Sex surrogates, "virgin school" a good idea?

Fr_Fitzexactly

This is where you have a counsellor and a "therapist" team up to help 25-40 year old virgins get confidence and learn to be comfortable with intimacy and so on and eventually do the deed with this so-called "therapist" for an almighty sum of money (1000s). It would obviously be cheaper to go to a prostitute but this seems more for people with serious lack of confidence and there is more coaching and teaching them how to have sex involved.

There are schools in Amsterdam and the States offering this service probably other places too but it's dodgy with the law that views it as a fancy version of prostitution. The schools claim that people who go to them later go on to form meaningful relationships but if you're so far gone is there really any hope or could the problems be fixed by counselling alone? Is this a legitimate service that people really depend on or should they just get over themselves and see a prostitute?

There is a film coming out about this called "The Sessions". Or maybe its already out and I missed it. Anyway its fairly depressing so I don't think i'll bother wasting 2 hours of my life on it

lanyard

Practising for your sermon on Sunday Father?

shruikan2553

I would prefer to go to college, younger women and get a degree in the end of it.

The_Gatsby

The surrogates are all dried up old grannies anyway.

OneArt

"Sex surrogates".

The most unappealing, boner-softening name ever.

Gatling

So basicly its a brothel sex for cash
Cash for sex
Therapy my ass

hatrickpatrick

Same problem with this as prostitution or gold digging: The idea of some girl screwing you for money and not just because she thinks you're hot is too damn depressing. Unless you're VERY desperate I'd say most lads would have far too much pride for something like that.

DonLimon

Fr_Fitzexactly wrote: »

This is where you have a counsellor and a "therapist" team up to help 25-40 year old virgins get confidence and learn to be comfortable with intimacy and so on and eventually do the deed with this so-called "therapist" for an almighty sum of money (1000s). It would obviously be cheaper to go to a prostitute but this seems more for people with serious lack of confidence and there is more coaching and teaching them how to have sex involved.

Anybody else read 'the-rapist' ?

zenno

This occupation sounds appealing. Beats being on the dole.

JimmyCrackCorn

How does this differ from prostitution??

Why would a virgin want their first experience to be with someone they paid for sex?

Also being after hours....

PICS

kneemos

It's therapy for people who have trouble functioning sexually.Liberal minded AH shows it's true colours when it comes to sex,open your hearts and minds people.

harney

There was a channel 4 documentary on this a few years ago. The ladies were of the slightly older variety.

JimmyCrackCorn

kneemos wrote: »

It's therapy for people who have trouble functioning sexually.Liberal minded AH shows it's true colours when it comes to sex,open your hearts and minds people.

And Legs!:D

kneemos

harney wrote: »

There was a channel 4 documentary on this a few years ago. The ladies were of the slightly older variety.

It was on last week as well, yer won was fairly elderly but maybe there's less pressure with an older lady,I think she said she'd had sex with over six hundred men so she's obviously successfull.

Kold

Go to it. Act all coy and play the part. Then every time it comes down to it, tie and gag the therapist and do a load of sick stuff like pissing and sh1tting on them after sodomising them then refuse to let the sessions end as they havent 'fixed' you.

Phoebas

Gatling wrote: »

So basicly its a brothel sex for cash
Cash for sex
Therapy my ass

That's their slogan.

Boo2112

I remember the channel 4 documentary aswel, it all just seemed so bizarre. They deal with a load of intimacy issued but tbh I think that's better left to psychologists. Imo it was really weird sex aswel, not at all representative of real life encounters. But each to their own, I can't understand why people would want to do it but I wouldn't judge them for it either.

smash

Boo2112 wrote: »

but I wouldn't judge them for it either.

I would. It's bizarre, yet hilarious in a creepy way!

Dravokivich

harney wrote: »

There was a channel 4 documentary on this a few years ago. The ladies were of the slightly older variety.

There was another a few weeks ago.

smcgiff

Phoebas wrote: »

That's their slogan.

Therapy, My Ass

Dravokivich

Boo2112 wrote: »

I remember the channel 4 documentary aswel, it all just seemed so bizarre. They deal with a load of intimacy issued but tbh I think that's better left to psychologists. Imo it was really weird sex aswel, not at all representative of real life encounters. But each to their own, I can't understand why people would want to do it but I wouldn't judge them for it either.

There is a no pressure environment. It's also in the surrogates best interest to be supportive of you. Which is a big deal. One nigh stands and short flings are a matter of there and then. If you can't there and then, there is a lot of pressure behind it. I always found a lot of aspects of intimacy rather intimidating and the idea of sex used to scare me. If it wasn't for my girlfriend, I'd still be a wreck when it comes to that stuff.

Madam_X

Good idea IMO.

If anything to show those who are extra nervous about sex that it's not anything as much of a big deal as they have built it up to be.

smash

Madam_X wrote: »

Good idea IMO.

If anything to show those who are extra nervous about sex that it's not anything as much of a big deal as they have built it up to be.

But isn't sex mostly about chemistry and attraction? These surrogates are hideous (Well the ones I've seen on the TV shows are) and they're completely disingenuous. It's all false feeling and basically just a show.

smcgiff

smash wrote: »

It's all false feeling and basically just a show.

So, they're American?

Madam_X

Oh yeh it's not a substitute of course, but it might help relax them in terms of some of the mechanics, especially when there's counselling on offer.

Lots of people's first time is crap.

smash

smcgiff wrote: »

So, they're American?

I fail to see the point here.

Dravokivich

smash wrote: »

But isn't sex mostly about chemistry and attraction? These surrogates are hideous (Well the ones I've seen on the TV shows are) and they're completely disingenuous. It's all false feeling and basically just a show.

Yes, but that's nothing if one is anxious about doing it, because they've never done it before. It's easy to say what you've just said, if one is experienced in their sexuality. Not so much, if one isn't. It's a cop out.

smash

Dravokivich wrote: »

Yes, but that's nothing if one is anxious about doing it, because they've never done it before. It's easy to say what you've just said, if one is experienced in their sexuality. Not so much, if one isn't. It's a cop out.

But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

johnny_knoxvile

Gatling wrote: »

So basicly its a brothel sex for cash
Cash for sex
Therapy my ass

no...

Therapy My Ass is the school for gay men.

...different campus completely.

johnny_knoxvile

Madam_X wrote: »

Oh yeh it's not a substitute of course, but it might help relax them in terms of some of the mechanics, especially when there's counselling on offer.

Lots of people's first time is crap.

"lots of people's first time is crap"...and your name is Madam X....

...Do you work for one of these institutions?

Dravokivich

smash wrote: »

But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

If one was going to a hooker, they would be under immediate pressure to perform and a short time constraint. And where's that magic chemistry and attraction you were harping on about?

It's a bit odd also to say, they aren't just looking for sex, but looking for relationships, when sex and intimacy are both considered major factors in a relationship. If one feels anxious about either or both, a relationship is going to be very hard for them to form. I myself had difficulties with such things until last year.

Saying it's completely false isn't entirely true either. Sure there's the aspect of money being handed over, but that doesn't have to mean that the people who work and get qualified as surrogates are completely detached from their clients needs. Which is what your comment implies. If the surrogate didn't show consideration towards the client, they wouldn't get many clients.

kneemos

smash wrote: »

But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

Think you're missing the point,they have trouble performing it's the therapy that's the important part of it not the sex.

kiffer

smash wrote: »

But the point is that if you want to experience sex without judgement from someone, then get a hooker or something. The people that go to the surrogates are looking for intimacy and what they get is something completely false. It starts them on a bad track in my opinion. they're not just looking for sex, they're looking for relationships.

And touch a stranger? ... *shudder*.
Strangers are the enemy.

johnny_knoxvile

kiffer wrote: »

And touch a stranger? ... *shudder*.
Strangers are the enemy.

not if they give you sweets.

smash

Dravokivich wrote: »

If one was going to a hooker, they would be under immediate pressure to perform and a short time constraint. And where's that magic chemistry and attraction you were harping on about?

At least you could pick a good looking hooker

Dravokivich wrote: »

It's a bit odd also to say, they aren't just looking for sex, but looking for relationships, when sex and intimacy are both considered major factors in a relationship. If one feels anxious about either or both, a relationship is going to be very hard for them to form. I myself had difficulties with such things until last year.

In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.

Dravokivich wrote: »

Saying it's completely false isn't entirely true either. Sure there's the aspect of money being handed over, but that doesn't have to mean that the people who work and get qualified as surrogates are completely detached from their clients needs. Which is what your comment implies. If the surrogate didn't show consideration towards the client, they wouldn't get many clients.

But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.

conorhal

Boo2112 wrote: »

I remember the channel 4 documentary aswel, it all just seemed so bizarre. They deal with a load of intimacy issued but tbh I think that's better left to psychologists. Imo it was really weird sex aswel, not at all representative of real life encounters. But each to their own, I can't understand why people would want to do it but I wouldn't judge them for it either.

It was repeated there last week, I watched it because I'd see that film the Sessions and the documentary featured the sex surroagate from the film.

Firstly, sex is not necessarilly on the cards, that's up to the patient (or whatever you might refer to them as). As far as I could see, the sessions were about slowly building up trust and intimacy through various excercises designed around helping often quite dammaged people to connect with others and overcome their own body issues. In the doc, which followed two people only one of them went as far as having sex with the surrogate.

As for this process being better left to psychologists, becoming a surrogate requires psychology training, and frankly, talking about sex with a psychologist is a bit like talking about skydiving with an instructor, theory is fine, but once it's discussed you then have to do the jump, (usually strapped to an instructor).

Tazium

The Sessions - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1866249/

Very good movie, and Helen Hunt..... yummy. :P

I'd imagine that in real situations someones feelings get trampled on, the 'customer' would develop feelings for the surrogate and they're just doing a job. Sex is an intimate act no matter if it's your partner, a surrogate or a prostitute.

anncoates

kneemos wrote: »

open your hearts and minds people.

You sound like one of those cringeworthy lyrics from "daring" songs by sanctimonious old bags like Madonna.

kiffer

smash wrote: »

At least you could pick a good looking hooker


In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.


But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.

I think the point is more to get them over the anxiety, built up issues and stressful mystery around sex...
It's like how people deal with phobias.
If some one is so scared of spiders that they can't sleep at night knowing that there is one in the next room you cant just shove them in a box with some spiders until they get used to them...
You have to work up to them being ok.
Little by little.
The same with fear of water.
The same with fear of cats.
The same with fear of intimacy... no?

Dravokivich

smash wrote: »

In a relationship you have real support with someone who actually wants to be with you and you don't have to pay for it.

The problems that people go to surrogates for, make it hard to establish relationships. There is a sense of pressure behind being unable to act with intimacy or sexuality being destructive and exhausting for others involved.

smash wrote: »

But when the session is over and the money exchanges hands the surrogate just goes back to their actual life partner. The client is left feeling like they possibly have a connection with someone when realistically they don't.

I think you are dragging out a worst case scenario instance which is likely to be in a minority. The surrogate is to help implement a calm mentality in the client with the actions relating to intimacy and sexuality.

smash

Dravokivich wrote: »

The problems that people go to surrogates for, make it hard to establish relationships.

So the best thing to do is find false security with someone who'll act as though they're actually interested in you?

Dravokivich wrote: »

There is a sense of pressure behind being unable to act with intimacy or sexuality being destructive and exhausting for others involved.

Then clearly the best thing for some of these people to do is go on international TV and get filmed having sex for the first time It's like embarrassing bodies.

Dravokivich wrote: »

I think you are dragging out a worst case scenario instance which is likely to be in a minority. The surrogate is to help implement a calm mentality in the client with the actions relating to intimacy and sexuality.

To me it looks like they're building a relationship with their clients, where their clients are actually falling for them in a lot of ways. They'll no doubt still have intimacy and sexuality issues with others until they get to a point of trust so they're back to step one anyway.

Three Seasons

smash wrote: »

So the best thing to do is find false security with someone who'll act as though they're actually interested in you?


Then clearly the best thing for some of these people to do is go on international TV and get filmed having sex for the first time It's like embarrassing bodies.


To me it looks like they're building a relationship with their clients, where their clients are actually falling for them in a lot of ways. They'll no doubt still have intimacy and sexuality issues with others until they get to a point of trust so they're back to step one anyway.

It isn't their job to be interested or pretend to be interested or attracted. It's their job to connect emotionally with another human being, you can do that with almost anyone and then say your goodbyes when the process is over.

smash

Three Seasons wrote: »

It isn't their job to be interested or pretend to be interested or attracted. It's their job to connect emotionally with another human being, you can do that with almost anyone and then say your goodbyes when the process is over.

It's their job to pretend to connect emotionally!

Three Seasons

smash wrote: »

It's their job to pretend to connect emotionally!

No it's their job to actual connect, any two people can connect. Just express your true feelings and acknowledge te other's feelings. That's not pretending, any two people can do it.

smash

Three Seasons wrote: »

No it's their job to actual connect, any two people can connect. Just express your true feelings and acknowledge te other's feelings. That's not pretending, any two people can do it.

It's their job to make the client feel safe and secure enough to open up to them emotionally and physically. This can be achieved without any actual connection from their side.