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Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

  • 08-02-2013 5:03pm
    #1
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Hi,
    Just to introduce myself, I'm a male in the late twenties. I have been drinking since my teens but the last couple of years I feel it's getting the better of my. Actually I know it's getting the better of me.

    I consider myself successful in college and also hold down a full time job no problem. But behind that person is someone in turmoil. I usually go out mid week and then on Saturday and Sunday and usually have 10+ pints easily.

    But then it all goes down hill Sunday morning (or usually evening) when I wake with a rotten hangover and mouth like an ash tray. I eat crap during the day and do nothing productive. I suppose the fear kicks in. Monday in work is terrible as I usually wouldn't sleep that well the night before so everything I do in work is a mountain to climb. The same thing on Tuesday. Unsuprisingly Wednesday and Thursday I really enjoy work and every challenge is welcome. Then I meet up with my mates (different circles of friends so not the same people each week) the drinking starts again. And it all starts all over again.

    I suppose I will lay out some of the problems I have drink:
    1. It destroys my relationship with my girlfriend.
    2. I'm in a bad mood around her and that isn't fair as she really is a great person and we get on so well otherwise
    3. My career is being held back because I'm not being consistent enough and I suppose if your out on Thursday night people don't trust you. There are things I can do to climb the ladder but sure I'm too busy in the pub at the weekend or hungover
    4. There has being a few times lately where I cancelled meeting up with people due to being hungover.
    5. I do a few days of exercise and that's all out the window until I recover from my next session.
    6. I feel I don't see the real me when under the influence and there is a lot more to discover if I stay sober long enough
    7. I spending a fortune on booze, I have no bother spending 100 on a night out but then when it comes to shopping I watching what I'm buying. It's pathetic really.
    8. I feel if i stopped drinking that my relationship will go to another level. At the moment there are too many ups and downs to do that. If I stayed sober I have no doubt we move in together next year.
    9. I never do adventurous stuff at the weekend because I'm stuck to the pillow.

    There are a lot more stuff I could post but I will bore ye.

    I decided five days ago to give up drinking alcohol but unfortunately I relapsed last night. After reading a lot of stuff on this forum I realised it's gona be really hard and there are gona be lots of ups and downs. It's how you learn from it is the key. I decided to start filling my time with activities like running (race tomorrow morning), yoga thing middle of the month etc.

    The reason I want to put up this thread is because I want to record how I'm getting on and be true to myself and putting stuff into words is a good way to think about things. I suppose also I would like some advice to help me through this and I know most of ye have done it and you can't beat raw experience.

    Thanks In advanced and have a great weekend.
    Ps cinema tonight so can't wait for that and be nice and fresh fro run tomorrow morning.


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Comments

  • #2
    KeefF
    Registered Users Posts: 174 ✭✭ KeefF


    Best of luck with it man. Need to stop meself.


  • #3
    anhedonia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 391 ✭✭ anhedonia


    My story is a lot like yours, got a decent degree, held down fairly decent jobs etc, everything appeared ok on the outside but on the inside I was crumbling. I was a heavy binge drinker / weekend-warrior.

    It all came crashing down on me in my late twenties, and I reached a point where I genuinely didnt want that life anymore, and if you ever truly reach this point then there is actually nothing to give up.

    I also do the AA thing, and it definitely works, but I feel I would still be sober now without AA, maybe just not as happy about it. AA is a program for living, quitting drinking is the easy part. I went to my first meeting about a month after I quit, partly out of boredom, and partly to see how other people dealt with this, and possibly make friends with some non-drinkers, and I heard a good message, so I stayed and continue to go once a week, and it keeps it green for me. I was told to take what works and leave the rest at the door, and was told that I could get a full refund on my misery if it didnt work out :)

    Coming up on a year off the drink now, and its without doubt the best thing Ive ever done. The benefits are huge. You couldnt pay me to go back.


  • #4
    Tom_Cruise
    Closed Accounts Posts: 734 ✭ Tom_Cruise


    Sounds pretty similar to me.

    Get drunk the weekends,cant sleep on a Sunday night, wrecked all day Monday and Tuesday, start feeling better Wednesday and feeling great by Thursday - just in time for the weekend. Also worrying about my health and wondering why im always broke or dont have money for new clothes/bills etc but there's always plenty of money for alcohol.

    Pretty much how most people who drink regularly feel i think.


  • #5
    anhedonia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 391 ✭✭ anhedonia


    Tom_Cruise wrote: »
    Sounds pretty similar to me.

    Get drunk the weekends,cant sleep on a Sunday night, wrecked all day Monday and Tuesday, start feeling better Wednesday and feeling great by Thursday - just in time for the weekend.

    suicidal at the beginning of the week, optimistic mid-week, all guns blazing weekend. Rinse and repeat.

    Its rapid cyclical bipolar disorder :)


  • #6
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭ Sunnyisland


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056876475

    Just posted in the above thread,It may help you and certainly hope it does :)


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  • #7
    NapoleonInRags
    Registered Users Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭ NapoleonInRags


    Hi Mate,

    I think what comes across in your post is a very high level of self awareness and honesty about your relationship with alcohol and its affects on your life. This is a really good place to start.

    I really think you could do with 'de-programming' your mind when it comes to drink and I would highly recommend either the Jason Vale book 'Kick the Drink Easily' or Allen Carr's 'The Easyway to Control Alcohol'.

    I've been off since the new year - after going through much of what you have described and it has been a revelation. The books really help - to such an extent that I am very confident that I will stay off for good!

    Best of luck!


  • #8
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    NapoleonInRags wrote: »
    Hi Mate,

    I think what comes across in your post is a very high level of self awareness and honesty about your relationship with alcohol and its affects on your life. This is a really good place to start.

    I really think you could do with 'de-programming' your mind when it comes to drink and I would highly recommend either the Jason Vale book 'Kick the Drink Easily' or Allen Carr's 'The Easyway to Control Alcohol'.

    I've been off since the new year - after going through much of what you have described and it has been a revelation. The books really help - to such an extent that I am very confident that I will stay off for good!

    Best of luck!


    Thanks Napoleon, I think you are right in the de-programming. Like awarding myself with going out on thr lash. It's very hard to change that kind of thinking thou I find.
    I started Allen Carrs book and they recommend you stay drinking while reading it. I started to get bored of it to be honest. I'll try start it again but i don't like the suggestion you don't quit until you finish reading it. Would you recommend the other book?


  • #9
    anhedonia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 391 ✭✭ anhedonia


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    I started Allen Carrs book and they recommend you stay drinking while reading it. I started to get bored of it to be honest. I'll try start it again but i don't like the suggestion you don't quit until you finish reading it.

    He only makes the suggestion that you continue smoking/drinking while reading his books because hes worried people will never read the book if they're asked to quit at the beginning.

    To be honest I couldnt finish his alcohol book either, it just didnt ring true with me. I could tell very early on that it was just a carbon copy of his quit smoking book (literally just replacing the word nicotine with alcohol), which I really enjoyed and had great success with. This was fine at the beginning because he still has a great method, which is to first remove the brainwashing, but it quickly became apparent that he had some gross misunderstandings of his subject matter when it came to alcohol.

    For example, in his smoking book he says that the actual physical withdrawals of nicotine are so mild that they are almost imperceptible, afterall we can get 8 hours of sleep each night without being woken by them. He says that the anguish of quitting is entirely mental, which is true. He makes the same claim that the physical withdrawals of alcohol are so mild that they're almost imperceptible, which is just ridiculous and actually a dangerous statement to make. Abrupt cessation of alcohol after a bout of constant drinking can lead to Delerium Tremens which can be fatal. Medical supervision is advised where you will be given a sedative like valium or librium to prevent seizure. Granted most of us are not gonna to be in for some serious DTs when we quit drinking, but even if you have been hammering it all weekend, that Sunday night can see you with heart palpitations, sweats, tremors, anxiety, hyper-realistic nightmares, basically a milder form of DT. To claim that the physical withdrawals of alcohol are imperceptible shows that he has no understanding of alcohol and was clearly never a heavy drinker.

    I dunno about you guys but if im gonna read an expert guide to quitting alcohol, I need that expert to have actually drank alcohol. His smoking book was brilliant, and his method was ingenious, having himself gone from smoking 60 a day to zero. Sadly not so with the alcohol book. Imperceptible? are you fckuing kidding me? that just makes a mockery of every Sunday night I had for the past decade. Yeah his book was a complete fraud and clearly an attempt to milk further cash from his smoking method, and it went straight in the bin after I read that.

    I realise a lot of people in this forum have had great success with the book, and I apologize for the rant, but I had to get that off my chest.


  • #10
    NapoleonInRags
    Registered Users Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭ NapoleonInRags


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    Thanks Napoleon, I think you are right in the de-programming. Like awarding myself with going out on thr lash. It's very hard to change that kind of thinking thou I find.
    I started Allen Carrs book and they recommend you stay drinking while reading it. I started to get bored of it to be honest. I'll try start it again but i don't like the suggestion you don't quit until you finish reading it. Would you recommend the other book?

    The books are very very similar - except Jason Vane's is written in a more contemporary and easier style.

    I had already stopped by the time I read them and it made no difference.


  • #11
    KrustyBurger
    Registered Users Posts: 162 ✭✭ KrustyBurger


    Other posters on here have recommended the www.rational.org website. I like the idea that you separate your real self from your addictive self. It made total sense to me anyway. Hope it helps.


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  • #12
    Econoline Van
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 405 ✭✭ Econoline Van


    While also being very funny, I've actually found this video has really helped me. Honestly. It's a simple mantra to repeat everytime you think about having a drink.



  • #13
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Success so far have being good and bad. I have got a lot of stuff sroted out but a lot more to do. Pretty much jumped off the bandwagon every week at every opportunity. Each time I have improved in some way thou - this time I'm adding AA and I think this will be my most significant step. I was reading an article in the indo at the weekend and some guy mentioned that acceptance is what it came down to for him. I need a process to help me and I'm hopnig this is what I need. Anyone know how and when a sponsor is assigned to you?

    Anyways I'm gona post on this forum twice a day in some way or another just to keep my mind focussed and also I might post my blog.

    Quote for the day
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein


    Carpet diem


  • #14
    Tom_Cruise
    Closed Accounts Posts: 734 ✭ Tom_Cruise


    You described my situation perfectly, it could of been me writing that.

    From my experience, you can get away with a lot more in you're teenage years and early twenties. I used to go drinking heavily pretty much every Friday, Saturday and Sunday and the hangovers weren't half as bad as they are now. One good nights drinking these days and its days of depression and negative thoughts.

    Good luck OP, i wish you the best of luck on your journey!


  • #15
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Looking forward to chilling out this evening and watching the boys in Green doing their stuff.


  • #16
    Bench Press
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭ Bench Press


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    Success so far have being good and bad. I have got a lot of stuff sroted out but a lot more to do. Pretty much jumped off the bandwagon every week at every opportunity. Each time I have improved in some way thou - this time I'm adding AA and I think this will be my most significant step. I was reading an article in the indo at the weekend and some guy mentioned that acceptance is what it came down to for him. I need a process to help me and I'm hopnig this is what I need. Anyone know how and when a sponsor is assigned to you?

    Anyways I'm gona post on this forum twice a day in some way or another just to keep my mind focussed and also I might post my blog.

    Quote for the day
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein


    Carpet diem
    just started AA myself, I find it very good, acceptance is very hard and I still find myself sitting there thinking "am I really an alcoholic?" knowing damn well I'm a raging alcoholic


  • #17
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Bench Press wrote: »
    just started AA myself, I find it very good, acceptance is very hard and I still find myself sitting there thinking "am I really an alcoholic?" knowing damn well I'm a raging alcoholic

    What type of meeting did you start of in?


  • #18
    Bench Press
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭ Bench Press


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    What type of meeting did you start of in?
    just started going to open meetings last week, I'm not too well up on all the terminology yet, in fact I just listen at the moment


  • #19
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Back trying again. Acceptance is something i' m really getting my head around. Also not caring what people think is a big thing. Wish me well .


  • #20
    KaG
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,095 ✭ KaG


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    Back trying again. Acceptance is something i' m really getting my head around. Also not caring what people think is a big thing. Wish me well .

    Good luck

    One thing remember to is this.

    The person you were will drink again, the person you were will have to drink again.

    After this is finally accepted life & your thinking will go in a different direction. Acceptance is the hardest part of recovery but once you get over that hurdle things do start to get easier. So when times suck just say it will be worth it in the end, that's what I did and life has never been as good.


  • #21
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    KaG wrote: »
    Good luck

    One thing remember to is this.

    The person you were will drink again, the person you were will have to drink again.

    After this is finally accepted life & your thinking will go in a different direction. Acceptance is the hardest part of recovery but once you get over that hurdle things do start to get easier. So when times suck just say it will be worth it in the end, that's what I did and life has never been as good.

    Thanks for the advice KaG.
    The changing myself part is something I have been thinking off. I have lots of stuff in pipeline to keep me busy


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  • #22
    Amazingfun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,161 ✭✭✭ Amazingfun


    AA's definition of alcoholism is pretty heavy duty, a three part illness from which only a spiritual experience can set us free.

    1. Physical allergy of the body, meaning 'something' happens once we start to drink, and this is forever. I can never, ever safely drink again.
    2. Obsession of the mind: that 'strange mental twist' that ensures I will always return to think about drink, no matter what (new relationship/job/moving countries/etc) unless I become willing to take some simple actions (Steps)
    3. Spiritual Malady: this is the result of the other two. And this is the reason I must form a relationship with a Higher Power, for "no human power could save us".


    The Story of
    How Many Thousands of Men and Women
    Have Recovered from Alcoholism

    http://anonpress.org/bb/


  • #23
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Thanks - must download the app. Feel good today so its now i need to be on high alert.



    http://anonpress.org/bb/[/QUOTE]


  • #24
    Amazingfun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,161 ✭✭✭ Amazingfun


    Carpet diem wrote: »
    Thanks - must download the app. Feel good today so its now i need to be on high alert.



    http://anonpress.org/bb/

    Early sobriety can be like walking in a whole new world. I had a few slips along the way myself, but have been sober now 12 years continuously, so even someone who loved drinking as much as me can leave it behind. Give yourself a chance at sober adventures, you really will " be amazed before you are halfway through" ;)


  • #25
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Amazingfun wrote: »
    Early sobriety can be like walking in a whole new world. I had a few slips along the way myself, but have been sober now 12 years continuously, so even someone who loved drinking as much as me can leave it behind. Give yourself a chance at sober adventures, you really will " be amazed before you are halfway through" ;)


    Resisted any temptations today and looking forward to nice Friday and weekend to relax. Got so much work done in last few days - I always had a strong work ethic but over time with drink that gets sucked out of you and all yuor time goes into drinking and in bed hungover.

    So many temptations its 's everywhere you look - mates texting you, works nights out,articles about drink when you go to read paper online. I'm really focussing on myself this time - I don't care what people think or more I'm not thinking about what I think people think about me (if you get me).

    Anyways have a good evening.


  • #26
    Amazingfun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,161 ✭✭✭ Amazingfun


    Good stuff :)

    Don't forget there are plenty of meetings all over the place, day and night:

    http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

    Ps: in my really early stages, when it was hard not to drink, I even went to more than one in the same day, lol...


  • #27
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Amazingfun wrote: »
    Good stuff :)

    Don't forget there are plenty of meetings all over the place, day and night:

    http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

    Ps: in my really early stages, when it was hard not to drink, I even went to more than one in the same day, lol...

    I was traveling through town and it was tough. Its all an illusion the whole drinking and advertising has a lot to do with it. Its ingrained in us that it is associated with being happy. Couldn't be further from truth. Thanks for support guys. Good night


  • #28
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Had a a great weekend and hope ye all did too. I'm on a good diet at the moment and trying to eat bit less unhealthy stuff even though I was wrecked today.

    I was strong today and didn't give in even though a work thing came up in that involved drinking and even avoided the sweets!
    Hoping for better tomorrow as I didn't feel the best today really. A good sleep should go a long way

    Take care

    PS there definitely is a huge distinction between giving up sweets - sweets just require will power whereas with drink I try not associate giving it up with will power rather the preference to lead a better and controllable life.


  • #29
    KaG
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,095 ✭ KaG


    Carpet diem wrote: »

    I was strong today and didn't give in even though a work thing came up in that involved drinking and even avoided the sweets!
    Hoping for better tomorrow as I didn't feel the best today really. A good sleep should go a long way

    From my experience the days when I am tired with a lack of sleep are the hardest so avoid when you can as that's what I do now!


  • #30
    Carpet diem
    Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭ Carpet diem


    Feeling great these days. One thing I have noticed is that I'm not very good talking to people in groups and even individually. I think drinking got rid of the shyness/awkwardness of conversing with people.

    I guess these days I'm more aware. Any ye guys feel same way and if so what did ye do?


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  • #31
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users Posts: 3,519 ✭ stefan idiot jones


    I thought that I was never the life and soul of the party, but looking back now in my memories of drinking, then yes I was nearly always the loudest, crudest and a really fun, great drunk in company.

    Obviously now that it was the drink knocking down the brazen, over-confident Stefan. Whether it is my age but I really cannot be bothered mixing in large groups either. Yes you do become more aware, not paranoid but your antennae are up and you notice things now that you would be oblivious to before.

    I guess that's this is the 'real' you and don't look at it as a weakness or that you've changed, it's that you have been liberated from the false reality of before. Embrace it and don't go into your shell.

    I am great company and can talk sh!te about a lot of things but I guess I can't be bothered with groups competing for the same airspace that's all.


    It's funny looking back at my life now that I truly forgot so much about how I was and acted when drinking and now it's been so long now that I just take it for granted that I don't drink anymore. I gave up meat twenty four years ago and I don't give it a second thought it's just hardwired in me now I guess the same as the drink, it's just not in my memory banks unless I read peoples stories and remind myself what sh!t I was going through before I quit the liquid depressant.

    Chin up and just watch and observe, you don't have to lead any conversation or fill in the awkward gaps. Just embrace the clarity (you can still have the garlic/cheese chip on the way home though, some habits are impossible to break).


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