Do you think that male sexual abuse/assault happens a lot?

freshpopcorn · 01-09-2013 05:58PM #1

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

01-09-2013 06:11PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.

Undoubtedly it happens more than we are aware. If only one in ten female rapes is reported, I would imagine that as few or less male rapes are reported too.

I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.

Hmm. Most females are reluctant to report rapes because they're afraid of people thinking they should have been able to avoid it, or were 'asking for it'.

Not sure one is tougher than the other, but both are horrific and it's not a competition.

Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

I don't know, but definitely more than we're generally aware of. Any is too many.

There's awful stigma attached to it, for men and women.

clairefontaine · 01-09-2013 06:20PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

The statistics stand at one in six boys. By boys, that means anything from infancy to under 18. This statistic is a US stat, I don't kow how much it deviates for the rest of the west.

A sex offender will assault on average 150 boys before getting caught, as opposed to 60 girls, even though the stats for assaults against girls are one on four.

(These statistics come from Gavin De Becker).

My guess is the reason it's easier to get away wi assaulting boys is because boys don't talk about things, get their negative feelings ignored or invalidated, and also because they are involved in contexts such as sports which make it easier to hide and also often have warped senses of loyalty drilled not them.

Earthwalker · 01-09-2013 06:24PM

Candie wrote: »

Undoubtedly it happens more than we are aware. If only one in ten female rapes is reported, I would imagine that as few or less male rapes are reported too.

It also doesn't help that the media refers to similar cases much differently when it's female on male as opposed to male on female.

Take "Hummer Mom" as a prime example of that. News reports used terms like "got involved" with the boys whereas, had it all concerned a 40 year old man and two fourteen year old girls, rape would have been the term most used, yet I can't recall it once at the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZFbeOWFDYE

RachaelVO · 01-09-2013 06:43PM

Earthwalker wrote: »

It also doesn't help that the media refers to similar cases much differently when it's female on male as opposed to male on female.

Take "Hummer Mom" as a prime example of that. News reports used terms like "got involved" with the boys whereas, had it all concerned a 40 year old man and two fourteen year old girls, rape would have been the term most used, yet I can't recall it once at the time.

Outstandingly good point. Then you have rape being committed by a male on a male, and that's got to be a tougher admission.

We drum into our kids that there is no such thing as secrets, an adult in their sphere HAS to be told, whether it's us, teachers, grandparents... that way we know they're safe. Not sure it'll stick with them forever, but it's all we could think of. We've also given them a number of different things, like a password if we can't collect them from school, shouting stranger danger if anyone wants them to look a puppies in their car... hopefully if necessary it'll keep them safe.

01-09-2013 06:46PM

RachaelVO wrote: »

Outstandingly good point. Then you have rape being committed by a male on a male, and that's got to be a tougher admission.

We drum into our kids that there is no such thing as secrets, an adult in their sphere HAS to be told, whether it's us, teachers, grandparents... that way we know they're safe. Not sure it'll stick with them forever, but it's all we could think of. We've also given them a number of different things, like a password if we can't collect them from school, shouting stranger danger if anyone wants them to look a puppies in their car... hopefully if necessary it'll keep them safe.

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

clairefontaine · 01-09-2013 06:50PM

Candie wrote: »

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

Definitely. Family member or close friend of family. It's a seduction built on trust, so that adults are less likely to believe you when you do tell.

Plus males are culturally manipulated by shame, making it even harder for them to talk.

Stranger danger IMO is badly taught. Your kids may very well have to talk to strangers, like if they get lost in a department store. Better to teach them how to hone their instincts so they can discriminate which strangers they can talk to.

GalwayGuy2 · 01-09-2013 07:06PM

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

mikom · 01-09-2013 07:08PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Do you think that make rape happens a lot?

Me no know.

Thoie · 01-09-2013 07:15PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

No, I'd say it's just "normal" assault. I can't think of anyone kicking someone's testicles with a sexual motive in mind.

clairefontaine · 01-09-2013 07:29PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

Yes. In the US it is.

Tom M · 01-09-2013 07:29PM

Thoie wrote: »

No, I'd say it's just "normal" assault. I can't think of anyone kicking someone's testicles with a sexual motive in mind.

If the motive is to damage their sexual
Organs it would be sexual assault.

RachaelVO · 01-09-2013 07:34PM

Candie wrote: »

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

That's very true... I suppose I just have to live in hope.

Although, and I don't know if anyone ever read it, but Tina Fey wrote a prayer to God about her daughter, and one line in it always stuck with me

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

It's well worth reading

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/04/tina-feys-prayer-for-her-daughter/

clairefontaine · 01-09-2013 07:37PM

RachaelVO wrote: »

That's very true... I suppose I just have to live in hope.

Although, and I don't know if anyone ever read it, but Tina Fey wrote a prayer to God about her daughter, and one line in it always stuck with me

It's well worth reading

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/04/tina-feys-prayer-for-her-daughter/

So true.

Grayson · 01-09-2013 07:50PM

I read a story a while back. It says that cases of male rape may be more common than female rape in the US. This is because something like 1/3 of all prison inmates in the US say they have been sexually assaulted (If I remember correctly).

Strange to think that men may get raped more than women and it's pretty much a complete non-story.

Edit: Just found this. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/21/us-more-men-raped-than-women

wazky · 01-09-2013 07:52PM

Grayson wrote: »

This is because something like 1/3 of all prison inmates in the US say they have been sexually assaulted.

Well if you only include prison inmates and altar boys in your poll your gonna get skewed results.

who_me · 01-09-2013 07:58PM

A (good looking) male colleague woke up on a very boozy night out to find two women in the process of removing his trousers & underwear. They weren't strangers, but neither were they someone he had any intentions of having sex with.

It's odd how the opinions are different based on gender, I can't really say I'm very shocked/horrified by the incident above, but attitudes would be very different if it were a sleeping woman and two guys.

Grayson · 01-09-2013 08:03PM

wazky wrote: »

Well if you only include prison inmates and altar boys in your poll your gonna get skewed results.

So, if your in prison a rape doesn't count? It's ok to rape a woman in prison then?

wazky · 01-09-2013 08:13PM

Grayson wrote: »

So, if your in prison a rape doesn't count? It's ok to rape a woman in prison then?

You have misunderstood my post.

Please read it again and if you still cant understand it ask an adult to help.

lucky frank lives · 01-09-2013 08:15PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

That sh/it doesnt happen to men

Fr_Dougal · 01-09-2013 08:22PM

who_me wrote: »

A (good looking) male colleague woke up on a very boozy night out to find two women in the process of removing his trousers & underwear. They weren't strangers, but neither were they someone he had any intentions of having sex with.

It's odd how the opinions are different based on gender, I can't really say I'm very shocked/horrified by the incident above, but attitudes would be very different if it were a sleeping woman and two guys.

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

Grayson · 01-09-2013 08:24PM

wazky wrote: »

You have misunderstood my post.

Please read it again and if you still cant understand it ask an adult to help.

is it that time already?

wazky · 01-09-2013 08:25PM

Grayson wrote: »

is it that time already?

Don't be ridiculous, its always that time.

01-09-2013 09:31PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

He can still complain he was assaulted, even sexually assaulted. He can't claim he was raped but that doesn't mean no crime was committed or no crime would be recognised. I agree the law has to be changed.

Grayson · 01-09-2013 10:54PM

Candie wrote: »

He can still complain he was assaulted, even sexually assaulted. He can't claim he was raped but that doesn't mean no crime was committed or no crime would be recognised. I agree the law has to be changed.

I believe rape has to involve penetration right?

01-09-2013 11:15PM

Grayson wrote: »

I believe rape has to involve penetration right?

As far as I know. Actually, does the law recognise male-on-male rape? Or is no kind of rape recognised for men?

Esoteric_ · 01-09-2013 11:46PM

Candie wrote: »

As far as I know. Actually, does the law recognise male-on-male rape? Or is no kind of rape recognised for men?

The law recognises male-on-male rape as rape.

who_me · 02-09-2013 07:12PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

I'd imagine it's much better than it was, but still probably would be very difficult for any man to report a rape. There's unfortunately still a (real or perceived) stigma attached to reporting sexual crimes. And - if anything - it could be more difficult for men given how society in general is more accepting of a woman being vulnerable and asking for help, whereas men asking for help is a sign of weakness etc.

On your example - I'd be more worried about the following example: a man and a woman have sex while very drunk. The woman wakes up, can't remember the night before and assumes/worries it may have been a sexual assault/rape. The man wakes up, can't remember the night before so isn't in any position to deny it!

limklad · 02-09-2013 10:45PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

Yes it does, just like if a man hits a woman in the breast or vagina.

Thoie · 03-09-2013 11:28AM

limklad wrote: »

Yes it does, just like if a man hits a woman in the breast or vagina.

I'd still feel if someone hit me/kicked my breasts/vagina that it would "just" be assault, whereas touching/groping there would be a sexual assault.

heretochat · 03-09-2013 11:45AM

This is a highly emotive topic and one that a lot of men I would think find quite uncomfortable to deal with.

I wold say we are highly unlikely to ever have an accurate picture of (sexual) assault against men as they are less likely to report same. I would think there are a number of reasons for this:

a man would feel less of a man if it happens (especially if there is a woman involved).
if the abuse is perpetrated by a family member, person in authority etc., there is the danger that the man will not be believed, will be villified etc.
a man may feel emasculated, if the victim of a sexual assault. He may feel dirty etc.
Men (to a certain extent) are not good at talking about feelings anyway, never mind something like this.

Just my thoughts

Do you think that male sexual abuse/assault happens a lot?

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