Do you feel like a part of your community??

happyviolet · 02-08-2013 07:12PM #1

When you have grown up in a place, whether its a small village in the countryside or an estate in a town or city, would you say that you feel like a part of the community, a part of where you live, that you still get along with people you have known and grown up with, and get involved with any of the local clubs there?

Or would you honestly admit that you would be one of those families that are the "odd ones out" for whatever the reason may be, that you could easily just move to another town, village or even another county or country forever like that and not look back and not feel like you have any ties to the community at all?

It's just that as well as knowing some families that are not part of the community because of being "eccentric" or just not that involved, I would think that my family are like that too. Apart from one sibling who still has friends from our village, all of us don't really have any connections to our community, my parents went to primary school in a different area from the one we went to, and the rest of us just went our seperate ways from our primary school friends, and that's the thing,
we lived outside the village too, so we never really grew up around people in the village, and since our parents went to different primary schools, they had no real deep connections with others parents either I think, not like the connections some would have from growing up in the same area all their lives.
That and the fact that when I was younger, there was a lot of certain problems that involved alcoholism with a family member and also another being controlling around the household, and I know from experiance that gossip gets around my community fast, so I could imagine that our situation got out there and made the family stand out even more for all the wrong reasons.

Seriously, if I won that 94 million from the lottery, I would be out of here so fast and I would never look back. It makes me sad though since I do want to be part of my community, but so much stuff has happened during my teen years with me personally due to puberty and being teased at home, I think I will just be forever labelled as an odd person. So there is no way I am still living around here when I can move away (hopefully soon) and start afresh somewhere else.

Sorry if that was long, just got really into it, but does anyone else feel the same? Just want to see if we can get a discussion out of this.

Edit: There is the odd person now and again from my area who are nice and would talk to me if we were passing each other on the street, don't get me wrong, but it i still hard though when a good majority of them kinda don't....

Sunnyisland · 02-08-2013 07:37PM

Yes.

NuckingFacker · 02-08-2013 07:44PM

Someone will be along in a minute with a serious answer - i'll try and deduce the question from that and attempt to contribute somthing useless.

Vito Corleone · 02-08-2013 07:49PM

happyviolet wrote: »

Do you feel like a part of your community??

No, absolutely not.

Sunnyisland · 02-08-2013 07:50PM

Vito Corleone wrote: »

No, absolutely not.

That's because your in a space station :P

Rothko · 02-08-2013 07:55PM

I don't feel like a part of my country let alone my community.

Pang · 02-08-2013 07:56PM

In the country, yes I did. Knew everyone in the village. Everybody was very helpful.

In the city, not much until this year. Security issues where we live meant we all got to know each other on our floor.

Christ the Redeemer · 02-08-2013 07:57PM

I'm on our communities Facebook and like things like the organiser's grandchild's birth and events happening locally. so, yea. A bit.

Ihatecuddles-old · 02-08-2013 07:58PM

Where I grew up, yes. The apartment I live in now, no. I am friendly with one family, we'd have drinks together the odd time.

All started when I was out the back and our kids were playing together. My apartment is 4 storeys up, her townhouse next door started at ground level. So she'd invite me in so I could watch my son and not stand outside on my own, cramping his style :P

nowimtalking · 02-08-2013 08:06PM

My family are quite well liked in the community. After I moved home recently after 10 years or so of living away, I feel that I don't know any of the people I went to school with or met through the family. I wouldn't consider anyone around here to be a friend, which can get isolating at times. I'm signing into a contract to work here for three years soon, so I also feel that I need to get to know the local community a bit more. (That's why I'm staying in alone on a Friday night, now that I think of it.)

Corkfeen · 02-08-2013 08:19PM

I've always felt rather alienated in general. Whenever I go for a run or walk in my area, I come across people I've never seen before and rarely recognise anyone. I know my neighbours and that's about it.

Carnegie · 02-08-2013 08:42PM

I give 110% when it comes to helping my community, even though I occasionally associate with some less than reputable characters.

02-08-2013 09:10PM

GAA and tidy towns plus marring in to well known local family, you will never be lonely again, you will also spend you life going to christenings, weddings funeral, 21st, and fundraisers. Can be viewed as very happy and supportive or smothering and depressing depending on how you view it.

cantdecide · 02-08-2013 09:14PM

Eternal loner. I've lived within many different communities but never felt like one of them, whoever 'them' was at the time. Even being back in the area I grew up in I feel like I'm not one of them.

Peregrine · 02-08-2013 09:19PM

I don't know any of them, been living at this house for around 6 years too.

numnumcake · 02-08-2013 09:26PM

My parents weren't originally from the area and they are very quiet people so we were never well known and I was always an outsider. I tried to get involved in GAA when I was younger but I just got teased because I was so bad at it. I never go out in my local area but and I won't be living here when I finish college. I always envied people from "well known" families. The people that go to all the matches, weddings, when they walk into the local pub everyone knows them. However I suppose their is a downside to that. A girl I know is from a well known family in her area and she said they were always gossiped about and didn't have much privacy.

Fox_In_Socks · 02-08-2013 09:33PM

No, I wouldn't be part of any community. Grew up in a rural parish with both parents not being from there. Wouldn't be well known at all, and I don't live there anymore.

Where I'm living now, no, not part of the community.

DonkeyStyle \o/ · 02-08-2013 10:05PM

Nope, I might as well be living on the moon for all the community around here. Though I still get all the downsides of living close to other people... screaming kids, house alarms, household rubbish burning, lawnmowers, house parties and the like.

happyviolet · 02-08-2013 10:13PM

numnumcake wrote: »

My parents weren't originally from the area and they are very quiet people so we were never well known and I was always an outsider. I tried to get involved in GAA when I was younger but I just got teased because I was so bad at it. I never go out in my local area but and I won't be living here when I finish college. I always envied people from "well known" families. The people that go to all the matches, weddings, when they walk into the local pub everyone knows them. However I suppose their is a downside to that. A girl I know is from a well known family in her area and she said they were always gossiped about and didn't have much privacy.

Man that is so similiar to me, I did GAA too but I just ended up hating sports and was so bad at it too so I gave it up, so trying to cement my place within the community by doing GAA was a complete fail. I remember making myself look like a right idiot altogether at some matches and training.

dd972 · 02-08-2013 10:56PM

Always been a city person, lived in a place in mainland Europe with a population of 30,000 which wrecked my head, it had the same piss heads in the same cafes every weekend, a few of them were decent enough though.

One person's close knit,friendly,interdependent small town or village is the next person's gossip riddled, village idiot goldfish bowl. I've never understood the gossip culture and the people who thrive on it seem dimwitted about the fact that the rain falls on everyone's roof eventually.

uch · 02-08-2013 11:03PM

Where I grew up, the place I now live, was considered an awful place, now that I live there, it's still considered a Kip, but I like it and have no choice

Ten of Swords · 02-08-2013 11:27PM

No, I moved out of home when I was 17 and I go back as little as possible. As for where I'm living now, I don't know my neighbours and I don't really want to.

Sh1tbag OToole · 02-08-2013 11:39PM

Being part of the community brings mental images of being a minion of the stereotypical 'upstanding citizen' in your area

You know the drysh1te who always feels the need to report or otherwise do something about the activities of 'darn kids' that bother him in some insignificant way

and 'lowering the tone'. He'd be very worried about anything that lowers the tone or the value of his property

lost in cork · 02-08-2013 11:59PM

I moved my family here to a rural part of Cork 10 years ago ,i know plenty of people in the village and say helo ,chat about the weather etc etc ,but last St.Patricks Day i was sat on my own in the pub with just my 10 year son old for company .it dawned on me as everyone else sat in large groups chatting ,that i just dont fit in ,i just dont have the history that these people share i will always be a blow in

Delicia · 03-08-2013 12:06AM

I've always been the 'blow-in'

I still don't always understand the local chat or the undertones that go with it. I'm not into sport or religion (the two backbones of any community!). I wouldn't be known at 'home' at all hardly but I like where I live now. I have learnt that you'll only get out what you put in. So keep smiling at the neighbours, check if the elderly are ok, sympathise when the local tearabout has a dose and offer help if/when you think it's needed. It really does help you as much as them.

wotzgoingon · 03-08-2013 12:11AM

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Being part of the community brings mental images of being a minion of the stereotypical 'upstanding citizen' in your area

You know the drysh1te who always feels the need to report or otherwise do something about the activities of 'darn kids' that bother him in some insignificant way

and 'lowering the tone'. He'd be very worried about anything that lowers the tone or the value of his property

That sounds like a film!

Mozzeltoff · 03-08-2013 12:46AM

lost in cork wrote: »

I moved my family here to a rural part of Cork 10 years ago ,i know plenty of people in the village and say helo ,chat about the weather etc etc ,but last St.Patricks Day i was sat on my own in the pub with just my 10 year son old for company .it dawned on me as everyone else sat in large groups chatting ,that i just dont fit in ,i just dont have the history that these people share i will always be a blow in

That reminds me of what my father said about my grandfather standing outside the church gates after mass on Sunday waiting for someone to talk to him..the image of him standing there alone while groups of men talk ****e about cattle and gossip about each other breaks my heart

As for the whole thing about being part of the community..my dad is like the local handy man so people come to him to get things fixed but I rarely felt like being part of the community. I often thought that some of the locals were just using my dad, ya know be nicey nicey for a while to him, get him to fix a clutch in the tractor and then wouldn't speak to him for another ten years

So no..pretty much felt like the Addams family to be honest!

Super-Rush · 03-08-2013 12:50AM

Where i grew up and live now is very clannish.

If you're not playing the Gah or don't have a particular surname then you might as well not exist.

Suits me as nobody ever bothers us.

The Narrator · 03-08-2013 12:50AM

Do I really want to be part of a community that would include me...

Honestly though, always had too much going on with work/college etc. to ever have time to part of any community.

Plus the places that I've lived, didn't really want much to do with the 'community'.

fussyonion · 03-08-2013 12:55AM

No I don't feel part of my community, but that's my decision.

I don't want to "get to know everyone" and have everyone knowing my business.

I lived in a small town where everyone knew everything about me...well, that's a bit OTT, but y'know what I mean.

I moved counties and I get along with my neighbours and I appreciate and value them but I don't want to know everyone who lives in the same area as me. I value my privacy.

pharmaton · 03-08-2013 12:57AM

probably more a part of my community than family as we don't live in close proximity but I know all my neighbours and because they were mostly an elderly community when I moved here it was through doing little things for them, like washing windows or running to the shops or posting a letter that I came to know them. Many of them were in their late 70's when I moved in (14 years ago this week!) and sadly many have passed on but I have a fond memory of each of them and do miss their characters. I think it's a rare situation, it's a small community too and probably one of the last of its kind so I'm grateful that they took me as one of them when I arrived (I was quite young then too)

(outside of that I used do a lot of community work with youth orgs through art programs and stuff when I was younger so I feel I've given a bit in that regard. Don't do it now though, have my own life to be living these days)

Do you feel like a part of your community??

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