Stories from the bullshítter.

Plazaman · 06-02-2013 01:42PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

He was in the union once with a load of us, talking the same shite, and when he got up to go to the toilet everyone, without a word or signal to each other, everyone just stood up and spat in his pint.

"Scummiest thing....." thread

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My local Barman qualifies as a top notch bullshítter. If you won €50 euro on a scratch card, he'd have won €1000. If you scored a goal in a friendly kickabout, he'd have scored a hat-trick in a league final. You can drink a pint in 30 seconds, he'll have it done in under ten seconds.

During the log jam in the Passport Office a few years ago, he was boasting about going on a trip to the Sychelles but complaining that he thought the delay in getting his passport was deliberate as this was his first one and somehow the passport people do extra checks on ya and were probably jealous of him going on holiday (he's a top notch conspiracy theorist too).

Five minutes later two of us were talking about being in New York and finding a nice 3 star hotel for less than the price of a mortgage. Suddenly, when he was in New York he was in a 5 star AND got upgraded to a penthouse suite.

US : "But wait a minute Gerry, if you never had a passport before, how we're you allowed into the States?".

GE : "Diplomatic passport, I had to help a politician out a while back".

Cue me snotting into my own pint by accident from laughing. Yeah I know, Scummy Thread

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IK09 · 06-02-2013 01:53PM

i caught my brother chattin up a girl outside a night club once, tellin her he owned Tesco! Complete unbelievable bull****. He turns around knowing i had just heard him and goes
"here, this is my brother, whats the name of my business?"

Of course i backed him up, always help a brother out.

a fat guy · 06-02-2013 01:55PM

I know a lad who continues to maintain that he's a part of some special secret Irish Black Ops squad.

petethebrick · 06-02-2013 01:59PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

customer in a pub i used to work in was nicknamed 66/1 because he was always winning on big outsiders - or so he said. he was sitting at the bar on new years eve 2009 and me, the wife and her parents were sitting down just away from the bar with him in earshot.
he started going on about playing guitar with some of the biggest pub bands in dublin and was always in demand to play guitar. my father in law says to him 'ah lovely, ive my guitar in the car sure give us a tune'. he goes out to get the guitar and brings it in and 66/1's face drops.
he starts playing completely out of key and moaned at my FIL about the guitar being out of tune.
only thing is, frank had paid hundreds that morning to have the guitar professionally tuned

You can't get a guitar professionally tuned and if you did get someone to tune it, it would take 5 minutes and not cost hundreds. I call bull****!

SuperGrover · 06-02-2013 02:00PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

customer in a pub i used to work in was nicknamed 66/1 because he was always winning on big outsiders - or so he said. he was sitting at the bar on new years eve 2009 and me, the wife and her parents were sitting down just away from the bar with him in earshot.
he started going on about playing guitar with some of the biggest pub bands in dublin and was always in demand to play guitar. my father in law says to him 'ah lovely, ive my guitar in the car sure give us a tune'. he goes out to get the guitar and brings it in and 66/1's face drops.
he starts playing completely out of key and moaned at my FIL about the guitar being out of tune.
only thing is, frank had paid hundreds that morning to have the guitar professionally tuned

I get it! A story about a bull****ter with a piece of bull**** as a punchline. Thought you were serious there for a moment. Good one!

EDIT - I see this has already been done. Forget it.

minidazzler · 06-02-2013 02:04PM

IK09 wrote: »

i caught my brother chattin up a girl outside a night club once, tellin her he owned Tesco! Complete unbelievable bull****. He turns around knowing i had just heard him and goes
"here, this is my brother, whats the name of my business?"

Of course i backed him up, always help a brother out.

It doesn't count as bullsh1tting if the goal is to get laid, only if the goal is to make yourself look good in front of your friends.

petethebrick wrote: »

You can't get a guitar professionally tuned and if you did get someone to tune it, it would take 5 minutes and not cost hundreds. I call bull****!

I can't believe this got to two pages without someone telling him he is WRONG!

I mean, I really can't believe it...because it didn't get to more than 10 posts before it was pointed out.

summerskin · 06-02-2013 02:08PM

I used to be one of said bullshítters, many moons ago.

It all came down to low self-esteem, lack of approval and attention from an alcoholic parent, really wanting to just be something more than what i saw myself as at the time.

I was from a single parent family, in the 70s when there weren't many around and used to say my father had been killed by being trampled on by an elephant while on safari in africa. It was easier than the truth at the time, and bizarrely more believable to some people than the actual truth.

Years later I'd be telling my mates about the women I'd shagged over the weekend, always "picked her up at the taxi rank" or other shít, of course after my friends had gone home.

And as for the lies I told women, I worked in the Secret Service,I was a successful entrepreneur, I wrote screenplays for major movies etc

it was all a way of escaping from a life that i wasn't really happy in much of the time, partly due to depression but mainly due to my upbringing and a lack of worth it gave me. All i wanted was an escape, and those stories, along with gambling a lot, gave me that escape.

And that sort of behaviour continued for about 30 years until I finally did something about it and sought help. Now, a few years later, my life is very different. I like who I am, i love my wife, my children, my home, my job.

And I don't need to bullshít anymore.

believe me, not every bullshítter is doing it to impress you, they are doing it to live the life they wish they had, sometimes at least.

Of course though, some of them are just bullshítters.

SuperGrover · 06-02-2013 02:17PM

This lad in a pub I was a regular in years back. Non-stop rubbish. He wasn't right in the head.

Anyway, a couple that spring to mind were how his da sold Northside Shopping Centre to build Beaumont Hospital (no holes in that story) and how we was getting married to the lounge girl who worked in the pub. He even had a date set and we were all invited to the afters.

If I recall correctly, he got barred for hassling said lounge girl to try to make it look legit by being around her a lot.

Tiring to listen to these people, tbh.

IK09 · 06-02-2013 02:20PM

SuperGrover wrote: »

This lad in a pub I was a regular in years back. Non-stop rubbish. He wasn't right in the head.

Anyway, a couple that spring to mind were how his da sold Northside Shopping Centre to build Beaumont Hospital (no holes in that story) and how we was getting married to the lounge girl who worked in the pub. He even had a date set and we were all invited to the afters.

If I recall correctly, he got barred for hassling said lounge girl to try to make it look legit by being around her a lot.

Tiring to listen to these people, tbh.

Thats super creepy, just hanging around her. Professional weirdo

ArtyM · 06-02-2013 02:20PM

summerskin wrote: »

I used to be one of said bullshítters, many moons ago.

It all came down to low self-esteem, lack of approval and attention from an alcoholic parent, really wanting to just be something more than what i saw myself as at the time.

I was from a single parent family, in the 70s when there weren't many around and used to say my father had been killed by being trampled on by an elephant while on safari in africa. It was easier than the truth at the time, and bizarrely more believable to some people than the actual truth.

Years later I'd be telling my mates about the women I'd shagged over the weekend, always "picked her up at the taxi rank" or other shít, of course after my friends had gone home.

And as for the lies I told women, I worked in the Secret Service,I was a successful entrepreneur, I wrote screenplays for major movies etc

it was all a way of escaping from a life that i wasn't really happy in much of the time, partly due to depression but mainly due to my upbringing and a lack of worth it gave me. All i wanted was an escape, and those stories, along with gambling a lot, gave me that escape.

And that sort of behaviour continued for about 30 years until I finally did something about it and sought help. Now, a few years later, my life is very different. I like who I am, i love my wife, my children, my home, my job.

And I don't need to bullshít anymore.

believe me, not every bullshítter is doing it to impress you, they are doing it to live the life they wish they had, sometimes at least.

Of course though, some of them are just bullshítters.

BS

SuperGrover · 06-02-2013 02:27PM

IK09 wrote: »

Thats super creepy, just hanging around her. Professional weirdo

That's exactly what he was. But he was no real threat. Just a bit soft in the head.

Supraman · 06-02-2013 02:30PM

One las springs to mind for me in my secondary school , he had some classics . I remember telling us once he'd been an amsterdam for the weekend partying with the wu tang clan after he performed a dj set there . An irish spotty teen somewhat unlikely to be dj in an amsterdam club . More unlikely when one of the lads he said it too had seen him out during that weekend in the pub . He barefaced lied to him when he called him on it .

SuperGrover · 06-02-2013 02:36PM

summerskin wrote: »

I used to be one of said bullshítters, many moons ago...

Can I ask, when you were telling people lies, could you see that they knew you were talking nonsense and how did that feel? How did you keep going?

Just curious, and no point asking an unreformed spoofer.

Hannibal Smith · 06-02-2013 02:40PM

the online ones are the worst..theres this one guy I know...went into a forum pretending to be his son and saying his dad was taken in and given a liver transplant all emergency etc....everyone was like omg I'm so sorry etc...as if you would go on to a forum just to tell folk about your dad and a liver transplant in case they were worried about him lol. anyhow it turned out it was all bs

another time he fell out of his attic and needed brain surgery lol..but obviously aftera lot of googling he must have realized he'd have to be fake off line for ages because he had a miraculous recovery and was back online the next day lol . oh btw...again it was his son who broke the news to the forum.

the best one was 2 weeks ago he'd been telling everyone how he wanted to kill himself and posted a status on fb saying good bye etc...finally someone called his bluff and messaged his daughter who called to his house...there he was sitting at his computer refreshing every 5 mins to see how many fake hugs he got.

now everyone sits and giggles at him (except those of us who deleted him) and he's too thick to even twig : D

Logical_Bear · 06-02-2013 02:44PM

7 7 12 wrote: »

Some amount of bullshot on the powering tax fine with 6000 1 c coins thread

some amount of bullsh1t in your posts on said thread.Were's the damn rolly eye emoticon when ye need it!

Ladjacket · 06-02-2013 02:49PM

I hate the way people 'call' bull****? Like, "I'm sorry but I call BS on this". Where did that phrase even come from?

TPD · 06-02-2013 03:32PM

A lad from Donegal, who at 16 was world motocross champion (!), saw a helicopter flying about the hills suddenly do a backflip.

RossFixxxed · 06-02-2013 03:44PM

I'm a professional guitar tuner. I use gStrings for Android, and I charge 3000 euro. It's a bargain!

kowloon · 06-02-2013 03:57PM

Knew a guy who was obsessed with having the best of everything. If you got a new gadget, be it a tv, computer or a spoon, he had the better one.
You can have a bit of fun though, we would just say we were getting some new object (that we had made up) and he would either already have one or was waiting for a better one.
He bought a new car and someone asked him on facebook why he didn't go for the new model. He wrote an essay on why his car was superior. There was no new model.
I'm not sure he'll ever be happy if his life revolves around having better stuff.

Gummy Panda · 06-02-2013 05:24PM

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

the online ones are the worst..theres this one guy I know...went into a forum pretending to be his son and saying his dad was taken in and given a liver transplant all emergency etc....everyone was like omg I'm so sorry etc...as if you would go on to a forum just to tell folk about your dad and a liver transplant in case they were worried about him lol. anyhow it turned out it was all bs

another time he fell out of his attic and needed brain surgery lol..but obviously aftera lot of googling he must have realized he'd have to be fake off line for ages because he had a miraculous recovery and was back online the next day lol . oh btw...again it was his son who broke the news to the forum.

the best one was 2 weeks ago he'd been telling everyone how he wanted to kill himself and posted a status on fb saying good bye etc...finally someone called his bluff and messaged his daughter who called to his house...there he was sitting at his computer refreshing every 5 mins to see how many fake hugs he got.

now everyone sits and giggles at him (except those of us who deleted him) and he's too thick to even twig : D

Well the jokes on you! I don't have a daughter, that's just me in a dress

knucklehead6 · 06-02-2013 05:34PM

There is a world of difference between a bull****ter and a WUM though.

Years ago, back ever before i joined boards i was a user on a site called Dangerhere, and was caught out in the run up to christmas by an epic wum about how he was gonna get the snot knocked out of him over the christmas period cos his girlfriends ex was getting compassionate release. This guy had a good few of us going. Truly a genius WUM, just the right amount of fear instilled in to his posts to make it 'feel' real...

IK09 · 06-02-2013 05:46PM

ya well i knew a guy who was a 1UM, and he said that this guy that he knew was a proper 1UM and he killed a shark using only a spoon, his friend dared him to do it

joe stodge · 07-02-2013 12:59AM

a fat guy wrote: »

I know a lad who continues to maintain that he's a part of some special secret Irish Black Ops squad.

I know a guy who says the same thing.

Gatling · 07-02-2013 01:15AM

Typically Irish

randy hickey · 07-02-2013 01:29AM

Knew a lad once who claimed he was off to join the French Foreign Legion.
One of his mates bumped into him near his house about two weeks after he was supposed to have left- he had shaved his head and been using a sunbed whilst lying low at his mammy's house.

Same bloke was chatting up a bird in a club in Belfast.She asked him what he did for a living, and deciding to impress her with a job in British military intelligence, he announced that he worked for MFI, and couldn't talk about it!

garv123 · 07-02-2013 01:31AM

A lad im sort of friends with is terrible for it..
He was telling me and another friend how he had spent the day out at sea off the coast digging with his fathers hi-mac with big blow up floats on the tracks to keep the digger a float.

Robbo · 07-02-2013 01:51AM

a fat guy wrote: »

I know a lad who continues to maintain that he's a part of some special secret Irish Black Ops squad.

Does he prance about fields with a pellet gun going "Naw aww, I shot you first"?

Gatling · 07-02-2013 01:55AM

Robbo wrote: »

Does he prance about fields with a pellet gun going "Naw aww, I shot you first"?

Typical Irish airsofter

summerskin · 07-02-2013 08:23AM

SuperGrover wrote: »

Can I ask, when you were telling people lies, could you see that they knew you were talking nonsense and how did that feel? How did you keep going?

Just curious, and no point asking an unreformed spoofer.

You just keep reinforcing the lie, he more you tell it the more real it gets to be to you.

You know that people don't believe you, but it doesn't matters as to you it's the truth, this fantastical new reality you've created where you just bumped into Liam Gallagher walking down the road and he took you on a whirlwind weekend of booze and shagging minor celebs.

BBDBB · 07-02-2013 08:27AM

we used to call one Elevenerife......cos if you'd been to Tenerife you could guarantee...

Stories from the bullshítter.

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