Rough behaviour when drunk - typical in West Dublin?

DeltaWhite · 13-05-2013 03:16PM

JaneeMack wrote: »

Why can't they hold their drink and behave themselves? Is it purely cuz they lose control when they get drunk or what is it?

Booze brings out the absolute @sshole in people. It's hard to pinpoint exactly why people go on like that after too many but my feeling is, they can't handle too much drink and then they lose the ability to control themselves

FTA69 · 13-05-2013 03:27PM

Esoteric_ wrote: »

And I meant anyone. Friends, family, strangers, etc. I don't associate with violent people. If somebody gets violent in front of me, I get rid of them. Simple really.

While I appreciate your sentiment, the unfortunate reality is that some people out there thrive on violence. They use it as a crutch to bolster whatever inadequacy they may have, or because they see it as a power tool they can deploy when things don't go their way or when they wish to dominate a person or situation. People who have that relationship with violence are very dangerous and there is a very high chance they will resort to violence in a given situation, that is their only mode of conflict resolution and as such they are often impervious to reason or influence.

Sometimes physical force is necessary to deal with them. In a case where someone is under attack by one of these characters, or they are actively preparing to launch an attack I wouldn't necessarily deride those who respond to them physically as "violent" people who need getting rid of.

RoboRat · 13-05-2013 03:33PM

Some bloke was giving me grief a few years back, then grabbed my breast. the bloke I was seeing casually at the time immediately punched him in the face.

I left, and deleted the guy's number. For some people, yes, it is that simple. If I'm in a situation where I need protecting, I'd rather be protected by being removed from the situation. Violence should be a last resort.

Thats your feelings to the situation, but there are lots of women who would be pissed with their fella if they were sexually assaulted and their partners did nothing other than escort them away.

Unfortunately for us men, there is no guide book and a woman's mind can change with her mood as to what she sees as an appropriate reaction in such circumstances. Also, if you are seen to be the peaceful person it can often lead to the situation escalating, especially when drink is involved, so sometimes its better to stand up to the person than walking away.

Personally, I would deck a guy if they did that to a woman I was seeing, if she dumped me that's her choice but I wouldn't be crying into my cornflakes about it as I wouldn't want to be with somebody who was so quick to dump you for standing up for them.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 13-05-2013 03:39PM

Dump that assh0le. Some night he'll have too much to drink and him and his scumbag mates will be dancing on some poor sod face because they didn't like the way he was looking at them, or bumped into them or some other bullshít.

Dyr · 13-05-2013 04:20PM

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I don't really understand how much more you want me to clarify my views, I've done it numerous times already through this thread and you're either not understand me, or being deliberately obtuse.

No I just wanted to establish that your position is completely irrational and a wee bit mental, thats all.

Esoteric_ · 13-05-2013 04:28PM

Bambi wrote: »

No I just wanted to establish that your position is completely irrational and a wee bit mental, thats all.

Ah, carry on with the insults, so.

Seachmall · 13-05-2013 04:42PM

JaneeMack wrote: »

Why can't they hold their drink and behave themselves? Is it purely cuz they lose control when they get drunk or what is it?

I've done stuff that I wouldn't do sober but I've never done anything that I would consider "out of character" for me.

Others would think those actions were out of character, but that's only because they don't know what goes through my head even when sober.

I'm a firm believer that alcohol reduces your inhibitions, but it doesn't change your personality* (i.e. an angry but reserved person when sober is simply an angry person when drunk).

* I say personality here for lack of a better term, I wouldn't necessarily argue if someone considered inhibitions to be a part of personality.

hatrickpatrick · 13-05-2013 05:01PM

Shhhh, OP, it's not trendy to talk about Dublin in terms of West / East distinctions, it's all about the Liffey and the two completely alien cultures which magically happen to divide perfectly along its track. :rolleyes:

JaneeMack · 13-05-2013 05:22PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Shhhh, OP, it's not trendy to talk about Dublin in terms of West / East distinctions, it's all about the Liffey and the two completely alien cultures which magically happen to divide perfectly along its track. :rolleyes:

What do I know? I'm only a non-national

connundrum · 13-05-2013 05:27PM

JaneeMack wrote: »

What do I know? I'm only a non-national

A foreign national! A non national suggests that you have no nationality, which can't be correct unless you are, in fact, an alien.

Who is this guy anyway? Sounds like a right laugh!

Maybe me and him could go pissing on people's car door handles together.

HondaSami · 13-05-2013 05:38PM

Esoteric_ wrote: »

And I meant anyone. Friends, family, strangers, etc. I don't associate with violent people. If somebody gets violent in front of me, I get rid of them. Simple really.

This sounds so simple but life is never that simple is it? If you can dump family that easily they meant nothing to you in the first place.

Everyone deserves a second chance and the OP's bf threw a can at the wall, not the crime of the century imo.

Pug160 · 13-05-2013 05:43PM

flutered wrote: »

i always told my kids if they were getting serious with some one and wanted to see what they were like, thake them out and get them drunk.

I don't altogether agree with this. Some people just can't handle a lot of drink but are otherwise decent people. You probably believe in the ''truth comes out when drunk'' philosophy but I think that is deeply flawed. Drunken behaviour is often a very exaggerated form of self expression when the brain is not functioning rationally.

In my opinion guys and girls who are susceptible to bad behaviour can benefit from having good friends around them who know how to talk to drunken people and have a calming effect on them. But if it's really that bad the best thing to do would be to stop drinking or to limit it. Or in the OP case, disassociate themselves with that person until they change.

Pug160 · 13-05-2013 06:05PM

asdfg! wrote: »

Well there's a question we would all like to know the answer to. I don't believe anyone actually loses control when drunk, more like it allows them to behave in a way they normally wouldn't. An excuse if you like. A convenient loss of memory often follows. Although to be fair I have forgotten the odd night over the years. But have never behaved like that, more likely told the truth to excess on a couple of occasions. Ooops.:o

But all too often it's always the same person who goes nuts and has to be minded by his friends who drunk as they are have more control over themselves. It's a pattern repeated every weekend.

Some people get drunk knowing that they act a certain way when drunk, so in some cases it can be an excuse. But there is no doubt that alcohol in large enough quantities limits the rational part of your brain. Maybe some people keep doing it because drinking is such a big part of our culture and if they stopped they feel they'd be missing out socially?

I have to say - alcohol isn't the best choice we made when we picked a social lubricant. But alternatives are often not legal or socially acceptable so I'm not sure what other route we can go down.

Schnitzel Muncher · 13-05-2013 06:09PM

HondaSami wrote: »

Everyone deserves a second chance and the OP's bf threw a can at the wall, not the crime of the century imo.

This is one night out, I think it's safe to assume he's a bit of a scumbag.

HondaSami · 13-05-2013 06:11PM

Schnitzel Muncher wrote: »

This is one night out, I think it's safe to assume he's a bit of a scumbag.

Is that what you think?

Have you never lost your temper drunk or sober, never threw something?

Schnitzel Muncher · 13-05-2013 06:15PM

HondaSami wrote: »

Is that what you think?

Have you never lost your temper drunk or sober, never threw something?

No, sorry. Must have lead a sheltered life.

Esoteric_ · 13-05-2013 06:27PM

HondaSami wrote: »

This sounds so simple but life is never that simple is it? If you can dump family that easily they meant nothing to you in the first place.

Everyone deserves a second chance and the OP's bf threw a can at the wall, not the crime of the century imo.

The only familial violence I've experienced was directed at me, so you're right, those particular family members meant nothing to me, yeah.

Not everyone deserves a second chance.

Fizgig Bandicoot · 13-05-2013 07:01PM

We've all done things we're not proud of when drunk. I don't think he did anything awful. Acted stupidly and annoyingly, yes, but who can honestly say they never have. You've gotten on well with him so far and his friend says he has never acted like this before. Id give him the benefit of the doubt and another chance.

armaghbhoy · 13-05-2013 07:22PM

Well, I don't think you should dump him because of the fighting and arguing in this particular situation, because in fairness alot of fellas have been involved in the same thing while drunk then they still be friends after it, because after all...it was mostly the drink doing everything.

Vicar in a tutu · 13-05-2013 07:39PM

I think everyone goes a bit mental now and then with drink. I don't really see the big deal.

SB2013 · 13-05-2013 07:39PM

You've been given a glimpse of what he is like. It may be normal behaviour for certain types of people in places like Ronanstown or Ballyfermot or other rough areas but it's not representative of the wider communities or Dublin as a whole. It's up to you wether you want to be with a guy who acts like a vandal and treats you like **** after he has a few drinks on him. Don't expect him to change though.

The Backwards Man · 13-05-2013 07:43PM

Vicar in a tutu wrote: »

I think everyone goes a bit mental now and then with drink. I don't really see the big deal.

I take it you don't work in any of the sectors that has to deal with the aftermath?

Vicar in a tutu · 13-05-2013 07:47PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I take it you don't work in any of the sectors that has to deal with the aftermath?

The aftermath of throwing a can at a wall ?

SB2013 · 13-05-2013 07:51PM

Vicar in a tutu wrote: »

The aftermath of throwing a can at a wall ?

Vandalism in general i reckon.

The Backwards Man · 13-05-2013 07:52PM

Vicar in a tutu wrote: »

The aftermath of throwing a can at a wall ?

The aftermath of people acting like twats because they can't handle their drink, making life a misery for everyone from the brain surgeon to the street sweeper, and they can't see the harm in it?

Vicar in a tutu · 13-05-2013 07:54PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The aftermath of people acting like twats because they can't handle their drink, making life a misery for everyone from the brain surgeon to the street sweeper, and they can't see the harm in it?

Nobody ended up in hospital, fair enough the street sweeper had to pick up the can, but nobody was really hurt, he was probably showing off (obviously in an idiotic way) , but there's alot worse things he could of done.

The Backwards Man · 13-05-2013 07:55PM

Vicar in a tutu wrote: »

nobody was really hurt,

This time. . . .

I am pie · 13-05-2013 07:57PM

Fairly simple one this. Tell him you didn´t appreciate him acting the eejit and leaving you with his mates. Tell him if it happens again he can sling his hook and that you´re not up for that kind of nonsense.

Nobody is perfect, give him his warning and ticking off. How he reacts now is much more important that whatever he did on the night in question.

JustAThought · 13-05-2013 08:00PM

JaneeMack wrote: »

Hi, I have a question that I'd like to ask.

First off, I'm not Irish but I've lived here for a few years now. Secondly, I'd like to say that I don't want to pinpoint a particular area as a stereotypical bad place - I love this city in its bad and good!!

I'm seeing this guy from a southwest Dublin area, a place where some people would consider a bit rough. I have two friends who are buying a house and they said they wouldn't even view the houses in that area cuz it's too rough.

Now I have to say I used to have that idea in my head too until I started going over to his house and found it quite nice and peaceful although I wouldn't go out and walk around alone at night (me being a foreign girl and all!)

The relationship's been going great and we've gone out drinking on many occasions - even though we never got hammered together.

This weekend, we went out with our friends from both sides and ended up in a club. We were doing shots and had quite a lot to drink. Now, he was fine until about 2 am but then there was a small argument between his friend and another guy in the club and my guy got involved in it. Thankfully it didn't turn into a full blown fight (the security guards got involved and stopped them) but it was turning into a huge brawl in the club and I was scared to death that it might turn into something nasty. There was a lot of cursing and shouting and ppl got gathered around them while this was going on.

When we left the club, they were acting drunk and stupid at a chipper where we went to for a grub and he threw the can of soda at the wall out on the street really violently and thought it was hilarious when I got upset about it. He also started talking to girls on the street (in a jokingly way, not sleazy) and ran after one leaving me with his friend as if it was so funny. His friend told me that this is a typical Dublin behaviour and that I shouldn't worry - that I haven't seen a real Dub going out.

The next day he said he doesn't remember any of this and apologised.

So, is his friend right in saying that this is a Dub going out kinda thing or should I be worried about this guy? He is in his late 20's. I've gone out with a few guys and never seen anything like this?

This is not normal behaviour. It is scumbag behaviour - the kind of a scumbag that people who know better, avoid - and don't date .

You say this is the first time you and he have gone " out" properly together. Well by the sound of him there's plenty more of where that came from - skirtchasing in front of his girlfriend, fighting - do you think a brawl is a normal way to end a night - and the lovely violence - throwing cans/bottles up against a Wall. None of this is normal, or acceptable behaviour.

& as this is how he treats you when you are there, I wonder how many women he's been off with on his other nights out when you weren't there.

Yes of course his friend will stick up for him - we all cover at times for our friends - but not these kind of behaviours . Here's another few phrases for your excellent English - scumbag, scobie, knacker.

Choice is yours . There
Was a reason he was available.

Schnitzel Muncher · 13-05-2013 08:03PM

Someone made the point that his mates said this was a one off and wasn't his normal behavior. I wouldn't pay too much attention to what the mates say, what else were they going to say?

If this was your first time out like this you would expect him to be in his best behaviour, so maybe this is as good as it gets when he drinks excessively.

Rough behaviour when drunk - typical in West Dublin?

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