Is internet dating for people with no confidence?

smash

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

FatherLen

internet dating/boards.ie

MurdyWurdy

No, I would say it's for people who are "out in the real world" but due to their job, their group of friends etc don't have much of an opportunity for meeting single men/women.

All my close female friends are in long term realationships. If one of us wasn't it would be very hard for that person to meet someone hanging out with the rest of us. It's just a way to broaden your horizons.

hooradiation

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

You are aware that "internet dating" doesn't mean that these dates happen on the internet, right?

cloud493

I had some girl I met off a forum go crazy on me as of last night. So yes, yes it is.

desertcircus

If my girlfriend dumped me out of the blue, and I decided after learning how to function as an independent human being that I was ready to start a new relationship, I could spend a couple of years looking for a redheaded At The Drive-In fan who loves Indian food, Belgian beer, the work of Iain M Banks, and burly men with shaved heads, or I could go online and filter the search results for the same and message half a dozen women who meet that description inside of a couple of hours.

smash

hooradiation wrote: »

You are aware that "internet dating" doesn't mean that these dates happen on the internet, right?

Yes I'm fully aware of that. If you read my post you'll see that I'm talking about interaction.

Pompey Magnus

Going out getting pissed with the aim of pulling someone equally pissed is a better tactic for people with no confidence in being able to attract someone through their ability to portray a positive self-image to another through sober conversation.

Delirium

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

Compared to getting drunk before attempting to chat up someone?

Time to go mobile

I wouldn't necessarily say so, however I think your main port of call should be the real world. It's nonsense when most suggest they don't have time to meet people, everyday you have the opportunity to approach the opposite sex and ask them out, so I think for many it is a confidence issue, they perhaps lack the confidence to ask out someone in real life.

Kichote

Perhaps you're right OP

hooradiation

smash wrote: »

Yes I'm fully aware of that. If you read my post you'll see that I'm talking about interaction.

And do you imagine that when these people meet they... don't interact?


Christ, you should really try a little harder with your threads.
At least think your attempt at being controversial through a little.

Or at all.

smash

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

Going out getting pissed with the aim of pulling someone equally pissed is a better tactic for people with no confidence in being able to attract someone through their ability to portray a positive self-image to another through sober conversation.

koth wrote: »

Compared to getting drunk before attempting to chat up someone?

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

jaja321

No, I think it can be harder to meet people the older you get, and internet dating can work for those who are no longer interested in the bar/nightclub scene etc. Whatever works for people.

Time to go mobile

jaja321 wrote: »

No, I think it can be harder to meet people the older you get, and internet dating can work for those who are no longer interested in the bar/nightclub scene etc. Whatever works for people.

And why is it so hard?

Lack of confidence could be the issue.

jester77

I'd say it's more for the lazy. It's much easier to find someone you are compatible with in life online by profiling people than going to bars, joining clubs etc.

Delirium

smash wrote: »

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

I didn't, I was asking a question to suggest that maybe it takes more confidence to do the internet dating when you compare it to someone who get drunk to chat someone up. I wasn't suggesting everyone who socialises gets drunk.

jaja321

Time to go mobile wrote: »

And why is it so hard?

Lack of confidence could be the issue.

I think it refers back to something someone else posted earlier, about all your friends being in relationships/married or whatever - the opportunities to meet people can become less and less. When your friends are single and you are going out on nights out together, it can be easier to meet people - less easy when you're on your todd!

The Big Red Button

If anything, I'd say that you'd need to be quite self-confident to try internet dating.

You're putting yourself out there on a public website, for people to judge you based on your photos and as much of your personality as you can fit into a few textboxes.

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

Obviously, if someone is using internet dating as an alternative to actual real-life socialising, that doesn't seem healthy.

But the whole point of internet dating sites is that they're a pro-active way of finding people to meet in 'the real world'. It's just a different way to get in touch with new people, outside of your current social circle.

ilovesleep

It can be so easy for people to lie online and protray themselves to be a person they're not and hide their true selves. I'd say for the most many people are good people and they want to see the goodness in people. With online dating they'll always be someone who can break that. I met someone and I ended up falling for what turned out to be a lie he dished out at me, which was accompanied by excuses which caused doubt and confusion in me and allowed the disappointment he created to drag out. All that floored me and all because I gave someone the benefit of the doubt and wanted to see the goodness in others.

I would say that if someone can't be honest and sincere in their ways there's definately some sort of issues there.

corktina

i think it's a lack of confidence but I'm not sure, what do you guys all think? Sorry to bother you,hope you don't mind me asking....

Pompey Magnus

smash wrote: »

Why do you automatically associate socialising with getting pissed drunk?

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

In answer to your question, probably because in this country most socialising involves getting pissed drunk. The amount of people who socialise through book clubs and tag rugby is miniscule compared to the amount whose main interaction with others occurs in pubs and nightclubs.

Even if your observation is right and internet dating is for people with low self confidence, why do you think they "should" be going out to socialise in public, if it works for them then why should you judge? How people chose to find happiness is none of my business and I'm not going to automatically judge a relationship which started with a chance meeting in a cafe to be healthier or in some way superior to one which began through a message sent on a dating site. In fact there are few topics less interesting to me than the stories about how couples met.

Time to go mobile

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

In answer to your question, probably because in this country most socialising involves getting pissed drunk. The amount of people who socialise through book clubs and tag rugby is miniscule compared to the amount whose main interaction with others occurs in pubs and nightclubs.

Even if your observation is right and internet dating is for people with low self confidence, why do you think they "should" be going out to socialise in public, if it works for them then why should you judge? How people chose to find happiness is none of my business and I'm not going to automatically judge a relationship which started with a chance meeting in a cafe to be healthier or in some way superior to one which began through a message sent on a dating site. In fact there are few topics less interesting to me than the stories about how couples met.

I don't think people are judging, just discussing a simple observation. People can date however they want, how they choose to date may indicate particular personality traits within that individual.

smash

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

...says the person who automatically associates internet dating with a lack of self confidence.

No I don't. I asked a question! And as mentioned by a few people, they'd find it a lot easier than approaching someone in public. Someone else mentioned it's easier for people to lie online. So there's truth in it for some cases.

Kylo Ren

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

smash

Keno 92 wrote: »

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

No, you're thinking of porn actors!

hoodwinked

No its for people who just want another option for meeting someone,

in fact id say people who do it are ballsy!

castletownman

I'd never sign up for Internet dating. I'd much rather find someone the traditional way.

Through alcohol and poor judgement.

Festy

Keno 92 wrote: »

Is regular dating for people with too much confidence?

No,regular dating is for pissheads with low confidence.

BBDBB

So, to summarise, Socialising is for the drunk and shy, Internet dates are for the lonely and desperate, hmmmmm

Arranged Marriages, its the way forward

stargazer 68

I met my OH through internet dating and we have been together a year now. It works for some and not for others. There are a lot of liars and cheaters on line however you can meet them in clubs and bars too!

I used it because all my friends were married with kids so going out was a couple in the local or early bird dinner - not quite the place to meet Mr Right. As for lack of confidence - definitely not. Give internet dating a try or read the thread in the Gentlemens Club to see how much confidence you need to try it!

HTML5!

jester77 wrote: »

I'd say it's more for the lazy. It's much easier to find someone you are compatible with in life online by profiling people than going to bars, joining clubs etc.

I wouldn't say it's lazy.

You get to talk to talk to people and plan dates etc at times you wouldn't normally have been able to in the past. For example, your lunch break or a Monday evening. You're not restricted a Friday or Saturday night.

Having said that, I don't think people should use it as they're only/main avenue. You can't beat just walking up to a girl whereever it maybe and clicking.

Hey you don't click or she tells you to f*ck off. So what? You'll never see her again and that's the very worst that can happen.

Where To

I prefer the sexy Russian ladies who send me emails out of the blue. I'm putting three of them through college right now, it's lucky I check my spam folder regularly or I might have missed them.

Dravokivich

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

It's just a medium of communication. It's no different to a pub, bus stop, hanging out from a tree in front of someone's bedroom window...

I don't get why people try to make such a big deal out of "Internet/Online dating."

THere's no quick fix solution with it, you still have to be you and you still have to meet up with the other person if you ever want to get something out of it. And don't forget, there's always someone else looking for people through it to... "why the need for embarrassment?" Would be the question I'd ask. Not "do you lack confidence because you do it?"

johnr1

Yes. Yes it is.

Its also for people with plenty of confidence, busy people, isolated people, non-drinkers, people with specific deal breakers, choosy people, assholes, trolls, twotimers, people looking for nsa hookups, in short, there are as many reasons to use it as there are people.

Btw, you do realise that just because someone has a profile on a dating site, that this doesent prevent them meeting someone randomly in RL? Or do you?

Better question might be "Will my mates think I'm a weirdo if I put up a profile"?
Ans= yes some will, but just the saddos.

.

Honey-ec

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

No more than being a regular poster on Boards means you can't interact socially in real life.

Oh wait...

Irishcrx

Anyone seen catfish yet??

Micky Dolenz

Never used a dating site but I would, no bother. As others said, I think it's more about people who don't have time to get out or can't be arsed doing the pub/club scene.

A lot of areas have transit populations too due to work and a lot of people simply don't have friends where they work so it is even harder to meet people.

dd972

Internet Dating has definite advantages as in people getting to exchange a bit of background info about each other and then meeting somewhere they can chat instead of traipsing around pubs or nightclubs waiting for an arbitrary act of God chance meeting that might never come.

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone' but the chances are this someone is in Norway or New Zealand and your're never going to meet them.

Unfortunately there are people who simply cannot manifest a successful, lasting relationship no matter how hard they look for it or what they try to find it and there are others who have it fall into their laps without even going out to seek it, seems to be the way it is.

BigFatGiant

Is boards.ie only for ugly people?

hames

atheists ate my baby wrote: »

Obviously, if someone is using internet dating as an alternative to actual real-life socialising, that doesn't seem healthy.

It depends. The reality is that for most young singles, "socialising" involves going out with a group of people,many of whom have an intention of getting drunk to the point of being very disoriented, and being without sexual inhibition, with all of the dangers that poses. That's not even to mention the adverse health repercussions of the heavy drinking that often characterises Irish "socialising".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a killjoy, but when I socialise, I often don't drink very much compared to my peers. And looking around at the groups assembled on Harcourt Or Camden Street in Dublin, I think a lot of them would be well advised to take up internet dating as a healthy alternative to what they are doing to their bodies on a weekly basis.

Time to go mobile

dd972 wrote: »

Internet Dating has definite advantages as in people getting to exchange a bit of background info about each other and then meeting somewhere they can chat instead of traipsing around pubs or nightclubs waiting for an arbitrary act of God chance meeting that might never come.

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone' but the chances are this someone is in Norway or New Zealand and your're never going to meet them.

Unfortunately there are people who simply cannot manifest a successful, lasting relationship no matter how hard they look for it or what they try to find it and there are others who have it fall into their laps without even going out to seek it, seems to be the way it is.

Newslfash, you don't need an arbitrary act of God to meet the opposite sex on a night out. You see someone and walk over to them and start talking.

somefeen

I'm very confident and I would gladly give it a go, especially if I was living somewhere a bit isolated where it was difficult to meet women.

As well as that, I'm better at talking to people one on one rather than in a group of people. Seems everytime you get a group of men and women together, if there's a few single lads and a single woman, it just turns into a "who can be the alpha male" competition. Can't be arsed with that **** myself. Its hard to actually talk to the girl without some loudmouth shouting over you.
Would be nice to meet up with a girl somewhere quiet for chat and see how we get on rather than run that gauntlet of bullsiht.

muppetkiller

BigFatGiant wrote: »

Is boards.ie only for ugly people?

The opposite actually, it's a well known fact that boards.ie users are the sexiest creatures alive.

Mickeroo

dd972 wrote: »

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone' but the chances are this someone is in Norway or New Zealand and your're never going to meet them.

she probably lives in Tahiti or maybe in the Bahamas.

RikkFlair

muppetkiller wrote: »

The opposite actually, it's a well known fact that boards.ie users are the sexiest creatures alive.

Creature....I like that. Thats a good word to describe my looks.

BraziliaNZ

A nerdy boards forum probably isn't the place to have this argument as 99% of these geeks have met their other half on the internet.
I can understand why some resort to it but it's a horrible concept to me. Being judged on a few photographs. *Shudder*

hames

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

A nerdy boards forum probably isn't the place to have this argument as 99% of these geeks have met their other half on the internet.
I can understand why some resort to it but it's a horrible concept to me. Being judged on a few photographs. *Shudder*

As opposed to The Palace or Copperface Jacks, where what matters is the rigour of your intellect?

If anything, internet dating is probably more personality based; I know anyone I've ever hooked up with in a club was based on looks and that alone.

IrishExpat

I've used both - regularly approaching women in the 'real world', as you put it, on nights out or whenever an opportunity arose, and also online, for a brief time.

Online dating suits when there's an absolute famine in terms of local talent, or you're just curious to see the response rate. Vanity? Maybe.

And before someone comes in with 'oh, it's more natural meeting someone on a night out' etc, I say b***oxs to that - you're putting on a show with both options.

I've hooked up with some dishonest beoirs before (real world), exaggerating or flat out lying to impress. And have had a few successful outcomes from the online world.

EmptyTree

smash wrote: »

Well is it? They're safe behind a screen and keyboard and can say what they want and can easily and anonymously contact people, but really should they not be out trying to meet people in the real world?

Is there not a touch of irony about this post.....

orestes

Yes, just like social networking is for people with no social skills, discussion boards are for people who can't discuss things in person, meetup sites are for losers, World of Warcraft is only played by Asian nerds and the internet as a whole is just fat guy virgins in their forties who live in their parents basements.

Now if you'll excuse me, I was introduced to a cute friend of a friend in the pub the other day so I'm gonna go hit facebook to find her page and find out what her interests are so I can read up on them and try to find out when she's going to be meeting up with my friend again so I'm good and ready to accidentally bump into them and shockingly find out we're into the same stuff. Pffft, internet dating, who needs it?