Why are family gatherings so superficial?

BlimpGaz · 16-05-2013 01:35AM #1

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Cookie_Monster · 16-05-2013 01:35AM

no, maybe it's just your family.

Joe prim · 16-05-2013 01:58AM

Deffo just your family, at our family gatherings we discuss our feelings about
each other sincerely,eloquently and in the most moving terms, while at the same time being searingly honest with each other. Deep and meaningful conversations take place, often moving from the subject of personal feelings and emotions to embrace the wider topics of philosophy, society and the life of the spirit as it is realised and manifested in the quotidian life of the individual. Then we usually have a few jars and a fight.

Ihatecuddles-old · 16-05-2013 01:58AM

I love our family gatherings. Big family, 4 chefs so always have great food, few drinks, spend the entire time laughing and talking. Doesn't matter who you sit with, you know you'll have a ball.

Sometimes a deep intellectual discussion is just too heavy and ruins the fun. I think every family has that one person who always tries to steer the conversation that way. We call ours Dr Phil.

RayM · 16-05-2013 02:06AM

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful.

Man, fuck that shit (as my dear old granny would say).

It's a family gathering, not a debating society. Intellectual topics are the last thing most people want to discuss with their extended family. Keep things light and fluffy, don't casually use the c-word, politely nod and agree with racist elderly relatives. Simple.

brummytom · 16-05-2013 02:08AM

When we have the family round, it's like being down the pub with old friends. Jokes, stories, a few serious chats, ripping the piss. It's just you, OP.

Chuck Stone · 16-05-2013 02:14AM

Is this dress too sexy for my sister? I'm worried she might attract nasty boys.

dartup · 16-05-2013 02:15AM

they read some off your posts

MadsL · 16-05-2013 05:42AM

Barely contained simmering resentment is usually the feature of mine - so enjoy the superficiality.

HandsomeJonny · 16-05-2013 08:16AM

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Hownowcow · 16-05-2013 08:25AM

HandsomeJonny wrote: »

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Mmmmm?

Shenshen · 16-05-2013 08:29AM

Because, as a very wise person once said, "families are genetic unions of people who otherwise might have become the best of enemies".
So they keep it shallow and safe to avoid any outbreaks of actual violence.

gramar · 16-05-2013 08:31AM

HandsomeJonny wrote: »

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Is that a reference to catfights? ripping the puss off each other?
That sounds deadly.

wolfpawnat · 16-05-2013 08:36AM

Because if you talk about anything deep and meaningful, you may reveal that the story your mammy made up about you getting another promotion to one up her sisters may be lies and the whole family will ridicule you and tell everyone.

Well that seems to be the story with my in-laws anyway.

gramar · 16-05-2013 08:45AM

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

I'm not sure what topics you consider deeper/intellectual....death...are we alone in the universe etc but being Irish and living in Spain I have noticed that the conversations here say around the dinner table with my in-laws are less 'superficial' than any I've had back home. Of course the usual stuff like the news of the day, work etc is discussed but feelings, beliefs etc are discussed more openly whereas back home most people probably skirt those kinds of issues and stick to the safe stuff.

playedalive · 16-05-2013 09:03AM

Shenshen wrote: »

Because, as a very wise person once said, "families are genetic unions of people who otherwise might have become the best of enemies".
So they keep it shallow and safe to avoid any outbreaks of actual violence.

To go with the old faithful "You can choose your friends, but not your family"

My family gatherings are so awkward. We only see each other once or twice a year max. I don't have anything in common with them. So it's always conversations about how life is going. Even at that, I'm quite shy around them so it's all the more awkward.

efb · 16-05-2013 09:07AM

Ah heyer you don't want heavy conversation at family occasions. Light and breezy. There is a time and a place for it op

Thatnastyboy · 16-05-2013 09:10AM

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Is this dress too sexy for my sister? I'm worried she might attract nasty boys.

My time to shine...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww :eek:

D-FENS · 16-05-2013 09:30AM

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Are you Adrian Mole?

bacon n eggs · 16-05-2013 10:33AM

Mine decided to have a family tea ..wtf ... and we sat round pretended to like one another... lets just say won't be attending another, crock of chit.

kylith · 16-05-2013 10:44AM

Because if it's not kept superficial, light, and polite, I'll wind up strangling my sister in law to death with a napkin.

hatrickpatrick · 16-05-2013 10:44AM

Hell, after this year's Christmas dinner myself and my uncle in law (as in my aunt's husband, uncle in law the right term here...?) were making plans to form a new political party and discussing how f*cked up the world's way of running itself is

Then again my entire family is one of the most ridiculously political families around so perhaps that's not really too surprising.

December2012 · 16-05-2013 10:47AM

Because nobody wants to listen to ranting and raving in real life.

OneArt · 16-05-2013 11:21AM

People have family gatherings?

Sounds like something from a US sitcom.

16-05-2013 12:21PM

Generally at my gatherings, people are there to celebrate something or to mourn the loss of someone - generally not the times for deep and meaningful conversations. However, if they come up, then my extended family have no problem with them.

I love mine - there's quite a few talented musicians, so it becomes one extraordinary singsong!

16-05-2013 12:25PM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I think every family has that one person who always tries to steer the conversation that way. We call ours Dr Phil.

Except the real Dr. Phil hasn't got the intellectual horsepower to come up with anything besides a trite, pseudo-homespun, popular sound byte.

MickFleetwood · 16-05-2013 12:39PM

Maybe it's because they don't want to be there. So they just make a few polite comments and get on with it.

anncoates · 16-05-2013 12:43PM

Maybe you don;t have time to talk to them because you're always posting bollocks on here.

General General · 16-05-2013 12:50PM

People say that you choose your friends, not your family... but surely you can completely ignore some ol' pain the hole of an aunt or cousin?

& as for friends, it's not like they are who you really wanted, just what you ended up with.

Note: not entirely serious here.

ViveLaVie · 16-05-2013 12:57PM

Your family definitely think you're a weirdo OP. Trying to discuss the meaning of life while they just want to have the craic.

tin79 · 16-05-2013 01:04PM

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Moody mid-pubescent teen by any chance?

Why are family gatherings so superficial?

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