Why do the Irish make such a big deal out of approaching members of the opposite sex?

daedal · 22-06-2013 09:03AM

As another person has mentioned above, it really is down to the system of single sex schools in this country. It really ****s up your social skills development. We should learn how to relate to the opposite sex from an early age.

I grew up in England and single sex schools were practically unheard off, it's not normal to segregate people on gender, very unhealthy.

Seanafitz · 22-06-2013 09:06AM

daedal wrote: »

As another person has mentioned above, it really is down to the system of single sex schools in this country. It really ****s up your social skills development. We should learn how to relate to the opposite sex from an early age.

I grew up in England and single sex schools were practically unheard off, it's not normal to segregate people on gender, very unhealthy.

that will be the church fault ..

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 09:07AM

Seanafitz wrote: »

See woman are crazy ... We wana meet a man in a place that reflects what that man is about and his personality ... Bars just don't do it. .. Try the library she might think your educated

Jesus! :pac:

Women aren't crazy at all. What IS crazy though, is the notion that you think you can speak for a whole gender.

If I want to socialise with people in a relaxed environment I'll go to a bar or a club. I do agree with you though that chat up lines are just corny, as are any kind of preconceived notions.

If I want not to be disturbed while I'm reading or studying - I'll go to the library. I doubt too many people would think I was intelligent though just by looking at me! :pac:

Singularity 1 · 22-06-2013 09:11AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Jesus! :pac:If I want to socialise with people in a relaxed environment I'll go to a bar or a club.

How exactly is a club a relaxed environment? Do they not play the ounce ounce ounce music in clubs anymore?

The Backwards Man · 22-06-2013 09:14AM

daedal wrote: »

As another person has mentioned above, it really is down to the system of single sex schools in this country. It really ****s up your social skills development. We should learn how to relate to the opposite sex from an early age.

I grew up in England and single sex schools were practically unheard off, it's not normal to segregate people on gender, very unhealthy.

Do people really think there is a different way that you should relate to members of either sex? Maybe it's me that's fcuked up, because I treat everyone the same. I went to mixed schools though so I don't know whether that makes a difference or not.

SpaceTime · 22-06-2013 09:21AM

Because most of us go to single sex schools until we are 18 and never learn anything about how to deal with the opposite sex in a normal way.

Guys who had female friends, sisters etc are more likely to have some social skills than guys who didn't though.

I think the school uniform thing also may explain why many of us have no / weird dress sense too. normal development of a sense of style is deliberately quashed by forcing us into hideous uniforms designed by nuns in the 50s.

Somehow Irish people think school is supposed to be about being sent off to some weird place with no girls or no guys wearing a ridiculous uniform where you learn all the answers to some exam questions off by heart and develop a hunch due to lack of sports facilities and too much hunching over a desk.

getz · 22-06-2013 09:22AM

this maybe of interest to OP,on the web i came up with this,how to chat up an irish girl in Dublin-insiders guide to hidden Dublin. walk up to the girl and say something neutral like-are your feet killing you in those shoes,i hope its worth it-or so do irish guys think you are good looking-do Dublin lads chase after you a lot-they would be mad not to think your lovely looking-gosh you are a stunner.problem solved

Seanafitz · 22-06-2013 09:24AM

getz wrote: »

this maybe of interest to OP,on the web i came up with this,how to chat up an irish girl in Dublin-insiders guide to hidden Dublin. walk up to the girl and say something neutral like-are your feet killing you in those shoes,i hope its worth it-or so do irish guys think you are good looking-do Dublin lads chase after you a lot-they would be mad not to think your lovely looking-gosh you are a stunner.problem solved

no I can tell you now that would not work

Singularity 1 · 22-06-2013 09:24AM

getz wrote: »

this maybe of interest to OP,on the web i came up with this,how to chat up an irish girl in Dublin-insiders guide to hidden Dublin. walk up to the girl and say something neutral like-are your feet killing you in those shoes,i hope its worth it-or so do irish guys think you are good looking-do Dublin lads chase after you a lot-they would be mad not to think your lovely looking-gosh you are a stunner.problem solved

That's what I normally do tbh, and I don't bother with chat up lines. Except I live in Kildare.

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 09:27AM

Singularity 1 wrote: »

I've been here all but a week and you're making assumptions about me. FYI, I rarely drink and have no problem socializing with the opposite sex. You just seem to think anyone who has an opinion on women is somehow sexually frustrated.

Interesting. I see what you did there

The thread title is about the Irish people approaching members of the opposite sex and I did mention men needing the dutch courage, so yes, we're not just talking about women here.

Alright then, lets talk about Irish people and stop all this "foreigners is the shìt" nonsense, because if it's that much better over there - move over there, because a whole nation isn't going to change any time soon.

The thread doesn't have to go down that slope. Yeah of course there are a few generalisations but so what?

You can't generalise about entire populations or genders if you want to actually have a serious discussion on the issue, otherwise the question in your thread deserves but a simple yes or no answer with no need for discussion.

There is an element of truth to it. Like the drunken Irish man stereotype didn't just come from nowhere.

It didn't, but then neither did the vodka drinking Russian or the mail order brides only looking to marry rich Irish men, etc, etc, there's elements of truth in everything, but how much of it is actually true and how much of it is just bitter hearsay is something else entirely.

You seem to have a habit of making a mountain out of a molehill. No need to take is so seriously and berate others whos opinion doesn't agree with yours.

See your own first paragraph about making assumptions. I wasn't berating you either, I was merely expressing a difference of opinion with your experience, based upon my experience. You're very quick to pull out the "stop picking on me you big bully!" card when someone doesn't agree with you. If you didn't want me to take you seriously, you should've just said so in the OP and saved me a lot of trouble.

getz · 22-06-2013 09:31AM

Seanafitz wrote: »

no I can tell you now that would not work

get them to laugh and you are half way there

Seanafitz · 22-06-2013 09:31AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Interesting. I see what you did there

Alright then, lets talk about Irish people and stop all this "foreigners is the shìt" nonsense, because if it's that much better over there - move over there, because a whole nation isn't going to change any time soon.

You can't generalise about entire populations or genders if you want to actually have a serious discussion on the issue, otherwise the question in your thread deserves but a simple yes or no answer with no need for discussion.

It didn't, but then neither did the vodka drinking Russian or the mail order brides only looking to marry rich Irish men, etc, etc, there's elements of truth in everything, but how much of it is actually true and how much of it is just bitter hearsay is something else entirely.

See your own first paragraph about making assumptions. I wasn't berating you either, I was merely expressing a difference of opinion with your experience, based upon my experience. You're very quick to pull out the "stop picking on me you big bully!" card when someone doesn't agree with you. If you didn't want me to take you seriously, you should've just said so in the OP and saved me a lot of trouble.

my goodness

mattjack · 22-06-2013 09:33AM

Seanafitz wrote: »

it was I suppose ... Its shut down now ... The building is empty as far as I know ... Probably the Resting place for the ghosts of relationships past

Magnificent , sounds like a film on True Movies.

Singularity 1 · 22-06-2013 09:34AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Interesting. I see what you did there :pSee your own first paragraph about making assumptions. I wasn't berating you either, I was merely expressing a difference of opinion with your experience, based upon my experience. You're very quick to pull out the "stop picking on me you big bully!" card when someone doesn't agree with you. If you didn't want me to take you seriously, you should've just said so in the OP and saved me a lot of trouble.

And once again you've gone on a big long rant. Ok, you've made your point. Can we get back to the topic now? Jeez. You're just derailing the thread now.

Freddy Smelly · 22-06-2013 09:34AM

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Genuine question, here, but if chicks don't like being "Chatted up" in bars, where the fuck else is it OK? Tesco? Quigley's? The bus stop?

weight-watchers

kylith · 22-06-2013 09:36AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Do people really think there is a different way that you should relate to members of either sex? Maybe it's me that's fcuked up, because I treat everyone the same. I went to mixed schools though so I don't know whether that makes a difference or not.

It makes sense that you wouldn't see it if you've come from a mixed school. The problem is that in segragated schools they never learn that girls are normal. Unless they have sisters they might never really be in the company of girls so females become something strange, and then when they're driven to try talk to them at puberty they have no idea what to do.

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 09:38AM

Singularity 1 wrote: »

How exactly is a club a relaxed environment? Do they not play the ounce ounce ounce music in clubs anymore?

Ahh I see - different strokes for different folks. Like see you wouldn't see the club as an environment where you could relax, whereas I would. There's loads of different clubs you can go to too, but me personally I like the volume up loud so it drowns out my thoughts where my mind is racing at a thousand thoughts a minute, and if I meet someone there then well you just have to lean in closer to chat to each other.

I'm not normally a fan of people invading my personal space, but as I'm more relaxed, I can allow for it to happen.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 09:48AM

kylith wrote: »

It makes sense that you wouldn't see it if you've come from a mixed school. The problem is that in segragated schools they never learn that girls are normal. Unless they have sisters they might never really be in the company of girls so females become something strange, and then when they're driven to try talk to them at puberty they have no idea what to do.

This is it really, myself and my friends(except one who was fearless) all felt this way.....females might as well have been from another planet,we weren't seeing them as just other people but as mysterious,unattainable sex objects

Some people are just naturally very confident and cant see this at all even if they went to single sex schools,especially the better looking ones

And people who went to mixed schools have absolutely no idea what this is like(and good for them,if I ever have kids they'll go to a mixed school too)

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 09:50AM

kylith wrote: »

It makes sense that you wouldn't see it if you've come from a mixed school. The problem is that in segragated schools they never learn that girls are normal. Unless they have sisters they might never really be in the company of girls so females become something strange, and then when they're driven to try talk to them at puberty they have no idea what to do.

Ohh come on, this blaming single sex schools is just silly. I only have one sister and she was batshìt crazy, my mother IS batshìt crazy, I went to a mixed primary school, and an all boys Christian Brothers School, and yet I was still able to treat girls as though they hadn't just landed from outer space.

It really IS dependent on the individual. I've experienced guys who can't mix with guys and girls who can't mix with girls. Does anyone care to explain that one by blaming something else but themselves or would that be dragging the thread off topic?

Why has the whole idea of a person's inability to mix with the opposite sex become such an issue in AH lately? And it's usually guys are complaining about women. I've yet to see a thread started by a woman complaining about guys as if guys are supposed to be falling at their feet.

She wouldn't be long getting "berated".

Singularity 1 · 22-06-2013 09:55AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Why has the whole idea of a person's inability to mix with the opposite sex become such an issue in AH lately? And it's usually guys are complaining about women. I've yet to see a thread started by a woman complaining about guys as if guys are supposed to be falling at their feet.

She wouldn't be long getting "berated".

That's your interpretation of it. I don't see it that way, and you're the only one who has brought it up in this thread. You're seeing what you want to see.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 09:55AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

In a foreign country, you're a novelty, and foreign women are a novelty.

In Ireland, Irish women are no more unapproachable than foreign women, you're just not a novelty to them is all so they won't immediately be falling over themselves to chat to you, the same way as you're obviously not falling over yourself to chat to Irish women.

Ive seen you(and others) make this point before.......ive done some travelling in my time and been approached many times abroad,the women who approached me HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS FROM,they certainly wouldn't know I was Irish or foreign just by looking at me,its just more normal and acceptable to do it abroad

Singularity 1 · 22-06-2013 10:00AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Ive seen you(and others) make this point before.......ive done some travelling in my time and been approached many times abroad,the women who approached me HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS FROM,they certainly wouldn't know I was Irish or foreign just by looking at me,its just more normal and acceptable to do it abroad

Exactly, they're not going to know straight away. I've been approached by men and women abroad, something that wouldn't happen here too often.

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 10:02AM

Singularity 1 wrote: »

That's your interpretation of it. I don't see it that way, and you're the only one who has brought it up in this thread. You're seeing what you want to see.

Surely by that same token then with regard to your question in the OP, I could say the very same thing - you too, are only seeing what you want to see.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 10:02AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Ohh come on, this blaming single sex schools is just silly. I only have one sister and she was batshìt crazy, my mother IS batshìt crazy, I went to a mixed primary school, and an all boys Christian Brothers School, and yet I was still able to treat girls as though they hadn't just landed from outer space.

It really IS dependent on the individual. I've experienced guys who can't mix with guys and girls who can't mix with girls. Does anyone care to explain that one by blaming something else but themselves or would that be dragging the thread off topic?

Why has the whole idea of a person's inability to mix with the opposite sex become such an issue in AH lately? And it's usually guys are complaining about women. I've yet to see a thread started by a woman complaining about guys as if guys are supposed to be falling at their feet.

She wouldn't be long getting "berated".

I think you obviously were/are a confident person,like I mentioned in a post above I had a friend in school like that,he was absolutely baffled at how useless the rest of us were with the opposite sex,just couldn't see the problem....out of about 12 of us he was the only one who had a flair for it

Ive said this before but I have a mate who didn't get his first girlfriend until he was about 29(hes still holding on to her!)he went from an all boys primary school,to an all boys secondary school,to studying with all guys in college to now working with all guys......his whole life has been segregated from the opposite sex and he still freezes around women,how you can argue this isn't a factor is beyond me tbh

getz · 22-06-2013 10:04AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

This is it really, myself and my friends(except one who was fearless) all felt this way.....females might as well have been from another planet,we weren't seeing them as just other people but as mysterious,unattainable sex objects

Some people are just naturally very confident and cant see this at all even if they went to single sex schools,especially the better looking ones

And people who went to mixed schools have absolutely no idea what this is like(and good for them,if I ever have kids they'll go to a mixed school too)

seeing as my house was always full with both girls and boys [all my sons friends] going out together and looking out for each other,i am a old timer and at first I found it strange,but soon realized its a very healthy not to think women are just as sex objects ,mixed schools in England did that.

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 10:09AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Ive seen you(and others) make this point before.......ive done some travelling in my time and been approached many times abroad,the women who approached me HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS FROM,they certainly wouldn't know I was Irish or foreign just by looking at me,its just more normal and acceptable to do it abroad

It's just as normal and acceptable to do it here too. Anyone I've ever met in a social situation has never cared a whole pile whether I've been abroad or not, let alone where I went to school.

The way you talk though, you'd swear nobody else but you had ever been or worked abroad, let alone talked with anyone from abroad who came here on holidays or to work here.

pharmaton · 22-06-2013 10:11AM

was out with a male friend last night, he's a decent looking fella and wouldn't have a problem meeting women generally but I don't think I've ever seen him "approach" anyone directly, at least not in an obvious way, it's more of a group mingling thing that happens. It's easier in a group to get talking to women in close quarters as there's the added security and reassurance of being surrounded by each others friends and friends can be a good character reference where there might not be much else to go on.
For me anyway it's always going to be a security thing, male or female. Pubs and clubs are great places to socalise but as someone else mentioned earlier I wouldn't be going there with the thoughts of meeting anyone other than friends.

nacho libre · 22-06-2013 10:12AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Ive seen you(and others) make this point before.......ive done some travelling in my time and been approached many times abroad,the women who approached me HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS FROM,they certainly wouldn't know I was Irish or foreign just by looking at me,its just more normal and acceptable to do it abroad

This has been my experience too- either it's a case of women from other countries don't think i'm ugly, or that Irish women like the traditional approach- that being the guy doing the approaching is seen as more desirable. it's probably just that i'm just ugly to Irish women:( i'm just elevating women from other countries to boost my bruised ego:pac:

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 10:19AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's just as normal and acceptable to do it here too. Anyone I've ever met in a social situation has never cared a whole pile whether I've been abroad or not, let alone where I went to school.

The way you talk though, you'd swear nobody else but you had ever been or worked abroad, let alone talked with anyone from abroad who came here on holidays or to work here.

Huh?.....I have no idea what your talking about here,do you?

The point I was making is I got approached a lot abroad,it didn't/doesn't happen here anywhere near as much,you would claim its because I was a novelty but how am I a novelty in a big city where any given woman would have no idea where im from??

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 10:19AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

I think you obviously were/are a confident person,like I mentioned in a post above I had a friend in school like that,he was absolutely baffled at how useless the rest of us were with the opposite sex,just couldn't see the problem....out of about 12 of us he was the only one who had a flair for it

Ive said this before but I have a mate who didn't get his first girlfriend until he was about 29(hes still holding on to her!)he went from an all boys primary school,to an all boys secondary school,to studying with all guys in college to now working with all guys......his whole life has been segregated from the opposite sex and he still freezes around women,how you can argue this isn't a factor is beyond me tbh

I'm actually chronically shy with BOTH sexes tbh, but the thing is, I know I HAVE to put myself out there, I have to force myself to interact with people, even though it can be mentally draining, because I wouldn't be any way confident at all.

But it's the only way you get to meet interesting people and people that are interested in you.

I'm not baffled at all by people who find it hard to interact with the opposite sex, I'm baffled by their making excuses for it as if it's something outside their control. It's taken me decades working on my self-confidence to get to where I am now that I can actually approach strangers, and not freak when they'd approach me, but I could only do that when I realised the problem wasn't anyone else, it was me!

Why do the Irish make such a big deal out of approaching members of the opposite sex?

Comments