Why are family gatherings so superficial?

BlimpGaz

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Cookie_Monster

no, maybe it's just your family.

Joe prim

Deffo just your family, at our family gatherings we discuss our feelings about
each other sincerely,eloquently and in the most moving terms, while at the same time being searingly honest with each other. Deep and meaningful conversations take place, often moving from the subject of personal feelings and emotions to embrace the wider topics of philosophy, society and the life of the spirit as it is realised and manifested in the quotidian life of the individual. Then we usually have a few jars and a fight.

Ihatecuddles-old

I love our family gatherings. Big family, 4 chefs so always have great food, few drinks, spend the entire time laughing and talking. Doesn't matter who you sit with, you know you'll have a ball.

Sometimes a deep intellectual discussion is just too heavy and ruins the fun. I think every family has that one person who always tries to steer the conversation that way. We call ours Dr Phil.

RayM

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful.

Man, fuck that shit (as my dear old granny would say).

It's a family gathering, not a debating society. Intellectual topics are the last thing most people want to discuss with their extended family. Keep things light and fluffy, don't casually use the c-word, politely nod and agree with racist elderly relatives. Simple.

brummytom

When we have the family round, it's like being down the pub with old friends. Jokes, stories, a few serious chats, ripping the piss. It's just you, OP.

Chuck Stone

Is this dress too sexy for my sister? I'm worried she might attract nasty boys.

dartup

they read some off your posts

MadsL

Barely contained simmering resentment is usually the feature of mine - so enjoy the superficiality.

HandsomeJonny

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Hownowcow

HandsomeJonny wrote: »

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Mmmmm?

Shenshen

Because, as a very wise person once said, "families are genetic unions of people who otherwise might have become the best of enemies".
So they keep it shallow and safe to avoid any outbreaks of actual violence.

gramar

HandsomeJonny wrote: »

Generally at my family gatherings wveryone sits around ripping the puss!

Is that a reference to catfights? ripping the puss off each other?
That sounds deadly.

wolfpawnat

Because if you talk about anything deep and meaningful, you may reveal that the story your mammy made up about you getting another promotion to one up her sisters may be lies and the whole family will ridicule you and tell everyone.

Well that seems to be the story with my in-laws anyway.

gramar

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

I'm not sure what topics you consider deeper/intellectual....death...are we alone in the universe etc but being Irish and living in Spain I have noticed that the conversations here say around the dinner table with my in-laws are less 'superficial' than any I've had back home. Of course the usual stuff like the news of the day, work etc is discussed but feelings, beliefs etc are discussed more openly whereas back home most people probably skirt those kinds of issues and stick to the safe stuff.

playedalive

Shenshen wrote: »

Because, as a very wise person once said, "families are genetic unions of people who otherwise might have become the best of enemies".
So they keep it shallow and safe to avoid any outbreaks of actual violence.

To go with the old faithful "You can choose your friends, but not your family"

My family gatherings are so awkward. We only see each other once or twice a year max. I don't have anything in common with them. So it's always conversations about how life is going. Even at that, I'm quite shy around them so it's all the more awkward.

efb

Ah heyer you don't want heavy conversation at family occasions. Light and breezy. There is a time and a place for it op

Thatnastyboy

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Is this dress too sexy for my sister? I'm worried she might attract nasty boys.

My time to shine...














eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww :eek:

D-FENS

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Are you Adrian Mole?

bacon n eggs

Mine decided to have a family tea ..wtf ... and we sat round pretended to like one another... lets just say won't be attending another, crock of chit.

kylith

Because if it's not kept superficial, light, and polite, I'll wind up strangling my sister in law to death with a napkin.

hatrickpatrick

Hell, after this year's Christmas dinner myself and my uncle in law (as in my aunt's husband, uncle in law the right term here...?) were making plans to form a new political party and discussing how f*cked up the world's way of running itself is

Then again my entire family is one of the most ridiculously political families around so perhaps that's not really too surprising.

December2012

Because nobody wants to listen to ranting and raving in real life.

OneArt

People have family gatherings?

Sounds like something from a US sitcom.

Generally at my gatherings, people are there to celebrate something or to mourn the loss of someone - generally not the times for deep and meaningful conversations. However, if they come up, then my extended family have no problem with them.

I love mine - there's quite a few talented musicians, so it becomes one extraordinary singsong!

Ihatecuddles

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I think every family has that one person who always tries to steer the conversation that way. We call ours Dr Phil.

Except the real Dr. Phil hasn't got the intellectual horsepower to come up with anything besides a trite, pseudo-homespun, popular sound byte.

MickFleetwood

Maybe it's because they don't want to be there. So they just make a few polite comments and get on with it.

anncoates

Maybe you don;t have time to talk to them because you're always posting bollocks on here.

General General

People say that you choose your friends, not your family... but surely you can completely ignore some ol' pain the hole of an aunt or cousin?

& as for friends, it's not like they are who you really wanted, just what you ended up with.

Note: not entirely serious here.

ViveLaVie

Your family definitely think you're a weirdo OP. Trying to discuss the meaning of life while they just want to have the craic.

tin79

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

Moody mid-pubescent teen by any chance?

Harry Angstrom

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

It sounds to me like your family could do with introducing Festivus to your lives.

It's an annual celebration which includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, practices such as the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength.

I think the Airing of Grievances bit could encompass a discussion about how superficial everyone is.

--LOS--

My family having deep and intellectual conversations.....that would be hell since we have the complete opposite views on everything, I'm more than happy to be polite and boring and get on with it other than listen to their small-minded racist remarks.

Mr Benevolent

BlimpGaz wrote: »

Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

So you sit with the 8 year olds and try to discuss Proust?

bacon n eggs

Has nothing to do with age and its not aunts, uncles far out cousins, jeez if I had to deal with them as well I'd fecking emigrate,.

Joey99

I don't think this is a young/old or Irish/foreign issue but all families are different. Mine are so screwed up (multiple marriage breakdown, alcoholism, other addictions, denial etc) that to have a deep and meaningful conversation is just about impossible - too many demons lurking in the shadows.

Joey99

I should have added. They're all screwed up, I'm perfectly fine.

bacon n eggs

lol, feck are we related im fine too im soooooooo normal just the rest of clan that are far out

castletownman

That's nothing. My family gatherings resemble a Dothraki wedding. Without three deaths they're considered a dull affair.*



*may not be entirely true

MickFleetwood

I only ever see most of my family at Christmas or due to the death of a loved one, sadly. I was once in town with my cousin and I saw my aunt walking down the street. She simply glanced at us, clearly recognized the pair of us and just kept walking.

My other aunt was far nicer when I saw her in public, actually stopping to chat to me and ask me how I was getting on, etc etc. Obviously the one who ignored me may have been busy or whatever but a simple "Well Mick!" would have sufficed, no?

Paramite Pie

Wow.... alot of people on a highly opinionated forum have problems with there families.... I wonder why?:p

In all fairness you assume this is all superficial friendly chit-chat but maybe these people actually like each other and just don't 'get' you? Maybe your parents/uncles/aunts their actually interested in what's happening in their siblings lives?

I have a massive family, with 14 uncles & aunts (not including their spouses) and roughly 30 first cousins.

While I see some more than others, virtually all my relatives get on really well together, in-laws get on particularly well. Maybe some families have alot of people with egos who cause problems and family disputes or maybe your just at an awkward age where your just in school and 50+ people keep asking you the same bloody questions at a family event.

It gets much better when your 26 and are actually doing something interesting with your life, when you can actually talk to your uncles about politics and can agree or disagree without an actual dispute breaking out. Friendly slagging over politics (etc..) is common at my family gatherings.

For example, one of my uncles absolutely hates the church/pope so my mum and her brothers make an extra effort to bring up the subject just to watch him over-react. Hilarity ensures every time....:D

playedalive

Joey99 wrote: »

I don't think this is a young/old or Irish/foreign issue but all families are different. Mine are so screwed up (multiple marriage breakdown, alcoholism, other addictions, denial etc) that to have a deep and meaningful conversation is just about impossible - too many demons lurking in the shadows.

You hit the issue on the head where my family is concerned. But, we're so estranged that when we have to meet up at Christmas I struggle to have a conversation with any of them.

Hoop66

I never got on with my own family (Scottish), thankfully most of them are dead now.

The memsahb's family (Irish) are great. I wouldn't say that the conversations are that "deep", but no-one would think I was weird if I started talking about something more than the weather.

Usually I can "volunteer" to help with the cooking and get stuck into the drink in the kitchen.

EDIT: Just don't mention Haughey to the father-in-law

KTRIC

I'm making it a policy of not attending any anymore. I abruptly left the last one purely because I had enough of the inane sh!te that was people were coming out with.

CruelCoin

BlimpGaz wrote: »

At my last family gathering with relatives, I noticed how superficial everyone was. They would just say the most polite things. No one wanted to talk about anything deep or meaningful. When I tried to start such conversations, it was totally out of the flow. Young people in Ireland especially don't want to talk about deeper/intellectual topics.

Is that typically how family gatherings go?

Do any of you notice the same thing at your family gatherings?

My entended family are the biggest pack of vacuous dicks you could meet.

I hate family meetings for this reason.

Hours of chatting and when it's all over, you realise you've talked about absolutely nothing. May as well have been white noise.

Aglomerado

KTRIC wrote: »

I'm making it a policy of not attending any anymore. I abruptly left the last one purely because I had enough of the inane sh!te that was people were coming out with.

Me too. There's always someone watching to see who's drinking too much, laughing too loud, [insert terrible social faux pas here], it's usually me... (drinking, that is)

Pumpkinseeds

My parents were never really demonstrative, they are more 'there, there, pat on the shoulder' types than touchy feely lets all discuss how we feel, so I'm probably socially awkward. My inlaws are the opposite though, and Jesus they virtually have to involve themselves in every aspect of each others business. Thankfully my husband isn't like that and we do our own thing. We don't feel the need to involve our parents/families in our decisions.

I lived in England for years and didn't come back often so I kind of feel like a stranger with my own family, which is fine. My Husband feels the same with his family since he doesn't see them that often.

The key to surviving family gatherings, imo is to steadily drink your way through them and take the opportunity to leave as soon as politely possible.

seanbmc

I hate family gatherings.

Some are so nosy and it actually feels like an interview from some of the extended family when they're asking all the questions.