some people such drugs may have addictive like properties. Link and Link and Link(yes I know it's the daily fail, but reporting on actual research) and Link. And that's but the briefest of web trawls. Though rather than addiction, maybe dependency is a better term, or at least it seems it can lead to that with some drugs in some people.

Anyway, you can't just use them when you feel like it - they need to be prescribed.

Indeed, yet there are already more than a few voices and questions raised about their over prescription in more than a few quarters. Yes they are very useful, amazing, even lifesaving therapies, especially for depressive patients at the more extreme end, but their efficacy for mild depression is no more than placebo in more than a few studies. So if someone can avoid their use, because he or she is able to resolve their emotional insults and trials through other means I can't see what the problem is.

It reminds me way too much of antibiotics and their overuse. Another incredible discovery and therapy that saved millions(if not billions), but was seen as safe and OK to use willy nilly for every sniffle and cough and look what has happened? I'll put good money down now that these wonderful and powerful anti D drugs will come back to haunt us down the line for not dissimilar reasons of overuse because they're "safe" and it's "easy" and most of all the patients demand them*.




*I don't blame the docs for this as some do, like with antibiotics too many people don't feel satisfied until they get their pill for every ill. I saw this recently with a mate of a mate, newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He was told by the docs that his case could be "cured" by exercise and a strict diet, and/or medication but of course he chose the pills. The easy way out. It was the easy way out that got him the type 2 in the first place. Irony or wha.

hedzball

Lost my mother to suicide 2 years ago.. I was 22 my brother was 19..

Coming home to a dark house no lights on , no fire going.. That winter was one of the hardest of my entire life.

I lost my best friend in the process and still feel lost. I fought with alot of dark moments. Even lost the one girl who I thought was for me.. I drove her away really by going mad on the drink.

I'm a different person now, be it better or worse I am alot hardened and not affected by death as much.

Hardest decision was to open up to people and tell them I was hurt..

Even now it stills kills me off.. It will for the rest of my life.







'hdz

cuana

Warm Dusk wrote: »

Please note, as per forum rules, Im not looking for medical or counseling advice. Im interested in people's resolve and how they fight back from hard situations.

I went for counselling!! It really helped me work through a difficult situation at the time I highly recommend to anyone though in fairness your friend should never had suggested anything of the sort! Getting a professional opinion is very important

petrolcan

About 20 years ago I was working with a guy that had Learning Disabilities. We were out shopping for hardware when he decided to use the toilet display as a toilet.

That was a hard situation to get out of.

That the sort of thing you're looking for?

BabyGorilla

ahh I wont go into details, but if you've ever been to the point where you're so stressed and troubled by something that you can feel your heart palpitating you'll understand.

I put my head down and closed my eyes for like 30 seconds - out like a light - but it was a public place and I was woken after about 5 minutes.

Strong stressful emotions will really tire you.

Kablamo!

I lost two uncles and my father in the space of six months. That was in 2009 and jesus it's still a tough one.

Sounds stupid, but the pleasure I found in little things got me through- saying "F*ck it, I'm in a bad mood, what'll cheer me up?". Sometimes it was new pyjamas, other times it could be playing with the cats, eating a meal deal for three from dominos to myself, whatever.
Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face.
I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Femme_Fatale

Kablamo! wrote: »

Sounds stupid, but the pleasure I found in little things got me through- saying "F*ck it, I'm in a bad mood, what'll cheer me up?". Sometimes it was new pyjamas, other times it could be playing with the cats, eating a meal deal from three from dominos to myself, whatever.
Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face.
I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Fuk, no. Taking pleasure in little things, treating yourself - these can be great comforts.
It's great that these helped you get through such an awful time.

wexie

My better half (and I do really mean that) works in a job where she deals with people on the worst days of their lives, invariably they've lost a family member, a lot of times in an unexpected and horrible way.

I talk to her sometimes and ask her how she does it, dealing with death (sometimes in all it's gruesome reality) and grieving people all the time.
She tells me that just knowing she can show people some kindness in a time of need, help them get some closure, or somehow make things easier on them makes it all worth while.

Sometimes her job can really put a dampener on our evening but when I read some of these stories I love that's she there to help people.


(and sometimes, very quietly, I'm a little proud I can help her cope with her job by having dinner ready and a fire lit when she comes home and making sure she's looked after as well)

wexie

Kablamo! wrote: »

Even now when I'm a bit grumpy a pair of socks off the radiator always bring a smile to my face. I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

Nonsense, if you can find pleasure in the little things in life you're a rich man no matter your bank balance

(I hang my socks over the fireguard)

Wibbs

wexie wrote: »

My better half (and I do really mean that) works in a job where she deals with people on the worst days of their lives, invariably they've lost a family member, a lot of times in an unexpected and horrible way.

I talk to her sometimes and ask her how she does it, dealing with death (sometimes in all it's gruesome reality) and grieving people all the time.
She tells me that just knowing she can show people some kindness in a time of need, help them get some closure, or somehow make things easier on them makes it all worth while.

Sometimes her job can really put a dampener on our evening but when I read some of these stories I love that's she there to help people.


(and sometimes, very quietly, I'm a little proud I can help her cope with her job by having dinner ready and a fire lit when she comes home and making sure she's looked after as well)

TBH I think I fancy her myself, though your post has me questioning my sexuality you big mad roide ya. Dead right you should be proud.

loubeelou

Kablamo! wrote: »

I suspect I'm a bit of a simpleton

You're not a simpleton. Just someone who has developed coping skills!

DoozerT6

Realising that someone whom I had thought was a very close friend of many years, was in fact a complete Walter Mitty. Their lies directly affected me and my professional life, and I only realised how much after I broke contact with them. I still sometimes kick myself that I could believe them for so long, but when you've been such good friends with someone for years, you really don't think you have any reason to doubt what they say, no matter how silly it seems. And enough time had passed to make it not worthwhile emotionally to go back and confront them.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if we had drifted apart many years earlier.

It's not as devastating as some other's stories, but it has negatively affected my life for the past 15 years.

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

It could always be worse. Always.

Dead right Whoops.

That said, for me in a very simplistic sense I'd judge needing help in this way; if you walk through a graveyard and start to realise that those in the ground, even the "greatest" of them, if they could speak would give anything for even a minute of your life, bad though it may seem at your moment, to live and breath and see and hear the sights and sounds of what you can see and hear then you're probably OK. However if after considering all that you would still wish to join them in oblivion then you need the help that is there, help that is there more than ever with incredible life vests for those who need them. If you take those hands that are reaching out, you will one day see the gift we should all appreciate. Even though that journey may have its ups and downs.

wexie

You're a wise man Wibbs, but stay away from my missus and stop looking at me like that

(you're welcome for dinner though, slow roast pork belly in apple sauce and roast spuddies okay for ya?)

Karl Stein

Really, it's not helpful to ever say 'it could be worse' to someone who's feeling emotionally distraught. It's basically saying 'ah c'mon, look at Jimmy down the road with cancer' the message is 'you're not that bad - get over yourself'.

The best thing to do is just listen and let the person talk. If you don't know what to say just let them speak.

Wibbs

wexie wrote: »

(you're welcome for dinner though, slow roast pork belly in apple sauce and roast spuddies okay for ya?)

Now it's official, I love ye both. If you had said a lovely salad, I would still have loved ye both, but I'd have had to work at it.

nbar12

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

I think I'm having it tough and then I read this and others, which is literally at this moment making me snap out of this little depressing state i've got myself in and just makes me want to live my life without worrying and everything will eventually work out.

from the bottom of my heart SidneyKidney, I hope it's third time lucky for you!

CarefulNow!

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

freakishly similar to me !!!

Czarcasm

I've always found that different methods are going to work with varying degrees of success for different people. It's really down to the individual to find what works best for them to help them manage and cope with difficult periods in their lives.

For me I've, well, "experimented" with numerous different methods at different times in my life when I would be going through difficult periods. Sometimes the "solutions" made things worse (from both a perspective point of view and a physical point of view), but for me I've found that being there for other people and helping them to overcome their difficulties helps me to put my own issues in perspective.

Being able to find something to make you smile in the most adverse circumstances also helps, but sometimes the joke is best kept to yourself. For example when my brother died, at the funeral my cousin hugged me and remarked that I gave great hugs. I responded with "Yeah, some of my best friends are in wheelchairs...".

She looked at me horrified, and I realised that it should've stayed in my head. But for some of my friends that actually are in wheelchairs, they would've understood I meant no malice. Surrounding yourself with people that understand you is one of the most important lessons I learned in life.

I should probably at this point take the opportunity to mention that this week is Mental Health Week and there are events and seminars being organised up and down the country, so it might be helpful for everybody to check out some of what's happening in their local area.

Knine

Sitting in a maternity hospital having just had a baby who was obviously disabled & very unwell. For almost one week I watched other mothers cooing over their lovely newborn's while all I wanted to do was cry.

But

Now she is 6 years old and is the light of our lives. She finds joy in the smallest of things. She has brought a new perspective into my life and brightens up the day of everyone she meets. I am blessed.

Karl Stein

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

Smidge

sidneykidney wrote: »

Being diagnosed with Kidney failure, at 18. Having to give up work and go on dialysis.
Recieving a first transplant that then failed, then a second one that also rejected.
Currently on my third transplant, coming up to seven years now

I have to say, given what you have gone through you certainly seem to have kept your sense of humour with your chosen username!

Good for you:)

Femme_Fatale

Charlie Rock wrote: »

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

There have also been people who were suicidal, whom anti-depressants helped greatly - I'd bet the lay advice that they work is coming from people who went through this experience.
The lay advice from the friend was completely uninformed - can't see anything wrong with condemning it.

wexie

Charlie Rock wrote: »

Gotta love the condemning of lay advice given to the OP about AD's followed by plenty of lay advice that AD's work. There have been peer-reviewed articles written that show that AD's are no better than placebo in mild to moderate depression.

Also plenty of advice to not just rely on lay advice and go talk to a professional