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How to deal with bullys?

245

Comments

  • #32
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    ermahgerd wrote: »
    the mere fact that you stand up to the person should bring it to a close and they'll move on and look for an easier victim.

    Not always the case, sadly.


  • #33
    mongoman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 669 ✭✭✭mongoman


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    How to deal with bullys?


    A spot of counter bullying quickly sorts them out.


  • #34
    NegativeCreep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    Never got bullied myself but I know people from school who were. It's important that the rest of the class support the person being bullied and to make the bully feel stupid. It's the only way. The person being bullied is often helpless because no matter what they do they'll be ridiculed.
    Bullies never bothered with me because I didn't care about what they said and never gave them the reaction that they want. This made me the ideal candidate to stick up for others who were being bullied :p


  • #35
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    anncoates wrote: »
    Sadly the usual advice to hit a bully doesn't always work and get you a worse hiding. Doesn't matter if they're cowards. That Stoll doesn't mean some if them are harder than you.
    I think I got away with it because there was a crowd around that saw the whole scene, and it was literally shock that someone stood up to her that she didn't react. I had seen so many girls crying in the bathroom over her making a show of them that her eyes watering was a triumph for them. I also told her to stay away from a few girls she was constantly after. I would never get involved in a physical fight as an adult, and could never justify hitting anyone.

    I saw her a few months back, and looked everything I expected her to be. An out and out loser.
    If it was really bad and persistent, I'd either try and use a baseball bat or something or better still mob up a few mates to give them a hiding.

    No no no no... never get weapons involved. If it's gotten to the point of wanting to do serious damage like that, it's gone way to far =/


  • #36
    ermahgerd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭ermahgerd


    No place for softies out in the Blanch.


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  • #37
    ermahgerd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭ermahgerd


    anncoates wrote: »
    Sadly the usual advice to hit a bully doesn't always work and get you a worse hiding. Doesn't matter if they're cowards. That stilll doesn't mean some of them are not harder than you.

    If it was really bad and persistent, I'd either try and use a baseball bat or something or better still mob up a few mates to give them a hiding.

    Bringing any form of weapon into the equation is absolutely not the advice to be giving.

    People being stressed out and thinking of weapons as a solution is one of the factors contributing to the massive numbers of shootings in the US at the moment.

    Even a bat could permanently damage someone's brain or paralyze them, and people who turn up to a fist fight with a weapon are going to be looked at far worse and lose all sympathy they may have had.


  • #38
    whelan1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,786 ✭✭✭✭whelan1


    Feeona wrote: »
    I've often heard comments about teachers 'not doing anything' in school about bullying and thought I would post something about the reality of dealing with bullying. I have had several experiences of teaching children who told me they were being bullied/hassled. Some cases were genuine, in that the child had done nothing whatsoever to instigate a fight. Other cases were not so clear cut. I had a lady come in to me one day saying that her son had been bullied on yard the day before by another boy. On digging a bit deeper, it transpired that her son had instigated the whole thing by going up to the other boy (albeit a boy with a short fuse!) and calling him thick/stupid. So in that case her son had actually been the 'bully' without even realising it!

    There are so many personalities on a school yard, I'd always be wary of saying 'A bullied B' without digging a bit deeper to find out what happened. I think it can be just as damaging labelling someone a bully unfairly as it can be to be bullied.
    had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case


  • #39
    mikemac1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    Read years ago, probably in one of the Mammy's old Readers Digest magazines (remember them?) that the most traumatic issue for a child is not losing a parent, it's bullying

    Religion class teacher told us the same thing

    I fully believe it

    Another thing, it doesn't end in the schoolroom, a lot of these confident assholes go on to become factory foremen, hotel duty managers and office team leaders.


  • #40
    languagenerd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,201 ✭✭✭languagenerd


    I think it kind of depends on the type of bullying. Lots of low-level verbal stuff, exclusion from groups etc. can do as much harm as a physical bullying cause it chips away at the victims' self-esteem. But that type is often easier to stand up to (because standing up to physical bullying might require someone to literally fight back, which may be impossible for them).

    A group of girls in primary school used to pick on me (all pretty stupid stuff, name-calling, following me around the yard etc.) and in about 4th or 5th class, my mum asked me why I cared what they thought. And pretty soon after that, I realised that I actually didn't care. Next time they started, I told the ringleader that her opinion didn't bother me and that what she was doing was stupid. Amazingly, that was all it took for them to back off.

    In secondary school, I used to actually agree with people who'd try to start rumours about me. It drove them mental and just amused me :P


  • #41
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    whelan1 wrote: »
    most bullies dont lick it off the ground its in the parenting, my son was constantly bullied for 4 years and after the school did nothing i confronted the parents- at this stage my son was having nightmares and wetting the bed due to this asshole- only to be manhandled by the father while i was 8 months pregnant, speaks for itself really
    whelan1 wrote: »
    had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

    Rational me would have contacted the department of education and reported the principal.

    As you, the parent of the child being bullied and had to listen to that drivel I would have jumped over the desk. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.


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  • #42
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    whelan1 wrote: »
    had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

    I have personal experience of school not dealing with the matter properly. My advice to a few people including family in a serious bullying issues was as follows.

    Don't assume you child is being bullied and not the bully, having an open mind to sort out the problem unnerves people.
    Arrange a meeting with the principle and teacher, inform them that you are bringing a friend who happens to be a lawyer or social worker or other suitable professional.
    Open meeting by saying you intention is to solve the problem.
    At the end of the meeting arrange follow up and take record of each person at the meetings role in resolving the matter.
    Thank the principle and teacher for the work they are about todo in sorting out the issue.


  • #43
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,234 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Ristiano Conaldo wrote: »
    Burst them

    Unfortunately I think this is the only way to deal with the majority of bullies, most have no respect for their parents, teachers or any form of authority and so actually physically standing up to them and hurting them I'd the only message they'd understand.

    My parents used to semi foster a young lad years ago. I was around 16 at the time and he was maybe 12 or 13 and in 1st yr at secondary school. Anyway he told me he hated school as he was being bullied by an older boy. I went to the same school and actually seen him being pushed around by a lad in 2nd year. This little prick pushed him as he was walking down stairs, he managed to catch his footing and saved himself otherwise he was in for a fall down about 7 or 8 steps. I waited at the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the little orick and asked him what the hell he was doing, he just shrugged and sniggered at which point I threw him to the ground and told him that if he even looked at Eoin again I would do the same thing and next time he wouldn't be getting up as easily. He never looked near or spoke to the lad again.

    If that had been reported there'd be meetings and all sorts of bull**** and nothing would ever have been really done about it.

    A good smack in the face will get the message through instantly in the majority of cases.


  • #44
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    I was bullied for years in primary school, I was a quiet kid so was an easy target. It started out as small stuff like the odd push now and again then went on to eating anything nice that I had for lunch like a piece of cake etc.

    Then it went on to regularly beating me up in the toilets or cloakroom.
    I didn't see it as bullying at the time as it wasn't talked about 30 years ago and when the teachers were all nuns there wasn't much point in trying to tell them anything.


  • #45
    whelan1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,786 ✭✭✭✭whelan1


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    I have personal experience of school not dealing with the matter properly. My advice to a few people including family in a serious bullying issues was as follows.

    Don't assume you child is being bullied and not the bully, having an open mind to sort out the problem unnerves people.
    Arrange a meeting with the principle and teacher, inform them that you are bringing a friend who happens to be a lawyer or social worker or other suitable professional.
    Open meeting by saying you intention is to solve the problem.
    At the end of the meeting arrange follow up and take record of each person at the meetings role in resolving the matter.
    Thank the principle and teacher for the work they are about todo in sorting out the issue.
    my mother having been a primary teacher for nearly 30 years could not get over the treatment we where getting , but sure times move on not:cool:


  • #46
    Fight_Night
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 720 ✭✭✭Fight_Night


    You stand up for yourself by all means, but that doesn't mean confront him looking for a fight, or indeed rising to his bait and fighting him. That's my general belief, don't rise to the bait. Now with that said standing up to him 'physically' can actually work but it all depends on the circumstances. You don't want to end up stabbed.


  • #47
    hardCopy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    Standing up for yourself physically is the best idea in my experience. It's unlikely to end with a Hollywood style victory for the little guy but as long as you get a few decent digs in, preferably drawing blood, it's unlikely he'll try it again.

    Even if he knows he can beat you it's not worth his while if it means a black eye every time he has a go at you.

    Aim for the nose first.


  • #48
    dublinman1990
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 9,492 ✭✭✭dublinman1990


    My torment from the bullies had began when I just started primary school. It was happened because I said or did nothing to them.

    The bullying first happened when I was on a playground swing. The little scumbag who was double my age had hit me hard on the nose. I had screamed throught the whole yard and I was pouring blood and in floods of tears over it. I was lucky not going to hospital over it. The pain was excruciating.

    I've had about five bullies thereafter who were nearly as bad. They are all living horrible lives now because of the intervention of my mum, school and more importantly the Gardai. And because of the intervention from them, I am happy to see the back of those scrotes. I don't care what those bullies do now.

    They are the ones now living the life of the loser and they deserve it.


  • #49
    grover_green
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 64 ✭✭grover_green


    whelan1 wrote: »
    had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case


    the big lie is that schools , workplaces etc , want to be told about bullying , they dont , at best they engage in empty platitudes and use diluted language by using awfull terms like " personality clash " , at worse they get defensive and see your accusations as an affront to the company itself

    in school , the best way is to teach your kids to hit back twice as hard , none of that respectable wooly liberal bullcrap which seems to be in vogue today , as another poster said , even the kid gets beaten , hitting back builds esteem , the only response to serious bullying in the workplace is to leave as most employers do nothing and deep down , have a sneaking regard for hyper agressive , overbearing types


  • #50
    marzic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 784 ✭✭✭marzic


    nbar12 wrote: »
    This is how...


    pick on someone your own size you fat cant!

    /runs away


  • #51
    amacca
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭amacca


    grover_green wrote: »
    in school , the best way is to teach your kids to hit back twice as hard , none of that respectable wooly liberal bullcrap which seems to be in vogue today , as another poster said

    In my own personal experience there is a lot of truth in what you say....I was bullied for two years in secondary and it only went away when I fought back

    but.....I made sure the fight back when the odds were in my favour, it was an out of the blue hammering I gave to the individual in question

    and while the general principle holds true my worry nowadays would be that bullies or their friends would use things like screwdrivers etc in a fight and you could be teaching your kids something that could get them seriously injured etc....things are not as the used to be in some places

    as an aside I had good teachers etc but I would not let my parents tell them or principal as there really was very little they could do (even by law at that time - their hands were tied behind their backs) ..... if they were told they could suspend the bully etc.....but the bullies parents in question couldn't give a sh1t, he would be back in a couple of days or a week tops smiling with another ego boost to probably make my life more of a hell and I would have been even more looked down upon and regarded as being a weakling for telling...the schoolyard code was strong in those days and I suspect it still exists....I also think its a mistake a lot of parents make in thinking that teachers or principals can really do anything meaningful when it comes down to it........for a start they are hamstrung by legislation/regulations etc...secondly the bully can take place outside of school grounds and hours...thirdly when they do punish the bully, the bullying can get worse as the punishments dont really act as a deterrent and legally that's all they can do and fourthly as a victim myself I believe I wouldn't have gained half as much self esteem from having mammy and the teacher sort it out as sorting it out myself
    the only response to serious bullying in the workplace is to leave as most employers do nothing and deep down , have a sneaking regard for hyper agressive , overbearing types

    Not in my experience, the best response in my experience in the workplace was the one I used in school....fight back but fight back intelligently...fcuk it, why should I have to move workplace because of some d1ckhead


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  • #52
    dublinman1990
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 9,492 ✭✭✭dublinman1990


    nbar12 wrote: »
    This is how...


    The bigger kid got worldwide support after what he had gone through from all the crap. It all started when Justin Bieber put that video on his twitter account.

    It had gotten huge exposure to highlight the issue of bullying.

    The bigger kid who got bullied is named Casey Heynes.



  • #53
    Bipolar Joe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,443 ✭✭✭Bipolar Joe


    I was bullied for years, it only stopped when all the other kids wound up thinking I was mental. I hate fighting, I'm small and runtish so it's not like I can do much damage, but it was the the true hatred I had for everyone that made everyone back off. It's like I emanated crazy. One kid would kick the back of my chair and throw things at me during class. I turned around and told him, if he did it again, I was going to smash his head against his desk. You could hear a pin drop, the teacher just stood there well aware of what was happening and didn't do anything. Sure enough, the fucker did it again, so I packed my books into my bag, stood up and did exactly what I said I would and walked out. I learned afterwards that entire class was terrified I was going to come back in. I get bullied, and I become the feared one. One part empowering, four parts depressing.

    I'm terrified that if I ever have a kid, they'll be bullied. They'll get my shitty genes and automatically become a target and I won't know what to do. I don't want them to feel like they have to be violent just to get through school, but it seems like it's become a fact of life for quite a few children.


  • #54
    TheRealSquishy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 336 ✭✭TheRealSquishy


    Never got bullied myself but my brother has been constantly bullied since he was little. There isn't much I can do since I'm a girl and can't really go around digging the heads off teenage boys and all of his friends are girls.

    Earlier this year my mam rang me in hysterics saying my little brother got dragged around the school by the neck of his jumper, put up against a wall and punched in the stomach and then thrown in a bin and spat on. She went to the principal who refused to do anything about it even though they had it all on cctv so my mam rang the gaurds. Since the bully was under 17 the most they could do was appoint him a juvinile officer but it was definitely better than what the school had to offer.

    I went and told every single person I possibly could what had happened and now have the whole town hating the bully. My mam also got appointed as chairperson of the parents council as a result by the other parents. People's attitude to bullying has changed since we've seen how much damage it can do to kids and genuinely the best punishment he has gotten is everyone knowing he is a scumbag and treating him as such.


  • #55
    aqn29swlgbmiu4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭aqn29swlgbmiu4


    The worst part is the fact that bullying doesn't stop after primary school and secondary school. It goes on throughout Uni and is often seen in the workplace, at all levels.

    I had a horrific time with bullies in my 2nd year in Uni. I was working two jobs 7 days a week and would co-ordinate my lunch hours with my Uni schedule. A "divaaaaa" as she described herself moved into the house I was living in, and proceeded to move in 2 of her horrific mates rent free. I have never met such rotten people in my life as these two. They partied constantly and the house was a constant kip, they spat at me from the windows, stole my food, clothes etc and cos I was outnumbered I never successfully stood up to them. They would laugh in my face when I tried to. Cos I'm pretty meek they walked all over me :(

    It was literally the worst year of my life as the torment I dealt by them left me in a deep depression which resulted in me taking a year out of Uni after a suicide attempt at the end of Semester 2.

    I still see them walking around Uni now and they throw sarcastic smiles or wolf whistles my way... I never know what to do or say cos they'll just laugh at me :(


  • #56
    Smidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,541 ✭✭✭Smidge


    whelan1 wrote: »
    most bullies dont lick it off the ground its in the parenting, my son was constantly bullied for 4 years and after the school did nothing i confronted the parents- at this stage my son was having nightmares and wetting the bed due to this asshole- only to be manhandled by the father while i was 8 months pregnant, speaks for itself really



    Mistake no 1
    You should have done it before you were expecting or after your baby.

    Mistake no 2
    You should have waited to confront the mother.


    I was in a similar situation, son being bullied(primary school but really physical stuff ie being kicked and punched on the ground in the yard), school did nothing despite us trying to work "within school policy" yada yada yada.

    My son is a lovely lad, very quite, never in trouble and an "A" student.
    He is also SN.

    He came out one day and broke down crying in the car, they had beaten him up again.

    WEEEELLLLL:mad:

    I told him to wait in the car.
    I am a very respectable person, imo lol

    But these "kids" have messed with the wrong person.
    I tore over, collared one of their aul wans and said(in the thickest accent I could muster).......

    "Here you, you fat fu*k,
    If your young fella puts his hands on my boy again I'm going to knock the bollix out of you and then I'm going to put your teeth down your throat.
    And you can pass that on to the bitches of these other scum that the same is for them when you are scandalising at the school gates""



    I was shaking when I walked away but they had pushed me to far and the school didn't give a damn.

    They never touched him after that:cool::P


  • #57
    PC CDROM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭PC CDROM


    try here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056709484


    Bit of a meandering thought on bullying...or not...


  • #58
    Some Yoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 388 ✭✭Some Yoke


    Bullies are patethic. I had two in school, both losers. The first was a little weed, a coward who would slag and taunt you when he was in a group, you'd never catch him alone. Managed to get him alone and burst him to the ground one day, the big whingey face on him after that.. priceless. Loser #2 was a lad who no one liked cos he was an asshole basically and tried to pick people out and annoy them, he had no limits as to what he'd say. But like I said he was an asshole, he started crying one day because he had no friends. Patethic but hilarious moment.


  • #59
    Bipolar Joe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,443 ✭✭✭Bipolar Joe


    mishkalucy wrote: »
    My son is a lovely lad, very quite, never in trouble and an "A" student.
    He is also SN.

    Sorry, but what's SN?


  • #60
    Smidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,541 ✭✭✭Smidge


    Bipolar Joe wrote: »
    Sorry, but what's SN?

    Special needs


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  • #61
    al28283
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭al28283


    Embarass them publically, then warn them you can embarass them at any time. Bullies are very sensitive to what others think of them


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