Finding something you wish you didnt.

Lando Griffin · 08-02-2013 04:27PM #1

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

smash · 08-02-2013 04:29PM

Lando Griffin wrote: »

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

I've woken up beside a few things that I wish I hadn't...

SEPT 23 1989 · 08-02-2013 04:30PM

Go back on the drink immediately

Banjo String · 08-02-2013 04:30PM

Condoms in my wifes handbag.

I didn't know she had a cock. Its kinda put me of her now.

jugger · 08-02-2013 04:31PM

this thread

somefeen · 08-02-2013 04:31PM

Used condom in the fridge

Lando Griffin · 08-02-2013 04:32PM

jugger wrote: »

this thread

:mad:

Duvetdays · 08-02-2013 04:33PM

somefeen wrote: »

Used condom in the fridge

Please elaborate?

FatherLen · 08-02-2013 04:34PM

pooh in the book. close it. put it back.

Genghiz Cohen · 08-02-2013 04:34PM

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

Jaxxy · 08-02-2013 04:35PM

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

Might want to start spending some quality time with your missus there Lando, unless of course you're happy with her being miserable with the way things are. If that's the case, carry on!

FatherLen · 08-02-2013 04:35PM

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

posh ****...

The Princess Bride · 08-02-2013 04:37PM

somefeen wrote: »

Used condom in the fridge

Duvetdays wrote: »

Please elaborate?

Please don't.

kylith · 08-02-2013 04:41PM

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

When I moved into my current abode I discovered that the previous tenant's (a friend of the family) method of condom disposal was to drop them behind the bed.

Never did I retch so much as when cleaning up 5 years' worth of used condoms. I still can't look at the bastard.

somefeen · 08-02-2013 04:44PM

Duvetdays wrote: »

Please elaborate?

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Where To · 08-02-2013 04:46PM

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Duvetdays · 08-02-2013 04:49PM

somefeen wrote: »

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Brings a whole new meaning to gentlemans relish.

Czarcasm · 08-02-2013 04:50PM

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

This is why I respect my wife's privacy and don't read her diary- God only knows the shìt she writes in it!

Found a pair of jocks that didn't belong to me in my jocks drawer once. When I asked my wife about them she explained they were her brothers and he gave them to her because, and I quote- "he thought they'd fit me!"

I'd sooner have preferred that just like normal people she'd had another man over tbh!

Dafuq do I want with her brothers cast offs! :pac:

somefeen · 08-02-2013 04:50PM

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

This is why taxi drivers should secretly film what goes on in the back seat and then use it to blackmail the ****ers into cleaning up after themselves!

RainMaker · 08-02-2013 04:53PM

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Lesbian aul ones?

Best username ever · 08-02-2013 04:54PM

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Box batter?

somefeen · 08-02-2013 04:54PM

kylith wrote: »

When I moved into my current abode I discovered that the previous tenant's (a friend of the family) method of condom disposal was to drop them behind the bed.

Never did I retch so much as when cleaning up 5 years' worth of used condoms. I still can't look at the bastard.

You win

Where To · 08-02-2013 04:55PM

RainMaker wrote: »

Lesbian aul ones?

Couldn't say for sure but if they were one of them had the most realistic strap-on I ever had to clean up after.:(

Son Of A Vidic · 08-02-2013 04:57PM

smash wrote: »

I've woken up beside a few things that I wish I hadn't...

Two legs or four?

Best username ever · 08-02-2013 05:00PM

Where To wrote: »

Couldn't say for sure but if they were one of them had the most realistic strap-on I ever had to clean up after.:(

That's sick, you had to clean up someone else's bell butter...

summerskin · 08-02-2013 05:04PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

This is why I respect my wife's privacy and don't read her diary- God only knows the shìt she writes in it!

Found a pair of jocks that didn't belong to me in my jocks drawer once. When I asked my wife about them she explained they were her brothers and he gave them to her because, and I quote- "he thought they'd fit me!"

I'd sooner have preferred that just like normal people she'd had another man over tbh!

Dafuq do I want with her brothers cast offs! :pac:

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt...

Where To · 08-02-2013 05:15PM

Best username ever wrote: »

That's sick, you had to clean up someone else's bell butter...

Doesn't bother me at all, I can handle anything except sour milk. Even typing sour milk makes me gag. Bleugh!

CuppaCocoa · 08-02-2013 05:20PM

somefeen wrote: »

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Cucumbers. Ya can never be too careful!

sparkthatbled · 08-02-2013 05:20PM

Clearing out my sister's room with my Dad after she moved out to prepare to rent it out... Found something big, purple and battery operated hidden under the bottom drawer of her dresser. :eek:

Deank · 08-02-2013 05:21PM

Where To wrote: »

Doesn't bother me at all, I can handle anything except sour milk. Even typing sour milk makes me gag. Bleugh!

Same sort of consitantcy really, uuugghh

I Heart Internet · 08-02-2013 05:21PM

Out for a sunday stroll while living in England a while back I turned a corner on a river bank walk to find a skinny long-haired guy roiding a much, much larger lady from behind. They were on a picnic blanket by the river. This was a very popular walk....not a quite spot by any means. Shudder........

Finding something you wish you didnt.

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