Is the "friend zone" concept a bit sexist?

karaokeman · 01-07-2013 9:54am #1

I was thinking about this recently because you always hear about girls putting guys in the friend zone because they waited too long to ask them out and not the other way around.

I know a lot of guys can take 8 months to ask an attractive girl out due to shyness, but if its the other way around people always tell the guy he's in the friend zone.

But it is not a matter of a person saying "You waited too long, I'm not attracted to you anymore". If they turn you down, its because they never liked you more than a friend to begin with, I think anyway.

Personally I think the friend zone is hypothetical as a concept, it is a nice way of telling someone the object of their attraction doesn't love them back. It is a way of encouraging guys to be more confident and assertive with women, that is why it is always said to guys and never to girls.

Rev Hellfire · 01-07-2013 10:53am

I thought the point about the 'friend zone' is that the individual puts themselves into it. They're in the friend zone because they never made the move.

Since men are the ones who society expects to make the initial move they're the ones who get stuck it.

OnTheCouch · 01-07-2013 11:35am

karaokeman wrote: »

But it is not a matter of a person saying "You waited too long, I'm not attracted to you anymore". If they turn you down, its because they never liked you more than a friend to begin with, I think anyway.

I think the above is for some reason not publicised very much as being a reason for girls turning someone down.

On the other hand, there are unquestionably situations where a girl does feel attraction for someone, but he, for whatever reason, doesn't get round to asking her out. This subsequently tends to cool the initial spark as he comes across as indecisive. Which inevitably leads him being put in the friend zone or simply not be a part of her life any longer.

Dravokivich · 01-07-2013 11:45am

What I don't get is why such a literal definition of boundaries such as "Friend Zone" is required. I understood it as something that started of from a joke but whenever I read about it here on boards it sounds like a very serious thing. One which is considered problematic as well.

iwantmydinner · 01-07-2013 11:59am

I'm a girl, and I've definitely been friendzoned on occasion. I've also been the friendzoner (!) once or twice. It's usually (I hazard a guess) due to one party simply not liking the other in any way other than as a friend - not so much because one took too long to ask the other out. Don't think it could really be called sexist tbh!

That's just my two cents anyway!

Starokan · 01-07-2013 12:04pm

I think its just a phrase thats become generally used; i would not see it as sexist.

jaffacakesyum · 01-07-2013 12:14pm

I don't think it's sexist, I just think it's a stupid excuse people (generally men) use as to why they're not with the person they fancy. I've never friendzoned anybody; I could claim I've been friendzoned but I know it's not true - it's simply that the other person didn't feel the same way about me, regardless of how long we've known each other or how late I made the move.

entropi · 01-07-2013 4:40pm

The "friend zone" is a fallacy imho. I honestly believe it was created by PUA types to promote their mostly useless ways of trying to get a woman interested in you, and if you leave it too long "you're in the friend zone". I call bull tbh.

You can only go about this two ways: you're interested in someone for more than a platonic relationship, or you're not. Reciprocation is all that is needed. It really is that simple, but so much labelling happens that it seems to have stuck as a needless indicator that they don't find you sexually attractive.

Malari · 01-07-2013 8:10pm

I think there's something to it if neither party makes a move, in terms of the risk of losing a friend if things don't work out when you try to take a further step.

But that would mean both people were in the friendzone. I see it as a noun more than a verb.

cantdecide · 01-07-2013 11:34pm

I think the 'friendzone' phenomenon may often point to a personality type. The friendzone guy. You should only worry if you often find yourself in the friendzone. It would be very frustrating to be there over and over and I'm sure it can lead to stresses in one's other relationships.

Sexism doesn't come into it.

karaokeman · 02-07-2013 8:10am

Dravokivich wrote: »

What I don't get is why such a literal definition of boundaries such as "Friend Zone" is required. I understood it as something that started of from a joke but whenever I read about it here on boards it sounds like a very serious thing. One which is considered problematic as well.

It happened in an episode of Friends, Ross wanted to ask Rachel out and Joey was like "you waited too long to make your move and now your in the 'friend zone'". I wouldn't think this was the earliest example (1994), but I know it made the phrase a lot more popular.

seachto7 · 02-07-2013 11:11am

It's hanging around with exes I don't get. I just don't get it. But the Friend Zone is a load of auld tosh as well.
I had female work colleagues, who I would go for lunch with or work nights out, but I wouldn't hang around with then, simply because they weren't my friends. If I were attracted to them, I wouldn't have done anything about it anyhow as they were work colleagues.

"I liked you, but you never did anything about it" is what you would hear a lot of ladies say. Well, I would say that's their loss they never did anything about it.

Friend zone is a no-no..... It can't work if one person is attracted to the other.

Galwayguy35 · 03-07-2013 5:19am

I've a different take on the friend zone, was seeing someone for the past 2 months and got a txt last night saying "lets just be friends".

OnTheCouch · 03-07-2013 11:11am

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I've a different take on the friend zone, was seeing someone for the past 2 months and got a txt last night saying "lets just be friends".

Would that not be more a case of her wanting to let you down gently? Like she was attracted to you initially but for whatever reason the spark had diminished.

I think the 'friend zone' is slightly different, insofar as there either was never any attraction or he never asked her out, which I imagine is not the same as your situation.

Sorry to hear that by the way, it's always fairly tough to hear something along those lines.

seachto7 · 03-07-2013 4:01pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I've a different take on the friend zone, was seeing someone for the past 2 months and got a txt last night saying "lets just be friends".

My response to that would be "No thanks. I already have lots of friends."

Pawwed Rig · 09-07-2013 12:29pm

OnTheCouch wrote: »

it's always fairly tough to hear something along those lines.

By text aswell

.

seachto7 · 09-07-2013 12:39pm

Yup, but my thoughts on that would be "f*ck em" (not literally!). A bit harsh maybe, but in a few months, you'll have wondered what all the fuss was about....

Earthhorse · 09-07-2013 12:47pm

Dravokivich wrote: »

What I don't get is why such a literal definition of boundaries such as "Friend Zone" is required. I understood it as something that started of from a joke but whenever I read about it here on boards it sounds like a very serious thing. One which is considered problematic as well.

I think the reason it's talked about so much is because it's one of those phrases that had a specific meaning but is now used to describe almost any situation where attraction is not reciprocated. It was originally used to describe waiting too long to tell someone you know that you're attracted to them; you had a chance during that early timeframe as they found you attractive too but due to your hesitancy they decided to move on. Nothing wrong with that but a frustrating position to be in nonetheless.

I think like most labels it's useful when used with care but due to the massive brainpuke that is the internet it's been blunted, like the terms "nice guy" and "feminist", and basically now means whatever the person saying it wants it to mean.

entropi wrote: »

The "friend zone" is a fallacy imho. I honestly believe it was created by PUA types to promote their mostly useless ways of trying to get a woman interested in you, and if you leave it too long "you're in the friend zone". I call bull tbh.

Pretty sure the phrase pre-dates PUA stuff tbh.

iptba · 10-07-2013 2:57pm

I think the "friend zone" phenomenon can occur, although have no idea what percentage of cases it applies to.

Initially, people can seem wonderful and perfect or near perfect. After a while, if one is not in a relationship, one can learn all about somebody's weaknesses, foibles, etc (without the nice warm feelings one can get, alongside noticing these things, if one is in a relationship) and it may be harder to get the buzz of excitement/attraction one can get with somebody new.

wilddarts · 10-07-2013 7:15pm

I think its a bit like the over use of the term ''ironic'' to describe something coincidental.
Its become a common term for unrequited interest between two people who know each other, whereas it should mean a more specific (and I reckon much rarer) scenario.

Or at least that's what this perpetually single author thinks.

Wibbs · 10-07-2013 7:27pm

Oh I've defo seen the real deal, where the guy had a chance and borked it through indecision. Indecision is kryptonite to romantic attraction in women(and many are happy to admit it). Not just trying to start a relationship, but many relationships where the woman loses the gra for the guy is down to constant indecision on his part.

That said the real deal is not as common as suggested. I've certainly seen the scenario where the bloke hangs around a woman he's into pretending to be her friend, hoping for more. Usually after the woman has shown no interest, though some women do thrive on such attention and keep male satellites around as an ego thing. If you're end up in that at 19 or 20 then it could happen to anyone, if you find yourself doing it past 25 orgod forbid 30, then IMH you need to have a think.

Renegade Mechanic · 10-07-2013 7:29pm

I think the friend zone is a load of crap. Women arent things you can pour kindness into until sex falls out. If they arent interested then you will NEVER get any, so dont waste your time pretending to be nice thinking you might. If your not prepared to be genuinely nice then dont be.

Speisekarte · 10-07-2013 7:33pm

entropi wrote: »

The "friend zone" is a fallacy imho. I honestly believe it was created by PUA types to promote their mostly useless ways of trying to get a woman interested in you, and if you leave it too long "you're in the friend zone". I call bull tbh.

You can only go about this two ways: you're interested in someone for more than a platonic relationship, or you're not. Reciprocation is all that is needed. It really is that simple, but so much labelling happens that it seems to have stuck as a needless indicator that they don't find you sexually attractive.

Through much past experience I find that it kills a woman's attraction for you if you don't pull the trigger when the window opens. Hesitation and indecisiveness just kills the attraction. If you look at it from an evolutionary point of view would you really want your genetic legacy in the hands of sons who are afraid to make a move on women that are interested in them.

clairefontaine · 10-07-2013 11:02pm

Speisekarte wrote: »

Through much past experience I find that it kills a woman's attraction for you if you don't pull the trigger when the window opens. Hesitation and indecisiveness just kills the attraction. If you look at it from an evolutionary point of view would you really want your genetic legacy in the hands of sons who are afraid to make a move on women that are interested in them.

Deep down I think women see it as weak.

But on the other hand friendships can move into deeper zones too.

uberalles · 10-07-2013 11:16pm

Friend Zone - Level bridge
http://i.imgur.com/iUcQb.jpg

Level 99
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3100874/FRIEND+ZONE+LEVEL+99/

uberalles · 10-07-2013 11:34pm

Chair
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3100874/FRIEND+ZONE+LEVEL+99/

Neeson · 11-07-2013 9:46pm

He who hesitates, masturbates.

strobe · 12-07-2013 2:44pm

entropi wrote: »

You can only go about this two ways: you're interested in someone for more than a platonic relationship, or you're not. Reciprocation is all that is needed.

I wouldn't agree with that at all.
There's been plenty of girls I've found hugely sexually attractive initially but that attraction just faded and I ended up thinking of them more like i think of my sisters,.

And conversely I've met girls, not found them particularly sexy initially but then a massive sexual attraction on my part has developed over time as I got to know them.

Don't think it's as straight forward as "you either want to **** someone or be their friend from the moment you meet them" at all.

random1337 · 14-07-2013 9:37pm

girls put guys in the friendzone because they crave attention. I'm dead srs
They love that these beta guys text them constantly.
A girl who my friend was hounding for months last year was laughing behind his back to me about zoning him
To all the zoned brahs out there you need to cut the wk beta bs.
SoManyFeels/10

Wibbs · 14-07-2013 10:00pm

When you used the word 'beta' you lost the argument. Well... unless you're on a PUA site. You do realise I hope that the 'Alpha' stuff is pretty much disproved in the animal kingdom? Or is way more complex than what you thing? In Wolves it's utterly bogus. Closer to home? Gorillas? Over a third of offspring raised by silverbacks ain't their kids. oops. Must be all those 'betas' getting previous.

random1337 · 14-07-2013 10:06pm

Wibbs wrote: »

When you used the word 'beta' you lost the argument. Well... unless you're on a PUA site. You do realise I hope that the 'Alpha' stuff is pretty much disproved in the animal kingdom? Or is way more complex than what you thing? In Wolves it's utterly bogus. Closer to home? Gorillas? Over a third of offspring raised by silverbacks ain't their kids. oops. Must be all those 'betas' getting previous.

umm human behaviour is very closely linked to that of apes and chimps.
The alpha male gets to do most of the mating. The 'beta' males only get some when the alpha isn't around etc etc.
So of course its possible a third of their offspring isn't theirs. Chimps/Apes like humans actually enjoy sex and have as much of it as they can, whether it be with alphas or betas.

Speisekarte · 14-07-2013 10:29pm

Wibbs wrote: »

When you used the word 'beta' you lost the argument. Well... unless you're on a PUA site. You do realise I hope that the 'Alpha' stuff is pretty much disproved in the animal kingdom? Or is way more complex than what you thing? In Wolves it's utterly bogus. Closer to home? Gorillas? Over a third of offspring raised by silverbacks ain't their kids. oops. Must be all those 'betas' getting previous.

I think you're missing the general gist though. There are men who are dominant enough which puts them on women's radar and their are men who are submissive in such a way which turns women off and encourages women to manipulate them.

astonaidan · 14-07-2013 11:38pm

My take on the aul friendzone comes from a personal experience.

There was this German girl who well from the first day I met her wanted her, second night we met she spent hours trying to get me out drinking with her, third night spent the night lying on me watching tv, same on forth, fifth and sixth. seventh night she wanted to come up to my room ,we stayed outside my room talking for hours this after I told her I had work in the morning so she couldnt come in

I know, I know.
After about two weeks my friend asked me could he try get with her and he got her the first night.
After this she got with 4 or 5 guys in our group and while we remained friends I lost interest in her that way all because I was too slow to make the moves.

Now my theory on this is that when I see a girl as a potential GF I lose confidence incase I get turned down, no matter how much positive signals I get.
Now when its a girl I just find hot doesnt matter if they are a 10 I can get them in 10 mins.
This proves to me its all because Im reacting slowly losing the initial spark the reason I get put in the friendzone

Pug160 · 14-07-2013 11:54pm

I don't really like the term as it has a certain negative ring to it. It doesn't always have to be negative though. If you're in a mixed sex social circle you can do quite well for yourself (so I've heard). A male with female friends will look better to women than a guy who's just out with a bunch of lads.

Wibbs · 15-07-2013 8:14am

random1337 wrote: »

umm human behaviour is very closely linked to that of apes and chimps.

Actually it's not. The more they've looked at our cousins the more differences in behaviour, particularly sexual behavior, come out than similarities.

Chimps/Apes like humans actually enjoy sex and have as much of it as they can, whether it be with alphas or betas.

Other than Bonobos where it's used as a social glue, other great apes don't go for sex as nearly as much as humans. They restrict it to when females are in season. Human reproductive strategies and sexuality is far more fluid, more wide ranging and more complex than the great ape model. Hell, men can't even tell when women are "in season"(consciously anyway) as women hide their fertility. Take women's breasts. They look full all the time and this is seen as attractive, whereas to any of the apes this would have the complete opposite effect as the other great apes breasts are only full when they're nursing infants and far less fertile. That's just two of the many ways we diverge so trying to simplify down to this alpha stuff is well simplistic and mostly wrong.

Speisekarte wrote: »

I think you're missing the general gist though. There are men who are dominant enough which puts them on women's radar and their are men who are submissive in such a way which turns women off and encourages women to manipulate them.

Yes and no. Dominant and submissive are the problematic terms. I've known very quiet introverted men who were anything but easy to manipulate and I've known extroverted "dominant" men who were near constantly "under the thumb".

As for women's radar? So long as your not sitting in the corner, looking at your shoes and seething and not engaging with people you'll be on the social radar.

OnTheCouch · 15-07-2013 12:29pm

Even though there are aspects of the PUA ideology which are insightful and correct, I feel it is a very dangerous mindset to get into - and that is even before you start getting into the predominance of all the rip-off merchants out there.

I think too much of it is based on the premise that all women are similar beings, who react, behave and are attracted to exactly the same things. In other words, attraction is almost defined as an equation, where doing X + Y x Z = insatiable female interest.

Along the same lines, people can get very fixated on the need to be an alpha, a desire to be always in control and dominant, or they have not got a chance with any female. I have witnessed a couple of people try to be dominant when it is clearly not in their personality to do so, risible and wooden immediately come to mind.

So this need for dominance is blatantly not true and while clearly someone who possesses many of these alpha characteristics is probably likely to do well, to say that beta individuals cannot get women is just wrong.

I know several examples where quiet, shy, typical 'beta' individuals if you like, have ended up going out with quite attractive women.

Now obviously I am not privy to just how these people got together, but using PUA logic to decide when people end up in the friend zone may be true intermittently, but is by no means a blanket solution or explanation to this particular issue.

PingO_O · 15-07-2013 2:34pm

Thanks for those points guys because Ive read so much alpha and beta crap on the Internet I nearly started to believe it at certain points.

I think if you started a thread asking what an alpha male is you'd get all kinds of opinions on it, this alpha and beta thing just sounds like "broscience" to me.

As onthecouch says there are guys who do get on well with women but does that make them alpha males? I'm not so sure. I can think of a few examples where the guys are players but are still mammy's boys, or do a complete 180 once they get into a serious relationship.

Pug160 · 15-07-2013 5:24pm

The PUA terminology is childish and even dangerous in a way. The general message that most of them are trying to get across is logical enough but some of the more innocent dating and self help advice has been debased by egotistical charlatans who are trying to make money from desperate men.

There's a saying that ''a closed mouth never gets fed''. That's why assertive guys are usually fairly successful. Not every woman in the world wants a domineering man but men with certain character traits will give themselves a better chance.

astonaidan · 18-07-2013 11:00pm

Pug160 wrote: »

The PUA terminology is childish and even dangerous in a way. The general message that most of them are trying to get across is logical enough but some of the more innocent dating and self help advice has been debased by egotistical charlatans who are trying to make money from desperate men.

There's a saying that ''a closed mouth never gets fed''. That's why assertive guys are usually fairly successful. Not every woman in the world wants a domineering man but men with certain character traits will give themselves a better chance.

I think you may be painting PUA in a far to negative light, most of it is about improving yourself as a person and stop being so slow reacting to girls, something I myself was guilty at. Very little is actually relating to the girl themself, more your state of mind you should have about thinking your not worthy of a certain girl

Pug160 · 18-07-2013 11:23pm

astonaidan wrote: »

I think you may be painting PUA in a far to negative light, most of it is about improving yourself as a person and stop being so slow reacting to girls, something I myself was guilty at. Very little is actually relating to the girl themself, more your state of mind you should have about thinking your not worthy of a certain girl

It depends. Some people are genuinely trying to help out of the goodness of their hearts and others are exploiting vulnerable men and instilling in them a very strange outlook on women. In some cases the blind are leading the blind. In some other cases it's just a catalyst and encourages men to get out there and at least talk to women. But there are some really unhealthy attitudes out there. And the whole bootcamp thing just seems like a ridiculous way for some of these men to make money. Some guys are apparently paying quite a lot of money to attend seminars and then go out and talk to women in bars and clubs with these top ''pick up artists''. And that's supposed to some revolutionary process? It's utterly laughable.

astonaidan · 18-07-2013 11:45pm

Pug160 wrote: »

It depends. Some people are genuinely trying to help out of the goodness of their hearts and others are exploiting vulnerable men and instilling in them a very strange outlook on women. In some cases the blind are leading the blind. In some other cases it's just a catalyst and encourages men to get out there and at least talk to women. But there are some really unhealthy attitudes out there. And the whole bootcamp thing just seems like a ridiculous way for some of these men to make money. Some guys are apparently paying quite a lot of money to attend seminars and then go out and talk to women in bars and clubs with these top ''pick up artists''. And that's supposed to some revolutionary process? It's utterly laughable.

This I 100% agree with you, this is well idiotic and well the sign of a complete tool.
But I do think the forums are more than helpful, like I wont deny it, I love being a wingman for my friends, like I dont think Im a PUA in anyway, Im madly in love with one girl and outside her Im possibly the pickiest guy you meet, these are traits that some PUA site hugely frown upon.
But if you skip over the rubbish you can pick up some helpful tips for yourself, but as I said before most relate to yourself rather than the girls.

Boofle · 19-07-2013 9:41am

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually it's not. The more they've looked at our cousins the more differences in behaviour, particularly sexual behavior, come out than similarities.

Other than Bonobos where it's used as a social glue, other great apes don't go for sex as nearly as much as humans. They restrict it to when females are in season. Human reproductive strategies and sexuality is far more fluid, more wide ranging and more complex than the great ape model. Hell, men can't even tell when women are "in season"(consciously anyway) as women hide their fertility. Take women's breasts. They look full all the time and this is seen as attractive, whereas to any of the apes this would have the complete opposite effect as the other great apes breasts are only full when they're nursing infants and far less fertile. That's just two of the many ways we diverge so trying to simplify down to this alpha stuff is well simplistic and mostly wrong.

Yes and no. Dominant and submissive are the problematic terms. I've known very quiet introverted men who were anything but easy to manipulate and I've known extroverted "dominant" men who were near constantly "under the thumb".

As for women's radar? So long as your not sitting in the corner, looking at your shoes and seething and not engaging with people you'll be on the social radar.

Yes, indeed most men can't tell when women are "in season"/most fertile but there has been many studies done on this and subconsciously they actually find ovulating women more attractive. . . . .

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/fertility-women-attractiveness-study_n_2286537.html

Apparently hormones actually alter the pitch of our voice and our faces change slightly also to make us more attractive!

Wibbs · 19-07-2013 9:54am

Another study showed women wear more revealing clothes the more fertile they are too. The pheromone thang is interesting in other ways, particularly as women are now using hormonal contraception. This changes the hormone/pheromone environment in ways that may subtly influence our choices. One classic was found in strip clubs of all places. Women on the pill got fewer tips from the customers. Even odder is the effect of such meds on women's choices of mate. Many studies have shown that women have slightly different attraction triggers through their cycle. They prefer more masculine/testosterone male faces at their most fertile and more feminine/less testosterone male faces when at their least fertile and pregnant. So a woman on the pill might be picking a man she might otherwise not pick if she wasn't. I read one survey that seemed to find something in this. It found statistically significant numbers that showed women were more likely to leave/divorce a man if they met him while on the pill, but then stopped taking it.

Boofle · 19-07-2013 10:20am

Wibbs wrote: »

Another study showed women wear more revealing clothes the more fertile they are too. The pheromone thang is interesting in other ways, particularly as women are now using hormonal contraception. This changes the hormone/pheromone environment in ways that may subtly influence our choices. One classic was found in strip clubs of all places. Women on the pill got fewer tips from the customers. Even odder is the effect of such meds on women's choices of mate. Many studies have shown that women have slightly different attraction triggers through their cycle. They prefer more masculine/testosterone male faces at their most fertile and more feminine/less testosterone male faces when at their least fertile and pregnant. So a woman on the pill might be picking a man she might otherwise not pick if she wasn't. I read one survey that seemed to find something in this. It found statistically significant numbers that showed women were more likely to leave/divorce a man if they met him while on the pill, but then stopped taking it.

Interesting...I have also read that somewhere about women finding different types of men attractive at different stages of the month. I have been on the pill for years so maybe that explains my rather dubious choices of men in the past

OldNotWIse · 19-07-2013 10:23am

Dont know. I fancied one of my friends when we first met. A mutual friend had to stop me calling one night drunk from Spain to confess all! Now we've been friends for ten years. It's not that I dont think he's attractive anymore, but I do see him differently because he is a friend. I think it would be weird if anything happened now!

OldNotWIse · 19-07-2013 10:25am

Boofle wrote: »

Interesting...I have also read that somewhere about women finding different types of men attractive at different stages of the month. I have been on the pill for years so maybe that explains my rather dubious choices of men in the past

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I always wanted to do a study on this!! I'm actually straight on days 13-16, and gay the rest

It baffles and upsets me lol

shopaholic01 · 19-07-2013 11:59am

Boofle wrote: »

Interesting...I have also read that somewhere about women finding different types of men attractive at different stages of the month. I have been on the pill for years so maybe that explains my rather dubious choices of men in the past

Women are attracted to men with obvious masculine traits when ovulating - strong, square jaw etc., in an attempt to ensure the child inherits these genes. We are more likely to be attracted to 'players' too, the men your mother would warn you to avoid.

Otherwise we are attracted to more sensitive men who are more likely to stick around and help rear a child.

We usually do look better when ovulation - less fluid retention and spiking levels of oestrogen which is responsible for female sexual characteristics. So our boobs will be perkier, stomachs will be flatter, our faces will not have puffiness caused by fluid retention and our skin is usually clearer. (I can actually notice a difference in my face and body in the latter half of my menstrual cycle - clothes will be tighter, my face will look fuller etc. I pee a lot on the first day or two of my period as retained fluid is lost).

Added to that, our pheromones advertise our fertility to men so we smell (on a subconscious level) better to men. Women are often advised not to wear perfume deodorant or any perfume when looking for a man. Our pheromones also give clues as to our immune system, we are attracted to people whose immune system is different to ours. The logic is that if two parents have a better natural immunity to different diseases the child will inherit a much broader immunity.

Our libido increases dramatically too, so we will more likely to seek out a mate. Moral of the story lads? You want an ovulating woman, but be careful if you don't want a baby.

Apparently, we become less attrative if we have children and hair tends to become darker. It's as if nature is saying 'you've fulfilled your evolutionary function, give someone else a chance''. I suppose that's important in terms of widening the gene pool. Relationships also have a three year golden period, that was important in our cave dwelling days, the mother could feed and rear the child to an age where if had a much better chance of survival, while the father went hunting and gathering.

Pug160 · 19-07-2013 9:03pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Another study showed women wear more revealing clothes the more fertile they are too. The pheromone thang is interesting in other ways, particularly as women are now using hormonal contraception. This changes the hormone/pheromone environment in ways that may subtly influence our choices. One classic was found in strip clubs of all places. Women on the pill got fewer tips from the customers. Even odder is the effect of such meds on women's choices of mate. Many studies have shown that women have slightly different attraction triggers through their cycle. They prefer more masculine/testosterone male faces at their most fertile and more feminine/less testosterone male faces when at their least fertile and pregnant. So a woman on the pill might be picking a man she might otherwise not pick if she wasn't. I read one survey that seemed to find something in this. It found statistically significant numbers that showed women were more likely to leave/divorce a man if they met him while on the pill, but then stopped taking it.

Maybe they are more fertile, but from what I gather, the less a woman wears the less likely you are to bed her or have any success at all. I asked a few friends of mine a while ago to think back and think about all the girls they've ever had one night stands with or got numbers from etc, and they all agreed that most of the time, the girls they had the most success with were the ones who were actually covered up the most. That doesn't seem logical on the surface, but from the small number of people I've asked it seems to be true. I'd be interested to hear other people's experiences to see if it is similar.

iptba · 19-07-2013 9:36pm

Boofle wrote: »

Yes, indeed most men can't tell when women are "in season"/most fertile but there has been many studies done on this and subconsciously they actually find ovulating women more attractive. . . . .

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/fertility-women-attractiveness-study_n_2286537.html

Apparently hormones actually alter the pitch of our voice and our faces change slightly also to make us more attractive!

I (vaguely) recall reading something about make-up masking a woman's cycle i.e. without the make-up, men rated women differently based on the stage of the cycle* but with make-up, this disappeared.

* not that many if any men would consciously be able to tell the difference.

MOC88 · 19-07-2013 9:57pm

My thoughts on it are simple, when you meet a girl and shes 50/50 or even 60/40 in one way if you can suggest more than just friends she'll start looking at you in a different light because she'll be thinking about you more and looking for cues form you to see if you still think shes attractive - girls get done up to feel good about themselves so you're giving them that boost. This of course increases her interest you. Now if shes 80/20 one way or the other she'll probably go that way anyway and always be either attracted to you or not unless there are some drastic changes ie. weight loss/bulking up/change of style etc. Of the ones that don't you can still be their friends or whatever if they're worth having around. They'll probably think oh he's so cute and try and set you up with one of their friends for some strange reason but all in all remember to keep some pride Manny style http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4610964/Manny+gets+out+of+the+friendzone/

The Corinthian · 21-07-2013 11:51am

I think that both genders will put people in the 'friend zone' upon occasion. I certainly have, with women I didn't really fancy or appreciated the company of but knew they would be a nightmare to be in a relationship with. The only reason perhaps it's seen as sexist (something women do) is because women have more 'power' where it comes to crossing the threshold of a platonic to intimate relationship than men, while men will more often take sex where they find it. But ultimately both practice this.

Anyhow, here's a tongue-in-cheek spin on the subject:

http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm

Is the "friend zone" concept a bit sexist?

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