Why would anyone want to get married??

myshirt · 31-08-2013 07:45AM

I notice there is repeated talk of working out your issues and all this soppy lark.

A fools game.

The problem in a nutshell is we marry what we think is a nymphomaniac, but very soon after you realise the nympho part has left the building quite swiftly, but the maniac has remained, and she's madder than ever and has gained 4 stone

bizmark · 31-08-2013 07:45AM

nicegirl wrote: »

People do this on their wedding day, and love the person with all their heart, and want a future together. I'm very put off with the entire the idea of marriage, as there are so many people unhappy in marriages, cheating, separating, then stuck with kids, and are stuck being married to someone who in many years to come, you end up fairly unhappy, - not all marriages, but so very many marriages I have seen.

My point is, why people would want to get married in this day and age with all of the above, and divorce increasing. I have seen more unhappy marriages than I have seen happy marriages.

Well Learn to speak to each other and work out problems rather than take the easy way out of no fault divorce or "omg that's totally not worth it sur!!!" there's nothing quite like loving someone enough that even when shes heavily pregnant sweating constantly and a bit moody that shes still the most perfect thing on the planet i can not believe you could ever get to that point with out wanting to legitimize your love for each other in some proper fashion.

Honestly you have no clue till you really meet someone you wish to spend your life with rather than just **** around from one person to another every few years cause its easy and search for validation on the internet (not that your doing that of course but just for example)

bizmark · 31-08-2013 07:46AM

myshirt wrote: »

I notice there is repeated talk of working out your issues and all this soppy lark.

A fools game.

The problem in a nutshell is we marry what we think is a nymphomaniac, but very soon after you realise the nympho part has left the building quite swiftly, but the maniac has remained, and she's madder than ever and has gained 4 stone

For instance this guy i would totally marry this guy right now i dont care if its not legal yet or what ever id campaign for that ****

NEVER CHANGE!

RachaelVO · 31-08-2013 07:47AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

Sorry, I didn't realise you were Tigers confidant and privvy to that kind of information... like the fact it was going on pretty much throughout their entire marriage. Must learn that infidelity in a marriage is OK!

cletus van damme · 31-08-2013 07:47AM

I never want to get married - admittedly I hate commitment of any kind and I always want to be able to walk away.

I'm a dying breed.

mikemac1 wrote: »

Tax credits!

only if one of you stops working. If you both continue to work there is no benefit.

RachaelVO wrote: »

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

i don't think he is saying that - it's just that she was hardly 700million in the right?
I'm not saying she was entitled to nothing but it's not like she built his career yet was able to take a huge chunk of his assets.
Your point seems to suggest that he should pay for his cheating ways.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 07:47AM

Bylar Bear wrote: »

Oh lord. Here we go. Another selfish person looking for people to validate their beliefs and or fears on the internet. Clearly you have never loved somebody enough, nor been loved by somebody enough, to have wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It is obvious as well from your other posts that you cannot think or care about the concerns for anybody except your own.

Excuse me?

How can you call me selfish, or that I think I am looking for people to validate my beliefs or fears on the internet? I have been in relationships, and been in love, and happy, so were my ex's.

What a horrible thing to say, when its my choice, as it is for so many other people, who don't ever want to get married for some of the reasons I mentioned above, as well as the reasons the other posters stated too. Does that make us all selfish?

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 07:49AM

Bylar Bear wrote: »

Oh lord. Here we go. Another selfish person looking for people to validate their beliefs and or fears on the internet. Clearly you have never loved somebody enough, nor been loved by somebody enough, to have wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It is obvious as well from your other posts that you cannot think or care about the concerns for anybody except your own.

Oh and by the way, I do not need any sort of validation from other people. I am very happy as I am, and lead a very happy life. Or does me being single, happy, and not wanting to get married make me a selfish person too?

fleet · 31-08-2013 07:49AM

Divorce rate is currently running at 39% in Ireland (new couples, link below) and could reasonably be expected to rise to 50% (US rate).

It's a pretty raw deal for most parties with humans propensity for cheating, traditional marriage ought not be the choice of the majority. You can say "so what, we'll try" but given the cost, and likelihood of failure I'd hesitate to bet my house on it. It's a roulette game where you've bet your house on red.

There is social/family pressure (tradition), state pressure (tax breaks) and religious pressure (despite atheists being vocal here they are not the majority of our population). Biological pressure too given that most don't like to share partners so comes the feelings of "greed" which push us towards a contract that says he/she is yours exclusively.

Kids do better in a two parent family no doubt. However, our method of raising kids (suburban nuclear family) is far removed from the community method that humans traditionally used where a missing father wasn't so much of a issue because there were many male role models around.

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/divorce-rate-after-10-years-static-29057120.html

ted1 · 31-08-2013 07:50AM

nicegirl wrote: »

I appreciate and respect your opinion, and thanks for your contribution. The reasons you stated are of course why many people get married, and all that, which is understandable.

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.

I have seen far too many marriages that are in absolute despair, and many many people cheating to see its the last thing I would do in my life. My opinion anyways.

Unmarried fathers have no rights what so ever to their kids . If you have or plan to have kids this is reason enough to have kids, if only one partner works then you benefit from tax credits. If one person has assets then its worth getting married to gain rights to these.

It's also a commitment to each other that I think partners deserve to make to each othet

Bylar Bear · 31-08-2013 07:52AM

People do this on their wedding day, and love the person with all their heart, and want a future together. I'm very put off with the entire the idea of marriage, as there are so many people unhappy in marriages, cheating, separating, then stuck with kids, and are stuck being married to someone who in many years to come, you end up fairly unhappy, - not all marriages, but so very many marriages I have seen.

The problem is many people do not know what love really means. People date for two years, think the sex is great and that they can get along and decide to get married. Well, at the end of the day after the great sex is over, you have to live with that person. You have to work out real problems and you have to communicate. People look at love as only satisfying themselves and do not realise the work and mutual sacrifice that BOTH partners must put into it.

ted1 · 31-08-2013 07:53AM

fleet wrote: »

Divorce rate is currently running at 39% in Ireland (new couples, link below) and could reasonably be expected to rise to 50% (US rate).

It's a pretty raw deal for most parties with humans propensity for cheating traditional marriage ought not be the choice of the majority. You can say "so what, we'll try" but given the cost, and likelihood of failure I'd hesitate to bet my house on it. It's a roulette game where you've bet your house on red.

There is social/family pressure (tradition), state pressure (tax breaks) and religious pressure (despite atheists being vocal here they are not the majority of our population). Biological pressure too given that most don't like to share partners so comes the feelings of "greed" which push us towards a contract that says he/she is yours exclusively.

Where's that link, 39% sounds like awful rubbish. Stats are generally rubbish and manipulated. I reckon its 39% of couples who dispise each other

Haha just saw and read the link. Here's the line your quoting:
A couple who tie the knot on Valentine's Day this year have a 39% chance of divorcing during their lifetime

Do its a made up stat only dealing with valentines day.

Bylar Bear · 31-08-2013 07:55AM

I have been in relationships, and been in love, and happy, so were my ex's.

There's real love, and then there's puppy love. For some reason I doubt you can tell the difference.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 07:57AM

bizmark wrote: »

Well Learn to speak to each other and work out problems rather than take the easy way out of no fault divorce or "omg that's totally not worth it sur!!!" there's nothing quite like loving someone enough that even when shes heavily pregnant sweating constantly and a bit moody that shes still the most perfect thing on the planet i can not believe you could ever get to that point with out wanting to legitimize your love for each other in some proper fashion.

Honestly you have no clue till you really meet someone you wish to spend your life with rather than just **** around from one person to another every few years cause its easy and search for validation on the internet (not that your doing that of course but just for example)

I don't see the point of tying the knot because of the reasons I and other posters have mentioned. The first few years might be good, then kids come along, and then the relationship would/might get boring, lack of sex etc. You may find that you are then unhappy, arguments begin, you try to work it out, but you cannot solve lots of the problems. Then as you are married, and have kids, you are stuck in a marriage you are unhappy in, and ultimately unhappy in your life, and you can't leave due to the kids, cost of divorce etc.

I did meet someone in the past that I loved very much, but the thought of marriage I was still feeling the same way as now, even though I loved him that much. And again, no I am not looking for validation on the internet at all, just a discussion about this issue.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 07:58AM

Bylar Bear wrote: »

There's real love, and then there's puppy love. For some reason I doubt you can tell the difference.

I am a grown woman, and please don't insult my intelligence.

Bylar Bear · 31-08-2013 08:02AM

I am a grown woman

You're statement is meaningless to me. So far you have not shown any hint of maturity. All I see is a person that is only happy so long as the are given exactly what they want.

RachaelVO · 31-08-2013 08:03AM

cletus van damme wrote: »

i don't think he is saying that - it's just that she was hardly 700million in the right?
I'm not saying she was entitled to nothing but it's not like she built his career yet was able to take a huge chunk of his assets.
Your point seems to suggest that he should pay for his cheating ways.

She was entitled to half of everything up to the point of the marriage breakdown. His cheating broke the marriage down, and the sheer abject humiliation he opened her up to. He broke up THEIR lives for a few 'high class' shags, so it's irrelevant the amount, she was entitled to half. So even if it was 200k, her half is 100k. He's in a position where he could just pay her off. Now I do feel sorry for guys who continually get screwed for alimony (not child maintenance, they should pay for that).

DEFTLEFTHAND · 31-08-2013 08:06AM

RachaelVO wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't realise you were Tigers confidant and privvy to that kind of information... like the fact it was going on pretty much throughout their entire marriage. Must learn that infidelity in a marriage is OK!

He's a man of means, he's not going to pick up a Lucchese Hooker on the side of the street.

What kind of a marriage was it really when you think about, they weren't suited he fell in love and she saw him as a meal ticket. She stopped putting out after they had children. Insurance policy.

Men have done the same to rich women in the past, it was ploy in my book now that more and more info is being leaked.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 08:07AM

Bylar Bear wrote: »

You're statement is meaningless to me. So far you have not shown any hint of maturity. All I see is a person that is only happy so long as the are given exactly what they want.

You don't have much maturity when you cannot accept the choices in life a person is free to make themselves. I am here to discuss this issue, not to receive insults from someone like you, when you don't even know me whatsoever. Your behaviour is immature and insulting to me.

Grow up.

Geomy · 31-08-2013 08:09AM

I just think some of us are not meant to be married.
I'm 38 year's old and have been through 3 longterm relationships since I was 18

Never got engaged and only lived with one lady.

I am single now for the last 2.5 year's and only starting to enjoy my life.
I do like women but I just have no interest in getting married or living with anyone.

I can come and go as I please, no one can have me as their emotional punchbag, gob****e, or run my life for me.

I have seen enough good men and women miserable in their marriages, actually I am on a few dating sites and most women 30 plus are either divorced or separated.

Can you believe that ? some only married a year and a bit separated,and online looking for a long term relationship, I can smell the rat a mile off....

I am told that I am a great catch lol
I'm not I'd be miserable tied down and no woman needs an unhappy guy in their life.

I like dating with older women 44-50 as they seem to be honest and don't play games, they see it as it is.

I have come to believe some of us like minded people are just lucky to be able to make the decision to remain single.

I work around a lot the public and see couples every day, and I can honestly say that 40% are happy out,
30% are miserable and the rest just get along with it.

Tom M · 31-08-2013 08:09AM

There's a reason marriage doesn't work, we aren't built for monogomy, we're actually built for practices such as group sex a lot more than people think.

There's a reason women moan as they do during sex, to attract more men. The moaning arouses men, after the first man orgasms and falls asleep or loses interest the next men comes along and has sex with her thus providing healthy sperm competition. I challenge any man to honestly say the sound of a woman moaning during sex nearby doesn't turn them on.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 08:13AM

Geomy wrote: »

I just think some of us are not meant to be married.
I'm 38 year's old and have been through 3 longterm relationships since I was 18

Never got engaged and only lived with one lady.

I am single now for the last 2.5 year's and only starting to enjoy my life.
I do like women but I just have no interest in getting married or living with anyone.

I can come and go as I please, no one can have me as their emotional punchbag, gob****e, or run my life for me.

I have seen enough good men and women miserable in their marriages, actually I am on a few dating sites and most women 30 plus are either divorced or separated.

Can you believe that ? some only married a year and a bit separated,and online looking for a long term relationship, I can smell the rat a mile off....

I am told that I am a great catch lol
I'm not I'd be miserable tied down and no woman needs an unhappy guy in their life.

I like dating with older women 44-50 as they seem to be honest and don't play games, they see it as it is.

I have come to believe some of us like minded people are just lucky to be able to make the decision to remain single.

I work around a lot the public and see couples every day, and I can honestly say that 40% are happy out,
30% are miserable and the rest just get along with it.

Excellent post, and reaffirms what I am saying, thank you

Careful_now! · 31-08-2013 08:14AM

mikemac1 wrote: »

Tax credits!

Does tax credits make that much if a difference? I've looked into it but I from the way I work it out I'd only be about €30 - 40 per week better off. I thought it would be closer to €100.

I know circumstances vary, but mine are I'm earning about €40k a year and girlfriend not working, staying at home with kids

Bylar Bear · 31-08-2013 08:15AM

You don't have much maturity when you cannot accept the choices in life a person is free to make themselves. I am here to discuss this issue, not to receive insults from someone like you, when you don't even know me whatsoever. Your behaviour is immature and insulting to me.

Grow up.

Nobody doubts that you have the right to make any choice you want. Anybody in the free world can do whatever they want. That is not the point here. The point is that what choices people make tell much about what they feel and think. I am just telling it how it is. It was obvious from your original post that you were not here for a debate rather than a very obvious call for others who think like you for what could only be assumed is validation for your life style. You are only insulted because somebody had the guts to tell you that '**** be hard' in real life and that is obviously something you do not want to hear.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 08:16AM

Tom M wrote: »

There's a reason marriage doesn't work, we aren't built for monogomy, we're actually built for practices such as group sex a lot more than people think.

Haa haa!

Biologically speaking, men are not built for monogomy, another reason why there is so much cheating, especially if they are bored in a marriage, or not getting any sort of appreciation, respect and trust from their wonderful wife.

PickledLime · 31-08-2013 08:21AM

bizmark wrote: »

Well Learn to speak to each other and work out problems rather than take the easy way out of no fault divorce or "omg that's totally not worth it sur!!!" there's nothing quite like loving someone enough that even when shes heavily pregnant sweating constantly and a bit moody that shes still the most perfect thing on the planet i can not believe you could ever get to that point with out wanting to legitimize your love for each other in some proper fashion.

Honestly you have no clue till you really meet someone you wish to spend your life with rather than just **** around from one person to another every few years cause its easy and search for validation on the internet (not that your doing that of course but just for example)

I've never heard such rubbish.

So your love towards each other isn't legitimate until you stand up at an altar/registry office?

Also, what the hell is "searching for validation on the internet" supposed to mean in this discussion?

Bylar Bear · 31-08-2013 08:22AM

Biologically speaking, men are not built for monogomy, another reason why there is so much cheating, especially if they are bored in a marriage, or not getting any sort of appreciation, respect and trust from their wonderful wife.

Again, another statement from an ignorant person looking to validate their beliefs on the internet. Just as many women cheat as men cheat in relationships. The problem is when both men and women do not want to communicate their needs or receive their needs, they look for their needs elsewhere. A laziness from people who do not have the guts to face facts and work hard for what needs to be done.

nicegirl · 31-08-2013 08:22AM

Bylar Bear wrote: »

Nobody doubts that you have the right to make any choice you want. Anybody in the free world can do whatever they want. That is not the point here. The point is that what choices people make tell much about what they feel and think. I am just telling it how it is. It was obvious from your original post that you were not here for a debate rather than a very obvious call for others who think like you for what could only be assumed is validation for your life style. You are only insulted because somebody had the guts to tell you that '**** be hard' in real life and that is obviously something you do not want to hear.

Have a read over your previous posts, and you will see that you said that if I don't want to get married, or others also that it would make me a selfish person. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. As I have already said, which you have not read, or have decided to ignore, I am here to discuss the issue and get people's opinions on marriage, why they got married, and why they don't want to get married.

I did not come here to get validation from others, in spite of what you seem to think. I don't care about your opinion of me, or others who don't wish to get married, there is no need to be insulting me and my choice in life.

I am not here to discuss my own life, but discuss the issue. That's what other people here are doing, you are the only one who isn't. How immature is that? Since you are new to boards, you might consider sticking to the topic being discussed instead of personally insulting me.

cletus van damme · 31-08-2013 08:24AM

RachaelVO wrote: »

She was entitled to half of everything up to the point of the marriage breakdown. His cheating broke the marriage down, and the sheer abject humiliation he opened her up to. He broke up THEIR lives for a few 'high class' shags, so it's irrelevant the amount, she was entitled to half. So even if it was 200k, her half is 100k. He's in a position where he could just pay her off. Now I do feel sorry for guys who continually get screwed for alimony (not child maintenance, they should pay for that).

we can disagree on Tiger, that's ok

I don't believe it should be half unless half the work was put in and in this case I'm not seeing that her marriage to him improved his game or earned him money he wasn't earning already.
But it's ok that we disagree.

Geomy · 31-08-2013 08:25AM

nicegirl wrote: »

Excellent post, and reaffirms what I am saying, thank you

People get very jealous when you're living the life of Riley.

They judge you with their jealously and resent the fact you're free and their tied down.

If they have more of an interest in your personal lifestyle, it goes to show their lifestyle isn't very interesting.

Most of my friends tell me, fair play to yo bhouy off out surfing, bodyboarding, hill walking, fishing, drives in the country, dating...

I love it. ....zero drama :-D

I have a 12 year old son,we have a ball when we spend time together.
I'm lucky to be a parent.

Tom M · 31-08-2013 08:28AM

nicegirl wrote: »

Haa haa!

Biologically speaking, men are not built for monogomy, another reason why there is so much cheating, especially if they are bored in a marriage, or not getting any sort of appreciation, respect and trust from their wonderful wife.

I'd add to that neither are women.

People talk about marriage being hard work or you have to work at it. If it were natural I'm not so sure it should require "work".

Why would anyone want to get married??

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