Interfering in a row

Micky Dolenz · 04-10-2013 10:07AM

I think things like that are a split second call. It's instinct, some will react others won't.

OldNotWIse · 04-10-2013 10:08AM

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

One of the reasons women who are domestically abused "side" with their attackers against someone helping them is to try deflect some of the "punishment" they feel they will get later for the incident.

Makes sense...still not my problem though, and I'm not going to risk having both of them turn on me!

Mr Benevolent · 04-10-2013 10:08AM

mirekb wrote: »

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

So you're some sort of anti-abuse crusader then? Leaping into the fray to pull off the man and beat him to a pulp, right? Or are you just another internet commentator, safe in your chair?

In the vast majority of cases, serious domestic violence doesn't happen in public. Those who step in usually come off worse than the victim. There's too much of this 'movie hero' **** going around.

OldNotWIse · 04-10-2013 10:11AM

mirekb wrote: »

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

Two adult people fighting in the street...definitely not our problem. I dont quite see how that contributes to the issue of sexual abuse in the country though. I would never apply the "not my problem" to a scenario where I was aware of or suspected sexual abuse - thats a completely different scenario. I really dont see how jumping feet first into a public "domestic" will help the one in four children who are being abused behind closed doors, most likely by someone they know.

Wibbs · 04-10-2013 10:23AM

Fair play G, few will step up in such cases. Often for good reason, but mostly the bystander effect IMH. Still these days I'd be careful. Not so much the knives etc(though valid enough), but just from my personal experiences with similar situations over the years. 9 times outa 10(internet stat, so valid) the object of such public abuse will go right back to the bloke and you'll end up being the bad guy. Sometimes even the very act of you getting involved will ensure they go back to the eejit, so it may even be detrimental to the process of her hopefully someday copping the fcuk on.

keithclancy · 04-10-2013 11:00AM

Best thing you can do is run in, slap them both in the face, shout "Taytos" and run away.

Gary ITR · 04-10-2013 11:08AM

From what I'm reading here it seems trouble usually folloss if you go over and slap the culprit. I didn't I invited him to slap me, then he proceeded to **** himself (I'm not exactly small at 6ft and 18stone)

Had I gone over and battered him I'd nearly expect the two of them to turn on me.

Also I don't think the girl deserves anything bad said about her because she went back to him, I'd say she's just **** scared of him

Legs.Eleven · 04-10-2013 11:14AM

I jumped in on a fight when I lived in East End London. Young fella about to hit his young girlfriend close to a busy bus stop about 8am in the morning on the way to work. The fella threatened to hit me and was about to throw a chair at me while I was standing over the crying girl but after a bit of shouting my head off and squaring up to him calling his bluff, I managed to get the girl away and got another person to call the police.

I've done that a few times in a drunken state as a student in Dublin walking home.

I don't know how I've never got a punch in the face at least.

--Kaiser-- · 04-10-2013 11:17AM

Fair play OP. If more people acted like you there would be less of this disgusting bullying behavior in the world

Elbaston · 04-10-2013 11:21AM

Angeles wrote: »

Why is it everyone on boards seems to live in the fear that every guy who's ever in a fight in Ireland runs around with a knife?
Did i miss the memo?
Maybe i should strap a machete to my thigh just so i can go around saying "You call that a knife? This is a knife" Then claim its just kids having some fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41ryqvYxlJ4

Ray Palmer · 04-10-2013 11:28AM

You call the police. For your own safety first and secondly they then have a record of abuse. Intervening may very well make things worse later on for the victim.

There are lots of incidents of people getting killed and injured when intervening in such things.

Crooked Jack · 04-10-2013 11:31AM

You were right to step in OP but a similar situation happened me a few years ago.
I saw a guy getting getting violent with a girl outside a club, the girl looked like she was afraid for her life. I stepped in, shouted at the guy to stop, asked was the girl alright and she fuckin turned on me. Then I had the pair of them at me.
I would hope that if I ever saw something similar again I'd step in but that experience would definitely be in the back of my mind when considering what to do.

tritium · 04-10-2013 11:39AM

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

One of the reasons women who are domestically abused "side" with their attackers against someone helping them is to try deflect some of the "punishment" they feel they will get later for the incident.

Another reason is where there is a mutual cycle of abuse, with both persons being both abused and abuser...

Femme_Fatale · 04-10-2013 11:40AM

Nobody should feel obliged to intervene on a fight, because it is a risk to their safety, but fair play to anyone who does. Unfortunately there is also the risk, when it's a domestic, of the woman turning on the person who intervenes - it's not a guarantee, but it does seem to be quite a high risk.
I do think calling the guards can be warranted though.
If someone does intervene though, it's simply because they want to help someone being assaulted - whether the victim is male or female. It's depressing to see it being used as an opportunity for the "white knight" dig, but any excuse I suppose.

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

Wow, cold. And you seem pretty pleased with yourself too. Very "christian". She actually asked for your help also - different to those cases where the woman turns nasty. You shouldn't feel obliged to take a risk by intervening, but why not call the guards?

Reality was that he was not attacking her or even being rough with her. Just shouting at her for something she did I guess. But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho. We all have our own battles to fight. Wonder if she would help me in mine (we all know the answer to that)

"Reality was"... you don't have a clue what the full reality was.
We don't actually "all know" the answer to your final question either - and it's not relevant anyway, and quite the bizarre leap.

Ray Palmer · 04-10-2013 11:41AM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

You were right to step in OP but a similar situation happened me a few years ago.
I saw a guy getting getting violent with a girl outside a club, the girl looked like she was afraid for her life. I stepped in, shouted at the guy to stop, asked was the girl alright and she fuckin turned on me. Then I had the pair of them at me.
I would hope that if I ever saw something similar again I'd step in but that experience would definitely be in the back of my mind when considering what to do.

Doesn't this completely suggest that stepping in was completely pointless and risked being injured?

Crooked Jack · 04-10-2013 11:44AM

Ray Palmer wrote: »

Doesn't this completely suggest that stepping in was completely pointless and risked being injured?

Well I dont know about completely useless. he did stop after all, but as someone pointed out, for the moment, I dont know what happened later.
I dont know what the right or wrong this is to do in such a situation. Im only pointing out what happened to me on one occasion.

Ray Palmer · 04-10-2013 11:50AM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Well I dont know about completely useless. he did stop after all, but as someone pointed out, for the moment, I dont know what happened later.
I dont know what the right or wrong this is to do in such a situation. Im only pointing out what happened to me on one occasion.

You didn't do that you said the OP was correct in what he did and then told us how it didn't work out for you. Just trying to understand the logic of saying something is the best thing to do while explaining how it didn't work and put you in danger.

Honey-ec · 04-10-2013 11:55AM

I'd have to step in, wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't.

Was out in Kildare a few years back and came across two girls kicking the absolute tar out of another one, they had her down on the ground and were really laying into her. It was closing time in the pub and the crowds of people leaving were literally just stepping over her. I was the only person who intervened. Nearly got my own head kicked in for it, but at that stage several other people stepped in.

All I could think of was, what if that was me, lying on the ground getting my head kicked in, and not one single person lifted a finger to help? Sometimes all it takes is one person to say something, and other bystanders will step in then too.

I've intervened in two blokes fighting too. Yeah, I might get a slap for it some day, but I'd rather that than have to live with myself knowing I just stood aside and did nothing. A guy I went to school with was beaten to death outside a house party because people didn't want to get involved. Fcuk them.

Ihatecuddles-old · 04-10-2013 11:58AM

Ive always stepped in, I know Im a girl and its stupid, but I just cant help it. I act first and think later. Its never gone too bad.

There was only one time I didnt do anything, I was in bed and looked down at the street, 2 travellers fighting, man and a woman. It was 3/4am, my son was asleep and I was on the 3rd floor. I rang the gards but they never came.

Ihatecuddles-old · 04-10-2013 12:00PM

Honey-ec wrote: »

I'd have to step in, wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't.

Was out in Kildare a few years back and came across two girls kicking the absolute tar out of another one, they had her down on the ground and were really laying into her. It was closing time in the pub and the crowds of people leaving were literally just stepping over her. I was the only person who intervened. Nearly got my own head kicked in for it, but at that stage several other people stepped in.

All I could think of was, what if that was me, lying on the ground getting my head kicked in, and not one single person lifted a finger to help? Sometimes all it takes is one person to say something, and other bystanders will step in then too.

I've intervened in two blokes fighting too. Yeah, I might get a slap for it some day, but I'd rather that than have to live with myself knowing I just stood aside and did nothing. A guy I went to school with was beaten to death outside a house party because people didn't want to get involved. Fcuk them.

Completely agree, Ive found that once one person steps in then others will follow.

Eight Ball · 04-10-2013 12:03PM

mirekb wrote: »

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

It's a reflection on how cowardly the Irish really are.

Elbaston · 04-10-2013 12:06PM

Eight Ball wrote: »

It's a reflection on how cowardly the Irish really are.

Oh yes absolutely, theres a national or genetic boundary of some sort.
These opinions are exclusive to the Irish people.

The Backwards Man · 04-10-2013 12:09PM

Last time I intervened on a domestic I ended up breaking the guys collar bone. Many years ago now, I was young and naive.
All it achieves is bringing undue hassle and worry on yourself, as ninety nine times outof a hundred the one who intervenes ends up as yhe bad guy.

Nowadays my motto is simple;

Just walk on by.

Sir Gallagher · 04-10-2013 12:31PM

Whether it's the clever thing to do or not, it's always nice to see a woman beater getting a good dig in the head.

Legs.Eleven · 04-10-2013 12:55PM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Completely agree, Ive found that once one person steps in then others will follow.

Not in my case when I intervened in London. Not one person moved, everyone pretended not to notice, some builders in a cafe were laughing at me. I managed to get one woman to call the police in the end. I suppose living in a rough part of a city like that hardens you up to that stuff but I was still "fresh off the boat" at that stage and couldn't turn a blind eye.

Crooked Jack · 04-10-2013 01:05PM

Ray Palmer wrote: »

You didn't do that you said the OP was correct in what he did and then told us how it didn't work out for you. Just trying to understand the logic of saying something is the best thing to do while explaining how it didn't work and put you in danger.

There's probably a difference between the right thing to do and the sensible thing to do.

Khannie · 04-10-2013 01:41PM

I have intervened before and it worked out well tbh. Saw two lads get into a row with a third lad at the corner of Leeson street and Stephens green. Third lad went to the ground relatively quickly and they started kicking him while he was down. I walked over nice and calm and told them I thought they'd won. They stopped for a second and that was all it took. One of them even agreed with me when he'd had a second to think about it. The lad on the ground was very grateful too.

Ray Palmer · 04-10-2013 02:05PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

There's probably a difference between the right thing to do and the sensible thing to do.

Not in cases like this as has been pointed out interfering without follow up may very well make the situation worse. The right thing to do is call the police.

Sauve · 04-10-2013 02:17PM

bizmark wrote: »

Your white knighting put you in potential danger and likely got him some make up sex wast of your time she didn't deserve your protection imho

That's one hell of a poxy attitude.
Somebody is being beaten/abused by their partner, and they don't deserve help? Seriously?

Rho b · 04-10-2013 02:19PM

Fair play OP for helping the girl.
A friends daughter was going out with a guy for a few months. It seems he was quite possessive and her mother expressed concern on many occasions to her daughter. Anyway one day they had a row in the car while he was driving. He pulled the car over, dragged her out of the car and started to hit her in the face/head. Thankfully there were two guys nearby fishing and they hear her screaming. They intervened and your man fecked off.
They brought the girl to the local Garda station and they in turn brought her to a local hospital.
She had bad bruising but thankfully no broken bones.
It turns out that the guy was separated from his wife due to domestic violence.
My friends daughter pressed charges and the two fishing guys gave statements to the Gardai. Fair play to them for assisting her.

Interfering in a row

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