Black Tie Wedding - Do you give a smaller present?

veetwin · 12-05-2013 04:39PM #1

As per the title is it the done thing to give a smaller gift to offset the cost of tuxedo rental?

Addle · 12-05-2013 05:09PM

No.

Shoves · 12-05-2013 05:20PM

No. I wouldn't reduce my gift to offset the cost of getting a new dress and my hair done.

veetwin · 12-05-2013 06:12PM

Shoves wrote: »

No. I wouldn't reduce my gift to offset the cost of getting a new dress and my hair done.

Not wanting to argue with you but you might have the option wearing a previously worn dress and you could do your own hair. Most men I know do not own a tuxedo so rental is the only option.

Addle · 12-05-2013 06:23PM

I give a wedding gift to wish the couple well on their marriage.
My gift is not affected by costs incurred in attending the reception.

username123 · 12-05-2013 06:23PM

Usually its only referred to as "Black Tie" to prevent eejits turning up in jeans. Last 2 black tie weddings I went to there were a number of men in suits that werent tuxedos.

amdublin · 12-05-2013 06:35PM

Unfortunately not

Brides and grooms tend not to think about their guests when they are setting daft themes like this.

Shoves · 12-05-2013 07:18PM

veetwin wrote: »

Not wanting to argue with you but you might have the option wearing a previously worn dress and you could do your own hair. Most men I know do not own a tuxedo so rental is the only option.

Yeah I see your point. But because I'm high maintenance and would never wear the same outfit twice or even DREAM of doing my own hair, I wouldn't take it out on my friends by giving a lesser gift.

Ok sorry, only joking!
But honestly no I wouldn't be thinking like that at all, I'd be happy to be incoted. If you're worried that you can't afford it then I just wouldn't go.
Check with the groom, I'm sure it'd be fine if you wear a suit. They probably just don't want people showing up in jeans or runners.

Layinghen · 12-05-2013 07:23PM

Unfortunately not. Many people don't bother with a tuxedo for black tie events anymore. They wear a normal dark suit with a black tie.

sweetie · 12-05-2013 07:25PM

Buy a tux in dunnes for 100 you will get a few weddings out of it

pwurple · 12-05-2013 07:31PM

No it's not the done thing to deduct costs from a gift.

Not everyone will be renting either. My husband and brothers have a tux in the wardrobe.

veetwin · 12-05-2013 07:43PM

username123 wrote: »

Usually its only referred to as "Black Tie" to prevent eejits turning up in jeans. Last 2 black tie weddings I went to there were a number of men in suits that werent tuxedos.

I'm sorry but if it's black tie then its black tie. That to me means a tuxedo with a white shirt, winged collar and black bow tie. Not a dark suit with a black tie. I've only been to a few black tie events but any of those I was at where the men wore anything other than a tuxedo looked a bit out of place and maybe came off as a bit off a cheap skate. Maybe I'm just a traditionalist.

@ amdublin, I agree, black tie weddings are selfish on the part of the couple.

@ sweetie, I didn't know Dunnes were doing a tux for €100 but on top of that would be the shirt and bow tie. I can get a rental for €65 and hopefully this will the last black tie event of my life:)

username123 · 12-05-2013 08:00PM

veetwin wrote: »

I'm sorry but if it's black tie then its black tie. That to me means a tuxedo with a white shirt, winged collar and black bow tie. Not a dark suit with a black tie. I've only been to a few black tie events but any of those I was at where the men wore anything other than a tuxedo looked a bit out of place and maybe came off as a bit off a cheap skate. Maybe I'm just a traditionalist.

Theres no need to be sorry, Im simply telling you my experience of weddings generally and black tie rarely means a tuxedo for weddings these days, its simply used as a way to ensure formality (as mentioned, to prevent eejits turning up in jeans). Im not talking about other events.

Whatever you want it to mean to you - is your own perogative. But a rented tux is usually a cheapo looking option imo - its always obvious its a rental. Whereas a good well cut suit is clearly a more expensive option (if thats what you are concerned about).

But hey, you rent a tux and be traditional if thats what makes you happy. And offset the cost on the present - cos that wont look cheap at all. Then youll have a cheap tux and a cheap present.

Or, have some individuality, dress well and give a nice present.

veetwin · 12-05-2013 08:24PM

username123 wrote: »

But a rented tux is usually a cheapo looking option imo - its always obvious its a rental. Whereas a good well cut suit is clearly a more expensive option (if thats what you are concerned about).

But hey, you rent a tux and be traditional if thats what makes you happy. And offset the cost on the present - cos that wont look cheap at all. Then youll have a cheap tux and a cheap present.

Or, have some individuality, dress well and give a nice present.

OK if I'm going to rent a tuxedo I will of course be looking for quality. I have been at 3 black tie events in my lifetime. On one of those occasions I rented a poor quality tux but on the other 2 the quality was excellent so I will be doing the same again.

On the individuality question surely the bride and groom are doing their best to remove individuality (on the part of the men at least) by insisting on a black tie wedding? Surely if you are having a black tie wedding you expect that the men will wear a tuxedo? (bought or rented I'm sure they wont care)

Thirdly where did I say I was going to give a cheap present?

I was merely asking the question if it was the done thing to give less of a present given the extra costs incurred by the men..it appears that the general concensus is no so I will be giving the usual amount.

veetwin · 12-05-2013 08:30PM

Maybe this question is for a separate thread and I'm sure there are loads but what is the usual cash gift nowadays? I was thinking around the €200 mark for a couple not related to either bride or groom?

Lisha · 12-05-2013 08:33PM

150euro seems to be normal in my experience.
200euro would be very very close friends or family

12-05-2013 08:43PM

If I had to shell out for a black tie wedding then I would give a smaller present, financially I'd have no bloody choice, being told what to wear can be expensive (and rude imo)

clint_silver · 12-05-2013 11:57PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If I had to shell out for a black tie wedding then I would give a smaller present, financially I'd have no bloody choice, being told what to wear can be expensive (and rude imo)

I'm with this. Although I work at weddings if I'm a guest than I work out the present as how a factor of how much cost I've incurred. I attended a relations black tie, no kids affair in mayo 2 years ago. Must have cost us 500-600e just to get there and back, tux rental, dress for her, hair, accommodation, drinks, baby Sitters. For one night. Couple were from Dublin. Place was great, day was great but They didn't give a fiddlers toss about expense guests had to incur and I heard afterwards they were disappointed with presents.
Easily put 400e on the bill with travel and tux and accommodation for every couple.
Don't get me wrong, I was happy to attend it, I like the couple in question, they just put a lot of expense on people.

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:13AM

veetwin wrote: »

Maybe this question is for a separate thread and I'm sure there are loads but what is the usual cash gift nowadays? I was thinking around the €200 mark for a couple not related to either bride or groom?

WAY too much, IMO. I'd give 100.

username123 · 13-05-2013 08:23AM

veetwin wrote: »

On the individuality question surely the bride and groom are doing their best to remove individuality (on the part of the men at least) by insisting on a black tie wedding? Surely if you are having a black tie wedding you expect that the men will wear a tuxedo? (bought or rented I'm sure they wont care)

Youve already been told by more than me that black tie at a wedding is used to prevent people turning up in jeans and a dark suit will be fine.

amdublin · 13-05-2013 08:24AM

username123 wrote: »

Youve already been told by more than me that black tie at a wedding is used to prevent people turning up in jeans and a dark suit will be fine.

What's wrong with a pair of jeans??

amdublin · 13-05-2013 08:28AM

amdublin wrote: »

What's wrong with a pair of jeans??

Won't let me edit but my point is who are to dictate what can or cannot be worn by someone.

If someone wants to wear jeans what's it to you?

Hannibal Smith · 13-05-2013 08:39AM

username123 wrote: »

Theres no need to be sorry, Im simply telling you my experience of weddings generally and black tie rarely means a tuxedo for weddings these days, its simply used as a way to ensure formality (as mentioned, to prevent eejits turning up in jeans). Im not talking about other events.

Whatever you want it to mean to you - is your own perogative. But a rented tux is usually a cheapo looking option imo - its always obvious its a rental. Whereas a good well cut suit is clearly a more expensive option (if thats what you are concerned about).

But hey, you rent a tux and be traditional if thats what makes you happy. And offset the cost on the present - cos that wont look cheap at all. Then youll have a cheap tux and a cheap present.

Or, have some individuality, dress well and give a nice present.

A tuxedo always looks well, whether rented or not and always look better than a suit. But this is all individual opinion of course

Op to be fair, if you have to go to the expense of renting a suit, I would deduct from the present. Its them putting you to extra expense....you're supposed to be their guest. I think people forget that when organising weddings.

At the end of the day they're not going to have a list of who bought what and call you all out.

username123 · 13-05-2013 08:43AM

amdublin wrote: »

Won't let me edit but my point is who are to dictate what can or cannot be worn by someone.

If someone wants to wear jeans what's it to you?

Presumably its to keep the occasion formal. They want to look back at their wedding day and see pictures of people dressed well attending an event? Maybe they have eejity friends who would think nothing of attending a formal event in jeans and football jerseys?

At the end of the day, if they are paying for the party they are entitled to dictate whatever silly rules they like (ever been to a colour themed wedding?), and guests are entitled to accept or reject the invite as they like.

Gatica · 13-05-2013 09:32AM

Deleted User wrote: »

If I had to shell out for a black tie wedding then I would give a smaller present, financially I'd have no bloody choice, being told what to wear can be expensive (and rude imo)

I agree with this and Clint_silver. It's expensive enough to attend weddings without having to pander to specific B&G requirements. Sure, most weddings are formal enough events and people should dress accordingly. Maybe the group of friends username123 has use that clause as a "do not be informal" hint. However, I wouldn't assume that a black-tie event has an optional tag on it as to its formality. I would as would my friends assume that a tux was required for men and cocktail or full length gown for women. I think anyone wearing anything "individual" would look out of place.
I personally would have to offset the cost of the wedding simply because of the costs incurred in attending it, especially since this requirement is out of the norm. They're inviting guests to attend a personal event not sold tickets to a show.

Hannibal Smith · 13-05-2013 09:49AM

username123 wrote: »

Presumably its to keep the occasion formal. They want to look back at their wedding day and see pictures of people dressed well attending an event? Maybe they have eejity friends who would think nothing of attending a formal event in jeans and football jerseys?

At the end of the day, if they are paying for the party they are entitled to dictate whatever silly rules they like (ever been to a colour themed wedding?), and guests are entitled to accept or reject the invite as they like.

No, they are inviting people to share in their day. They could have a bit of manners about it

clint_silver · 13-05-2013 09:50AM

Gatica wrote: »

I agree with this and Clint_silver. It's expensive enough to attend weddings without having to pander to specific B&G requirements. Sure, most weddings are formal enough events and people should dress accordingly. Maybe the group of friends username123 has use that clause as a "do not be informal" hint. However, I wouldn't assume that a black-tie event has an optional tag on it as to its formality. I would as would my friends assume that a tux was required for men and cocktail or full length gown for women. I think anyone wearing anything "individual" would look out of place.
I personally would have to offset the cost of the wedding simply because of the costs incurred in attending it, especially since this requirement is out of the norm. They're inviting guests to attend a personal event not sold tickets to a show.

Yes, "Black tie" means tux for a man. Even if you wear a dark suit, you'll look formal but out of place.
I'm at anything between 70-100 weddings a year. No guests wear jeans. Even eejity (love that word) friends don't.

witnessmenow · 13-05-2013 10:05AM

April O Neill wrote: »

WAY too much, IMO. I'd give 100.

I'm not saying your wrong, but when a work colleague got married before Christmas I gave €150 for myself and my GF and I kind of regretted not giving more. Especially as the elaborate thank you card arrived last week.

A pretty good friend of mine got married last June and I gave €200, and I also kind of wish I gave more (although with this one I didn't have as much money at the time as I was going to Poland, and also we have become closer friends since the wedding)

The "norm" is about €50-€100 per person, but pay whatever you are happy with, not what other people dictate. Don't just give €100 for a couple because someone on the internet said €150 was too much.

They will probably really appreciate anything you give them.

username123 · 13-05-2013 10:05AM

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

No, they are inviting people to share in their day. They could have a bit of manners about it

Why? Its their day, theyre paying. They can do what they like. Theres no rules on being mannerly to invite people to things.

username123 · 13-05-2013 10:07AM

clint_silver wrote: »

Yes, "Black tie" means tux for a man. Even if you wear a dark suit, you'll look formal but out of place.
I'm at anything between 70-100 weddings a year. No guests wear jeans. Even eejity (love that word) friends don't.

Nonsense. Some men will wear a dark suit and they will look fine. Ive seen jeans wearers at wedding too - one showed at mine - it happens.

veetwin · 13-05-2013 10:14AM

username123 wrote: »

Nonsense. Some men will wear a dark suit and they will look fine. Ive seen jeans wearers at wedding too - one showed at mine - it happens.

I'm afraid we are going to have to agree to disagree. Wearing a dark suit to a black tie event just looks plain wrong imho.

The expectation of the bride and groom is that men will wear a tuxedo. As for jeans wearers to a wedding. Well they are just @rseholes. If they came to my wedding wearing jeans they would have been shown the door;)

Black Tie Wedding - Do you give a smaller present?

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