Do you feel like a part of your community??

happyviolet

When you have grown up in a place, whether its a small village in the countryside or an estate in a town or city, would you say that you feel like a part of the community, a part of where you live, that you still get along with people you have known and grown up with, and get involved with any of the local clubs there?

Or would you honestly admit that you would be one of those families that are the "odd ones out" for whatever the reason may be, that you could easily just move to another town, village or even another county or country forever like that and not look back and not feel like you have any ties to the community at all?

It's just that as well as knowing some families that are not part of the community because of being "eccentric" or just not that involved, I would think that my family are like that too. Apart from one sibling who still has friends from our village, all of us don't really have any connections to our community, my parents went to primary school in a different area from the one we went to, and the rest of us just went our seperate ways from our primary school friends, and that's the thing,
we lived outside the village too, so we never really grew up around people in the village, and since our parents went to different primary schools, they had no real deep connections with others parents either I think, not like the connections some would have from growing up in the same area all their lives.
That and the fact that when I was younger, there was a lot of certain problems that involved alcoholism with a family member and also another being controlling around the household, and I know from experiance that gossip gets around my community fast, so I could imagine that our situation got out there and made the family stand out even more for all the wrong reasons.

Seriously, if I won that 94 million from the lottery, I would be out of here so fast and I would never look back. It makes me sad though since I do want to be part of my community, but so much stuff has happened during my teen years with me personally due to puberty and being teased at home, I think I will just be forever labelled as an odd person. So there is no way I am still living around here when I can move away (hopefully soon) and start afresh somewhere else.

Sorry if that was long, just got really into it, but does anyone else feel the same? Just want to see if we can get a discussion out of this.

Edit: There is the odd person now and again from my area who are nice and would talk to me if we were passing each other on the street, don't get me wrong, but it i still hard though when a good majority of them kinda don't....

Sunnyisland

Yes.

NuckingFacker

Someone will be along in a minute with a serious answer - i'll try and deduce the question from that and attempt to contribute somthing useless.

Vito Corleone

happyviolet wrote: »

Do you feel like a part of your community??

No, absolutely not.

Sunnyisland

Vito Corleone wrote: »

No, absolutely not.

That's because your in a space station :P

Rothko

I don't feel like a part of my country let alone my community.

Pang

In the country, yes I did. Knew everyone in the village. Everybody was very helpful.

In the city, not much until this year. Security issues where we live meant we all got to know each other on our floor.

Christ the Redeemer

I'm on our communities Facebook and like things like the organiser's grandchild's birth and events happening locally. so, yea. A bit.

Ihatecuddles-old

Where I grew up, yes. The apartment I live in now, no. I am friendly with one family, we'd have drinks together the odd time.

All started when I was out the back and our kids were playing together. My apartment is 4 storeys up, her townhouse next door started at ground level. So she'd invite me in so I could watch my son and not stand outside on my own, cramping his style :P

nowimtalking

My family are quite well liked in the community. After I moved home recently after 10 years or so of living away, I feel that I don't know any of the people I went to school with or met through the family. I wouldn't consider anyone around here to be a friend, which can get isolating at times. I'm signing into a contract to work here for three years soon, so I also feel that I need to get to know the local community a bit more. (That's why I'm staying in alone on a Friday night, now that I think of it.)

Corkfeen

I've always felt rather alienated in general. Whenever I go for a run or walk in my area, I come across people I've never seen before and rarely recognise anyone. I know my neighbours and that's about it.

Carnegie

I give 110% when it comes to helping my community, even though I occasionally associate with some less than reputable characters.

GAA and tidy towns plus marring in to well known local family, you will never be lonely again, you will also spend you life going to christenings, weddings funeral, 21st, and fundraisers. Can be viewed as very happy and supportive or smothering and depressing depending on how you view it.

cantdecide

Eternal loner. I've lived within many different communities but never felt like one of them, whoever 'them' was at the time. Even being back in the area I grew up in I feel like I'm not one of them.

Peregrine

I don't know any of them, been living at this house for around 6 years too.

numnumcake

My parents weren't originally from the area and they are very quiet people so we were never well known and I was always an outsider. I tried to get involved in GAA when I was younger but I just got teased because I was so bad at it. I never go out in my local area but and I won't be living here when I finish college. I always envied people from "well known" families. The people that go to all the matches, weddings, when they walk into the local pub everyone knows them. However I suppose their is a downside to that. A girl I know is from a well known family in her area and she said they were always gossiped about and didn't have much privacy.

Fox_In_Socks

No, I wouldn't be part of any community. Grew up in a rural parish with both parents not being from there. Wouldn't be well known at all, and I don't live there anymore.

Where I'm living now, no, not part of the community.

DonkeyStyle \o/

Nope, I might as well be living on the moon for all the community around here. Though I still get all the downsides of living close to other people... screaming kids, house alarms, household rubbish burning, lawnmowers, house parties and the like.

happyviolet

numnumcake wrote: »

My parents weren't originally from the area and they are very quiet people so we were never well known and I was always an outsider. I tried to get involved in GAA when I was younger but I just got teased because I was so bad at it. I never go out in my local area but and I won't be living here when I finish college. I always envied people from "well known" families. The people that go to all the matches, weddings, when they walk into the local pub everyone knows them. However I suppose their is a downside to that. A girl I know is from a well known family in her area and she said they were always gossiped about and didn't have much privacy.

Man that is so similiar to me, I did GAA too but I just ended up hating sports and was so bad at it too so I gave it up, so trying to cement my place within the community by doing GAA was a complete fail. I remember making myself look like a right idiot altogether at some matches and training.

dd972

Always been a city person, lived in a place in mainland Europe with a population of 30,000 which wrecked my head, it had the same piss heads in the same cafes every weekend, a few of them were decent enough though.

One person's close knit,friendly,interdependent small town or village is the next person's gossip riddled, village idiot goldfish bowl. I've never understood the gossip culture and the people who thrive on it seem dimwitted about the fact that the rain falls on everyone's roof eventually.

uch

Where I grew up, the place I now live, was considered an awful place, now that I live there, it's still considered a Kip, but I like it and have no choice

Ten of Swords

No, I moved out of home when I was 17 and I go back as little as possible. As for where I'm living now, I don't know my neighbours and I don't really want to.

Sh1tbag OToole

Being part of the community brings mental images of being a minion of the stereotypical 'upstanding citizen' in your area

You know the drysh1te who always feels the need to report or otherwise do something about the activities of 'darn kids' that bother him in some insignificant way

and 'lowering the tone'. He'd be very worried about anything that lowers the tone or the value of his property

lost in cork

I moved my family here to a rural part of Cork 10 years ago ,i know plenty of people in the village and say helo ,chat about the weather etc etc ,but last St.Patricks Day i was sat on my own in the pub with just my 10 year son old for company .it dawned on me as everyone else sat in large groups chatting ,that i just dont fit in ,i just dont have the history that these people share i will always be a blow in

Delicia

I've always been the 'blow-in' I still don't always understand the local chat or the undertones that go with it. I'm not into sport or religion (the two backbones of any community!). I wouldn't be known at 'home' at all hardly but I like where I live now. I have learnt that you'll only get out what you put in. So keep smiling at the neighbours, check if the elderly are ok, sympathise when the local tearabout has a dose and offer help if/when you think it's needed. It really does help you as much as them.

wotzgoingon

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Being part of the community brings mental images of being a minion of the stereotypical 'upstanding citizen' in your area

You know the drysh1te who always feels the need to report or otherwise do something about the activities of 'darn kids' that bother him in some insignificant way

and 'lowering the tone'. He'd be very worried about anything that lowers the tone or the value of his property

That sounds like a film!

Mozzeltoff

lost in cork wrote: »

I moved my family here to a rural part of Cork 10 years ago ,i know plenty of people in the village and say helo ,chat about the weather etc etc ,but last St.Patricks Day i was sat on my own in the pub with just my 10 year son old for company .it dawned on me as everyone else sat in large groups chatting ,that i just dont fit in ,i just dont have the history that these people share i will always be a blow in

That reminds me of what my father said about my grandfather standing outside the church gates after mass on Sunday waiting for someone to talk to him..the image of him standing there alone while groups of men talk ****e about cattle and gossip about each other breaks my heart

As for the whole thing about being part of the community..my dad is like the local handy man so people come to him to get things fixed but I rarely felt like being part of the community. I often thought that some of the locals were just using my dad, ya know be nicey nicey for a while to him, get him to fix a clutch in the tractor and then wouldn't speak to him for another ten years So no..pretty much felt like the Addams family to be honest!

Super-Rush

Where i grew up and live now is very clannish.

If you're not playing the Gah or don't have a particular surname then you might as well not exist.

Suits me as nobody ever bothers us.

The Narrator

Do I really want to be part of a community that would include me...

Honestly though, always had too much going on with work/college etc. to ever have time to part of any community.

Plus the places that I've lived, didn't really want much to do with the 'community'.

fussyonion

No I don't feel part of my community, but that's my decision.

I don't want to "get to know everyone" and have everyone knowing my business.

I lived in a small town where everyone knew everything about me...well, that's a bit OTT, but y'know what I mean.

I moved counties and I get along with my neighbours and I appreciate and value them but I don't want to know everyone who lives in the same area as me. I value my privacy.

pharmaton

probably more a part of my community than family as we don't live in close proximity but I know all my neighbours and because they were mostly an elderly community when I moved here it was through doing little things for them, like washing windows or running to the shops or posting a letter that I came to know them. Many of them were in their late 70's when I moved in (14 years ago this week!) and sadly many have passed on but I have a fond memory of each of them and do miss their characters. I think it's a rare situation, it's a small community too and probably one of the last of its kind so I'm grateful that they took me as one of them when I arrived (I was quite young then too)

(outside of that I used do a lot of community work with youth orgs through art programs and stuff when I was younger so I feel I've given a bit in that regard. Don't do it now though, have my own life to be living these days)

Agricola

No not really. Even as a kid I was always a bit of an outsider but in my school days I was a bit more involved simply because I palled around with fellas who were big into the GAA or whatever. If you're not a practicing Catholic (or what passes for one here) and don't give a shít about hurling, you are a bit out of it in rural Ireland alright. On top of that Im one of those people who find local gossip the most teeth grindingly tedious topics of conversations. I have no desire to talk about whos 17 year old daughter is up the duff, who isnt talking to who down the road etc etc.

_Kaiser_

Living in an apartment in Dublin.. wouldn't know anyone here or speak to anyone beyond a nod and hello.

Lived down the country for a few years before this and would have gotten to know the local shop staff, post office workers, some of the neighbours alright

But as someone put it above - I'd find it hard to feel part of this country these days, nevermind anything local.

Aidric

Entirely down to the individual. Put yourself out there and force the integration, if you are so inclined, of course.

Pretzill

Delicia wrote: »

I've always been the 'blow-in' I still don't always understand the local chat or the undertones that go with it. I'm not into sport or religion (the two backbones of any community!). I wouldn't be known at 'home' at all hardly but I like where I live now. I have learnt that you'll only get out what you put in. So keep smiling at the neighbours, check if the elderly are ok, sympathise when the local tearabout has a dose and offer help if/when you think it's needed. It really does help you as much as them.

We could have our own community! My hometown is a distant memory I'm so long out of it. The community in my adopted home is defined by RC and GAA I don't indulge in either. But I have a lot of like minded friends - communities are for narrow people - good luck to them if they're happy.

meoklmrk91

I completely didn't fit in where I grew up, not friends with anyone from there and it honestly wouldn't bother me if I never went back there again. I hated living there, my parents would have been fairly well liked as would one of my siblings, people always asks for her when they meet me. I just think I was very different to all those who were in my age group, didn't like the GAA, didn't like mainstream music, would have been seen as a bit of an wierdo and a loner I suppose.

Moved away, not very far mind you and having only been here a few months I feel far more a part of the community, have loads of friends and acquaintances here and I'm quite well liked here. I think it would be funny for someone from both communities to meet and share their opinions of me, I'd imagine they would think they were talking about completely different people.

tippspur

Aidric wrote: »

Entirely down to the individual. Put yourself out there and force the integration, if you are so inclined, of course.

This is it,it's up to yourself to get involved,if you don't want to then fair enough.

Clareboy

In your typical Irish rural community all you've got is sport and drink for the menfolk and religion for the womenfolk. As I am not interested in sport and do not drink, I am considered to be an outsider and an oddball to be avoided as all times, even though I have lived in this so called ' community ' all my life.

DoozerT6

I haven't lived in my home town for years, but growing up I guess we were one of those families that would be considered 'well known' in the locality, as both my parents (neither of whom were local) were always involved in local groups, committees, etc. I think you get out of it what you put in. In small towns, there may be generations of families who know each other simply due to proximity. As an outsider coming in, I would suggest (if you have kids) getting the kids involved in local childrens groups/sports teams etc and become actively involved yourself, volunteer to help at practices, attend and volunteer at fundraisers, get to know some of the other kids (and hopefully their parents) and try to establish good relationships. Aside from that, make an effort to get to know people's first names, always have a couple of friendly words for the local shopkeepers, attend or contribute to every single local event (cake sales, jumble sales, Paddy's day parades, Family Fun Days etc) and be friendly to those you encounter there. If you are seen to make an effort to be part of the community as opposed to someone who lives in 'that new big housing estate at the top of the town' who just comes down the main street to get milk from Centra and isn't seen from one end of the week to the other, it may be easier.

I work in a large organisation with many different nationalities, and generally those who integrate better with the Irish (although all are very nice!) are those who make an effort to integrate themselves into Irish society. For example, one gentleman from India became an enthusiastic Shamrock Rovers supporter and much banter was always had with the Irish lads during the football season. Also those who spent a little time getting to know Ireland (and their own locality) were appreciated. Being able to chat with someone from Jordan or the Philippines about the best places to park in town and whether they enjoyed their trip to Kilmainham jail/Glendalough etc makes it easier for everyone to get along in a social sense.

Bottom Line: To become part of the community, BE part of the community! Be seen, be friendly, be proactive. Drink in the local pubs. Use local shops, facilities, and tradesmen. It might take a while, but keep at it. Even if you don't make lifelong friends with anyone, hopefully you won't feel like a complete outsider either

happyviolet

Mozzeltoff wrote: »

That reminds me of what my father said about my grandfather standing outside the church gates after mass on Sunday waiting for someone to talk to him..the image of him standing there alone while groups of men talk ****e about cattle and gossip about each other breaks my heart

Oh my god, that actually breaks my heart to think about that image too, even though I don't know your grandfather, that thought alone makes me so sad.

That is the problem I have always noticed from where I live, that unless you put in the effort to make conversation or even say that odd hello now and again, majority of the time, you might as well not exist to some of them.

Wanderer2010

I dont feel a part of my community at all, and I have lived here all my life. But because Im not married with kids and HATE GAA and sport, im considered odd by some people, which is a crying shame because some of my closest friends are also not into these things and are some of the most interesting people i know. A lot of people in my community have nothing to say outside of (men) the next match and drink and (women) who died and who is pregnant. I just dont find these things one bit interesting and its just small minded gossip so yeah, Im not really a popular one here but I would rather be true to myself than pander to a load of people who think life begins and ends in Croke Park and the pub.

Not sure I would believe the whole perception that religion is a big part of Irish community, not these days anyway. Look up and down the country, mass numbers have falled in huge amounts, and thats urban and rural. Not many young people going to mass these days.

It does not have to be the GAA if that not you thing what about the civil defence or the order of Malta or the tidy towns or the local soccer or rugby club or what about greyhound racing, find something your interested in and join in get to know people. Its amazing the support that come out for a fundraiser for a local who needs help but the thing is you have to be part of that community to benefit form it why cut yourself off and feel superior just because you think the interests of those around you are a bit limited, it the mark of a well rounded person to be able to talk and mix with everyone.

Clareboy

A lot of Irish people have little to talk about except sickness and death, in other words, who is dead and who is dying. As a society, we seem to be obsessed with death. When my parents passed away, crowds of people were pulling and dragging me for two days. Haven't seen many of them since. I often feel that where I live, we are only a community in death.

periodictable

There's a Gathering event where I live...centered around the priest, Mass, blessing of things and the GAA...no thanks.
I feel like an Israeli in an Al Qaeda training camp.

JustAThought

When I bought my current house one of the reasons I was so delighted with it was , it was in a lovely new small ( 200 ish houses) development with local shops, playground, green areas with benches etc. I thought it would be easy to make friendships given that we would all be new , & that it would grow quickly into a new " equal" community .

Not .

After 6 or 7 years there is some engagement ( hello, nice weather type); some people are lovely , a fair few nod & wave as we pass by in cars but that's about it, with a few you'd stop once or twice a year & have a coffee/chat. We've had local committees & protests ( planning etc) & a few spots clubs and annual events for kids ( great); but the overriding spirit is one of compartmentalisation into tight family units & small groups of women who share baby minding/school runs together. What I've found really difficult is the local Facebook " residents community" page that has literally torn the place apart with the mindless sniping & bitching that seems to go on from a clique of bitchy drinking bored housewives that have managed to tear the community feel apart . Although " people" got together & stopped it, the bad taste & savage remarks that were put in it can never be erased -nor the damage it did within less than 2 short years.

Far better to have noone speaking than the kind of evil idle gossip that would " normally" be played out behind closed doors being typed out & posted to everyone's account. The old ways are not always the worst.

Ms. Pingui

It pisses me off when someone asks me where I'm from and immediately I get bombarded with do I know such and such a person and am I friendly with paddy and marys second cousins niece etc.
No! I don't know them and I don't want to! People just expect you to know everyone if you are from a small community.

Mozzeltoff

I grew up in the townlands of a small village that's noted for it's history of hurling. When I moved to Kerry and the people here asked me where I was from, I would give the name of the village rather than the spiel of an address I had. People would recognise the name of the place and say "Oh jaysus you must be great into the hurling!!" Eh no I am not..if anything I despise the bloody game!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Where I grew up, my dads family have been there for literally 150+ years, farm passed down from generation to the next. There's a lot of families around who would have known my grandparents and who would have grown up their whole lives here too, so yeah we would interact with them.

There's a lot of blow ins though, where we live would be a really nice area and during the boom sites were being sold for 90K+ (nearest large town would be three miles away) and a lot of knobs who probably can't pay their mortgage now moved onto the road and built houses. They set up residence committees and stuff, but it's mostly made up of the blow ins and anything they try organise is a big fail.

So, I guess I do feel part of the community because my family would be well known and even in town, if I said my surname chances are whoever I'm speaking to will know my dad.
I'm not part of the community in that I don't associate with all the neighbours and wouldn't attend anything they organise, as I don't see the need, we know anyone we need to know

u_c_thesecond

the last place I lived in was a hole- drugs and police constantly in the estate. hubby and I left hated it

moved into estate when I was raised and in the 3 months been here its like I never left- real sense of community here

Pumpkinseeds

No, I don't feel like part of the community, let alone part of the country.

P_1

Not particularly. To be honest I have absolutely zero interest in the comings, goings and general business of people who I happen to live in the same area as and I have none in them knowing the same about myself