Were You Afraid Of Your Parents?

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 05:29PM #1

I was. Growing up I was also afraid of my teachers, the Gardai and adults in general.

Now I don't mean I was in fear of my life for getting the crap beaten out of me but I was afraid of getting in trouble or getting a smack for doing something wrong.

My parents rarely raised their hands to me but the fear of being punished was enough to put me off acting the bollix too much.

These days kids seem to have no fear, no respect for their elders and no fear of retribution. Being sent to your room now means you can bitch and moan to your friends on facebook about how unfair your parents are as opposed to solitary confinement. Parents seem to blame teachers for their childrens poor grades instead of looking closer to home.

I'm not condoning corporal punishment or child abuse but IMO it a lot of kids could benefit from a smack or two to keep them in line.

Senna · 10-02-2013 05:32PM

The threat of the "wooden spoon" was enough to keep us in check:D

Da Shins Kelly · 10-02-2013 05:34PM

I was definitely afraid of my dad. He's quite stern and always followed through with punishments, no matter what. He also had very little patience for nonsense, so I couldn't really get away with much before he snapped and sent me to my room or gave out to me or whatever. My mother is much more placid and would put up with a lot more before becoming angry. She used to threaten us with the whole, "If you don't stop that nonsense now, I'm going to call Dad!" or "You better get up those stairs, Dad's coming in the door any minute now!" or something to that effect. Dad was always involved in the threats.

I was a bit bolder in school. Kind of a smart arse.

10-02-2013 05:36PM

You don't have to lay a finger on your kids for them to respect you. In fact, if the only way you can get your child to behave is by hitting them, you're doing it wrong.

Oh hai · 10-02-2013 05:36PM

Somewhere between the last generation and this one respect has been completely lost. I'm not that ancient and I remember you'd sh1t yourself if you were given a telling off by a teacher or if a garda even looked at you. It's almost the other way around now, my sister works in education and she said the teachers are half afraid of the students there, they've almost taken over. It's sad.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 05:40PM

Deleted User wrote: »

You don't have to lay a finger on your kids for them to respect you. In fact, if the only way you can get your child to behave is by hitting them, you're doing it wrong.

Ultimately I agree, but how did this happen:

Oh hai wrote: »

Somewhere between the last generation and this one respect has been completely lost. I'm not that ancient and I remember you'd sh1t yourself if you were given a telling off by a teacher or if a garda even looked at you. It's almost the other way around now, my sister works in education and she said the teachers are half afraid of the students there, they've almost taken over. It's sad.

Galwayguy35 · 10-02-2013 05:41PM

My parents never raised their hands to me or my brother but we knew that when they told us not to do something it meant we did as they told us.

I only remember my father really loosing it on one occasion when I disappeared one winter evening when I was about 8 years old.
I couldn't see why he was shouting at me but it was the time that the kids were going missing years ago and now I see he was afraid someone had taken me.

Turtyturd · 10-02-2013 05:41PM

Oh hai wrote: »

Somewhere between the last generation and this one respect has been completely lost.

Quite the generatlisation there, plenty of kids have respect these days. Older people who demand respect off kids based solely on the fact that they are older would be a bigger problem than kids lacking respect in my experience. Kids should be taught to show others the level of respect they show to them no matter what age they are.

10-02-2013 05:45PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Ultimately I agree, but how did this happen:

Parents became softer, kids got spoilt, working parents felt guilty that they're not around as much. Exactly how you think it happened really, but violence never needs to come into it.

You think the young fellas that rob cars, disrespect their teachers, carry knives, break into houses etc never got a smack across the back of the legs?

Edit: And not all kids are like that, the younger generations will always get a hard time from the older ones, we just forget that we weren't always sweet and innocent ourselves.

Da Shins Kelly · 10-02-2013 05:46PM

Oh hai wrote: »

Somewhere between the last generation and this one respect has been completely lost. I'm not that ancient and I remember you'd sh1t yourself if you were given a telling off by a teacher or if a garda even looked at you. It's almost the other way around now, my sister works in education and she said the teachers are half afraid of the students there, they've almost taken over. It's sad.

To be honest, I think in some cases it's gone full circle. It's gone from parents being very harsh on their children to parents being too soft. I think the softness is possibly a result of the strict upbringings some people may have had themselves, and so they decide they don't want to bring their own children up like that, and end up being way too lax. I've seen some kids walking all over their parents. My best friend's little cousin called his mother a c*nt one day in front of a room full of people and she just ignored him, didn't call him out on it or anything. If I ever called my mother a c*nt, I would have been locked away in my room and probably would never have seen the light of day again.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 05:46PM

Turtyturd wrote: »

Quite the generatlisation there, plenty of kids have respect these days. Older people who demand respect off kids based solely on the fact that they are older would be a bigger problem than kids lacking respect in my experience. Kids should be taught to show others the level of respect they show to them no matter what age they are.

Bollix.

When I worked in hospitality I found most kids to be ignorant little sh1ts. I even had a 10 year old kid square up to me one day when I told him to sit down and stop running around. I'm not a small dude and I wasn't working in a sh1thole of a place either. I found kids that actually said please and thank you without being told to be the exception rather than the norm.

Bad Santa · 10-02-2013 05:47PM

Afraid of having my Commodore 64 taken away and not getting Xtravision money, sure - but not of violence.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 05:54PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Parents became softer

Why though?

Deleted User wrote: »

kids got spoilt, working parents felt guilty that they're not around as much. Exactly how you think it happened really, but violence never needs to come into it.

You think the young fellas that rob cars, disrespect their teachers, carry knives, break into houses etc never got a smack across the back of the legs?

Edit: And not all kids are like that, the younger generations will always get a hard time from the older ones, we just forget that we weren't always sweet and innocent ourselves.

I know I ended my OP saying a lot of kids could do with a smack but I actually don't condone violence.

Like some of the posters above I know I was afraid of the repercussions of acting the tit as a kid and I have the height of respect for my parents. Many kids these days don't seem to have that at all and I wonder where it all went wrong.

whatdoicare · 10-02-2013 05:59PM

My mam used to scream blue murder at us and threaten us with sharp objects, we used to think she was hilarious! My dad, on the other hand, he is the quietest man, I've never in my life heard him raise his voice and he's never ever hit us but he has this look..... This awful look of pure disappointment. He'd just go silent and look at you.
My ghod, you'd be hoping the ground would open up and take you. We never crossed him, not for any reason.
He's a great laugh though, he'd do anything to make us turn purple with laughter! I couldn't tell you how he garnered this fear out of us, although my husband says I'm well able to do the look too. He claims I've turned it on him on more than a few occasions lol!

10-02-2013 06:03PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Why though?

Like I said, guilt. Parents feel bad for working full time. They want to be friends with their kids more than ever. I'm sure abuse scandals have a lot to do with it too - anyone in authority is now seen as a potential enemy. Parents want to be the ones who discipline their kids - a teacher does it they're the worst in the world.

I still think kids these days get a bad rap. There are a lot of great kids out there, and I know more lovely, friendly, polite kids than I do disrespectful ones.

I know I ended my OP saying a lot of kids could do with a smack but I actually don't condone violence.

Well no, you ended it with saying you didn't agree with corporal punishment or abuse. Smacking a child is violence, so if you condone it, you condone violence.

AnonoBoy · 10-02-2013 06:05PM

Only during a full moon.

:eek:

Turtyturd · 10-02-2013 06:09PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Bollix.

When I worked in hospitality I found most kids to be ignorant little sh1ts. I even had a 10 year old kid square up to me one day when I told him to sit down and stop running around. I'm not a small dude and I wasn't working in a sh1thole of a place either. I found kids that actually said please and thank you without being told to be the exception rather than the norm.

Probably should have tried treating him with the respect you were looking for in return.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 06:13PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Like I said, guilt. Parents feel bad for working full time. They want to be friends with their kids more than ever. I'm sure abuse scandals have a lot to do with it too - anyone in authority is now seen as a potential enemy. Parents want to be the ones who discipline their kids - a teacher does it they're the worst in the world.

I still think kids these days get a bad rap. There are a lot of great kids out there, and I know more lovely, friendly, polite kids than I do disrespectful ones.

Well no, you ended it with saying you didn't agree with corporal punishment or abuse. Smacking a child is violence, so if you condone it, you condone violence.

I guess you're right.

But the problem is the parents who want to do the disciplining don't seem to be doing it very well in a lot of cases.

If it takes a smack on the back of the legs to keep a child in check well then yes, I do condone violence.

shrubs · 10-02-2013 06:18PM

As a kid/teenager I was but thankfully the fear turned to respect a long time ago!

10-02-2013 06:23PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

But the problem is the parents who want to do the disciplining don't seem to be doing it very well in a lot of cases.

I agree, there are a lot of rubbish parents out there. I know some of them myself. Funny thing is, the worst of the kids I know, are the ones who've been smacked. One in particular will hit back!

If it takes a smack on the back of the legs to keep a child in check well then yes, I do condone violence.

That's my point though, it shouldn't take a smack. It's lazy parenting. If it worked, you'd only have to do it once, but that's not what happens.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 06:24PM

Turtyturd wrote: »

Probably should have tried treating him with the respect you were looking for in return.

LOL!:D

When you were a kid and were out in a pub / hotel / restaurant for dinner with your folks were you allowed run around the place or were you made sit by your parents and behave?

Exactly what respect do you think a 10 year old kid who is running around potentially causing havoc deserves?

If that was your child I had told to go sit down would you have taken me to task on it?

'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem'

kfallon · 10-02-2013 06:26PM

Was prob more afraid of me Ma, used to hate her giving out to me, then the "go to your room and wait til your father gets home!" This would be 10am so I'd have to wait til 5pm for me Da to come up and give me the lecture, twas a long day I can tell ya......keeping a 30 year old in his room all day is not good for him :pac:

kfallon · 10-02-2013 06:30PM

Deleted User wrote: »

That's my point though, it shouldn't take a smack. It's lazy parenting. If it worked, you'd only have to do it once, but that's not what happens.

So any parent who gave their child a little slap on the back of the legs when they misbehaved is a 'lazy parent'?

anncoates · 10-02-2013 06:31PM

My ma used to wear a duffel coat and those wooden heeled schol sandals so I was terrified of her.......

Turning up anywhere within a mile radius of school, that is.

10-02-2013 06:31PM

kfallon wrote: »

So any parent who gave their child a little slap on the back of the legs when they misbehaved is a 'lazy parent'?

In my opinion, yes.

Big Nasty · 10-02-2013 06:32PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I agree, there are a lot of rubbish parents out there. I know some of them myself. Funny thing is, the worst of the kids I know, are the ones who've been smacked. One in particular will hit back!

That's my point though, it shouldn't take a smack. It's lazy parenting. If it worked, you'd only have to do it once, but that's not what happens.

But to be fair it's lazy parenting in general that causes the problem. If kids aren't disciplined for wrongdoing they won't learn when they are wrong.

Also I bloody hate bad manners and parents that won't teach their kids to say please and thank you. :mad:

10-02-2013 06:33PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

But to be fair it's lazy parenting in general that causes the problem. If kids aren't disciplined for wrongdoing they won't learn when they are wrong.

Fully agree.

arboroia · 10-02-2013 06:35PM

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they allow disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

Realtine · 10-02-2013 06:37PM

Senna wrote: »

The threat of the "wooden spoon" was enough to keep us in check:D

HA - indeed! I remember this well and/or the threat of 'boarding school'.

branie · 10-02-2013 06:38PM

Realtine wrote: »

HA - indeed! I remember this well and/or the threat of 'boarding school'.

I wonder if that threat ever worked for some kids?

kfallon · 10-02-2013 06:39PM

Deleted User wrote: »

In my opinion, yes.

My Da did it to me a few times (prob no more than 3 or 4) when I was younger, the man was not a lazy parent, far from it in fact and I kinda resent your sweeping generalisations about people you know nothing about.

I was prob being a little shit and deserved it. No doubt I'd got a few warnings first, he didn't really have the time to lie me on the couch and give me a psychological evaluation as to why I was doing the 'bold' thing I was doing. It taught me right from wrong.

Were You Afraid Of Your Parents?

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