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Sex surrogates, "virgin school" a good idea?

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Comments

  • #32
    kneemos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,605 ✭✭✭✭kneemos


    smash wrote: »
    But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

    Think you're missing the point,they have trouble performing it's the therapy that's the important part of it not the sex.


  • #33
    kiffer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,098 ✭✭✭kiffer


    smash wrote: »
    But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

    And touch a stranger? ... *shudder*.
    Strangers are the enemy.


  • #34
    johnny_knoxvile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,022 ✭✭✭johnny_knoxvile


    kiffer wrote: »
    And touch a stranger? ... *shudder*.
    Strangers are the enemy.


    not if they give you sweets.


  • #35
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Dravokivich wrote: »
    If one was going to a hooker, they would be under immediate pressure to perform and a short time constraint. And where's that magic chemistry and attraction you were harping on about?
    At least you could pick a good looking hooker :D
    Dravokivich wrote: »
    It's a bit odd also to say, they aren't just looking for sex, but looking for relationships, when sex and intimacy are both considered major factors in a relationship. If one feels anxious about either or both, a relationship is going to be very hard for them to form. I myself had difficulties with such things until last year.
    In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.
    Dravokivich wrote: »
    Saying it's completely false isn't entirely true either. Sure there's the aspect of money being handed over, but that doesn't have to mean that the people who work and get qualified as surrogates are completely detached from their clients needs. Which is what your comment implies. If the surrogate didn't show consideration towards the client, they wouldn't get many clients.
    But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.


  • #36
    conorhal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,096 ✭✭✭conorhal


    Boo2112 wrote: »
    I remember the channel 4 documentary aswel, it all just seemed so bizarre. They deal with a load of intimacy issued but tbh I think that's better left to psychologists. Imo it was really weird sex aswel, not at all representative of real life encounters. But each to their own, I can't understand why people would want to do it but I wouldn't judge them for it either.

    It was repeated there last week, I watched it because I'd see that film the Sessions and the documentary featured the sex surroagate from the film.

    Firstly, sex is not necessarilly on the cards, that's up to the patient (or whatever you might refer to them as). As far as I could see, the sessions were about slowly building up trust and intimacy through various excercises designed around helping often quite dammaged people to connect with others and overcome their own body issues. In the doc, which followed two people only one of them went as far as having sex with the surrogate.

    As for this process being better left to psychologists, becoming a surrogate requires psychology training, and frankly, talking about sex with a psychologist is a bit like talking about skydiving with an instructor, theory is fine, but once it's discussed you then have to do the jump, (usually strapped to an instructor).


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  • #37
    Tazium
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Tazium


    The Sessions - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1866249/

    Very good movie, and Helen Hunt..... yummy. :P

    I'd imagine that in real situations someones feelings get trampled on, the 'customer' would develop feelings for the surrogate and they're just doing a job. Sex is an intimate act no matter if it's your partner, a surrogate or a prostitute.


  • #38
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    kneemos wrote: »
    open your hearts and minds people.

    You sound like one of those cringeworthy lyrics from "daring" songs by sanctimonious old bags like Madonna.


  • #39
    kiffer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,098 ✭✭✭kiffer


    smash wrote: »
    At least you could pick a good looking hooker :D


    In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.


    But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.

    I think the point is more to get them over the anxiety, built up issues and stressful mystery around sex...
    It's like how people deal with phobias.
    If some one is so scared of spiders that they can't sleep at night knowing that there is one in the next room you cant just shove them in a box with some spiders until they get used to them...
    You have to work up to them being ok.
    Little by little.
    The same with fear of water.
    The same with fear of cats.
    The same with fear of intimacy... no?


  • #40
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,424 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    smash wrote: »
    In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.

    The problems that people go to surrogates for, make it hard to establish relationships. There is a sense of pressure behind being unable to act with intimacy or sexuality being destructive and exhausting for others involved.
    smash wrote: »
    But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.

    I think you are dragging out a worst case scenario instance which is likely to be in a minority. The surrogate is to help implement a calm mentality in the client with the actions relating to intimacy and sexuality.


  • #41
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Dravokivich wrote: »
    The problems that people go to surrogates for, make it hard to establish relationships.
    So the best thing to do is find false security with someone who'll act as though they're actually interested in you?
    Dravokivich wrote: »
    There is a sense of pressure behind being unable to act with intimacy or sexuality being destructive and exhausting for others involved.
    Then clearly the best thing for some of these people to do is go on international TV and get filmed having sex for the first time :D It's like embarrassing bodies.
    Dravokivich wrote: »
    I think you are dragging out a worst case scenario instance which is likely to be in a minority. The surrogate is to help implement a calm mentality in the client with the actions relating to intimacy and sexuality.
    To me it looks like they're building a relationship with their clients, where their clients are actually falling for them in a lot of ways. They'll no doubt still have intimacy and sexuality issues with others until they get to a point of trust so they're back to step one anyway.


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  • #42
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    smash wrote: »
    So the best thing to do is find false security with someone who'll act as though they're actually interested in you?


    Then clearly the best thing for some of these people to do is go on international TV and get filmed having sex for the first time :D It's like embarrassing bodies.


    To me it looks like they're building a relationship with their clients, where their clients are actually falling for them in a lot of ways. They'll no doubt still have intimacy and sexuality issues with others until they get to a point of trust so they're back to step one anyway.

    It isn't their job to be interested or pretend to be interested or attracted. It's their job to connect emotionally with another human being, you can do that with almost anyone and then say your goodbyes when the process is over.


  • #43
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Three Seasons wrote: »
    It isn't their job to be interested or pretend to be interested or attracted. It's their job to connect emotionally with another human being, you can do that with almost anyone and then say your goodbyes when the process is over.

    It's their job to pretend to connect emotionally!


  • #44
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    smash wrote: »
    It's their job to pretend to connect emotionally!

    No it's their job to actual connect, any two people can connect. Just express your true feelings and acknowledge te other's feelings. That's not pretending, any two people can do it.


  • #45
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Three Seasons wrote: »
    No it's their job to actual connect, any two people can connect. Just express your true feelings and acknowledge te other's feelings. That's not pretending, any two people can do it.

    It's their job to make the client feel safe and secure enough to open up to them emotionally and physically. This can be achieved without any actual connection from their side.


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