Are kids really worth all the hassle

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 01:27PM

crazy cabbage wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

People in their forties generally make more money than those in their twenties so chances are you would have more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more. The kids would be adults do they wouldn't be coming along.

Possible but at that stage you and your partner are also in fulltime employment. How many holidays do ye get. Lets say 20days during the year. You and your partner have to try and get these 20 days off at the same time in order to travel and even then there is no jeting off to america for a year or spending 6 months on mainland europe simply becouse of time restrictions
Or you could quit your job in which case the argument about more money is fruitless

And you comment says 'more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more'. That is not the case for most people i know atleast and defently not the case for me. I dont want vasts amount of money traveling. I am more likly to enjoy a trip if i land in a country with not much more than the clothes i am standing in.

More money doesn't equle more enjoyable. This is flawed.

If you wanted to save up to go travelling later in life it's easily done. Not everyone enjoys travelling with no money. You have 50 % of your life without the responsibilities kids when you have kids young, that's a lot of time to fill with hobbies or travelling or whatever you want to do, also your still young enough to enjoy your freedom from parenthood. Say you have your first kid at 36, your in your late fifties by the time they are grown up.

Say you go travelling for years when young, your career is put on hold and you have less money when older to enjoy it. I think that would put your career on hold far more than having kids but still working.

It all comes down to pros and cons of each choice and what you value you now most as well as what you expect to value most throughout your life. A lad I know had four kids by 25 and got a vasectomy, he runs his own business and is better off financially than me, and I have a degree and work in finance. His youngest is two, at age 27 his nappy changing days are nearly behind him forever, on top of that he has te joy of his 4 kids in his life. The oldest are seven and don't take much work to look after. By the time he's 35 he'll be pretty much free of the responsibilities of children.

mattjack · 01-09-2012 01:29PM

CathyMoran wrote: »

My husband and I have always wanted children but when we were getting married it looked like we would not be able to have them (it also was unlikely that I would be alive 5 years later due to severe health issues), the fact that my husband gave up the chance (he is adopted) is amazing. I became pregnant but then had a series of hertbreaking miscarriages - I remember going into Boots and buying birth control and a pregnancy test and getting odd looks (my husband could not bear seeing us loose another child) - he is 2 years and 5 months tomorrow and we were lucky enough to have a little girl just under 14 months afterwards.

We love them and treasure them - we love seeing them smile and they mean everything to us, helping someone grow up is wonderful.

Cathy I was feeling very miserable today with flu and a kidney infection , but that post has made my smile.

My own four are ,however ,very quiet downstairs,too quiet , even the dog is quiet.

Abi · 01-09-2012 01:33PM

Alfred123 wrote: »

can everyone just shut the fcuk up ! ye sound like a bunch of unhappily marrieds. Those married, go feed yer kids and those not, well, get out there and play a game of footie or something .. just stop it NOW !!!

Emm.. o_0

/attempts to reply

nahh.. I got nothin'.

crazy cabbage · 01-09-2012 01:40PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

If you wanted to save up to go travelling later in life it's easily done. Not everyone enjoys travelling with no money. You have 50 % of your life without the responsibilities kids when you have kids young, that's a lot of time to fill with hobbies or travelling or whatever you want to do, also your still young enough to enjoy your freedom from parenthood. Say you have your first kid at 36, your in your late fifties by the time they are grown up.

Say you go travelling for years when young, your career is put on hold and you have less money when older to enjoy it. I think that would put your career on hold far more than having kids but still working.

It all comes down to pros and cons of each choice and what you value you now most as well as what you expect to value most throughout your life. A lad I know had four kids by 25 and got a vasectomy, he runs his own business and is better off financially than me, and I have a degree and work in finance. His youngest is two, at age 27 his nappy changing days are nearly behind him forever, on top of that he has te joy of his 4 kids in his life. The oldest are seven and don't take much work to look after. By the time he's 35 he'll be pretty much free of the responsibilities of children.

I guess it all comes down to what you want from life. I am not saying that having kids is a bad thing or anything like that. In fact i think if people make that choics that is brilent.

I take your point about money though. However I perosnly dont see the point in saving up when you are young to go on holidays when you are older. I have a more of a 'live life now and not later' type of attatude.

And while you might be better financhaly having kids when you are younger i dont think it is appropate to make these type of descisions based on money. I dont see myself having children and even if i did i havent met anyone that i would want to have them with anyway. Prehaps my philosophy may change when i meet someone but i dout it.

homerjay2005 · 01-09-2012 01:55PM

some people are made out for parenting,some arent. some kids are the best in the world, some are little c*nts.

i can see both sides of the arguments, kids can be fantastic, but they also cause alot of hassle and drama. a key point to remember however, theres plenty of people out there who have lots of trouble, have no money, no social life or whatever and they have no kids.

one thing though, having a stable relationship, house and financial background is key before bring a child into it. im pretty sure alot of the familys that people see as being problematic are those where the kids werent planned properly or the parents didnt factor in the amount of effort needed.

i do hate parents who are obsessed with their kids and allow nothing else into their lives apart from partenting. a balance is available if they are willing to find it. also, i do not agree with the people who just seemed programmed to settle down, marry and have kids in their 20's, these years are there for learning the world and seeing what life really is about, not being stuck pushing a pram and sleepless nights.

cruiser178 · 01-09-2012 01:56PM

CathyMoran wrote: »

We love them and treasure them - we love seeing them smile and they mean everything to us, helping someone grow up is wonderful.

For anybody who think kids could be too much hassle, the above line is what its all about in a nutshell.

This morning myself and my 16 month old were dancing to Sonique, it feels so good, have you ever seen a 16 month old dancing? it's hilarious.

gsxr1 · 01-09-2012 02:21PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to7uIG8KYhg

http://youtu.be/to7uIG8KYhg

You would have to have a heart of stone not to smile at this.

floggg · 01-09-2012 02:29PM

smcelhinney wrote: »

Tell me more about this..

My personal favourite is the chicken curry koka noodle sandwich. Half chicken flavour, half curry flavour, lots of butter and fresh white bread. Unbeatable!

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 02:56PM

gsxr1 wrote: »

You would have to have a heart of stone not to smile at this.

I don't think anyone here has said that kids can't be cute at times.

Do you write for the Daily Mail?

gsxr1 · 01-09-2012 03:38PM

ermahgerd wrote: »

I don't think anyone here has said that kids can't be cute at times.

Do you write for the Daily Mail?

Wish I did.

Its moments like that with your own kid that make all the nappies changing worth it.

They are worth the hassle.

NegativeCreep · 01-09-2012 04:04PM

gsxr1 wrote: »

Wish I did.

Its moments like that with your own kid that make all the nappies changing worth it.

They are worth the hassle.

Most peoples kids aren't as cute and cool as them though :cool:

Madam_X · 01-09-2012 04:15PM

Friend of mine is longing for a child - has to go down the IVF route now. People who don't want children really should think before they project their preference on others.

Abi · 01-09-2012 05:00PM

Madam_X wrote: »

Friend of mine is longing for a child - has to go down the IVF route now. People who don't want children really should think before they project their preference on others.

I completely agree. It was always something that bothered me, I've often witnessed terrible parenting, parents with a house full of kids and minimal parenting and yet there are people that would give a limb away just to have children. A little sensitivity wouldn't go astray.

Wompa1 · 01-09-2012 05:01PM

Madam_X wrote: »

Friend of mine is longing for a child - has to go down the IVF route now. People who don't want children really should think before they project their preference on others.

Abi wrote: »

I completely agree. It was always something that bothered me, I've often witnessed terrible parenting, parents with a house full of kids and minimal parenting and yet there are people that would give a limb away just to have children. A little sensitivity wouldn't go astray.

Personal Issues is data way

>

Abi · 01-09-2012 05:07PM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Personal Issues is data way
>

Yeah... we're well aware that it's a big ask in AH.

Wompa1 · 01-09-2012 05:12PM

Abi wrote: »

Yeah... we're well aware that it's a big ask in AH.

It's kind of a big ask in general. I went out with a girl who's dad killed himself. During that relationship it opened my eyes to how many tv shows joke about it. People acting out killing themselves during an awkward moment for their characters or whatever. Bertie talkin out his arse etc.

Had thought it was a bit insensetive but then how many other taboos would have to be danced around.

Only taboos for me is disabled people and cruelty to animals just because neither have the capacity for evil

ejmaztec · 01-09-2012 05:12PM

mishkalucy wrote: »

I'll be honest here.
There are moments of tremendous joy and times of utter heartbreak.
Combined with a side of monotony;)

You forgot the bit about kids being weapons of mass destruction.

hoodwinked · 01-09-2012 05:14PM

best of both worlds have one!

with nappies/bottles, you do it as its a novelty, knowing it will be over for good soon,

with one child they tend to follow the parents example as there are no siblings to lead them astray, so quieter household.

if they get lonely invite their friends over (no other sibling saying "hey what about my friends?" - double bonus you dont end up with a house full of noisy children)

everything is cheaper as there is only 1 extra to you two.

there is still a child there to stick you in a home...

all the benefits without the negatives :pac:

floggg · 01-09-2012 05:14PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It all comes down to pros and cons of each choice and what you value you now most as well as what you expect to value most throughout your life. A lad I know had four kids by 25 and got a vasectomy, he runs his own business and is better off financially than me, and I have a degree and work in finance. His youngest is two, at age 27 his nappy changing days are nearly behind him forever, on top of that he has te joy of his 4 kids in his life. The oldest are seven and don't take much work to look after. By the time he's 35 he'll be pretty much free of the responsibilities of children.

The ****? Free of the responsibilities of kids by the time the youngest is 10?

Please never have kids if you think they can look after themselves at that age!

He will be responsible for them, their care, their education, their supervision, their safety until they are at least 18, and likely supporting them financially until the leave college.

Abi · 01-09-2012 05:21PM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Had thought it was a bit insensetive but then how many other taboos would have to be danced around.

Only taboos for me is disabled people and cruelty to animals just because neither have the capacity for evil

Well it's quite simple really. People can choose to be a dick, or they can choose not to be. I'm just saying that it is a choice that people make.

Media999 · 01-09-2012 05:24PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

best of both worlds have one!

with nappies/bottles, you do it as its a novelty, knowing it will be over for good soon,

with one child they tend to follow the parents example as there are no siblings to lead them astray, so quieter household.

if they get lonely invite their friends over (no other sibling saying "hey what about my friends?" - double bonus you dont end up with a house full of noisy children)

everything is cheaper as there is only 1 extra to you two.

there is still a child there to stick you in a home...

all the benefits without the negatives :pac:

Single children turn out to be spoiled little freaks!!! Did you not go to school and see this?

never only have one.

floggg · 01-09-2012 05:24PM

Madam_X wrote: »

Friend of mine is longing for a child - has to go down the IVF route now. People who don't want children really should think before they project their preference on others.

Has anybody proposed forced sterilisation of people? Or confiscating their babies?

Nobody was projecting a preference, they were stating one.

Just because some find it difficult to have children, it doesn't mean that others can't state their preference not to have one. Having kids or not is generally a choice. One choice isn't anymore valid than the other.

Abi · 01-09-2012 05:26PM

Media999 wrote: »

Single children turn out to be spoiled little freaks!!! Did you not go to school and see this?

never only have one.

Hoodwinked run girl run!!!!!

Media is one of the 'ah they need a little brother or sister brigade'!!! :eek:

shopaholic01 · 01-09-2012 05:35PM

Madam_X wrote: »

Friend of mine is longing for a child - has to go down the IVF route now. People who don't want children really should think before they project their preference on others.

I don't think anybody is 'projecting their preference on others'. The OP is asking for people's personal opinion. Posters are free to debate and discuss their opinions. Those of us who don't want children are entitled to express our views, I have already acknowledged that I admire good parents.

You are also judged more for choosing not to have children - a lot of people tell me it's abnormal for a woman not to want them, assume I'm infertile and pity me or worst of all, tell me to have one because I'll feel differently afterwards.

Nobody is being insensitive to those who can't have them. What do you suggest - we just have children for the sake of it because we may lucky enough to be fertile?

Abi · 01-09-2012 05:43PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

What do you suggest - we just have children for the sake of it because we may lucky enough to be fertile?

Yep. Thats EXACTLY what she meant.

Madam_X · 01-09-2012 05:45PM

What I mean by "projecting" is: comments like "Bet most people who have children regret it and are lying to themselves/others", "lots of people only have children because it's what's societally expected of them" are rendered fallacy when you consider people whose hearts are shattered because they can't have children.
One aspect of projecting is when people feel everyone else deep down feels the same way as they do.

I am not referring to people merely saying they don't want to have children. I'm not sure I want to either. Well not until my late 30s/early 40s, and that is risky and could be too late.

shopaholic01 · 01-09-2012 05:48PM

Madam_X wrote: »

What I mean by "projecting" is: comments like "Bet most people who have children regret it and are lying to themselves/others", "lots of people only have children because it's what's societally expected of them" are rendered fallacy when you consider people whose hearts are shattered because they can't have children.
One aspect of projecting is when people feel everyone else deep down feels the same way as they do.

Like when people who have/want children think you should want them too, and you're abnormal if you don't?

floggg · 01-09-2012 05:53PM

Madam_X wrote: »

What I mean by "projecting" is: comments like "Bet most people who have children regret it and are lying to themselves/others", "lots of people only have children because it's what's societally expected of them" are rendered fallacy when you consider people whose hearts are shattered because they can't have children.
One aspect of projecting is when people feel everyone else deep down feels the same way as they do.

And what about all the people "projecting" that a childless life is shallow and empty?

shopaholic01 · 01-09-2012 05:57PM

floggg wrote: »

And what about all the people "projecting" that a childless life is shallow and empty?

And will condemn you to a life of loitering and perving in night clubs, because what else could you possible do with your life it you don't have children to fulfill it?

Daisy M · 01-09-2012 06:01PM

Motorist wrote: »

Ive spoken to many parents who say having kids is absolute $hit. They long all day for 9pm when they get to spend a miserable two hours in peace.

They can't do anything, they are broke financially because of the kids, they have no lives anymore.

Frankly I think this is an exaggerated statement. If you look at this anonymous thread there are no parents saying they regret having children and if they could turn back time they would never have them. Surely an internet forum is the place you could be most honest as no one will ever know who you are.

I know many parents and I can only think of one lady who while she didnt regret having her kids did begrudge the amount of effort (not commitment) involved.
I often read threads on here mentioning haggared parents who complain about how hard been a parent is on a non stop basis but I have never met aside from the lady I mentioned any other parents who are like that. Everyone has a moan from time to time be it about you job, partner, family home ect but it does not mean you wish you never had these things just that you are letting off steam.

If you choose not to have children great, enjoy life and be comfortable with your choice, don't try and make out that been a parent means you are living a substandard life because that isn't true.

If you choose to have children accept that while you are more happy and content than you have ever been that it is not for everyone and that people who choose not to have children do not live a less fufilled life than you do.

Are kids really worth all the hassle

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