Why is my girlfriend ignoring me/acting distant

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 12:14AM #1

My girlfriend of 5 months has started acting strange the past few days. It all began monday night when i text to say how was she and she sent 2 brief texts before saying she was heading out with her mates in college(first night back)that was fine.So i left her be yesterday and no contact which was strange because we talk everyday. So i sent her a cute text this morning and she replied hey babe but then said she had a lecture and chat to you later.I waited all day until a couple of hours ago and said how was your day?(no big deal right) and again nothing back. Am i worrying about nothing? Ladies what do you think? Should I just leave her alone now and see what happens? She knows i really really care about her

I am 24 and she is 20.

IrishEyes19 · 12-09-2013 12:17AM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

My girlfriend of 5 months has started acting strange the past few days. It all began monday night when i text to say how was she and she sent 2 brief texts before saying she was heading out with her mates in college(first night back)that was fine.So i left her be yesterday and no contact which was strange because we talk everyday. So i sent her a cute text this morning and she replied hey babe but then said she had a lecture and chat to you later.I waited all day until a couple of hours ago and said how was your day?(no big deal right) and again nothing back. Am i worrying about nothing? Ladies what do you think? Should I just leave her alone now and see what happens? She knows i really really care about her

I am 24 and she is 20.

Is it possible she's just caught up with college work, being back this week or last week. Try not to be too worried, Id imagine she is seeing her friends for the first time again after the summer. give it till weekend, and if you still feel the same, just be direct with her.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 12:24AM

Thanks for your reply,thing is I was meant to be visiting her tomorrow night in college but no word either on that and she will be away at the weekend at a concert,so it will be another week or so before i get to see her. I freak out easily at this sort of stuff but its just not like her

12-09-2013 12:28AM

Maybe give her some space. She's back to college and is meeting her friends, that she probably hasn't seen for a while. She's probably going to be busy for the first week or so, so just keep that in mind.

NicoleL88 · 12-09-2013 12:49AM

Are you doing all this by text? Why don't you just call her and ask how she's settling back into college and then judging by how she is on the phone you could gently ask if there's anything on her mind.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 01:01AM

Yeah we usually text alot but I didnt want to seem needy by calling her,even though I may have to eventually. So should I just leave her be now,no contact till she gets back to me or is it a sign she is going off me? Its killing me ha.

NicoleL88 · 12-09-2013 01:08AM

Well the way you're describing it, her lack of contact seems out of the ordinary. I wouldn't call her now as it's after 1am and she could be asleep. If you feel ok with it you could just text her and ask if everything is alright as you haven't heard back from her.

I've been in your situation many a time and I know how frustrating it is to just keep wondering why the person isn't getting back to you.

TheChizler · 12-09-2013 01:08AM

There's no big issue with a call is there? As long as you call and keep it casual (no accusing or making a big deal of the call) there should be no problem.

Edit: obviously wait until a more reasonable hour.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 01:22AM

Yeah i guess tomorrow will play a big part in this. If she dosen't make any form of communication either by text or facebook then i will seriously start to worry. I treat her like a queen and she knows that,this was slightly going on before she started back to college when the odd day i wouldnt hear from her and the next all over me. Ive slept with her in college last week so cant see why that would change things either? If she dosent contact tomorrow is it a sign of the end?

NicoleL88 · 12-09-2013 01:30AM

Woah now, there's no need to talk about "The End". Just go to bed, have a good nights sleep and then see what happens tomorrow. I know you're worried but right now there is absolutely nothing you can do. Worrying is pointless!

Call her tomorrow and that way you won't have to wait for a reply via text.

holyhead · 12-09-2013 01:30AM

Hey try and hit the hay. Things always seem worse than they really are if your tired. Ultimately actions speak louder than words so let her contact you. I really would'nt pursue it. She has your number and if she wants to contact you she will.
She may be busy, have things on her mind and god knows what else. Give her space and as I say if someone wants to do something they will just maybe in their own time. From what I have read you have done your bit and try and keep your mind occupied or you'll go spare

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 01:44AM

Its also the fact that she is up there in college,2 nights a week and im here twidling my thumbs,I trust her but she can be flirty with other lads so im doing a lot of overthinking on that as well. She has gone quiet in the past but usually it was me not contacting her enough,we got over that and now this drastic change of no contact or very little is bizzare.

12-09-2013 09:30AM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

Its also the fact that she is up there in college,2 nights a week and im here twidling my thumbs,I trust her but she can be flirty with other lads so im doing a lot of overthinking on that as well. She has gone quiet in the past but usually it was me not contacting her enough,we got over that and now this drastic change of no contact or very little is bizzare.

This is effectively the crux of the matter, OP. You're letting your mind go to these dark places. I wouldn't say it's bizarre as such; you were together only 5 months, meaning that you were not together last September when college started once more. Did you know her then? She's young - at only 20, she's still going to want to enjoy all that Fresher's week would bring. Give her the week.

Merkin · 12-09-2013 09:58AM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

Yeah we usually text alot but I didnt want to seem needy by calling her

She's your girlfriend of five months, why would calling her be needy?

Isn't that what couples do?

I would always be concerned if someone suddenly changes a usual pattern of behaviour. There are two possibilities here:

a. She is caught up with college, seeing all her pals again and is a bit busy and precoccupied

b. She's not sure if she feels the same way about you anymore.

Why don't you arrange to meet her at the weekend and establish what's going on?

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 03:53PM

I contacted her this morning to see was she ok? and told her that I am here for her etc. She replied im fine you eejit,just busy with college. I said grand and all that lark and she's gone quiet since that again,ive done all i can do now and guess its up to her to start making frequent contact again?

Taltos · 12-09-2013 04:33PM

OP - you need to cool your jets or you will push her away.

She is in college 2 nights a week - of course she is going to be mental busy catching up with course work, making new friends, study etc. Last thing she needs is to be distracted from all of that by someone bombarding her with texts.

You have to realise your relationship has changed, embrace that - make her time at home special but give her space or you will just end up pushing her away.

wirelessdude01 · 12-09-2013 04:59PM

You going up to her tonight?

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 05:15PM

Yeah I think I will leave her be now,she knows my concern and I told her i understand her being busy in college,some thinking time should do her good and us both good in terms of the future of this relationship.

wirelessdude01 · 12-09-2013 05:21PM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

Yeah I think I will leave her be now,she knows my concern and I told her i understand her being busy in college,some thinking time should do her good and us both good in terms of the future of this relationship.

Would I be wrong in thinking that ye are both quite young? Future of the relationship really shouldn't be an issue if ye are.
Get your own life going and if ye end up together in the end all well and good but she isn't your life and don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that she is at such a young age.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 06:01PM

Yeah im getting on with my own life and that and I dont mean ''future'' as in marriage etc but just the near future as a couple,im very attached to her.

wirelessdude01 · 12-09-2013 06:41PM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

Yeah im getting on with my own life and that and I dont mean ''future'' as in marriage etc but just the near future as a couple,im very attached to her.

This makes me think you might have her on a pedestal. She is just a person.
Don't be sitting at home as you say twidling your thumbs. I know she has gone to college and you mightn't want to hear it but if she was starting this behaviour before she went back then it could be a sign of things to come. Not saying it could/will be the end but it could be a possibility. I can honestly say i don't know one couple that made it through college that were together before college or ones who got together during college.

Concentrate on yourself and your own life. No twidling or you could be left with nothing in the end.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 06:56PM

We were grand before she started back to college,she did say do you think we can work things come sept and i said yes if we both want to,I will tell you this,she didn't want a relationship at the very beginning but I played it cool and eased her into it. I'm beginning to think now she just needs a bit of space and time to reflect on the other important things in her life. I told her that I want her to get on and get her education and she respected me for that.She is young though,4 years younger than me and Ive had a lot of girlfriends and will have plenty more,right now she is what makes me happy and I want to make her happy. My best pal and his girl met before college,and are still together now and living happily in Australia,so there is hope for some

.

HalloweenJack · 12-09-2013 10:17PM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

I contacted her this morning to see was she ok? and told her that I am here for her etc. She replied im fine you eejit,just busy with college. I said grand and all that lark and she's gone quiet since that again,ive done all i can do now and guess its up to her to start making frequent contact again?

I think this says a lot.

Obviously, you know her better and I'm just going on an instinct here but if she really said "I'm fine, you eejit" (regardless of tone) than I think she feels a bit smothered and you need to back off a bit.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 11:11PM

Im just so worried that i will lose the girl,I really dont want that,but i can hardly contact her again after 3 times in a row?

HalloweenJack · 12-09-2013 11:15PM

Definitely give her a break. I think it's obvious she needs a bit of space right now.

I know that isn't what you want to hear but that's the vibe I get from the whole situation.

Irish_Mafia · 12-09-2013 11:19PM

I know and thanks for your advice,its just so hard when you are used to hearing from a person and feeling happy at the simplest little things like a good night text.

Systemic Risk · 13-09-2013 12:08AM

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

I know and thanks for your advice,its just so hard when you are used to hearing from a person and feeling happy at the simplest little things like a good night text.

I know you're really attached to her and all but try relax a bit for a while and see how she plays it. Dont text asking her to meet up and see if she takes the initiative. If she makes no attempt to meet up or barely texts or calls you then perhaps you have a problem.

She is young and in college but after 5 months in a proper relationship thats going somewhere you shouldnt have these insecurities and this lack of communication. It also seems like there is a lack of trust as you mention her being overly flirty. It should be a lot easier for you both as there should be a strong desire on both parties to be in each others company as often as posdible. However given that she is just starting back to college give her a bit of time and space.

Niallsi · 13-09-2013 12:37AM

Hi op,

I was in the exact same spot a few years ago. Everything was going fine and then all of sudden she got distant like that. I pushed to talk and she dumped me.

Best thing to do is the play it cool and go with the flow.
Sometimes girls get afraid and they get cold feet and you acting intense although your not trying to will run her away.

Keep calm and enjoy yourself. Meet some mates at the weekend and go on the beer and forget about it for a while.

Irish_Mafia · 13-09-2013 12:50AM

I was thinking too much bombarding with texts will drive her away so im going cold turkey until she makes contact again,but damn it hurts like hell,she will be with her mates at a concert this weekend and hell yes im going out with the lads,will just have to refrain myself from a drunken text sunday am

COYVB · 13-09-2013 02:26AM

Jesus just give her a ring tomorrow and man up ffs

NicoleL88 · 13-09-2013 02:29AM

Weren't you supposed to be visiting her tonight?

Why is my girlfriend ignoring me/acting distant

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