Is internet dating for people with no confidence?

smash · 13-02-2013 12:39PM #1

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

FatherLen · 13-02-2013 12:42PM

internet dating/boards.ie

MurdyWurdy · 13-02-2013 12:42PM

No, I would say it's for people who are "out in the real world" but due to their job, their group of friends etc don't have much of an opportunity for meeting single men/women.

All my close female friends are in long term realationships. If one of us wasn't it would be very hard for that person to meet someone hanging out with the rest of us. It's just a way to broaden your horizons.

hooradiation · 13-02-2013 12:42PM

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

You are aware that "internet dating" doesn't mean that these dates happen on the internet, right?

cloud493 · 13-02-2013 12:43PM

I had some girl I met off a forum go crazy on me as of last night. So yes, yes it is.

desertcircus · 13-02-2013 12:43PM

If my girlfriend dumped me out of the blue, and I decided after learning how to function as an independent human being that I was ready to start a new relationship, I could spend a couple of years looking for a redheaded At The Drive-In fan who loves Indian food, Belgian beer, the work of Iain M Banks, and burly men with shaved heads, or I could go online and filter the search results for the same and message half a dozen women who meet that description inside of a couple of hours.

smash · 13-02-2013 12:44PM

hooradiation wrote: »

You are aware that "internet dating" doesn't mean that these dates happen on the internet, right?

Yes I'm fully aware of that. If you read my post you'll see that I'm talking about interaction.

Pompey Magnus · 13-02-2013 12:44PM

Going out getting pissed with the aim of pulling someone equally pissed is a better tactic for people with no confidence in being able to attract someone through their ability to portray a positive self-image to another through sober conversation.

Delirium · 13-02-2013 12:45PM

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

Compared to getting drunk before attempting to chat up someone?

Time to go mobile · 13-02-2013 12:46PM

I wouldn't necessarily say so, however I think your main port of call should be the real world. It's nonsense when most suggest they don't have time to meet people, everyday you have the opportunity to approach the opposite sex and ask them out, so I think for many it is a confidence issue, they perhaps lack the confidence to ask out someone in real life.

Kichote · 13-02-2013 12:46PM

Perhaps you're right OP

hooradiation · 13-02-2013 12:49PM

smash wrote: »

Yes I'm fully aware of that. If you read my post you'll see that I'm talking about interaction.

And do you imagine that when these people meet they... don't interact?

Christ, you should really try a little harder with your threads.
At least think your attempt at being controversial through a little.

Or at all.

smash · 13-02-2013 12:49PM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

Going out getting pissed with the aim of pulling someone equally pissed is a better tactic for people with no confidence in being able to attract someone through their ability to portray a positive self-image to another through sober conversation.

koth wrote: »

Compared to getting drunk before attempting to chat up someone?

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

jaja321 · 13-02-2013 12:49PM

No, I think it can be harder to meet people the older you get, and internet dating can work for those who are no longer interested in the bar/nightclub scene etc. Whatever works for people.

Time to go mobile · 13-02-2013 12:51PM

jaja321 wrote: »

No, I think it can be harder to meet people the older you get, and internet dating can work for those who are no longer interested in the bar/nightclub scene etc. Whatever works for people.

And why is it so hard?

Lack of confidence could be the issue.

jester77 · 13-02-2013 12:53PM

I'd say it's more for the lazy. It's much easier to find someone you are compatible with in life online by profiling people than going to bars, joining clubs etc.

Delirium · 13-02-2013 12:53PM

smash wrote: »

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

I didn't, I was asking a question to suggest that maybe it takes more confidence to do the internet dating when you compare it to someone who get drunk to chat someone up. I wasn't suggesting everyone who socialises gets drunk.

jaja321 · 13-02-2013 12:54PM

Time to go mobile wrote: »

And why is it so hard?

Lack of confidence could be the issue.

I think it refers back to something someone else posted earlier, about all your friends being in relationships/married or whatever - the opportunities to meet people can become less and less. When your friends are single and you are going out on nights out together, it can be easier to meet people - less easy when you're on your todd!

The Big Red Button · 13-02-2013 01:13PM

If anything, I'd say that you'd need to be quite self-confident to try internet dating.

You're putting yourself out there on a public website, for people to judge you based on your photos and as much of your personality as you can fit into a few textboxes.

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

Obviously, if someone is using internet dating as an alternative to actual real-life socialising, that doesn't seem healthy.

But the whole point of internet dating sites is that they're a pro-active way of finding people to meet in 'the real world'. It's just a different way to get in touch with new people, outside of your current social circle.

ilovesleep · 13-02-2013 01:23PM

It can be so easy for people to lie online and protray themselves to be a person they're not and hide their true selves. I'd say for the most many people are good people and they want to see the goodness in people. With online dating they'll always be someone who can break that. I met someone and I ended up falling for what turned out to be a lie he dished out at me, which was accompanied by excuses which caused doubt and confusion in me and allowed the disappointment he created to drag out. All that floored me and all because I gave someone the benefit of the doubt and wanted to see the goodness in others.

I would say that if someone can't be honest and sincere in their ways there's definately some sort of issues there.

corktina · 13-02-2013 01:24PM

i think it's a lack of confidence but I'm not sure, what do you guys all think? Sorry to bother you,hope you don't mind me asking....

Pompey Magnus · 13-02-2013 01:34PM

smash wrote: »

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

In answer to your question, probably because in this country most socialising involves getting pissed drunk. The amount of people who socialise through book clubs and tag rugby is miniscule compared to the amount whose main interaction with others occurs in pubs and nightclubs.

Even if your observation is right and internet dating is for people with low self confidence, why do you think they "should" be going out to socialise in public, if it works for them then why should you judge? How people chose to find happiness is none of my business and I'm not going to automatically judge a relationship which started with a chance meeting in a cafe to be healthier or in some way superior to one which began through a message sent on a dating site. In fact there are few topics less interesting to me than the stories about how couples met.

Time to go mobile · 13-02-2013 01:37PM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

In answer to your question, probably because in this country most socialising involves getting pissed drunk. The amount of people who socialise through book clubs and tag rugby is miniscule compared to the amount whose main interaction with others occurs in pubs and nightclubs.

Even if your observation is right and internet dating is for people with low self confidence, why do you think they "should" be going out to socialise in public, if it works for them then why should you judge? How people chose to find happiness is none of my business and I'm not going to automatically judge a relationship which started with a chance meeting in a cafe to be healthier or in some way superior to one which began through a message sent on a dating site. In fact there are few topics less interesting to me than the stories about how couples met.

I don't think people are judging, just discussing a simple observation. People can date however they want, how they choose to date may indicate particular personality traits within that individual.

smash · 13-02-2013 01:40PM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

No I don't. I asked a question! And as mentioned by a few people, they'd find it a lot easier than approaching someone in public. Someone else mentioned it's easier for people to lie online. So there's truth in it for some cases.

Kylo Ren · 13-02-2013 01:49PM

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

smash · 13-02-2013 01:50PM

Keno 92 wrote: »

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

No, you're thinking of porn actors!

hoodwinked · 13-02-2013 01:50PM

No its for people who just want another option for meeting someone,

in fact id say people who do it are ballsy!

castletownman · 13-02-2013 01:51PM

I'd never sign up for Internet dating. I'd much rather find someone the traditional way.

Through alcohol and poor judgement.

Festy · 13-02-2013 01:51PM

Keno 92 wrote: »

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

No,regular dating is for pissheads with low confidence.

BBDBB · 13-02-2013 01:54PM

So, to summarise, Socialising is for the drunk and shy, Internet dates are for the lonely and desperate, hmmmmm

Arranged Marriages, its the way forward

stargazer 68 · 13-02-2013 01:55PM

I met my OH through internet dating and we have been together a year now. It works for some and not for others. There are a lot of liars and cheaters on line however you can meet them in clubs and bars too!

I used it because all my friends were married with kids so going out was a couple in the local or early bird dinner - not quite the place to meet Mr Right. As for lack of confidence - definitely not. Give internet dating a try or read the thread in the Gentlemens Club to see how much confidence you need to try it!

Is internet dating for people with no confidence?

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