Do you think that male sexual abuse/assault happens a lot?

freshpopcorn

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

freshpopcorn

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.

Undoubtedly it happens more than we are aware. If only one in ten female rapes is reported, I would imagine that as few or less male rapes are reported too.

I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.

Hmm. Most females are reluctant to report rapes because they're afraid of people thinking they should have been able to avoid it, or were 'asking for it'.

Not sure one is tougher than the other, but both are horrific and it's not a competition.

Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

I don't know, but definitely more than we're generally aware of. Any is too many.

There's awful stigma attached to it, for men and women.

clairefontaine

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

The statistics stand at one in six boys. By boys, that means anything from infancy to under 18. This statistic is a US stat, I don't kow how much it deviates for the rest of the west.

A sex offender will assault on average 150 boys before getting caught, as opposed to 60 girls, even though the stats for assaults against girls are one on four.

(These statistics come from Gavin De Becker).

My guess is the reason it's easier to get away wi assaulting boys is because boys don't talk about things, get their negative feelings ignored or invalidated, and also because they are involved in contexts such as sports which make it easier to hide and also often have warped senses of loyalty drilled not them.

Earthwalker

Candie wrote: »

Undoubtedly it happens more than we are aware. If only one in ten female rapes is reported, I would imagine that as few or less male rapes are reported too.

It also doesn't help that the media refers to similar cases much differently when it's female on male as opposed to male on female.

Take "Hummer Mom" as a prime example of that. News reports used terms like "got involved" with the boys whereas, had it all concerned a 40 year old man and two fourteen year old girls, rape would have been the term most used, yet I can't recall it once at the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZFbeOWFDYE

RachaelVO

Earthwalker wrote: »

It also doesn't help that the media refers to similar cases much differently when it's female on male as opposed to male on female.

Take "Hummer Mom" as a prime example of that. News reports used terms like "got involved" with the boys whereas, had it all concerned a 40 year old man and two fourteen year old girls, rape would have been the term most used, yet I can't recall it once at the time.

Outstandingly good point. Then you have rape being committed by a male on a male, and that's got to be a tougher admission.

We drum into our kids that there is no such thing as secrets, an adult in their sphere HAS to be told, whether it's us, teachers, grandparents... that way we know they're safe. Not sure it'll stick with them forever, but it's all we could think of. We've also given them a number of different things, like a password if we can't collect them from school, shouting stranger danger if anyone wants them to look a puppies in their car... hopefully if necessary it'll keep them safe.

RachaelVO

RachaelVO wrote: »

Outstandingly good point. Then you have rape being committed by a male on a male, and that's got to be a tougher admission.

We drum into our kids that there is no such thing as secrets, an adult in their sphere HAS to be told, whether it's us, teachers, grandparents... that way we know they're safe. Not sure it'll stick with them forever, but it's all we could think of. We've also given them a number of different things, like a password if we can't collect them from school, shouting stranger danger if anyone wants them to look a puppies in their car... hopefully if necessary it'll keep them safe.

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

clairefontaine

Candie wrote: »

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

Definitely. Family member or close friend of family. It's a seduction built on trust, so that adults are less likely to believe you when you do tell.

Plus males are culturally manipulated by shame, making it even harder for them to talk.

Stranger danger IMO is badly taught. Your kids may very well have to talk to strangers, like if they get lost in a department store. Better to teach them how to hone their instincts so they can discriminate which strangers they can talk to.

GalwayGuy2

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

mikom

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Do you think that make rape happens a lot?

Me no know.

Thoie

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

No, I'd say it's just "normal" assault. I can't think of anyone kicking someone's testicles with a sexual motive in mind.

clairefontaine

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

Yes. In the US it is.

Tom M

Thoie wrote: »

No, I'd say it's just "normal" assault. I can't think of anyone kicking someone's testicles with a sexual motive in mind.

If the motive is to damage their sexual
Organs it would be sexual assault.

RachaelVO

Candie wrote: »

They're hugely more likely to be hurt by a relative though, so much harder to police that than it is to teach stranger danger.

That's very true... I suppose I just have to live in hope.

Although, and I don't know if anyone ever read it, but Tina Fey wrote a prayer to God about her daughter, and one line in it always stuck with me

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

It's well worth reading

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/04/tina-feys-prayer-for-her-daughter/

clairefontaine

RachaelVO wrote: »

That's very true... I suppose I just have to live in hope.

Although, and I don't know if anyone ever read it, but Tina Fey wrote a prayer to God about her daughter, and one line in it always stuck with me



It's well worth reading

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/04/tina-feys-prayer-for-her-daughter/

So true.

Grayson

I read a story a while back. It says that cases of male rape may be more common than female rape in the US. This is because something like 1/3 of all prison inmates in the US say they have been sexually assaulted (If I remember correctly).

Strange to think that men may get raped more than women and it's pretty much a complete non-story.

Edit: Just found this. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/21/us-more-men-raped-than-women

wazky

Grayson wrote: »

This is because something like 1/3 of all prison inmates in the US say they have been sexually assaulted.

Well if you only include prison inmates and altar boys in your poll your gonna get skewed results.

who_me

A (good looking) male colleague woke up on a very boozy night out to find two women in the process of removing his trousers & underwear. They weren't strangers, but neither were they someone he had any intentions of having sex with.

It's odd how the opinions are different based on gender, I can't really say I'm very shocked/horrified by the incident above, but attitudes would be very different if it were a sleeping woman and two guys.

Grayson

wazky wrote: »

Well if you only include prison inmates and altar boys in your poll your gonna get skewed results.

So, if your in prison a rape doesn't count? It's ok to rape a woman in prison then?

wazky

Grayson wrote: »

So, if your in prison a rape doesn't count? It's ok to rape a woman in prison then?

You have misunderstood my post.

Please read it again and if you still cant understand it ask an adult to help.

lucky frank lives

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think that it happens a good bit to guys as children/teenagers. Id say adult male rape wouldn't happen as much as female rape tough.
I think it would be harder for a man to admit that they were raped either as a child/teenager/adult than a woman tough because some people would have the idea that a man couldn't be raped and if it was a woman that did the man should have being happy.
Do you think that make rape happens a lot?
Do you think their is a stigma attached to it?

That sh/it doesnt happen to men

Fr_Dougal

who_me wrote: »

A (good looking) male colleague woke up on a very boozy night out to find two women in the process of removing his trousers & underwear. They weren't strangers, but neither were they someone he had any intentions of having sex with.

It's odd how the opinions are different based on gender, I can't really say I'm very shocked/horrified by the incident above, but attitudes would be very different if it were a sleeping woman and two guys.

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

Grayson

wazky wrote: »

You have misunderstood my post.

Please read it again and if you still cant understand it ask an adult to help.

is it that time already?

wazky

Grayson wrote: »

is it that time already?

Don't be ridiculous, its always that time.

Fr_Dougal

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

He can still complain he was assaulted, even sexually assaulted. He can't claim he was raped but that doesn't mean no crime was committed or no crime would be recognised. I agree the law has to be changed.

Grayson

Candie wrote: »

He can still complain he was assaulted, even sexually assaulted. He can't claim he was raped but that doesn't mean no crime was committed or no crime would be recognised. I agree the law has to be changed.

I believe rape has to involve penetration right?

Grayson

Grayson wrote: »

I believe rape has to involve penetration right?

As far as I know. Actually, does the law recognise male-on-male rape? Or is no kind of rape recognised for men?

Esoteric_

Candie wrote: »

As far as I know. Actually, does the law recognise male-on-male rape? Or is no kind of rape recognised for men?

The law recognises male-on-male rape as rape.

who_me

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

AFAIK if they forced him to have sex and he reported it to the Gardai, nothing would be done. There's no law against a female raping a man in this country because the crime doesn't exist here.

Here's another example of double standards: you pull on a night out and both of you(male and female) have sex whilst drunk. If the female wakes up and realises she didn't consent, she was raped and can press charges. If the male wakes up and realises he didn't consent, he wasn't raped and he cannot press charges. Haven't heard many feminists campaign for equality for this law to be changed.

I'd imagine it's much better than it was, but still probably would be very difficult for any man to report a rape. There's unfortunately still a (real or perceived) stigma attached to reporting sexual crimes. And - if anything - it could be more difficult for men given how society in general is more accepting of a woman being vulnerable and asking for help, whereas men asking for help is a sign of weakness etc.

On your example - I'd be more worried about the following example: a man and a woman have sex while very drunk. The woman wakes up, can't remember the night before and assumes/worries it may have been a sexual assault/rape. The man wakes up, can't remember the night before so isn't in any position to deny it!

limklad

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Hmm, completely random, but if groping is counted as sexual assault, would being kicked in the testicles count as sexual assault?

Yes it does, just like if a man hits a woman in the breast or vagina.

Thoie

limklad wrote: »

Yes it does, just like if a man hits a woman in the breast or vagina.

I'd still feel if someone hit me/kicked my breasts/vagina that it would "just" be assault, whereas touching/groping there would be a sexual assault.

heretochat

This is a highly emotive topic and one that a lot of men I would think find quite uncomfortable to deal with.

I wold say we are highly unlikely to ever have an accurate picture of (sexual) assault against men as they are less likely to report same. I would think there are a number of reasons for this:

• a man would feel less of a man if it happens (especially if there is a woman involved).
• if the abuse is perpetrated by a family member, person in authority etc., there is the danger that the man will not be believed, will be villified etc.
• a man may feel emasculated, if the victim of a sexual assault. He may feel dirty etc.
• Men (to a certain extent) are not good at talking about feelings anyway, never mind something like this.

Just my thoughts

howamidifferent

I knew of a guy who was raped by several (unknown to him) males when he was 17. He was dragged into an empty house off the street by the group and they raped him. He is still alive two decades later but has made multiple suicide attempts (real or asking for help? I don't know) . Not married and hasn't had any relationships as best I heard. That obviously fcuked him up in the head.

WilyCoyote

who_me wrote: »

A (good looking) male colleague woke up on a very boozy night out to find two women in the process of removing his trousers & underwear. They weren't strangers, but neither were they someone he had any intentions of having sex with.

It's odd how the opinions are different based on gender, I can't really say I'm very shocked/horrified by the incident above, but attitudes would be very different if it were a sleeping woman and two guys.

Please forward the ph numbers of the ladies ASAP as I'm getting desperate.

Terms and conditions apply

WilyCoyote

WilyCoyote wrote: »

Please forward the ph numbers of the ladies ASAP as I'm getting desperate.

Terms and conditions apply

And this is a demonstration of part of the reasons why men feel they might be laughed at or not taken seriously if they make a complaint.

limklad

Amen have very good articles and support for men and children who are abused by their female partner.


http://www.amen.ie/victims.html

I know too damn well how lying and known abusive women who is believed by Society and authorities ( gardai/Social services and the courts) even though all the bruises and cuts is on their male partner and none on her.



Amen have very little resources in comparison to the vast support for women.
Look a today Irish Times, perfectly correct grammar and emotional
http://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/we-must-not-fail-women-when-they-are-most-vulnerable-to-violence-1.1514860
No Mention of increase of domestic abuse on men by their female partners today unlike many other news media.

www.independent.ie/irish-news/men-stopped-from-using-atm-cards-by-abusive-partners-29548191.html
The Irish Independent report is full of typos. That poor for an large newpaper, but in fairness they did bring it up before
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/health/the-male-victims-of-domestic-violence-29258401.html
Here an extract from a paper in investigating how bad domestic violence is. Here is the summary at the end

Steven Ennis wrote:

http://www.amen.ie/theses/Literature_Review_SteveEnnis.doc
Domestic Violence: are men always the perpetrator's and women always the victims?

There are 40 refuges in Ireland for female’s victims of domestic violence and domestic abuse and Safe Ireland claim to be overstretched for vacant beds (Safelreland,2010), however the author could not find any evidence of a single refuge for men in the same situation. If as the above research suggests , men and women suffer domestic violence at almost the same rate, then what refuge was offered to any male victim by the state.

Society does not respond to male victims of domestic violence with any great success, male victims are seen as weak, guilty of being the perpetrator, not believed, isolated and asked to toughen up. Without support or refuge they often have to live in the terror of continuous violence or leave as if they were in the wrong doer, often leaving their children behind in the hands of a violent abuser, because they believe that their children will be left in the custody of their mother by the state.
Additionally state bodies have a responsibility to male victims of domestic violence. There is an immediate need for similar practices put in place for women, to investigate if domestic violence is an issue, from the Gardaí, H.S.E and social workers. Moreover if the state is to respect the results of its own study on domestic violence in Ireland, which states that 6% of men suffer severe domestic violence, and physical abuse is suffered at exactly the same rate as women, then why are there no resources for male victims, to support, shelter and care for their well-being and safety?
To sum up, there appears to be huge gaps between male and female victims of domestic violence and how society treats them. Domestic Violence is treated very much as a gender issue with blatant disregard for strong research results. Even when it shapes the policy procedure said to govern this country ,the research is ignored on men’s suffering, and they are excluded from the policy set up to protect them and women, in the first place.. Additionally if women are capable of serious violence as this paper shows, then what therapy is available to them to control their aggression?. This debate has to be more than male versus female. When society see's all victims as victims in need of help and support with no gender deserving more support and protection than the other, then perhaps equality, justice, empowerment, partnership and collective action can prevail on this issue.

www.newsfour.ie wrote:

http://www.newsfour.ie/2012/10/domestic-abuse/
While the severity of attacks made against women tends to be far worse, it must also be noted that only 5% of men ever report to Gardaí in comparison to 29% of women. “The problem stems from men’s role in society,” Wogan says. “The Irish constitution put in a protection for the family, which has been defined through years of legal precedent, as mother and child. Men are now viewed as separate from it.
So when there is a problem in a family, the first thing society tries to do is get rid of the father. Even when he is the one to have called the police, they often take the man from the house. We hear that sort of story over and over again through our helpline.”
He says this outcome can leave the male partner out of home and, more worryingly, leave the children exposed to violence. “Often the father is the one protecting the children in this situation and with him removed the children are left at the mercy of the violent partner.”