Interfering in a row

Gary ITR

Out walking the dog tonight in the pissing rain I came across a couple, early 20's late teens maybe having a row. I could see them from where I was but they couldn't see me, I saw the chap snatch the girls phone and proceed to smash it. I stayed put, at that stage I wasn't going to interfere, fair enough he smashed the phone but no point in me getting involved.

Next thing he grabbed her by the hair and started slapping, at that point I ran down and let a roar. The girl was crying, I asked if she was ok and she wouldn't stop thanking me. I turned my attention back to him and invited him to pull my hair and slap me to see where that would get him but he declined. After that he left, I made sure the girl was ok and left her to it too. Few minutes later I'm finishing up with the dog and yer man is back rowing with the girl again and she's taking his ****. Then they walked off together. How emotionally drained or how little confidence must a late teen girl have to put up with that ****? I will add she was a stunner too, don't mean that in a weird way just she wasn't a girl that should be lacking in confidence.

Was I wrong to interfere? Should I have left them to it? I think 100 times out of 100 I'd do the same thing but was I wrong? My Mother thinks I should have just walked because she was in a similar situation years ago and the couple turned on her when she interfered

KERSPLAT!

The problem starts when he knocks lumps outta ya, pulls a knife or they both start on you. I'm not sure what I'd do. Don't want to see a girl getting slapped around but don't want to die either. That might be a bit dramatic but who knows these days

Smidge

Happens all too often OP
Friend of mine saw a couple rowing, the fella gives her an unmerciful slap that nearly knocked her head off her shoulders.

My mate intervenes and tries to restrain the guy who looks like he is going to kick the hell out of her at this stage.
While my mate is holding this guy back he's not watching the girl who jumps up and while roaring "Get your fukcing hands off him" kicks my mate from behind, underneath his legs and into his groin area bringing him to his knees. At which point the boyfriend gave him a right solid into the jaw while he was on the ground. They then walked off together.

Lovers tiff eh?

But fair play for trying to do the right thing!

kellxor.1337

To be quite honest I would have done the same, if I see two lads fighting one on one, I don't get involved, if I see somebody outnumbered and I think I can help I would, but if I see a guy raise his hand to a girl I loose the plot, I've gotten into trouble with friends/ex's over it but it's unacceptable, I'd be commending you for what you did but the end of the story is all too familiar, girl goes back to the d**k that treats her like crap,

Ace Attorney

Tbh if it was getting physical i think you were right to get involved

Greenmachine

Thatdoesnt looksafe tome AHHHHHHH wrote: »

Tbh if it was getting physical i think you were right to get involved

Some of these couples. Misery keeps company. Both bf and gf knocking **** out of each other in some case. Pretty sure most fellas here would not intervene if they saw a fella getting slapped by a girl. They would assume he done something to deserve it. Doesn't work the other way. I hate violence who ever is dishing it.

.Henry Sellers.

Myself and a friend witnessed a nearly identical incident like that except it didn't have any slapping, just yer man shouting and he smashed the girls phone off the ground too. She was after getting caught with another fella, the boyfriend was telling us this and crying, calling her all sorts.
I don't think I'd be running in like a White Knight straight away, it can backfire badly but it's an on the spot decision, people react differently.

I know a guy who spent a few weeks in hospital for intervening during a couples argument, he had swelling on his brain from being beaten. The couple strolled off together after the assault.

B.A._Baracus

Morally you could say you did the right thing, op However, the smart thing to do is just walk past. It really is commentary on society. That you could do the right thing and help a girl but for them both to attack you. It's nothing new, in fact it's most likely to happen.

But to post a personal experience. I was with my girlfriend 6 months ago and we were walking down a road here in Blanchardstown and some couple were going at it. The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

Reality was that he was not attacking her or even being rough with her. Just shouting at her for something she did I guess. But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho. We all have our own battles to fight. Wonder if she would help me in mine (we all know the answer to that)

lahalane

I'd never interfere in other people's problems because I know that I won't be able to fix them. Fair play to you for trying to save that girl and luckily it didn't backfire on you but I wouldn't be arsed worrying about other people anymore. It would rarely end positively I reckon.

bizmark

Your white knighting put you in potential danger and likely got him some make up sex wast of your time she didn't deserve your protection imho

Personaly wouldnt involve myself beyond phoning the garda let them sort it out

SimonQuinlank

I'd just ring 999.

Only way I'd get physically involved in crap like that would be if I was a Garda and was actually getting paid to endanger myself.

Oranage2

Done the Same few months back stopped a guy beatin his girl friend then we ended up having a fight, I was bigger than the guy , not sure I'd be as brave if he was of equal size.

I wouldn't look down on someone not doing anything, if he's beating her in public then it's likely it has happened before and will again causing potential harm to yourself.

Lux23

SimonQuinlank wrote: »

I'd just ring 999.

Only way I'd get physically involved in crap like that would be if I was a Garda and was actually getting paid to endanger myself.

I did that myself once, the cop get the smack instead!

Eight Ball

Seen this same thing years ago in Nutgrove in Dublin, the bloke is giving the girl slaps and lad driving out of the car park pulls up walks over and decks the bloke flat on his back with a single punch. He then calmly gets back in his car and drives off all the while the girl hurling abuse at him for hurting her boyfriend/husband.

laoisman11

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Morally you could say you did the right thing, op However, the smart thing to do is just walk past. It really is commentary on society. That you could do the right thing and help a girl but for them both to attack you. It's nothing new, in fact it's most likely to happen.

But to post a personal experience. I was with my girlfriend 6 months ago and we were walking down a road here in Blanchardstown and some couple were going at it. The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

Reality was that he was not attacking her or even being rough with her. Just shouting at her for something she did I guess. But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho. We all have our own battles to fight. Wonder if she would help me in mine (we all know the answer to that)

And the last section of your post is another "commentary on society". The irony.

No Pants

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho.

B.A. You've changed man.

anncoates

Only unless she was getting beaten up or something.

My friend spotted a couple arguing before in the city centre and the guy started throttling her so my mate went over and punched him. The guy then ran off and the girl then started on my friend for hitting her fella.

anncoates

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

But to post a personal experience. I was with my girlfriend 6 months ago and we were walking down a road here in Blanchardstown and some couple were going at it. The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

You mean, you didn't pity the fool?

returnNull

anncoates wrote: »

You mean, you didn't pity the fool?

hey less of your jibber jabber:cool:

OldNotWIse

I'd walk away. He could have pulled a knife or worse. I would only risk my life for someone I know and love, and there aren't many of those.

One thing I notice about people who like to make their spats public is that they are usually confused as to whose side they're on, often ending up siding with the d1ckhead who slapped them thirty seconds ago, and turning on the "knight in shining armour". They'll be at it again in a few hours.

Tombo2001

I was walking through Phibsboro once on a matchday, when there were heaps of people standing outside The Hut pub drinking.

Anyways, one middle aged couple were quite drunk, and having an argument. So yer man pushes her not too hard, and then she throttles him and pushes him right back, and he lost his balance and fell against the window of Abrakebabra. Knocked 3lbs of grease of it probably.

So he gets up, and has 'the look' in his eyes, arm raised ready to whack her.

At this point, having watched proceedings, I stepped in front of him and tried to reason with him "come on pal, you cant be doing that"......

And he was quite reasonable about it......he said "but you saw what she did to me".....so we got into a discussion about it and I thought that was that because he had calmed down.

Next thing yer woman starts shouting at me to f*ck off, its none of my business and so on, and the guy starts defending me saying I was only trying to help out.....

I left them at that.

Angeles

Why is it everyone on boards seems to live in the fear that every guy who's ever in a fight in Ireland runs around with a knife?
Did i miss the memo?
Maybe i should strap a machete to my thigh just so i can go around saying "You call that a knife? This is a knife" Then claim its just kids having some fun.

gobnaitolunacy

Leave them at it, fcuk them, don't know them and don't want to know them.

If she hasn't the sense to walk out of bad company like that, well, what can you do? You're not a social worker.
Such is life.

Sir Gallagher

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Morally you could say you did the right thing, op However, the smart thing to do is just walk past. It really is commentary on society. That you could do the right thing and help a girl but for them both to attack you. It's nothing new, in fact it's most likely to happen.

But to post a personal experience. I was with my girlfriend 6 months ago and we were walking down a road here in Blanchardstown and some couple were going at it. The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

Reality was that he was not attacking her or even being rough with her. Just shouting at her for something she did I guess. But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho. We all have our own battles to fight. Wonder if she would help me in mine (we all know the answer to that)

I dont know whats more disturbing, the girl asking for help or you sounding almost happy to have ignored her.

LionelNashe

I was walking down the street one time and there was this couple who weren't hitting each other or shouting and nobody was even arguing. Needless to say I just kept walking. That's all.

IvyTheTerrible

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I'd walk away. He could have pulled a knife or worse. I would only risk my life for someone I know and love, and there aren't many of those.

One thing I notice about people who like to make their spats public is that they are usually confused as to whose side they're on, often ending up siding with the d1ckhead who slapped them thirty seconds ago, and turning on the "knight in shining armour". They'll be at it again in a few hours.

One of the reasons women who are domestically abused "side" with their attackers against someone helping them is to try deflect some of the "punishment" they feel they will get later for the incident.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I wouldn't, that has the potential to turn nasty real quick. People of that sort, who don't mind fighting in public, are generally birds of a feather, and would just as likely turn on you together and leave you broken up.

If you're overly concerned, call the guards

OldNotWIse

Angeles wrote: »

Why is it everyone on boards seems to live in the fear that every guy who's ever in a fight in Ireland runs around with a knife?
Did i miss the memo?
Maybe i should strap a machete to my thigh just so i can go around saying "You call that a knife? This is a knife" Then claim its just kids having some fun.



I wouldnt be worried about every guy having a knife....but I would be worried about the one I pick on having one. It only takes one...after all. Nobody claiming its a certainty or even a probability...when it comes to your life...a possibility is enough!

mirekb

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

Zen65

Angeles wrote: »

Why is it everyone on boards seems to live in the fear that every guy who's ever in a fight in Ireland runs around with a knife?
Did i miss the memo?

Perhaps there was no memo, but plenty of evidence that it is becoming more prevalent. In the UK the statistic for assault now show that knives or other sharp objects are used in almost 50% of recorded assaults on men.

Never turn your back on either of them, that's the key lesson if you must get involved.

biko

Fair play for stepping in OP.
Too many people do nothing.

Yes, they probably have some sort of abusive relationship but it's good when normal people step in to say it isn't ok to fight in the street.
If no-one does nothing it will not end well.

Micky Dolenz

I think things like that are a split second call. It's instinct, some will react others won't.

OldNotWIse

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

One of the reasons women who are domestically abused "side" with their attackers against someone helping them is to try deflect some of the "punishment" they feel they will get later for the incident.

Makes sense...still not my problem though, and I'm not going to risk having both of them turn on me!

Mr Benevolent

mirekb wrote: »

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

So you're some sort of anti-abuse crusader then? Leaping into the fray to pull off the man and beat him to a pulp, right? Or are you just another internet commentator, safe in your chair?

In the vast majority of cases, serious domestic violence doesn't happen in public. Those who step in usually come off worse than the victim. There's too much of this 'movie hero' **** going around.

OldNotWIse

mirekb wrote: »

I am starting to understand how domestic violence and sexual abuse has run rampant in this country.

Not a commentary on the op's incident - just in some of the responses. Particularly the one about if she can't walk away it's her fault but also all the 'not my problem' ones.

Two adult people fighting in the street...definitely not our problem. I dont quite see how that contributes to the issue of sexual abuse in the country though. I would never apply the "not my problem" to a scenario where I was aware of or suspected sexual abuse - thats a completely different scenario. I really dont see how jumping feet first into a public "domestic" will help the one in four children who are being abused behind closed doors, most likely by someone they know.

Wibbs

Fair play G, few will step up in such cases. Often for good reason, but mostly the bystander effect IMH. Still these days I'd be careful. Not so much the knives etc(though valid enough), but just from my personal experiences with similar situations over the years. 9 times outa 10(internet stat, so valid) the object of such public abuse will go right back to the bloke and you'll end up being the bad guy. Sometimes even the very act of you getting involved will ensure they go back to the eejit, so it may even be detrimental to the process of her hopefully someday copping the fcuk on.

keithclancy

Best thing you can do is run in, slap them both in the face, shout "Taytos" and run away.

Gary ITR

From what I'm reading here it seems trouble usually folloss if you go over and slap the culprit. I didn't I invited him to slap me, then he proceeded to **** himself (I'm not exactly small at 6ft and 18stone)

Had I gone over and battered him I'd nearly expect the two of them to turn on me.

Also I don't think the girl deserves anything bad said about her because she went back to him, I'd say she's just **** scared of him

Legs.Eleven

I jumped in on a fight when I lived in East End London. Young fella about to hit his young girlfriend close to a busy bus stop about 8am in the morning on the way to work. The fella threatened to hit me and was about to throw a chair at me while I was standing over the crying girl but after a bit of shouting my head off and squaring up to him calling his bluff, I managed to get the girl away and got another person to call the police.


I've done that a few times in a drunken state as a student in Dublin walking home.

I don't know how I've never got a punch in the face at least.

--Kaiser--

Fair play OP. If more people acted like you there would be less of this disgusting bullying behavior in the world

Elbaston

Angeles wrote: »

Why is it everyone on boards seems to live in the fear that every guy who's ever in a fight in Ireland runs around with a knife?
Did i miss the memo?
Maybe i should strap a machete to my thigh just so i can go around saying "You call that a knife? This is a knife" Then claim its just kids having some fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41ryqvYxlJ4

Ray Palmer

You call the police. For your own safety first and secondly they then have a record of abuse. Intervening may very well make things worse later on for the victim.

There are lots of incidents of people getting killed and injured when intervening in such things.

Crooked Jack

You were right to step in OP but a similar situation happened me a few years ago.
I saw a guy getting getting violent with a girl outside a club, the girl looked like she was afraid for her life. I stepped in, shouted at the guy to stop, asked was the girl alright and she fuckin turned on me. Then I had the pair of them at me.
I would hope that if I ever saw something similar again I'd step in but that experience would definitely be in the back of my mind when considering what to do.

tritium

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

One of the reasons women who are domestically abused "side" with their attackers against someone helping them is to try deflect some of the "punishment" they feel they will get later for the incident.

Another reason is where there is a mutual cycle of abuse, with both persons being both abused and abuser...

Femme_Fatale

Nobody should feel obliged to intervene on a fight, because it is a risk to their safety, but fair play to anyone who does. Unfortunately there is also the risk, when it's a domestic, of the woman turning on the person who intervenes - it's not a guarantee, but it does seem to be quite a high risk.
I do think calling the guards can be warranted though.
If someone does intervene though, it's simply because they want to help someone being assaulted - whether the victim is male or female. It's depressing to see it being used as an opportunity for the "white knight" dig, but any excuse I suppose.

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

The guy was giving her such verbal abuse and when we walked past them the girl said "help me" in a soft tone - ..... But I just kept walking on with my girl.

Wow, cold. And you seem pretty pleased with yourself too. Very "christian". She actually asked for your help also - different to those cases where the woman turns nasty. You shouldn't feel obliged to take a risk by intervening, but why not call the guards?

Reality was that he was not attacking her or even being rough with her. Just shouting at her for something she did I guess. But she wanted me to be her 'white knight' - aint gonna happen tho. We all have our own battles to fight. Wonder if she would help me in mine (we all know the answer to that)

"Reality was"... you don't have a clue what the full reality was.
We don't actually "all know" the answer to your final question either - and it's not relevant anyway, and quite the bizarre leap.

Ray Palmer

Crooked Jack wrote: »

You were right to step in OP but a similar situation happened me a few years ago.
I saw a guy getting getting violent with a girl outside a club, the girl looked like she was afraid for her life. I stepped in, shouted at the guy to stop, asked was the girl alright and she fuckin turned on me. Then I had the pair of them at me.
I would hope that if I ever saw something similar again I'd step in but that experience would definitely be in the back of my mind when considering what to do.

Doesn't this completely suggest that stepping in was completely pointless and risked being injured?

Crooked Jack

Ray Palmer wrote: »

Doesn't this completely suggest that stepping in was completely pointless and risked being injured?

Well I dont know about completely useless. he did stop after all, but as someone pointed out, for the moment, I dont know what happened later.
I dont know what the right or wrong this is to do in such a situation. Im only pointing out what happened to me on one occasion.

Ray Palmer

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Well I dont know about completely useless. he did stop after all, but as someone pointed out, for the moment, I dont know what happened later.
I dont know what the right or wrong this is to do in such a situation. Im only pointing out what happened to me on one occasion.

You didn't do that you said the OP was correct in what he did and then told us how it didn't work out for you. Just trying to understand the logic of saying something is the best thing to do while explaining how it didn't work and put you in danger.

Honey-ec

I'd have to step in, wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't.

Was out in Kildare a few years back and came across two girls kicking the absolute tar out of another one, they had her down on the ground and were really laying into her. It was closing time in the pub and the crowds of people leaving were literally just stepping over her. I was the only person who intervened. Nearly got my own head kicked in for it, but at that stage several other people stepped in.

All I could think of was, what if that was me, lying on the ground getting my head kicked in, and not one single person lifted a finger to help? Sometimes all it takes is one person to say something, and other bystanders will step in then too.

I've intervened in two blokes fighting too. Yeah, I might get a slap for it some day, but I'd rather that than have to live with myself knowing I just stood aside and did nothing. A guy I went to school with was beaten to death outside a house party because people didn't want to get involved. Fcuk them.

Ihatecuddles-old

Ive always stepped in, I know Im a girl and its stupid, but I just cant help it. I act first and think later. Its never gone too bad.

There was only one time I didnt do anything, I was in bed and looked down at the street, 2 travellers fighting, man and a woman. It was 3/4am, my son was asleep and I was on the 3rd floor. I rang the gards but they never came.

Ihatecuddles-old

Honey-ec wrote: »

I'd have to step in, wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't.

Was out in Kildare a few years back and came across two girls kicking the absolute tar out of another one, they had her down on the ground and were really laying into her. It was closing time in the pub and the crowds of people leaving were literally just stepping over her. I was the only person who intervened. Nearly got my own head kicked in for it, but at that stage several other people stepped in.

All I could think of was, what if that was me, lying on the ground getting my head kicked in, and not one single person lifted a finger to help? Sometimes all it takes is one person to say something, and other bystanders will step in then too.

I've intervened in two blokes fighting too. Yeah, I might get a slap for it some day, but I'd rather that than have to live with myself knowing I just stood aside and did nothing. A guy I went to school with was beaten to death outside a house party because people didn't want to get involved. Fcuk them.

Completely agree, Ive found that once one person steps in then others will follow.