Finding something you wish you didnt.

Lando Griffin

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

smash

Lando Griffin wrote: »

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

I've woken up beside a few things that I wish I hadn't...

SEPT 23 1989

Go back on the drink immediately

Banjo String

Condoms in my wifes handbag.

I didn't know she had a cock. Its kinda put me of her now.

jugger

this thread

somefeen

Used condom in the fridge

Lando Griffin

jugger wrote: »

this thread

:mad:

Duvetdays

somefeen wrote: »

Used condom in the fridge

Please elaborate?

FatherLen

pooh in the book. close it. put it back.

Genghiz Cohen

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

Jaxxy

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

Might want to start spending some quality time with your missus there Lando, unless of course you're happy with her being miserable with the way things are. If that's the case, carry on!

FatherLen

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

posh ****...

The Princess Bride

somefeen wrote: »

Used condom in the fridge

Duvetdays wrote: »

Please elaborate?

Please don't.

kylith

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

A condom wrapper in a housemates room after he moved out.

He never had a woman over...

When I moved into my current abode I discovered that the previous tenant's (a friend of the family) method of condom disposal was to drop them behind the bed.

Never did I retch so much as when cleaning up 5 years' worth of used condoms. I still can't look at the bastard.

somefeen

Duvetdays wrote: »

Please elaborate?

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Where To

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Duvetdays

somefeen wrote: »

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Brings a whole new meaning to gentlemans relish.

Czarcasm

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Last weekend as I tidied up the drinks cabinet I discovered a delightfully covered jotter.
I nearly dropped as I read through it.
Every line a damming indictment of a miserable woman.
I couldn’t believe it as I read how when I am down the pub on Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays for Super Sunday she sits there lonely writing her memoirs.
As I read more I discovered she must have had a relationship with another man, a greedy shelfis person much akin to her father, “ oh how I do wish he could be different to my pub loving father” and such.
My mates think that there is not much up, that now I am off the booze she would be much happier.
But alas no, “now he sits there laptop on knee complaining about all the Reality programs I love”
I wish I never found these memoirs.
There can never be trust between us now.
What would the decent folk of AH do?

HAve you ever found something you wish you didn't?

This is why I respect my wife's privacy and don't read her diary- God only knows the shìt she writes in it!

Found a pair of jocks that didn't belong to me in my jocks drawer once. When I asked my wife about them she explained they were her brothers and he gave them to her because, and I quote- "he thought they'd fit me!"

I'd sooner have preferred that just like normal people she'd had another man over tbh!

Dafuq do I want with her brothers cast offs! :pac:

somefeen

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

This is why taxi drivers should secretly film what goes on in the back seat and then use it to blackmail the ****ers into cleaning up after themselves!

RainMaker

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Lesbian aul ones?

Best username ever

Where To wrote: »

Two old ones were getting hot and heavy in the back one night, after I left them off there was scaly stuff all over the seat.:(

Box batter?

somefeen

kylith wrote: »

When I moved into my current abode I discovered that the previous tenant's (a friend of the family) method of condom disposal was to drop them behind the bed.

Never did I retch so much as when cleaning up 5 years' worth of used condoms. I still can't look at the bastard.

You win

Where To

RainMaker wrote: »

Lesbian aul ones?

Couldn't say for sure but if they were one of them had the most realistic strap-on I ever had to clean up after.:(

Son Of A Vidic

smash wrote: »

I've woken up beside a few things that I wish I hadn't...

Two legs or four?

Best username ever

Where To wrote: »

Couldn't say for sure but if they were one of them had the most realistic strap-on I ever had to clean up after.:(

That's sick, you had to clean up someone else's bell butter...

summerskin

Czarcasm wrote: »

This is why I respect my wife's privacy and don't read her diary- God only knows the shìt she writes in it!

Found a pair of jocks that didn't belong to me in my jocks drawer once. When I asked my wife about them she explained they were her brothers and he gave them to her because, and I quote- "he thought they'd fit me!"

I'd sooner have preferred that just like normal people she'd had another man over tbh!

Dafuq do I want with her brothers cast offs! :pac:

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt...

Where To

Best username ever wrote: »

That's sick, you had to clean up someone else's bell butter...

Doesn't bother me at all, I can handle anything except sour milk. Even typing sour milk makes me gag. Bleugh!

CuppaCocoa

somefeen wrote: »

I opened the fridge in a new flat, to discover a condom in the vegetable drawer.
Not a clue what the **** it was doing there or how it got there and frankly I don't want to know.
The drawer was never used.

Still not as bad as what was in the microwave. I think that thing had its own ecosystem.

Cucumbers. Ya can never be too careful!

sparkthatbled

Clearing out my sister's room with my Dad after she moved out to prepare to rent it out... Found something big, purple and battery operated hidden under the bottom drawer of her dresser. :eek:

Deank

Where To wrote: »

Doesn't bother me at all, I can handle anything except sour milk. Even typing sour milk makes me gag. Bleugh!

Same sort of consitantcy really, uuugghh

I Heart Internet

Out for a sunday stroll while living in England a while back I turned a corner on a river bank walk to find a skinny long-haired guy roiding a much, much larger lady from behind. They were on a picnic blanket by the river. This was a very popular walk....not a quite spot by any means. Shudder........

Where To

sparkthatbled wrote: »

Clearing out my sister's room with my Dad after she moved out to prepare to rent it out... Found something big, purple and battery operated hidden under the bottom drawer of her dresser. :eek:

I keep my talking Barney the Dinosaur hidden out of sight too.:o

somefeen

lilybarlean wrote: »

Cucumbers. Ya can never be too careful!

Thats a perfectly plausible if somewhat disturbing answer.

Best username ever

Not something I found, rather my mates girlfriend found.

She came home early one afternoon to find him upstairs with her dirty knickers on his head. He was sniffing the crotch area furiously whilst pulling the chimp off himself.

She decided to tell all of us in the pub one night..I think I laughed for about two hours after.

Duvetdays

Best username ever wrote: »

Not something I found, rather my mates girlfriend found.

She came home early one afternoon to find him upstairs with her dirty knickers on his head. He was sniffing the crotch area furiously whilst pulling the chimp off himself.

She decided to tell all of us in the pub one night..I think I laughed for about two hours after.

Funniest post ever!

sbsquarepants

House sitting in my girlfriends mothers house years back, there was a suitcase under the bed. Being the nosy fúcker that i am, i looked inside only to find it full of porn, sex toys and kinky clothes!
Pity the daughter wasn't a bit more like her:mad:

Deank

Best username ever wrote: »

Not something I found, rather my mates girlfriend found.

She came home early one afternoon to find him upstairs with her dirty knickers on his head. He was sniffing the crotch area furiously whilst pulling the chimp off himself.

She decided to tell all of us in the pub one night..I think I laughed for about two hours after.

Legendary post, I'm reading this on the train and just broke my hole laughing, I've people looking at me funny now

Best username ever

Deank wrote: »

Legendary post, I'm reading this on the train and just broke my hole laughing, I've people looking at me funny now

For about six months after this happened, any time this fella walked into a room everyone burst their hole laughing.

Cungi

Op you need to fill in some of the jotter for her. Example.

Monday - Feelin very horny. Can't wait for hubby to come home and ride me sideways. I'll cook him a big steak afterwards and not watch any reality tv shite.

AnonoBoy

A load of old homemade porn taken on polaroids featuring lumpy ugly people and a load of Nazi memorbilia in a shed out the back of a house we rented in college.

We naturally hung up the Nazi stuff, wore the SS hat and showed every visitor the photos for the whole year.

Deank

Best username ever wrote: »

For about six months after this happened, any time this fella walked into a room everyone burst their hole laughing.

Brilliant, just too funny, the poor girl who caught him though she can never unsee that.

doulikeit

Me and the brother out fishing one day we found a ring i beat d bollix outa him and then f&%ed off up the mountains for a while
Then these wee gimps wi massive feet stole me ring the c#@nts and had to follow them to some **** hole think it was cavan loads of ugly people there
There was a wee fat gimp he beat d bollix outa me then i tried to kill him a few times. Bloody mess the whole thing and never got d poxy ring back wish i never found it

G Power

i found out the world is actually upside down, that not enough give a **** to matter a damn to those keeping it all upside down and that ignorance is in fact bliss

what has been seen can't be unseen

Kat1170

The day I found out there was no Santy :mad::(:mad::(:mad::(:(:(

3ndahalfof6

This thread, that is all.

SafeSurfer

AnonoBoy wrote: »

A load of old homemade porn taken on polaroids featuring lumpy ugly people and a load of Nazi memorbilia in a shed out the back of a house we rented in college.

We naturally hung up the Nazi stuff, wore the SS hat and showed every visitor the photos for the whole year.

Must have been the British Royal family's old gaff.

3ndahalfof6

G Power wrote: »

i found out the world is actually upside down, that not enough give a **** to matter a damn to those keeping it all upside down and that ignorance is in fact bliss

what has been seen can't be unseen

And how do they get the fig into the fig twix, that is all.

gidget

Yes!
About 2 years ago, i was out the back putting rubbish in the bin when out of the corner of my eye i noticed a child's drawing, which had blown into the garden. Was just about to bin it & looked at it, beside the picture of the child with her mum i noticed the note in crayon that she had written to her mum. It said " love you lots like jelly tots, i'm sorry you have to put with daddy"
No lie a sudden pang just hit me there & then wondering what must be going on in that house, that the poor child has to witness

SafeSurfer

gidget wrote: »

Yes!
About 2 years ago, i was out the back putting rubbish in the bin when out of the corner of my eye i noticed a child's drawing, which had blown into the garden. Was just about to bin it & looked at it, beside the picture of the child with her mum i noticed the note in crayon that she had written to her mum. It said " love you lots like jelly tots, i'm sorry you have to put with daddy"
No lie a sudden pang just hit me there & then wondering what must be going on in that house, that the poor child has to witness

Could just be the manipulative mother filling the child with her hate and resentment.

admiralofthefleet

kylith wrote: »

When I moved into my current abode I discovered that the previous tenant's (a friend of the family) method of condom disposal was to drop them behind the bed.

Never did I retch so much as when cleaning up 5 years' worth of used condoms. I still can't look at the bastard.

.

joe stodge

Whilst out walking the dog one evening I passed a nextdoor neighbors middle aged very routund daughter drinking cans in the local fields with some wirey little junk ball, on the way back I had to pass them again. Only this time there was two big fat naked legs in the air with this whisp of a man going at her hammer and tongs.

These things cannot be unseen.