Mothers day coming up on sunday

seven_eleven · 07-03-2013 11:08PM

Am I the only one who hates mothers day, fathers day, birthdays, and every other day where you're expected to buy somebody for someone, while they have to put on a half assed display of appreciation when really they couldnt care less?

Abi · 07-03-2013 11:19PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

Its just another hallmark day like valentines in my opinion. Will you be getting something for your mother.

I'm not so sure if I'll be. You see she has nothing more but contempt for me because i will not submit to her control and domination. Right now it's financial control and domination. Its just another another form of control and domination that was always but in a different way. She views her sons as valuable, that must be provided for and views me and my sister as something that owes her because she gave birth to us and raised us and because we were born without a penis. She doesn't want me at home but wont give the same opportunities that she gave to her lads - spend their money in any way they want, and save whats left over and provide them with more money from any savings she had. An automatic rent she thinks shes entitled to from those born without a penis. From a wage already reduced from work and the rest soaked up and absorbed by bills her lads never had to pay for.

Irish mammy syndrome, and you can join the queue. Daughters are still getting this shít, but you learn how to deal with it. A wonderful start to this process is moving out, and never, ever move back in.

However, because you still live with her you are going to have to buy her a card or make one, because if you don't.. well. She'll be on the war path with you for some time. And don't make the mistake of thinking she'd get over it.

Irish mammies have the longest term memories, but can forget what they want at will.

Save yourself the headache, just buy her a pound shop card and fire her a bunch of daffodils. It will buy you some more survival time under that roof.

ilovesleep · 07-03-2013 11:22PM

spankysue wrote: »

OP, you keep referring to "Her sons", are they your brothers? That's quite a nasty way to refer to your siblings if they are.

Just 'cause your mother likes them more, that's not their fault.

And tell your ma to go fcuk herself, simple as that.

My brothers are brillant. They are so good and they mean the world to me. I know her smothering them is not their fault.

Two broke away recently out abroad and have emerigrated but it only happened because she gave them the opportunities to do so with money and provided more for them.
Right up until the day they left, they went out on the tear and had everything handed to them on a plate. She never eyed up any savings or their spending money or drinking money as money that should be going into her pockets.

Whereas every cent I earn and spend is eyed up as something that should be payed to her.

Boombastic · 07-03-2013 11:23PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

All the cards in town says things like..

'to the best mother in the world'

'mum, i love you'

and other such stuff.

Maybe if i had a penis, it might be true

Would you present her with your penis for mothers day?? :pac:

I got my mam a card and pressie, posted them 2 weeks ago. I'm usually either mad late or mad early with these kinds of things. got in first this year, make my other siblings look bad

I'm the favourite now :P

hatrickpatrick · 07-03-2013 11:25PM

OP, if you don't get on with either of your parents then make your most urgent and prioritized goal to get out of their everyday lives as quickly and as completely as possible.

Seriously, I've seen people get utterly destroyed by such toxic parental relationships. Totally not worth it.

ilovesleep · 07-03-2013 11:26PM

Abi wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome, and you can join the queue. Daughters are still getting this shít, but you learn how to deal with it. A wonderful start to this process is moving out, and never, ever move back in.

However, because you still live with her you are going to have to buy her a card or make one, because if you don't.. well. She'll be on the war path with you for some time. And don't make the mistake of thinking she'd get over it.

Irish mammies have the longest term memories, but can forget what they want at will.

Save yourself the headache, just buy her a pound shop card and fire her a bunch of daffodils. It will buy you some more survival time under that roof.

Cheers. Yeah. Ok. Flowers it is, so that she doesn't get another opportunity at returning or recycling any gift I give her.

Ruudi_Mentari · 07-03-2013 11:27PM

but she only had a birthday last wk?!

my gift will be not to annoy her. and to make sure cholestorol tablets and gin are topped up... and of course 7-up.

The Big Red Button · 07-03-2013 11:28PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

My brothers are brillant. They are so good and they mean the world to me. I know her smothering them is not their fault.

Two broke away recently out abroad and have emerigrated but it only happened because she gave them the opportunities to do so with money and provided more for them.
Right up until the day they left, they went out on the tear and had everything handed to them on a plate. She never eyed up any savings or their spending money or drinking money as money that should be going into her pockets.

Whereas every cent I earn and spend is eyed up as something that should be payed to her.

It's funny, you definitely sound like your mother's daughter!

Your brothers are amazing, nothing's their fault, sure they didn't know any better.

An Irish Mammy in training yerself!

Lone Stone · 07-03-2013 11:29PM

well i for one am glad that some one reminded me of the coming mother's day.
thanks !

hatrickpatrick · 07-03-2013 11:31PM

If there's one life goal I plan on prioritizing more than any other it's to be 100% supportive of all my kids. I don't have a toxic relationship with my parents but I have been talked out of a lot of things which could have been really amazing by them and to this day I still resent that. I've vowed to pursue my goals regardless of naysaying, but as I'm sure some of you have experienced, my parents a lot of the time used to be the type who will use any excuse to rain on your parade any time you get remotely excited or optimistic about something.
I don't really blame them for it tbh, I more feel sorry for them for having such a negative outlook, but the fact that I let it rub off on me is something which caused me to make silly mistakes that'll haunt me for a long time. Never again.

(When I say rain on your parade I mean that any time you'd start getting happy or optimistic about something they'd be the ones who'd pick holes in it until your balloon was totally deflated - from big to little things, even in ridiculous terms like when you'd look forward to a garden party at a mate's house and they'd be like "It's probably going to piss rain". Can't speak for anyone else but that kind of negativity really screwed me up for a while.)

Lenin Skynard · 07-03-2013 11:32PM

Three Easter eggs for a fiver in Dunnes. Happy Mother's Day/Easter mammy!

spankysue · 07-03-2013 11:33PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

My brothers are brillant. They are so good and they mean the world to me. I know her smothering them is not their fault.

Two broke away recently out abroad and have emerigrated but it only happened because she gave them the opportunities to do so with money and provided more for them.
Right up until the day they left, they went out on the tear and had everything handed to them on a plate. She never eyed up any savings or their spending money or drinking money as money that should be going into her pockets.

Whereas every cent I earn and spend is eyed up as something that should be payed to her.

Honestly then, I would tell her to go fcuk herself and move out, I know it's tough with no money but even sleep on a friend's couch until you get a place.

Some people are just miserable bastards and if they won't change, then they should just be left to themselves to wallow in their own misery.

ilovesleep · 07-03-2013 11:35PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

OP, if you don't get on with either of your parents then make your most urgent and prioritized goal to get out of their everyday lives as quickly and as completely as possible.

Seriously, I've seen people get utterly destroyed by such toxic parental relationships. Totally not worth it.

My dad isn't at home any more. He left a long time ago.

Something that clicked with me today. She told me many times he was a violent man. I know he was seriously flawed and he cheated. I remember very young waking many times in the night, to find her shouting and screaming outside his bedroom door. If he was so violent, why would she risk taking a violent man down upon her by shouting and screaming at him? Why was he hiding in a locked up room. Only that he revolted in response to her.

Abi · 07-03-2013 11:36PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

Cheers. Yeah. Ok. Flowers it is, so that she doesn't get another opportunity at returning or recycling any gift I give her.

It doesn't matter what you give mothers that treat you that way, it's never going to be good enough. They have themselves on a pedestal, and they treat the men better as they're the 'bread winners'. Women get pregnant and married off in their minds. They're stuck on survivalist mode.

Once you learn that they're her issues, not yours the better. You'll tolerate her better, and not living under the one roof makes the world of difference.

hatrickpatrick · 07-03-2013 11:40PM

I don't want to open a sexism debate here, but this is something which seems to be a common enough scenario, of mothers who are utterly toxic towards their daughters, and if they have any brothers, treat them like princes. What's up with that? I've seen it in real life a couple of times, and I couldn't count the number of media depictions (hell, Monica in Friends might be the most well known example). There doesn't seem to be any parallel with fathers and sons.

Any sound psychological basis for this or is it just anecdotal?

eviltwin · 07-03-2013 11:40PM

OP I know how you feel in a way. My own mother and I haven't had a relationship in years. All the ads make me wish I had that close bond but I make do with my mothe in law instead. Whatever you do on Sunday do what is right for you. Come Monday it will all be over.

SNORBEAST · 07-03-2013 11:45PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

Its just another hallmark day like valentines in my opinion. Will you be getting something for your mother.

I'm not so sure if I'll be. You see she has nothing more but contempt for me because i will not submit to her control and domination. Right now it's financial control and domination. Its just another another form of control and domination that was always but in a different way. She views her sons as valuable, that must be provided for and views me and my sister as something that owes her because she gave birth to us and raised us and because we were born without a penis. She doesn't want me at home but wont give the same opportunities that she gave to her lads - spend their money in any way they want, and save whats left over and provide them with more money from any savings she had. An automatic rent she thinks shes entitled to from those born without a penis. From a wage already reduced from work and the rest soaked up and absorbed by bills her lads never had to pay for.

Twat.

lachin · 07-03-2013 11:47PM

SNORBEAST wrote: »

Twat.

Run it's your ma

ilovesleep · 07-03-2013 11:58PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I don't want to open a sexism debate here, but this is something which seems to be a common enough scenario, of mothers who are utterly toxic towards their daughters, and if they have any brothers, treat them like princes. What's up with that? I've seen it in real life a couple of times, and I couldn't count the number of media depictions (hell, Monica in Friends might be the most well known example). There doesn't seem to be any parallel with fathers and sons.

Any sound psychological basis for this or is it just anecdotal?

Everything blew up yesterday. A full blown row.

Something that because that became apparent was that she sees her sons as valuable bringing something to the table. Her daughters are worthless, bringing nothing.

A few years ago, we needed a new kitchen as it was falling in. I organised with the lads, in private as a surprise, look we need a kitchen. I have some small savings. If I fund it, will ye do the work. And we all helped and

ilovesleep · 08-03-2013 12:09AM

chipped in. I provided 2 grand and they bought a kitchen, rooted the old one and fitted the new one. We helped in our own ways. Another brother provided 1500 for appliances. Was absolutely delighted to help.

A big row broke out yesterday between mam and I, and demanded to know why rent was demanded of me and never of her boys.

An excuse she gave (which was one of many, down through the years like they are saving for holidays) was that they did the work on the kitchen. I reminded her that I funded it and without it, it wouldn't have happened and she dismissed the help that I gave saying 'you live here'.

And her boys weren't?

China has a similar attitude towards women. Boys are valuble. Women are nothing. And with that they have orphangages set up for people to dump girls.

Here in holy catholic ireland. Girls were kept but not wanted. Magenline laundries was one dumping ground for girls.

Boombastic · 08-03-2013 12:11AM

Jaysus, move out or get over it - only options I'm afraid.

SNORBEAST · 08-03-2013 12:12AM

ilovesleep wrote: »

chipped in. I provided 2 grand and they bought a kitchen, rooted the old one and fitted it. We helped in our own ways. Another brother provided 1500 for appliances.

A big row broke out yesterday between mam and I, and demanded to know why rent was demanded of me and never of her boys.

An excuse she gave (which was one of many, down through the years like they are saving for holidays) was that they did the work on the kitchen. I reminded her that I funded it and without it, it wouldn't have happened and she dismissed the help that I gave saying 'you live here'.

And her boys weren't.

China has a similar attitude towards women. Boys are valuble. Women are nothing. And with that they have orphangages set up for people to dump girls.

Here in holy catholic ireland. Girls were kept but not wanted. Magenline laundries was one dumping ground for girls.

Angry man............

lachin · 08-03-2013 12:14AM

You sound so bitter. I know you probably have reason to but you need to put up or shut up as far as I can see.

If you gave 2k for the kitchen I don't understand why you didn't use that money for rent somewhere else.

And If "the boys" are as great as you say why aren't they backing you up? And why don't you refer to them as your brothers??

ilovesleep · 08-03-2013 12:21AM

lachin wrote: »

You sound so bitter. I know you probably have reason to but you need to put up or shut up as far as I can see.

If you gave 2k for the kitchen I don't understand why you didn't use that money for rent somewhere else.

And If "the boys" are as great as you say why aren't they backing you up? And why don't you refer to them as your brothers??

Bitter? It is demoralising sh1te for being born without a penis.

SNORBEAST · 08-03-2013 12:24AM

ilovesleep wrote: »

Bitter? It is demoralising sh1te for being born without a penis.

Go to bed, you are drunk.

eviltwin · 08-03-2013 12:24AM

You have a choice. Either you let her continue to be the monkey on your back dragging you down or you cut ties and try to move on with your life.

lachin · 08-03-2013 12:27AM

ilovesleep wrote: »

Bitter? It is demoralising sh1te for being born without a penis.

Is it you that really wanted to be born a male or what? You are fixated on the whole penis thing! You need a ride!

No I'm not offering

hatrickpatrick · 08-03-2013 12:40AM

ilovesleep wrote: »

chipped in. I provided 2 grand and they bought a kitchen, rooted the old one and fitted the new one. We helped in our own ways. Another brother provided 1500 for appliances. Was absolutely delighted to help.

A big row broke out yesterday between mam and I, and demanded to know why rent was demanded of me and never of her boys.

An excuse she gave (which was one of many, down through the years like they are saving for holidays) was that they did the work on the kitchen. I reminded her that I funded it and without it, it wouldn't have happened and she dismissed the help that I gave saying 'you live here'.

And her boys weren't?

China has a similar attitude towards women. Boys are valuble. Women are nothing. And with that they have orphangages set up for people to dump girls.

Here in holy catholic ireland. Girls were kept but not wanted. Magenline laundries was one dumping ground for girls.

Jesus that's really sad. Sorry to hear there are still people who have to put up with this kind of crap.
Your last two paragraphs give me the impression that this whole situation has (understandably) made you very bitter and resentful. I'm not here to tell you to "get over yourself" as some of our more friendly posters have said (seriously, this is the absolute worst thing you can say to someone who's upset because someone treats them with contempt. Way to go lads.) What I am here to say is please, please don't let this treatment define who you are. Not everyone is going to be horrible to you, not everyone has that backwards idea about girls, but I worry a bit that you might let that mindset cause paranoia in your relations with others. I've been there myself (in a different context, obviously) in terms of becoming paranoid and assuming the worst motives in everyone, and it causes the most soul wrenching depression imaginable.
I could be wrong, it just sounds from those last two paragraphs that the way your mum treats you is building a mindset of general depression and resentment towards the world in general, which is perfectly understandable and is something nobody should attack you for. But try to step back and realize that your mum is as unique a person as you or I are - there's no one else in the world quite like her, just as there's no one else quite like you. So therefore, if she's horrible, remember that she's unique. Nobody else in the world has her exact mind, therefore no one else in the world will view you the same way she does.

tl;dr version - Try not to let it get to you and bring you down. You have to try and remember your own confidence, remember that you yourself are an absolute legend and that no one can ever take that from you.

A good friend of mine wrote this song, pretty good one to listen to if someone's making you feel like crap:

Bed of Lies

Hope things get better for you

gg2 · 08-03-2013 12:41AM

Do your brothers ever back you up?

As another poster said you sound extremely bitter, and I can understand why. Was your mum always like this? Do you ever remember feeling loved and loving her - as a child perhaps?

Have you ever tried to sit down and chat, tell her how you feel without it developing into a row?

Have you ever tried to reason on the rent without it turning into a row?

Why buy her anything for mothers day?

Do these feelings affect your everyday life? No point in letting it drag you down. Try to get away - get work in the city, maybe sort through things in your own head. Being away might make you see things differently ,not that her behavior can be justified, and perhaps make it possible to forge some type of relationship. Or do you even want a relationship with her?

What age are you if you don't mind me asking?

Have you started a thread like this before- I remember reading something very similar recently and the general tone was the same.

On topic (sort of) I got my lovely mammy a card and a bar of chocolate in the euro store

she doesn't buy into the whole thing but I know she loves to get a card. I'm doing dinner for her and my sister and her family too... Should be fun:o

Noreen1 · 08-03-2013 12:38PM

gg2 wrote: »

Do your brothers ever back you up?

As another poster said you sound extremely bitter, and I can understand why. Was your mum always like this? Do you ever remember feeling loved and loving her - as a child perhaps?

Have you ever tried to sit down and chat, tell her how you feel without it developing into a row?

Have you ever tried to reason on the rent without it turning into a row?

Why buy her anything for mothers day?

Do these feelings affect your everyday life? No point in letting it drag you down. Try to get away - get work in the city, maybe sort through things in your own head. Being away might make you see things differently ,not that her behavior can be justified, and perhaps make it possible to forge some type of relationship. Or do you even want a relationship with her?

What age are you if you don't mind me asking?

Have you started a thread like this before- I remember reading something very similar recently and the general tone was the same.

On topic (sort of) I got my lovely mammy a card and a bar of chocolate in the euro store she doesn't buy into the whole thing but I know she loves to get a card. I'm doing dinner for her and my sister and her family too... Should be fun:o

+ 100.

Could your brothers help you to emigrate, if they're established?

Mothers day coming up on sunday

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