How to deal with bullys?

steddyeddy

No im not being bullied but according to an article in the Herald a partially deaf boy was bullied so much it caused him to take his own life. This isnt acceptable, every kid has the right to be happy and I dont think many would disagree on that point but many disagree on how to deal with bullies.

I think the vicitm should always tell the teacher but theres not always a lot that the teacher can do. Personally i think the vicitm should always stand up the the bully and I only enountered a bully in school once and giving him a right thrashing was the only way I wanted to deal with it.

Were you ever bullied and how did you deal with it? If not how would and do you think it should be dealt with?

floggg

TBH it's a pity naive to say the kid should always stand up for themselves.

Serious bullying generally occurs because, rightly or wrongly the victim feels unable to do so for whatever reason.

And it can be hard to stand up to a whole school at times.

El Guapo!

The only way to deal with it is to stand up for yourself. Sadly, some kids don't have the ability/confidence to stand up for themselves.
Usually telling teachers etc doesn't do much good as the "punishment" the bullies receive isn't enough of a deterrent and often, the kids being bullied are afraid to tell in case it makes things worse.
There should be a zero tolerance policy on bullying everywhere.

nbar12

This is how...

Smcgie

Spell their title right and you will instantly earn respect

Ristiano Conaldo

Burst them

steddyeddy

floggg wrote: »

TBH it's a pity naive to say the kid should always stand up for themselves.

Serious bullying generally occurs because, rightly or wrongly the victim feels unable to do so for whatever reason.

And it can be hard to stand up to a whole school at times.

Oh I agree. For some it works though and I dont believe that telling a teacher is the only way.

shopaholic01

It's very difficult to expel students now, impossible if they're under 16. The decision is now made by the board of management and can be appealed. I know parents who brought their child to a different school because of bullying.


Tragic case, it's awful to think that a teenager is made so miserable that death seems like a solution.

Jester252

Would people be okay if a third party kid stood up to the bully or would the older kid be bullying?

TheBody

Bullies truely are a vile form of scumbag.

steddyeddy

nbar12 wrote: »

This is how...

That is feckin excellent!!!!

Fenian Army

I was bullied in school, was constant low level stuff so you couldnt really point to one big thing so felt I couldnt really report it (I should have). You tend to think that if you're not having your head shoved down the jacks you're not really getting bullied. Made school miserable for a long time.

Then one day I was walking to town and I saw the ringleader on his own and I just snapped, sprinted across the road and beat the living sh!te out of him

He tried to get his little gaggle of retards to get me back the next day in my estate, but I chased them off with a Hurley, after landing a few decent whacks to a few of their legs

Never had any trouble from them again.

Had a newfound appreciation for the GAA too!

It wasnt hurting them that did it, it was the fact I stood up for myself.

Kids should be educated better, at the time I didnt think I was being bullied, even though I was.

hardCopy

Kick them in the face!

steddyeddy

shopaholic01 wrote: »

It's very difficult to expel students now, impossible if they're under 16. The decision is now made by the board of management and can be appealed. I know parents who brought their child to a different school because of bullying.


Tragic case, it's awful to think that a teenager is made so miserable that death seems like a solution.

Thats what I mean. When I was in school it was a lot easier to expell a bully but nowadays some principals loath to do it!

ResearchWill

steddyeddy wrote: »

That is feckin excellent!!!!

Two sides too every story,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__IjcLVBBYc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Who was the bully and who was sticking up for themselves.

steddyeddy

ResearchWill wrote: »

Two sides too every story,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__IjcLVBBYc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Who was the bully and who was sticking up for themselves.

How dare you question my black and white/goodie and baddy style thinking!!

ResearchWill

steddyeddy wrote: »

How dare you question my black and white/goodie and baddy style thinking!!

Want to take this outside and I'll kick your ass

Abi

steddyeddy wrote: »

No im not being bullied but according to an article in the Herald a partially deaf boy was bullied so much it caused him to take his own life. This isnt acceptable, every kid has the right to be happy and I dont think many would disagree on that point but many disagree on how to deal with bullies.

I think the vicitm should always tell the teacher but theres not always a lot that the teacher can do. Personally i think the vicitm should always stand up the the bully and I only enountered a bully in school once and giving him a right thrashing was the only way I wanted to deal with it.

Were you ever bullied and how did you deal with it? If not how would and do you think it should be dealt with?

RIP to Darren, and condolences to his family.

I hope the people who bullied him feel this for the rest of their lives. I wish he had talked to someone, maybe he had briefly, but perhaps not about the the extent it had gotten to.

I was never bullied per se, but there was a girl with a smart mouth that would slag people off that weren't busy licking her hole and laughing at what she had to say. She turned her attention to me one day and while I'd be the last one to ever instigate a fight, I'd had enough of her picking on other people so I stitched her a loaf. She was in so much shock that someone stood up with her she just stood there holding her nose and her eyes watering. Of course she went back to being the way she was before to keep her 'street cred' or what have you :rolleyes: But she never said a word to me again.

I hate fighting of any kind, but it wasn't a bad situation between me and her, and felt I could sort that out myself. She needed a wake up call.

shopaholic01

steddyeddy wrote: »

Thats what I mean. When I was in school it was a lot easier to expell a bully but nowadays some principals loath to do it!

I think most principals would be only to happy to expel a couple but they no longer have the power. Right to education, legal requirement to be in education until 16th birthday etc. The decision ultimately rests with the board of management after the school has exhausted it's discipline procedure. They must have valid grounds to expel a student and again it can be appealed.

In my friends experience it was easier to send their child to another school, but not all schools are able to take new students.

I also know one parent who took it upon themselves to stand up to the bully. It the bully had reported what had happened he would now be in jail, the bully however was too terrified and the bullying stopped:pac:. Risky approach, but an eye for an eye and all that!

hoochis

ResearchWill wrote: »

Two sides too every story,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__IjcLVBBYc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Who was the bully and who was sticking up for themselves.

The fat lad is not behaving like a bully and I very much doubt that he hit first. It looks very obvious to me who the bully in the video is.

steddyeddy

Abi wrote: »

RIP to Darren, and condolences to his family.

I hope the people who bullied him feel this for the rest of their lives. I wish he had talked to someone, maybe he had briefly, but perhaps not about the the extent it had gotten to.

I was never bullied per se, but there was a girl with a smart mouth that would slag people off that weren't busy licking her hole and laughing at what she had to say. She turned her attention to me one day and while I'd be the last one to ever instigate a fight, I'd had enough of her picking on other people so I stitched her a loaf. She was in so much shock that someone stood up with her she just stood there holding her nose and her eyes watering. Of course she went back to being the way she was before to keep her 'street cred' or what have you :rolleyes: But she never said a word to me again.

I hate fighting of any kind, but it wasn't a bad situation between me and her, and felt I could sort that out myself. She needed a wake up call.

Fair play to ya! I dislike fighting aswell but In my case it solved a problem! Im not trying to be sexist in relation to Darren but often men dont like talking about being victimised.

steddyeddy

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I think most principals would be only to happen to expel a couple but they no longer have the power. Right to education, legal requirement to be in education until 16th birthday etc. The decision ultimately rests with the board of management after the school has exhausted it's discipline procedure. They must have valid grounds to expel a student and again it can be appealed.

In my friends experience it was easier to send their child to another school, but not all schools are able to take new students.

I also know one parent who took it upon themselves to stand up to the bully. It the bully had reported what had happened he would now be in jail, the bully however was too terrified and the bullying stopped:pac:. Risky approach, but an eye for an eye and all that!

Yes Im not blaming the teachers at all. Im sure they would love to see bullies go! Violence is risky behaviour in regard to bullies but In my view it works.

ResearchWill

hoochis wrote: »

The fat lad is not behaving like a bully and I very much doubt that he hit first. It looks very obvious to me who the bully in the video is.

Did you watch the video, it's is claimed by the 12 year old small boy, the the 15 year old who looked a lot stronger had been picking on him. I do not know the truth of allegation and counter allegation but I am going to at least listen to both sides.

whelan1

most bullies dont lick it off the ground its in the parenting, my son was constantly bullied for 4 years and after the school did nothing i confronted the parents- at this stage my son was having nightmares and wetting the bed due to this asshole- only to be manhandled by the father while i was 8 months pregnant, speaks for itself really

Abi

steddyeddy wrote: »

Fair play to ya! I dislike fighting aswell but In my case it solved a problem!

Thanks What bothers me is a) fighting in the first place and b) well it's not very lady like. But some people are so stupid that they don't understand anything else. Her popularity in school meant much more to her than school itself. What bullies don't realise is, they won't be in school forever and they're preparing themselves for a life of failure. It was tough around when I was in school, I can only imagine how hard it is now.

Im not trying to be sexist in relation to Darren but often men dont like talking about being victimised.

No I don't think you're being sexist at all. The kind of bullying that goes on with females is different altogether, it was when I was at school anyway.

anncoates

Sadly the usual advice to hit a bully doesn't always work and get you a worse hiding. Doesn't matter if they're cowards. That stilll doesn't mean some of them are not harder than you.

If it was really bad and persistent, I'd either try and use a baseball bat or something or better still mob up a few mates to give them a hiding.

hoochis

ResearchWill wrote: »

Did you watch the video, it's is claimed by the 12 year old small boy, the the 15 year old who looked a lot stronger had been picking on him. I do not know the truth of allegation and counter allegation but I am going to at least listen to both sides.

Ya watched the whole interview. Size doesn’t really matter in cases of bullying. The bully won’t necessarily pick on someone smaller; they will look for someone who they think will not retaliate. The 12yo is acting very cocky in the video. Not the behaviour of a child being bullied!

the_syco

floggg wrote: »

And it can be hard to stand up to a whole school at times.

Guerrilla warfare is very effective when dealing with a faceless enemy (I learnt about the IRA's tactics at the right time in my life). Once you don't care if it makes them hate you more, and understand that there will be collateral damage (attacking the wrong person), and are prepared to do so until the problem goes away, it can be very effective.

Jester252 wrote: »

Would people be okay if a third party kid stood up to the bully or would the older kid be bullying?

Once the 3rd party kid goes away, the primary victim gets bullied again. Also, bullies often roam in small gangs of sh|tes, so even if you stop one, there'll be a number of sh|tes to contend with.

Feeona

I've often heard comments about teachers 'not doing anything' in school about bullying and thought I would post something about the reality of dealing with bullying. I have had several experiences of teaching children who told me they were being bullied/hassled. Some cases were genuine, in that the child had done nothing whatsoever to instigate a fight. Other cases were not so clear cut. I had a lady come in to me one day saying that her son had been bullied on yard the day before by another boy. On digging a bit deeper, it transpired that her son had instigated the whole thing by going up to the other boy (albeit a boy with a short fuse!) and calling him thick/stupid. So in that case her son had actually been the 'bully' without even realising it!

There are so many personalities on a school yard, I'd always be wary of saying 'A bullied B' without digging a bit deeper to find out what happened. I think it can be just as damaging labelling someone a bully unfairly as it can be to be bullied.

Fenian Army

the_syco wrote: »

Guerrilla warfare is very effective when dealing with a faceless enemy (I learnt about the IRA's tactics at the right time in my life). Once you don't care if it makes them hate you more, and understand that there will be collateral damage (attacking the wrong person), and are prepared to do so until the problem goes away, it can be very effective.


Once the 3rd party kid goes away, the primary victim gets bullied again. Also, bullies often roam in small gangs of sh|tes, so even if you stop one, there'll be a number of sh|tes to contend with.

Got a vision of a kid going around kneecapping bullies after reading that

ermahgerd

There's only so much guarding adults can do though, it won't actually help the kid in the medium-long term as, as soon as the adults are away and he/she is not in their protective bubble, the bullying will resume.

The only way to stop it is to take a stand and say "No". Doesn't matter if you get your ass handed to you in doing so either, the mere fact that you stand up to the person should bring it to a close and they'll move on and look for an easier victim.

anncoates

ermahgerd wrote: »

the mere fact that you stand up to the person should bring it to a close and they'll move on and look for an easier victim.

Not always the case, sadly.

mongoman

steddyeddy wrote: »

How to deal with bullys?

A spot of counter bullying quickly sorts them out.

NegativeCreep

Never got bullied myself but I know people from school who were. It's important that the rest of the class support the person being bullied and to make the bully feel stupid. It's the only way. The person being bullied is often helpless because no matter what they do they'll be ridiculed.
Bullies never bothered with me because I didn't care about what they said and never gave them the reaction that they want. This made me the ideal candidate to stick up for others who were being bullied

Abi

anncoates wrote: »

Sadly the usual advice to hit a bully doesn't always work and get you a worse hiding. Doesn't matter if they're cowards. That Stoll doesn't mean some if them are harder than you.

I think I got away with it because there was a crowd around that saw the whole scene, and it was literally shock that someone stood up to her that she didn't react. I had seen so many girls crying in the bathroom over her making a show of them that her eyes watering was a triumph for them. I also told her to stay away from a few girls she was constantly after. I would never get involved in a physical fight as an adult, and could never justify hitting anyone.

I saw her a few months back, and looked everything I expected her to be. An out and out loser.

If it was really bad and persistent, I'd either try and use a baseball bat or something or better still mob up a few mates to give them a hiding.

No no no no... never get weapons involved. If it's gotten to the point of wanting to do serious damage like that, it's gone way to far =/

ermahgerd

No place for softies out in the Blanch.

ermahgerd

anncoates wrote: »

Sadly the usual advice to hit a bully doesn't always work and get you a worse hiding. Doesn't matter if they're cowards. That stilll doesn't mean some of them are not harder than you.

If it was really bad and persistent, I'd either try and use a baseball bat or something or better still mob up a few mates to give them a hiding.

Bringing any form of weapon into the equation is absolutely not the advice to be giving.

People being stressed out and thinking of weapons as a solution is one of the factors contributing to the massive numbers of shootings in the US at the moment.

Even a bat could permanently damage someone's brain or paralyze them, and people who turn up to a fist fight with a weapon are going to be looked at far worse and lose all sympathy they may have had.

whelan1

Feeona wrote: »

I've often heard comments about teachers 'not doing anything' in school about bullying and thought I would post something about the reality of dealing with bullying. I have had several experiences of teaching children who told me they were being bullied/hassled. Some cases were genuine, in that the child had done nothing whatsoever to instigate a fight. Other cases were not so clear cut. I had a lady come in to me one day saying that her son had been bullied on yard the day before by another boy. On digging a bit deeper, it transpired that her son had instigated the whole thing by going up to the other boy (albeit a boy with a short fuse!) and calling him thick/stupid. So in that case her son had actually been the 'bully' without even realising it!

There are so many personalities on a school yard, I'd always be wary of saying 'A bullied B' without digging a bit deeper to find out what happened. I think it can be just as damaging labelling someone a bully unfairly as it can be to be bullied.

had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

mikemac1

Read years ago, probably in one of the Mammy's old Readers Digest magazines (remember them?) that the most traumatic issue for a child is not losing a parent, it's bullying

Religion class teacher told us the same thing

I fully believe it

Another thing, it doesn't end in the schoolroom, a lot of these confident assholes go on to become factory foremen, hotel duty managers and office team leaders.

languagenerd

I think it kind of depends on the type of bullying. Lots of low-level verbal stuff, exclusion from groups etc. can do as much harm as a physical bullying cause it chips away at the victims' self-esteem. But that type is often easier to stand up to (because standing up to physical bullying might require someone to literally fight back, which may be impossible for them).

A group of girls in primary school used to pick on me (all pretty stupid stuff, name-calling, following me around the yard etc.) and in about 4th or 5th class, my mum asked me why I cared what they thought. And pretty soon after that, I realised that I actually didn't care. Next time they started, I told the ringleader that her opinion didn't bother me and that what she was doing was stupid. Amazingly, that was all it took for them to back off.

In secondary school, I used to actually agree with people who'd try to start rumours about me. It drove them mental and just amused me :P

Abi

whelan1 wrote: »

most bullies dont lick it off the ground its in the parenting, my son was constantly bullied for 4 years and after the school did nothing i confronted the parents- at this stage my son was having nightmares and wetting the bed due to this asshole- only to be manhandled by the father while i was 8 months pregnant, speaks for itself really

whelan1 wrote: »

had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

Rational me would have contacted the department of education and reported the principal.

As you, the parent of the child being bullied and had to listen to that drivel I would have jumped over the desk. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

ResearchWill

whelan1 wrote: »

had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

I have personal experience of school not dealing with the matter properly. My advice to a few people including family in a serious bullying issues was as follows.

Don't assume you child is being bullied and not the bully, having an open mind to sort out the problem unnerves people.
Arrange a meeting with the principle and teacher, inform them that you are bringing a friend who happens to be a lawyer or social worker or other suitable professional.
Open meeting by saying you intention is to solve the problem.
At the end of the meeting arrange follow up and take record of each person at the meetings role in resolving the matter.
Thank the principle and teacher for the work they are about todo in sorting out the issue.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Ristiano Conaldo wrote: »

Burst them

Unfortunately I think this is the only way to deal with the majority of bullies, most have no respect for their parents, teachers or any form of authority and so actually physically standing up to them and hurting them I'd the only message they'd understand.

My parents used to semi foster a young lad years ago. I was around 16 at the time and he was maybe 12 or 13 and in 1st yr at secondary school. Anyway he told me he hated school as he was being bullied by an older boy. I went to the same school and actually seen him being pushed around by a lad in 2nd year. This little prick pushed him as he was walking down stairs, he managed to catch his footing and saved himself otherwise he was in for a fall down about 7 or 8 steps. I waited at the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the little orick and asked him what the hell he was doing, he just shrugged and sniggered at which point I threw him to the ground and told him that if he even looked at Eoin again I would do the same thing and next time he wouldn't be getting up as easily. He never looked near or spoke to the lad again.

If that had been reported there'd be meetings and all sorts of bull**** and nothing would ever have been really done about it.

A good smack in the face will get the message through instantly in the majority of cases.

Galwayguy35

I was bullied for years in primary school, I was a quiet kid so was an easy target. It started out as small stuff like the odd push now and again then went on to eating anything nice that I had for lunch like a piece of cake etc.

Then it went on to regularly beating me up in the toilets or cloakroom.
I didn't see it as bullying at the time as it wasn't talked about 30 years ago and when the teachers were all nuns there wasn't much point in trying to tell them anything.

whelan1

ResearchWill wrote: »

I have personal experience of school not dealing with the matter properly. My advice to a few people including family in a serious bullying issues was as follows.

Don't assume you child is being bullied and not the bully, having an open mind to sort out the problem unnerves people.
Arrange a meeting with the principle and teacher, inform them that you are bringing a friend who happens to be a lawyer or social worker or other suitable professional.
Open meeting by saying you intention is to solve the problem.
At the end of the meeting arrange follow up and take record of each person at the meetings role in resolving the matter.
Thank the principle and teacher for the work they are about todo in sorting out the issue.

my mother having been a primary teacher for nearly 30 years could not get over the treatment we where getting , but sure times move on not:cool:

Fight_Night

You stand up for yourself by all means, but that doesn't mean confront him looking for a fight, or indeed rising to his bait and fighting him. That's my general belief, don't rise to the bait. Now with that said standing up to him 'physically' can actually work but it all depends on the circumstances. You don't want to end up stabbed.

hardCopy

Standing up for yourself physically is the best idea in my experience. It's unlikely to end with a Hollywood style victory for the little guy but as long as you get a few decent digs in, preferably drawing blood, it's unlikely he'll try it again.

Even if he knows he can beat you it's not worth his while if it means a black eye every time he has a go at you.

Aim for the nose first.

dublinman1990

My torment from the bullies had began when I just started primary school. It was happened because I said or did nothing to them.

The bullying first happened when I was on a playground swing. The little scumbag who was double my age had hit me hard on the nose. I had screamed throught the whole yard and I was pouring blood and in floods of tears over it. I was lucky not going to hospital over it. The pain was excruciating.

I've had about five bullies thereafter who were nearly as bad. They are all living horrible lives now because of the intervention of my mum, school and more importantly the Gardai. And because of the intervention from them, I am happy to see the back of those scrotes. I don't care what those bullies do now.

They are the ones now living the life of the loser and they deserve it.

grover_green

whelan1 wrote: »

had gone to teachers on numerous occasions, principal told me it would sort itself out, wtf. when your child is hysterical and these kids continue day after day what do you do ? every school is different and while i agree there are different levels of bullying in our case the school failed our child...its only now in 6th class that my son can hold his head high and ignore the bullies, this should NEVER be the case

the big lie is that schools , workplaces etc , want to be told about bullying , they dont , at best they engage in empty platitudes and use diluted language by using awfull terms like " personality clash " , at worse they get defensive and see your accusations as an affront to the company itself

in school , the best way is to teach your kids to hit back twice as hard , none of that respectable wooly liberal bullcrap which seems to be in vogue today , as another poster said , even the kid gets beaten , hitting back builds esteem , the only response to serious bullying in the workplace is to leave as most employers do nothing and deep down , have a sneaking regard for hyper agressive , overbearing types

marzic

nbar12 wrote: »

This is how...

pick on someone your own size you fat cant!

/runs away

amacca

grover_green wrote: »

in school , the best way is to teach your kids to hit back twice as hard , none of that respectable wooly liberal bullcrap which seems to be in vogue today , as another poster said

In my own personal experience there is a lot of truth in what you say....I was bullied for two years in secondary and it only went away when I fought back

but.....I made sure the fight back when the odds were in my favour, it was an out of the blue hammering I gave to the individual in question

and while the general principle holds true my worry nowadays would be that bullies or their friends would use things like screwdrivers etc in a fight and you could be teaching your kids something that could get them seriously injured etc....things are not as the used to be in some places

as an aside I had good teachers etc but I would not let my parents tell them or principal as there really was very little they could do (even by law at that time - their hands were tied behind their backs) ..... if they were told they could suspend the bully etc.....but the bullies parents in question couldn't give a sh1t, he would be back in a couple of days or a week tops smiling with another ego boost to probably make my life more of a hell and I would have been even more looked down upon and regarded as being a weakling for telling...the schoolyard code was strong in those days and I suspect it still exists....I also think its a mistake a lot of parents make in thinking that teachers or principals can really do anything meaningful when it comes down to it........for a start they are hamstrung by legislation/regulations etc...secondly the bully can take place outside of school grounds and hours...thirdly when they do punish the bully, the bullying can get worse as the punishments dont really act as a deterrent and legally that's all they can do and fourthly as a victim myself I believe I wouldn't have gained half as much self esteem from having mammy and the teacher sort it out as sorting it out myself

the only response to serious bullying in the workplace is to leave as most employers do nothing and deep down , have a sneaking regard for hyper agressive , overbearing types

Not in my experience, the best response in my experience in the workplace was the one I used in school....fight back but fight back intelligently...fcuk it, why should I have to move workplace because of some d1ckhead