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Disrespect better than nothing?

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Comments

  • #32
    fillefatale
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,225 ✭✭✭fillefatale


    Good luck with this OP, I am of a similar age to your daughter. I graduated and am currently living at home, with difficulty, myself and my mother fight frequently, she doesn't really respect me. However I feel because I'm not paying rent and am unemployed that I should do my share around the house - cooking, cleaning, ironing. My mouth was hanging out as I read how she was treating you - wasting her money on drink and clothes instead of books - I can understand if she was hard up, but she has a job - surely she can supplement herself!

    If you don't stand up to her she will grow resentful to you for it, for allowing her to fall into a pattern of drinking and wasting her money on material things, instead of focusing on her college work. Maybe she's having some difficulty at college at the moment and that's whats setting her on edge?

    I'm sorry OP, I wish my mother had the capacity to ask for help and talk about these things (typical repressed Catholic). Your daughter doesn't know how lucky she is. You won't lose her, she'll be angry for a while, once you've found your voice and said NO, but later on she'll understand and thank you for it, for making that necessary change in her life.


  • #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have read all the replies, Thank you all.

    She is away at college and home every 2nd weekend. I've come to dread her coming home.

    Yes I have felt for ages that something might be wrong, but she insists that there isn't, I can't keep at her. I just hope that she knows that she can always come to me in the end no matter what.

    Talking to her calmly is no good as she doesn't think there is a problem, she thinks I;m just whinging.

    I suppose I am afraid of loosing her on account of my own relationship with my mother not being good for years- but we sorted it and have a good relationship now, I always wanted a better relationship with my own children. I just can't believe how 'not nice' she has become.
    Feeling a little better today.


  • #34
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,592 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Are you paying her rent? Funding her living expenses? Doing her laundry for her on the one weekend she's home?

    Get it out of your head that she paid for those holidays herself: you did.

    You're spoiling her rotten. Stop it now. The last thing this country needs is another self-entitled bitch.


  • #35
    Roisy7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Roisy7


    goinganon wrote: »
    I have read all the replies, Thank you all.

    She is away at college and home every 2nd weekend. I've come to dread her coming home.

    Yes I have felt for ages that something might be wrong, but she insists that there isn't, I can't keep at her. I just hope that she knows that she can always come to me in the end no matter what.

    Talking to her calmly is no good as she doesn't think there is a problem, she thinks I;m just whinging.

    I suppose I am afraid of loosing her on account of my own relationship with my mother not being good for years- but we sorted it and have a good relationship now, I always wanted a better relationship with my own children. I just can't believe how 'not nice' she has become.
    Feeling a little better today.

    If she's home every second weekend can you not be out when's she's home? I'm back living at home after college and I wouldn't dare treat my mum like that, but as she works fairly irregular hours u often have to cook for myself or cook for her. So be unavailable and tell her to cook for herself, sort her own clothes etc.

    You are doing her no favours as has been stated countless times on this thread. She has to fend for herself one day.

    I also think before she comes home for the weekend you should call her and say you don't want her home unless she's going to be polite to you. Could see my mother doing that but then I wouldn't dream of treating her like that, no matter how much she might annoy me at times.


  • #36
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    OP, do you have a husband/partner who can back you up?


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  • #37
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Roisy7 wrote: »
    I also think before she comes home for the weekend you should call her and say you don't want her home unless she's going to be polite to you. Could see my mother doing that but then I wouldn't dream of treating her like that, no matter how much she might annoy me at times.

    Yeah I agree with this. Tell her that she is not welcome home unless she has an attitude improvement and that you need a bit of space from her bad behaviour. Id do it a couple of weekends in a row, then see what she is like.


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